(Scene: a dark, somber theater. Lurker is sitting in the balcony,
lavender hair hanging limply over his shadowed features. Next to him
sits a girl whose hair is also lavender; she appears to be roughly
three years younger than Lurker.)
Lurker: (sighs) I never wanted to have to do this again, Akari.
Akari: I know. I know. But you know that when you get hold of...
Lurker: (notices the camera is running and cuts her off) Yes, well,
anyway. *ahem* Minna-san, I'm here tonight, today, or whenever, to do
a bit of critique on a piece that, although I realize it was still in
a fairly preliminary version as I received it, I felt the need to--
Akari: --rip to shreds--
Lurker: *AHEM!* To offer some words on. Today, my lovely assistant
Kiyomeruno Akari and I will be critiquing John McGinnis's offering of
a Ranma/Sailormoon crossover.
Akari: pssst...shouldn't you explain who I am?
Lurker: Hmm? And spill the beans on project MSA? I think not.
Lurker: Anyway, without further ado...
Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi Owns The Ranma Characters and I Regret
to
say I fail to remember the owner of Sailor Moon at this time but I
still
cant find any copies of the episodes with outer Senshi or the tapes
I had
of the dubs. So I am unable to give her name but to her I give the
credit
for her Ideas and characters.>
Lurker: It is generally not a good idea to use a series if you can't
even remember the name of the person who created it. However, I'm
hardly one to talk...
Note 1: Okay Ranma is repeating his Junior year of high school due
to
excessive absence, and the Sailors are just starting their freshman
year.
Akari: I'm confused.
Lurker: How so?
Akari: Well, from what we've seen, this story happens after the
Saffron battle.
Lurker: That's right.
Akari: But the manga series covers one year. So Ranma shouldn't even
*be* a junior yet should he?
Lurker: Interesting point.
Note 2: On Ranma's and Ryouga's curses due to an over exposure over
the
years to magic both Ranma and Ryouga's curses have caused them to
stop
aging. The overdose has gone so far as to revert them to the ages
they
were physically as when they fell in the pools at Jusenkyo. Ranma
has
finally accepted his curse but still doesn't like it. As for Ryouga
he
still Hates his curse but has finally learned to channel Ki to a
limited
degree in that form in order to defend himself from danger.(Got the
idea
>from Ranma 1/2 the movie) Also due to this Ranma no longer suffers
from
"The Curse Of The Dragon Hair Soup".
Lurker: Interesting concept on the aging thing.
Akari: You mean you actually understood that?
Lurker: Barely. This author needs to organize his thoughts a bit
better. Also, I'd like to point out that quite a while before the
manga series ended Ranma stopped suffering from the dragon whisker
soup.
Note 4: Ranma's been in mental treatment to help him get over
Akane's death
and his fear of cats while not as severe as it once was it is still
there.
In other words he longer has access to the Neko-ken, but his fear no
longer
over powers him it merely causes extreme nervousness and distraction.
Although extened exposure will send him into a cowering fetal ball.
Lurker: Whatever you say. On to the story itself.
A pall of silence hung over the Nerima ward of Tokyo. The turmoil
of the few days events hung in the air. A madman had claimed one
of
Nerima's own. Now the city was in mourning. The high schools had
closed
for the day to honor her memory. Over three hundred people had
attended
the funeral. Sounds of grief filled the Tokyo cemetery. For the
first
time in three years the usual chaos of that permeated the air in
Nerima
was absent. Both Ranma and Ryouga leaned against Nodoka for support.
The
wounds they had received from the battle against Saffron had yet to
heal.
Ryouga's left eye burned from its' socket by the power they had
unleashed
against Saffron. Ranma's hands were bandaged from the burns and
lacerations he had received channeling the power into their attack.
Aside
>from the injuries they shared their grief, and a new sense of
friendship
having come from their need for support. The sorrow they shared was
only
matched by that of Akane's family. Her father had withdrawn from
the
world in to a coma-like trance to escape the pain of his daughters
death.
Nabiki hadn't stopped crying since the news of Akane's death had
reached
the dojo two days earlier. Her sobs could be heard above the
others
present. Thought raced through her mind of the things that she had
done to
her sister over the years exploiting her for money and for power
over
Ranma and others. The fact that she had never expressed how she felt
about
her sister hurt her deeply. She had realized that now she would
never get
to tell her sister that she loved her, and the pain of that loss
wounded
her deeply. Kasumi for the first time since the death of her
mother
cried. Her wracking sobs shook her frame. She leaned against Dr.
Tofu
for support. Tofu was calm for her in her hour of need trying to
clam her
and to ease her grief.
Akari: Awfully long paragraph.
Lurker: Indeed. This author needs to learn to break his paragraphs up
a bit, or else the reader gets tired of reading the huge block of
text and stops paying attention to what they are reading.
