Subject: [fanfic][sorta-Ranma] NARRABUNDAH 1/2 - Volume II, chapter 7
From: Ratbat
Date: 4/14/1997, 12:29 AM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com
CC: tempffml@humbug.org.au
Reply-to:
u962986@student.canberra.edu.au

                      
                               
                        NARRABUNDAH 1/2
                               
                by Urac Sigma with Suzy Styles
                               
                               
                   Volume II, chapter seven
                               
                       Project Komoriko
                               
                               
                      CAST OF CHARACTERS
                               
                       SIGMATOME RATBAT
              How odd, an unusual guy from China
                               
                          TENDO SUZY
                          Kawaikune!
                               
                          TENDO NIKI
              Niki- Niki- Niki-chan, as they say
                               
                          TOBOKI EUAN
                       The lost virgin
                               
                          TENDO FIONA
                   Sings the housework song
                               
                        KUONJI COLLEEN
              Love-letter written on okonomiyaki
                               
                         TOBOKI CALLUM
                    Already has a long neck
                               
                       SIGMATOME NICOLE
                Hasn't got a baguette here yet
                               
                          TENDO BOBBI
                     Confused young woman
                               
                         SIGMATOME LEN
                       Pandas can't sing
                               
                         KUNOU JARRAH
                  Kunou-chan is coming round
                               
                       HAPPOUSAI GRAHAM
                         Man of donuts
                               
                       HODJSUKE TIMOTHY
                    Kunou-sama! Kunou-sama!
                               
                        HINOMIYA RUTHIE
  Her name wouldn't be so bad if I'd read properly when I was
                          writing I.2
                               
                          YUKA LOUISE
                         Yes, that one
                               
                    RUTHIE'S DINNER PARTNER
             TITLE SEQUENCE.

             [Opening  theme: Little Date (alternate version).
             Finishes  with  a  voice-over from  Suzy  and  an
             appropriate art-card.]

SUZY [VO]:   Project Komoriko!



             1. BATHROOM.

             [CAPTION:   Neribanda,  Japan   -   Saturday   16
             September 1995 ]

             [CU  on Suzy, looking at someone. She is stifling
             giggles like nobody's business.]

SUZY:        Can I just say something, Ratti?

             [ECU on onna-Ratbat's face.]

RATBAT [Unimpressed]:  No.

SUZY:        That look really isn't you.

             [We  now  see  a  better view. Ratti  has  lovely
             curly-wurly  hair, huge bow, pastel floral  dress
             that's  absolutely impractical, big silly sunhat,
             etc,  etc.  Kurenai Tsubasa wouldn't  touch  this
             crap. It is not Ratbat's style.]

RATBAT:      Shut up.

             [Enter Nicole.]

NICOLE:      Oh,  Komoriko-chan - that's lovely!  Much  better
             than  those  things  you usually  wear...they  so
             often  make  you look as if you have low  morals,
             or something.

RATBAT:      Them?  The  collar's up here, and they  cover  my
             entire body!

NICOLE:      Come  on,  Komoriko-chan - surely a lady  of  the
             world  like you must know that the more you wear,
             the more a man will want to take off!

RATBAT:      Well...I'll wear a lot less, then!

NICOLE:      Oh,  Heavens  no - then you'll just look  like  a
             slut. Now, let me help you with your make-up...

             [Ratbat   shoots  Suzy  a  pleading  look.   Suzy
             pretends  she  can't see it, no  doubt  punishing
             Ratbat  for  some obscure wrong [or just  getting
             into  credit for the next one]. Take  the  camera
             out  the  door to see that Niki is watching  from
             the corridor.]



             2. CORRIDOR.

NIKI [VO]:   God,  I'd better sort myself out soon! That  talk
             I  had  with  Suzy  last  Monday  didn't  achieve
             anything...

             [Flashback to:]



             3. SUZY'S ZONE.

             [CAPTION:  Neribanda, Japan - Monday 11 September
             1995 ]

             [Niki  is  in  here already. Suzy is closing  the
             door  on Ratbat-chan. In short, we're doing right
             what  we  should  have done at the  beginning  of
             II.6,  if someone hadn't decided to go off  on  a
             tangent  instead! Here is a recap of the  end  of
             II.5, in fact.]