Shadows from the dark clouds over head shadowed the grave as Ranma
began Akane's eulogy. "Friends we are gathered here to honor the
memory
of Akane Tendo. She was a friend to many of us. Through the time I
knew
her we suffered through many trials, but with her courage and
goading we
always pulled through with those times. There were many good times
to
surpass the bad. It is those memories we must cherish. To do
otherwise
is to dishonor her memory. She taught me many lessons. The first
was
love. The second was patience, and honor. She gave us all so much
and yet
we rarely gave anything back in return and for that we owe her a
great
deal. Her indomitable spirit was an inspiration to us all. Though
she
lived but a short time, her influence on us was great. So to you I
say
honor her memory always, and hold her in your hearts. Where ever
you
maybe Akane good-bye we loved you."
Ranma approached her casket and placed a gold ring on her finger,
and before closing the lid said "Good-bye Akane, my uncute tomboy I
shall
love you always." As he turned to leave Akane's casket was lowered
into
the ground.
Akari: Doesn't this remind you of that actor who is in the eyedrop
commercials?
Lurker: Yes...the man who's made himself semi-famous for being
incredibly boring. The author needs to show a bit more emotion rather
than simply having Ranma recite a speech like some sort of robot. The
author also needs to learn to avoid run-on sentences.
7 months pass
Ranma and his mother sat in the kitchen of the condo in which they
were now living. Nodoka prepared a meal at the stove, as Ranma sat
at the
table eating a bowl of Miso soup.
Akari: A condo?
Lurker: Odd. I could have sworn the Saotomes had a home of their own..
..
Looking up from her work Nodoka looked questioningly at her son
"Ranma, are you sure about this? I mean transferring to another
high
school is one thing, but some of these classes. I mean Advanced
Self-Defense, and Advanced Food Preparation? Are these courses you
really
want to take? After all You've already surpassed any instructor
I've seen
in the ARTS, and the cooking class would probably be a waste of time
you
can already cook almost as well as I do."
Akari: Gah, more run-ons?
Lurker: Apparently so. I do indeed hope this was a preliminary
version.
Looking up from the bowl of Miso soup he is eating Ranma replied,
"Mom you know I enjoy cooking even though I don't usually admit it,
and I
can always learn something. As for the Self-defense course I need
to keep
in shape, and I can always learn something new. I mean even as good
as I
am I still gotta practice. Besides the only other gym class open
in
swimming, and I don't like cold water, with my curse and all it
might just
be a bad idea. "
Lurker: Notice the sudden switch in verb tenses. Sloppy.
Akari: By the way, aren't you going to comment on characterization at
all? The story elements?
Lurker: What story elements? Seems pretty damn dry to me so far.
Akari: Well, we have a dead Akane, a depressed Ranma, and Nodoka
being concerned about Ranma's classes...
Lurker: We do? I'm sorry. I must have lost focus, with all the run-on
sentences and poor grammar.
Akari: You're hopeless. Grammar, grammar, grammar.
Lurker: Not so. Only when the grammar is so terrible as to distract
the reader.
"OK son if you insist but what are you going to do about your
curse from what I've seen you're a cold water magnet. You'll get
soaked
eventually, and then you will have a lot of explaining to do."
"I know that mom, but the only answer I can think of is to show
everyone my curse, or let things ride until I get soaked. After
all
things can get almost as strange here as they were in Nerima. True
there
might be a few problems, but from what I heard this part of Tokyo
isn't as
violent. Besides after they discovered my curse at Furinkan People
started
to talk to me they were interested as to how I got the curse. The
girls
thought it was great because I put the guys back in line when they
complained about their Girlfriends canceling when sick or during
that time
of the month and the guys respected me because of what I had gone
through."
Lurker: Putting aside the grammar for a moment, this doesn't seem
right to me for some reason.
Akari: Maybe because it's disgustingly out of character?
Lurker: Quite likely.
Akari: What's with you tonight anyway? You don't normally talk like
this.
Lurker: Hmm? Ah. I just got through reading the Oh! My God? series by
Brett Handy. Anytime I read something an Australian writes, it knocks
me into a semi-British speech pattern for a while.
Akari: Reading an Australian fanfic makes you talk like a Brit?
Lurker: Strange indeed, isn't it?
Smiling at her son Nodoka asked, "Are you sure it wasn't pity for
what happened to you, or fear of what you were capable of doing to
them?,
and even though this part of Tokyo is almost as strange as Nerima
your
revealing your curse might get you into trouble around here. You
have
heard about the strange monsters that attack this part of the city
from
time to time?, and those girls that stop them? Well they might
think your
one of those monsters and come after you."
Lurker: This would almost be a good plot setup if it were done
halfway correctly.
"Yea they might, but I deal with it when and if it happens. The
only alternative I can see is to enroll as a girl, as much as I hate
it.
I mean the only times that I was splashed by hot water were when I
had to
fight Kodachi in that tournament and in the Kitchen at the Tendo's
on
Christmas. I have to make my choice today registration closes
tomorrow
after all, and I'm already a year behind after everything that's
happened.
Although getting used to a new school again will be rough I'm used
to it.
What do you think I should do?"
Akari: In the kitchen at the dojo on Christmas?