RATBAT [Through crack]:Ja, I'm a girl!

SUZY:        Yeeeahhh  -  but  this  is,  like,  you  know,  a
             sisters-family thing.

RATBAT:      I'm all but family. I'm almost a sister.

             [Pause.]

SUZY:        No! You're almost a wife!

RATBAT:      So?

SUZY:        Ja...everyone  knows you don't talk  about  stuff
             in front of your wife!

             [Shuts the door on her.]

SUZY [Self]: If  I'm  going to keep saying stuff like that,  I
             should   take  out  an  application   to   become
             bisexual.

NIKI:        Nani?

             [Suzy remembers she's in the room.]

SUZY:        Nothing.  Now - you said you wanted  to  talk  to
             me?

NIKI:        It's kinda...it's about...Me and Batti.

             [Suzy sits on the bed, Niki at the foot.]

SUZY:        And  the  'interaction' between the pair of  you,
             the other night.

NIKI:        That's  just  it,  Suzy-chan...there  wasn't  any
             interaction!  I  thought you said you'd  accepted
             that.

             [Suzy grows slightly stern.]

SUZY:        I'm  not  sure. I saw that look on  Ratti's  face
             that  morning.  It  wasn't  one  I'd  seen  there
             before...

NIKI:        Please.  She  woke up next to a woman.  She  most
             likely   thought  she'd  scored.  We're  probably
             lucky  she  didn't  die of a seizure,  there  and
             then.

SUZY [Distant]:   Nerf.

NIKI:        Hontoo  ni,  Suzy-chan  -  nothing  happened.  It
             didn't.

SUZY:        Then   why  the  big  hang-up?  Why  coming  here
             talking to me? You're not known for having a  big
             vocabulary for guilt.

NIKI:        Nee! That's not a very nice thing to say!

SUZY:        Neither's 'Suzy, I'll only pull the nail  out  of
             your finger if you give me ¥1000'!

NIKI:        I was being enterprising!

SUZY:        You  were  being tight! You're the one who  stuck
             it in there in the first place!

NIKI:        That  week's  Shonen Sunday was  just  out.  Your
             call.

SUZY:        I  still  say that you were a sadistic  six-year-
             old. Anyway, I think we're getting away from  the
             point. Nothing happened, you said. I mean, it  is
             Ratbat we're talking about, but...

NIKI:        That  is  it, Suz...nothing happened.  It's  just
             that,  well...I  know at first I  said  it  as  a
             joke,  just  mucking about...but...[mumbles,  too
             quiet to be heard]

SUZY:        What was that?

NIKI:        [Big sigh] I said, I kind of wished it had.

SUZY:        NANI?  You  wished...you and Ratbat?  You  wanted
             to...

             [Pokes her finger through a circle made with  her
             other fingers.]

NIKI:        Marry him? Her, sorry. Marry her? Iie.

             [Suzy glowers at her.]

SUZY:        The other thing.

NIKI:        Ummm. I see. I know. It doesn't sound right  when
             I say it, but inside I just seem to think it...!

SUZY:        Erk. Not even I think that way about her.

             [Niki  pretends she hasn't got a clue as to  what
             Suzy really feels in this department.]

NIKI:        Not  even  you? Uh? Aren't you always saying  how
             much you despise Ratbat?

SUZY [Caught out]:Shit. OK, Niki. I'm going to tell  you  this
             now,  but I'm not going to mention it again,  and
             it doesn't go outside these four walls, OK?

NIKI [Nodding]:   Un.

SUZY:        Me  and  Ratti...well, to be  really  pressed  to
             it...I'd say that when it came right down to  it,
             I...um.     I...[big    release     sigh]...don't
             completely  loathe  her as much  as  I  sometimes
             imply.

             [Bet  you  thought she was going to say it,  huh?
             Not  likely. This is a flashback, so we can't  do
             anything that will cause the universe to come  to
             a crashing halt.]

NIKI [Big letdown]:    Oh.

SUZY:        But...hmmnn...I  think  I  can  see  what  you're
             saying  about  you and Batti. I  have  to  admit,
             though  -  I  did suspect. It's...I'm finding  it
             very  strange  now.  I am engaged  to  her.  That
             should  mean  something, even if it  was  Okaasan
             who  set  it  up in the first place. Sometimes  I
             couldn't give a crap what she does, sometimes  if
             anyone  so  much as looks at her, I  can't  stand
             it.

NIKI:        So...you do know what I'm talking about, then.

SUZY:        Un. Hai. I'm just not sure that I like it.

             [End flashback.]



             4. CORRIDOR.

NIKI:        Ee,  smart  one.  I  might  have  been  good  and
             truthful and everything by telling her,  but  now
             I've   got  an  on-edge  sister  to  add  to   my
             problems. Last time I go for that 'honest'  crap.
             She  might have said she was OK, but I could tell
             differently.  She didn't even pretend  to  fondle
             my  leg afterwards, I had to do it myself.  [Back
             on  track]  As for the other - I just  refuse  to
             even   admit   that  I  wrote  that  thing   this
             morning...



             5. NIKI'S LAIR.

             [We  see the desk, and a sheet of paper lying  on
             it. The paper translates to:]

             Sigmatome Niki
             Tendo-Sigmatome Niki
             Sigmatome-Tendo Niki

             [You  know, the sixth-grade thing of writing  out
             names like you've married the person you fancy.]



             6. CORRIDOR.

NIKI [VO]:   ...or Tendo Ratbat - why shouldn't I be the name-
             dominant  partner!  [Catches  herself]  For   the
             seven  zillionth time, Tendo, stop thinking  that
             way! You don't fancy the girl!!

             [Bangs  her  head back against  the  wall  a  few
             times  for  effect. I've really got to make  Niki
             start  acting  normal again soon.  Bobbi  happens
             past, and looks at Niki banging her head.]

BOBBI:       ?

NIKI:        Umm...I'm  smashing my head against the  wall  to
             test the strength of it!

BOBBI:       The wall, or your head?

NIKI:        Well,  neither of them's broken, so  I  guess  it
             doesn't matter. Still get the no-claims bonus!

BOBBI:       Hai,  but  we  didn't get building  insurance  on
             your head.

             [Leaves. Niki glares after her.]

NIKI:        Cheap  bitch. Anyway...it could be that  I  don't
             fancy the girl. And I think that therein lies  my
             plan...

             [Grins  evilly. Nicole looks at her oddly as  she
             goes past.]



             7. BATHROOM.

             [Ratbat and Suzy are here.]

RATBAT:      Has   my   mother  even  mentioned  where   she's
             supposed to be sending us tonight?

SUZY:        I   think   it's  the  same  place  we  went   on
             our...[doesn't say 'first date', if ye  see  what
             I mean]

RATBAT:      Och,  great.  I'm there again with  another  guy.
             Much  more of this and that geezer at the dessert
             counter will start thinking he's got a chance.

SUZY:        Hah. [Suddenly wary] He hasn't, has he?

RATBAT:      Actually, looking at this crap Okaasan's  dressed
             me  in,  he probably won't think anything  unless
             he's got a thing for seven-year-olds.

SUZY [Trying to scare her, leans in close]:He has.

RATBAT:      Dette ike.

             [She  goes to put her hands in the sink  to  wipe
             the  remaining make-up off, but she  doesn't  see
             the  indicative steam rising from the  water.  In
             go  the  hands, and well...in goes the  chest  as
             well, really. He suddenly looks very pained,  and
             all but doubles over. Suzy pays attention.]

SUZY:        Ratti-chan! Daijobu da?

RATBAT:      [Squeik!]

SUZY:        You're  not having anothe-- [realises] no,  wait,
             you  can't  be, now I think about it.  I  got  it
             backwards again.

             [Ratbat  hurriedly turns on the cold  water,  and
             Ratbat-chan's back on the scene.]

RATBAT [Relieved]:Och...ohhh, gurl...arrhhh...

             [Slumps   to  a  seated  position,  rubbing   her
             crotch.]

RATBAT:      hhhh...

             [Suzy is just bug-eyed.]

SUZY:        Are  you  going  to  explain what  all  that  was
             about?

RATBAT:      Och...well...I dinna know if ye noticed  or  not,
             but   I  usually  wear  boxer  shorts  underneath
             everything to...

SUZY:        ...accommodate your change?

RATBAT:      Exactly.  But Okaasan wouldnae have any of  that,
             so  she  got  me some very feminine  -  and  very
             tight - pants.

SUZY [Realisation]:    Oh.

RATBAT:      I'm sure ye can see the disadvantage.

SUZY:        You  mean...that actually affects you? I  thought
             you  weren't into...that area. I thought  it  was
             all inert.

RATBAT:      You're no breast-feeding, but it'd still hurt  if
             ye got thumped around the chest.

SUZY:        Point.

             [Ratbat calms down and gets to her feet.]

RATBAT:      You're enjoying this, aren't you, ye sadist?

SUZY:        What?  Nicole  sending you on a date  with  Euan?
             Feh,  not much. [Ire] Not only has your ex-fiancé
             turned up and placed dibs on you, you slept  with
             my  sister, and now you're about to go on a  date
with your ex-boyfriend!!           [Checks            herself]
             ...it's  a  good job I don't fancy you, otherwise
             I'd really be pissed off!

             [Mallets her.]

SUZY:        And I'm still upset about my nipple!!

             [Stomps out. Pause.]

RATBAT [Crumpled  heap]:The  one you lost, or the  one  you've
             got left?



             8. CORRIDOR.

             [Suzy runs practically smack-bang into Nicole.]

NICOLE:      Suzy-chan?  Did  I  just hear  someone  screaming
             about their chikubi?

SUZY:        ...ee...

NICOLE:      I  know I'm only a guest, and it's not really  my
             place  to say it, but maybe you should be  a  bit
             more  discreet  when  you're talking  about  that
             sort of thing.

SUZY:        Yeah. Um. Well. Er-her. Nipple. Sumimasen.

             [She stands aside and lets Nicole past.]

SUZY:        What  is it about that onna that turns my ability
             to explain things away into complete crap?

LEN [OOV]:   Mrowf.

             [Cut  to  show Len the panda, holding up  a  sign
             that   reads   'Believe  me.  She  does   it   to
             everyone.']

SUZY:        Oh. I feel a bit better, now.



             9. DR CALLUM'S RECEPTION.

             [Dr  Callum  and  Colleen  are  here.  They  turn
             towards  one  of  the inner doors  to  see  Euan,
             wearing  the  full kilt and traditional  Scottish
             gear, etc.]

EUAN:        This.

             [Callum and Colleen slowly shake their heads.]

COLLEEN & CALLUM: Iiiiee.

EUAN:        Fair  enough. [Pause] Nee - what does  a  Scottish
             person put on under their kilt?

COLLEEN:     I don't know.

EUAN:        Not a single thing. It all functions perfectly.

             [Colleen and Callum just blink at him.]

EUAN:        I guess it loses something in the translation.

             [He  leaves the room, then comes back in.  He  is
             now wearing a traditional, fully-formal kimono.]

CALLUM:      No...could be a bit much.

             [Euan  shrugs, leaves, returns. He is now wearing
             a   very   nice  ballgown.  Colleen  and   Callum
             exchange  glances, blush slightly, and go  a  bit
             awkward.]

CALLUM:      Um,  ototo?  Is  there  something  you  feel  you
             [ahem] want to tell us?

EUAN [Dry]:  Hai. I'm running out of choices of clothes.

CALLUM:      Oh.  Right. I see. Err...try the other  cupboard.
             There might be some stuff in there.

EUAN:        Hai.

             [Leaves again.]

COLLEEN:     Why  do  you have the ballgown, anyway? A  friend
             leave it here or something?

CALLUM:      Huh?   No,  it's  just  a  transvestitional  sex-
             fetish.

COLLEEN:     Oh, right.

             [All said completely evenly and casually.]

CALLUM:      You're OK with this whole Euan and Ratbat thing?

COLLEEN:     Fine.   Ratbat's  already  said  that  he's   not
             interested in me.

             [Callum's  face, unseen by her,  shows  just  how
             much he believes this.]

COLLEEN:     Besides,  even if he was, he's got another  josei
             I'd  need  to worry about before I got worked  up
             over every little date his mother sends him on.

             [This  Callum  does  believe. Euan  now  returns,
             dressed  in  a  nice dinner-suit, but  still  (as
             always) with his hat.]

COLLEEN:     Ah!

CALLUM:      Oh, now, that's perfect!

COLLEEN:     Hmm. Almost perfect.

EUAN:        Now what's wrong?

COLLEEN:     The hat needs to go.

             [She  goes  over  and pulls his hat  off.  He  is
             wearing another, identical hat underneath.]

COLLEEN:     Oh.

             [She  pulls  off that hat to reveal another.  And
             another. And another. Lots of 'em. After  a  few,
             she finds one that has a sprig of holly on it.]

COLLEEN:     Huh?

EUAN:        Christmas present.

COLLEEN:     Right.

             [A few hats later.]

COLLEEN:     God,  just  how  many  of those  things  are  you
             wearing?

EUAN:        I'm not sure. I know I've got a few.

COLLEEN:     Grrr!

             [Produces a top hat and wedges it down  over  the
             other.]

COLLEEN:     There! Now it's perfect!

             [Euan looks at himself in the mirror.]

EUAN:        Oh.   You're  right.  Not  bad.  I  still  prefer
             something black and flowing, though.

CALLUM:      Well, I've got another ballgown...

COLLEEN:     Will you forget the ballgown?

CALLUM:      Sorry.

             [Callum  goes behind the reception desk and  gets
             something, which he hands to Euan.]

CALLUM [Too cheerful]:  Oh,  here, Euan - you  might  want  to
             take one of these.

             [Euan  takes  it  from him and looks  at  it.  He
             reads the packet.]

EUAN:        A condom?

COLLEEN:     Toboki-sensei!

CALLUM:      I  told  you. Call me Condom. Er, Callum. Anyway,
             brother...it's 1995. You're a young  man...and  -
             well,  for  a  while,  anyway  -  she's  a  young
             woman...

             [Euan waves it in his face.]

EUAN:        You're insane! What on Earth am I supposed to  do
             with this?

COLLEEN:     Well, you know, Euan-san...

EUAN:        No.  That's just it. I really don't know what  to
             do with one of these.

             [Colleen and Callum look at each other.]

CALLUM & COLLEEN: Errr...

CALLUM:      Ja, we could show him.

             [Out  comes  the huge spatula, and down  goes  Dr
             Callum.]

CALLUM:      Owch.

COLLEEN:     No,  we couldn't. [To Euan] Come on - we'd better
             get going.

EUAN:        Nani? 'Uchitachi'?

COLLEEN:     I've seen your sense of direction, remember?  I'm
             going to take you to the restaurant, and I'm  not
             leaving  until I know you're in the  right  place
             to meet Ratbat.

EUAN:        [Sigh] Soodesune. Ikimashoo.

             [Colleen produces a bracelet with a long,  leash-
             like  affair  on  it, and closes the  end  around
             Euan's wrist. He groans.]

COLLEEN:     All right, then.

             [They  exit. Dr Callum gets to his feet,  rubbing
             his head.]

CALLUM:      Oh,  man...why  do I always have  such  bad  luck
             with  women?  [Beat]  Oh,  yeah  -  it'd  be  the
             continual sexual overtures.



             10. OUTSIDE DR CALLUM'S SURGERY.

             [Night  now. As Colleen leads Euan out,  a  being
             in the bushes grabs his attention.]

BUSHES:      Toboki-san?

EUAN:        Hm?

             [They emerge - it is Yuka.]

YUKA:        Just  before  you go to that restaurant.  There's
             something  you  might  want  to  know  about  the
             morals of the staff...

             [Fade.]



             11. OUTSIDE TENDO DOJO.

             [Niki  waits, concealed by the wall.  Ratbat-chan
             walks out, on her way to the date.]

NIKI [Self]: Ex-cell-ent...now,    if    Yuka's    done    her
             job...everything's right in place.

             [Smiles  to  herself,  before  slowly  moving  on
             herself.]



             12. PARK.

             [We  all know this place by now? Good. Kunou  and
             Graham are here, training again.]

GRAHAM:      Now,  my  boy...repeat to me the  most  important
             lesson we covered into todays Rejinra training.

             [Kunou thinks a moment.]

KUNOU:       'Don't  step  on the castles in the  sandpit,  or
             the kids will absolutely brain you.'

             [Graham  is  about  to correct him,  then  thinks
             about it.]

GRAHAM:      Good enough. Now--

KUNOU:       What dost I see before me?

             [Graham  sighs, then turns and looks. What  Kunou
             sees   is  in  the  distance,  Colleen  and  Euan
             catching  up  with  Ratbat, and  Colleen  handing
             Euan over.]

KUNOU:       Why,  'tis another man! Treading in the footsteps
             of  the  blighted  Sigmatome and  tarnishing  the
             honour of...which one am I up to?

             [Tim slips over to his side.]

TIM:         'Bat-featured Venus' again, sir.

KUNOU:       Doomo.  ...Tarnishing  the  honour  of  the  bat-
             featured Venus! This cannot be allowed!  I  shalt
             hunt them!

             [Raises up his sword, and points forward.]

KUNOU:       To battle!

             [Walks  forcefully  off  in  the  direction   the
             dating people went.]

GRAHAM:      Moron.  When will he realise that she's Sigmatome
             Ratbat?  [Pause] Ratbat-chan? [Thrilled] One  for
             each  hand, and two for my feet to stand on! Wait
             for me, my student!

             [Takes off after him.]



             13. RESTAURANT.

             [The  same restaurant where Ratbat and Suzy  went
             in  I.3. Find Euan and Ratbat sitting at a table.
             Euan looks fed up.]

RATBAT:      Och,  come on...! Ye could at least try  to  make
             small-talk!

EUAN:        Hmph. I don't even know why I'm here.

RATBAT:      My  mother's  paying for it. Besides,  Suzy  told
             you to help keep up the deception, and you'll  do
             anything if ye think it makes Suzy happy.

EUAN:        You don't speak of her properly for your fiancé.

RATBAT:      I can't speak properly anyway.

EUAN:        Feh.

RATBAT:      Oh,  lighten up! We don't have to be on together.
             Just  at  least look like we're having  a  casual
             conversation.

             [Euan relents.]

EUAN:        Oh,  very well. I suppose [unlike everything else
             that  happens  around here], it's  not  all  your
             fault.

             [He  takes some of his drink. Ratbat notices, and
             realises something.]

RATBAT:      Nee - what you drinking, man?

EUAN:        Wine. The house red.

RATBAT:      How'd ye manage that one? You're sixteen.

EUAN:        Actually,  that was weird. As I was coming  here,
             someone  tipped me off. A quick 5000 yen  to  the
             maitre'd,  and  as  far as he's  concerned  we're
             both twenty-two years old.

RATBAT:      Oh. Hey, let me try some.

             [Euan hands his glass over.]

EUAN:        OK.  Careful,  though. I don't know  what  you're
             like with the drink...

RATBAT:      Och, how much can a few sips set me back?

             [Drinks.]



             14. INSERT.

             [FULL-SCREEN CAPTION:    Half a glass later.]



             15. RESTAURANT.

             [The  same shot of the table, only now Ratbat  is
             half-slumped  on it, and looks very  intoxicated.
             Euan is covering his face with a hand.]

RATBAT [Drunk]:    ...and, den I sez... 'Lizzen, dude-chan...I
             don'   care   [hic]  whose  food  it   wosh.   Ye
             cannanananot  have  it  back  now.  'Sides,  real
             Amazons cut stuff off...'

EUAN [Self]: So  much for reconciliation...I should have  just
             taken  the  simple  route  of  inventing  a  time
             machine   and  stopping  him  from   ever   being
             conceived.

             [Ratbat thumps his head.]

RATBAT:      Hey! You're not lizzenin'!!

             [We  see  them  from  a small  distance  off,  in
             another  part  of the restaurant.  Ruthie-sensei,
             still a 'child', but dressed for a night out,  is
             here, watching them.]

RUTHIE:      Hey...! Is that Sigmatome Ratbat?

RUTHIE'S DINNER  PARTNER:     I don't know. I can't  even  see
             from here.

             [He's  out  of view, so you can't see who  he  is
             anyway.]

RUTHIE:      It is. And she's drinking while underage!

             [She  spins  her  coin, and  catches  it  in  the
             position.]

DINNER PARTNER:   Oh, please, not now...

RUTHIE:      She's  being  a  delinquent, and she  has  to  be
             dealt with!

             [She   gets  up  from  her  chair,  and  prepares
             herself,  facing Ratbat and Euan. She  draws  the
             circle in the air.]

RUTHIE:      Happo...

             [Across  the room, Euan (and to a lesser  extent,
             Ratbat) notices.]

EUAN:        Nan da?

RATBAT:      Ber?

RUTHIE:      ...go en...

EUAN:        I  don't  know what this is, but it doesn't  look
             good.

RUTHIE:      ...satsu!

             [At  the very instant, or possibly the one before
             (magic  of  television) that she  says  the  last
             word,  however,  the  window  smashes  open,  and
             Kunou  leaps in, sword wobbling furiously, Graham
             right behind him.]

KUNOU:       Ponîteru no onna!

GRAHAM:      Pretty lady...!

             [Then,  zap,  they're  caught  by  the  power  of
             Hinomiya  Ruthie, having blocked  her  view.  The
             light  builds right up, and when it fades, Graham
             and  Kunou  lie weakened on the floor, the  table
             has upended, and Ruth is in her 'adult' shape.]

EUAN [Self]: This  fight  just looks too strange for  me.  [To
             Ratbat] Come on!

             [He  grabs the half-aware Ratbat (who is  covered
             in  food  debris), and takes her out  the  broken
             window.  Ruth  calmly flicks her  hair  back  and
             returns    to   dinner,   satisfied   that    the
             delinquency  has  stopped, by  whichever  method.
             The  restaurant  staff do  nothing  about  her  -
             either  unbelieving  of  what  happened,  or  not
             willing to risk it. Dissolve.]



             16. STREET OF KOCHAN'S.

             [Only  we  can't see that yet. We fade in  to  an
             empty  street,  and eventually  Euan  walks  into
             shot.  He has the unconscious, and dirty,  Ratbat
             on his back. Literally a piggy-back, I guess.]

EUAN [VO]:   At  least now she's asleep, she's stopped  trying
             to sing.

             [He looks back at her, over his shoulder.]

EUAN [VO]:   Sometimes,  I see her - him - like  this,  and  I
             can  almost forget what he put me through...then,
             sometimes I can't...

             [His  expression  starts to get  angry,  then  he
             remembers  he started on a positive  thought.  He
             redirects his mind to practical matters.]

EUAN [VO]:   Well,  it still ended though. More to the  point,
             if  she's asleep - now how can she get me back to
             Callum-kun's surgery? Trust me to get lost  again
             straight after I move out of...

             [He looks about, then sees...]

EUAN:        ...Kochan's!

EUAN [VO]:   Colleen's  probably  still got  the  room  I  was
             using set up! That'll do for one more night!

             [Hoisting  Ratbat up again, he goes  towards  the
             okonomiyaki-ya. Dissolve.]



             17. OUTSIDE TENDO DOJO.

             [An   establishing  shot.  It's  now   the   next
             morning. Play Morning.]



             18. SUZY'S ZONE.

             [Suzy  wakes up, yawns, sits up in bed. She looks
             around a bit.]

SUZY:        Where's B-chan?



             19. CORRIDOR.

             [Nicole,  already out of bed, walks past Ratbat's
             room,  and  sees the door open. She  notices  the
             bed, which hasn't been slept in.]

NICOLE:      Where's Komoriko-chan?



             20. BOBBI'S PLACE.

             [We  haven't  seen Bobbi's room before,  but  all
             we're  seeing now is her waking up  in  the  bed.
             She opens her eyes and panics slightly.]

BOBBI:       Where's my stuffed fish?

             [She  searches  around  in  the  bed  until   she
             produces a plush fish toy.]

BOBBI:       Ahh.

             [Curls up with the fish and goes back to sleep.]



             21. EUAN'S ROOM AT KOCHAN'S.

             [Start  on  the  floor,  where  we  trail  Euan's
             jacket,  shirt, and then various bits of Ratbat's
             clothing to the bed. The door hasn't been  closed
             properly by whoever left through it last. On  the
             bed,  we  see Ratbat-chan. Her clothes  are  more
             than    slightly   dishevelled,   and   a    some
             significant (not to mention a few that aren't  so
             significant)  items  are  missing.  More  to  the
             point,  though: She has the covers  pulled  back,
             and  we  can  see  that there  is  blood  on  the
             sheets.  She  has obviously put it together,  for
             her  face  registers big alarm.  She  is  totally
             aghast, almost not daring to move.]

RATBAT [Quietly]: Ma...sa...ka...

             [Dissolve. We're doing a lot of that this week.]



             22. LIVING ROOM.

             [Fade in to find Suzy looking under the sofa.]

SUZY [Calls]:B-chan...!  You under there? [Beat]  You're  not,
             are you?

             [She straightens up.]

SUZY [Self]: Now,  if  I was a small ginger pig who  had  been
             adopted  by  an otaku a short while  before,  and
             then  I'd  decided to go missing, where  would  I
             be? [Pause] Fuck, the fridge, I dunno.

             [Ratbat-chan slowly enters. She's put  a  lot  of
             things  back on, but she doesn't look  to  be  in
             much  better emotional condition than last scene.
             Suzy only half-sees her.]

SUZY:        Oh. Hey, Ratti.

             [Ratbat  drops  down and hugs her. Suzy,  sensing
             the  genuine emotion behind the hug,  returns  it
             in  kind.  They separate, and Suzy takes Ratbat's
             condition in.]

SUZY:        Fuck, Ratti-chan...what's wrong?

RATBAT:      Och,  Suzy-kun...I think I've just done something
             very unRatbat, and very silly indeed...

             [Suzy  is  about  to ask the next question,  when
             Niki  bounces in. She's cheery, back to her  pre-
             I've-got-a-crush-on-Ratbat      self       (thank
             Glenda!).]

NIKI:        Ohayo,  you  two!  Batti-chan,  Suzy-chan...  Oh.
             This  looks  like it might be one of  those  two-
             people  moments,  so  I'll leave  you  alone  and
             listen from the next from. Mata nee!

             [Bounces   out  again.  Ratbat's  expression   is
             partially  taken  over  by  befuddlement,  as  is
             Suzy's.]

SUZY:        Now  I'm really confused. She's not acting scared
             of me.

RATBAT:      She's no acting awkward of me.

             [Ratbat's  emotions start to return,  which  Suzy
             notices, unconsciously applying the other's hair-
             stroking move to her.]

SUZY [VO]:   Fushigi  nee... Niki's cured, Ratti's made herself
             distraught...  [Sigh]  Questions?  Yes.  Answers?
             No.



             END CREDITS.

             [With the alternate Equal Romance.]

                        Sigmatome Ratbat
                          URAC SIGMA
                               
                          Tendo Suzy
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                          Tendo Niki
                         NIKI O'BRIEN
                               
                          Toboki Euan
                          EUAN BOWEN
                               
                       Sigmatome Nicole
                         NICOLE WYLIE
                               
                        Kuonji Colleen
                         COLLEEN HICK
                               
                         Toboki Callum
                         CALLUM BOWEN
                               
                         Ruthie-sensei
                          RUTH CRABB
                               
                          Tendo Bobbi
                         ROBYN SCHOLES
                               
                       Happousai Graham
                        GRAHAM HENSTOCK
                               
                          Yuka Louise
                     LOUISE DOUGLAS-MAJOR
                               
                         Gosunkugi Sam
                           SAM SMITH
                               
                               
                          written by
                          URAC SIGMA
                             with
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                   creation and development
                          URAC SIGMA
                          SUZY STYLES
                          EUAN BOWEN
                         LEILA FETTER
                               
                       with apologies to
                       TAKAHASHI RUMIKO
                       (amongst others)
                               
    http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/1778/bundahalf.html
                               
                (c) Recycadelic Cacti MCMXCVII