Lurker: As I recall, the only time Ranma got splashed on Christmas
was when he was needed to sing on stage with DoCo. The only kitchen
incident I recall is when Nodoka dropped by for a visit when Kasumi
was ill.
Akari: Perhaps it came from the manga? Neither of us have read much
of it.
Lurker: Possible.
"Well, you might be right about going in your cursed form but I
don't like it. It's wrong to deceive people about who you really
are.
You should just go as your self and let things happen as they may,
Ranma
if you don't there's no telling what happen."
(At this point, the terrible grammar makes Lurker physically ill and
he has to excuse himself to the restroom to purge himself.)
Akari: Yeesh.
Ranma stands up and walks to the sink and starts to clean his
dishes. "Thanks for your Advice mom you just might be right I mean
what's
the worst that could happen? I mean Osaka is nice and quiet in
comparison
with every where else I've been." Walking towards the door to his
room
Ranma turns back to the kitchen "If you need help with dinner call
me I'll
be in my room practicing."
Akari: Osaka? Wait a minute. Okay, supposedly Ranma is going to
school with the Sailor Senshi. Depending on who you ask, they live
and go to school in Minato-ku district, or Juuban. I've never heard
anything about them living in Osaka.
Lurker: (returning, slightly green still) No, the Senshi definitely
live in Tokyo.
Watching her son prepare the evening meal Nodoka smiles at the
skill displayed in his work. "Ranma, I've always wanted to know
where did
you learn to cook? You seem to be a natural at it, and your father
certainly didn't teach you." She asked him as the blades in his
hands
became a silvered blur of motion.
"Kasumi taught me. I felt kinda obligated to help at the Tendo's
while we were there so I cooked about half of the . Everyone else
was
always so busy thinking up new schemes of their own no one ever
noticed
what was going on. Besides Kasumi needed a break form all he work
she was
doing. That and I enjoyed the compliments even if she got them. It
helped
a lot to know that I could do something to help out even when
someone else
got the credit." He replied as he finished tossing the knives in
the
sink. "Dinners ready. I hope it's edible."
Akari: I don't think so.
Lurker: Quite right. Ranma would be too busy practicing, getting free
meals from one of his fiancees, running from Akane, fighting with
someone, or being lazy to help Kasumi out in the kitchen. The only
exception would be the infamous memory loss incident.
Shaking her head Nodoka looked at her son. "That's Good Ranma at
least you helped out at the dojo, and you shouldn't worry so much
though
or you'll make your self sick."
Lurker: (winces) Another thing...there are words you do not
capitalize in the middle of a sentence. "good" is one of them.
Akari: (frowns) Aren't you being a little hard on him?
Lurker: It's 3:30 am, I'm in a C&C mood, and this little piece of
rubbish had the luck of falling under my scrutiny. C&C the author
wants, C&C he shall receive.
Akari: (piku) Oh...kay...
The Senshi are sitting in a circle laughing. Ami stands and
clears her throat. "You know girls I think we best get home classes
start
tomorrow, and we don't want to be late. After all it is our first
day of
high school. We have some classes together but not one where we all
got
in but I think the gossip will be more fun that way, and I for one
wanna
get a head start on everyone else in my classes."
Lurker: This is almost in character. The gossip part rather casts a
doubt on that though.
Akari: Oh well...it can't be proven that Ami dislikes gossip.
Lurker: True...
Makoto looks toward her friend. "You might be right Ami. We need
to get in good with the instructors as early as possible. I'll see
ya
tomorrow." <That and we need to scope out all the hunks on campus.>
as
the group breaks for the night.
Akari: I'll be damned. An actual well-written, well-characterized
paragraph.
Lurker: Except for the fact that there's no phrase such as "she added
to herself" after that thought bit. Or even a "Makoto said."
Akari: You don't let up, do you?
Lurker: Not especially.
Ranma wakes to sound of an alarm blaring in his ears. Staggering
to the bath for his early morning routine. Splashing water on his
face
Ranma feels the usual changes occur to his form. Looking in the
mirror
she finally starts to awaken from a hard night's sleep. Smiling
Ranko
looks in the mirror<At least the curse gave me one advantage. At
least I
don't have to shave.> After finishing the early morning ritual Ranko
rushes
down the stairs to grab a bite to eat before running off to Juban
for Her
first day of classes since everything fell apart. She was actually
looking
forward to it for the first time in her life. School would give her
a
refuge from all the recent troubles that had plagued her. To make
sure she
was ready she walked into the Family room and packed her bag with
everything
she would need. After finishing she ran for the door happy to have
had a
good nights sleep. Leaping over the rail Ranko jogged down the
street
toward her destination. Looking at signs and stores along her path
she
failed to notice an old woman watering the walk until she had
already >passed
by. Scowling Ranko looks into her bag and pulls out a black folder.
"Well
at least i'm already a girl. Reachign in to her bag as sehe sees
the >school
in the distance ranmko pulls out a black folder. The records Nabiki
had
made for me will help out I'll have to thank her for them later with
some
of the questions that will be asked.
Akari: Yech. This time even I have to gripe about the spelling errors.
Lurker: Indeed. Not to mention the fact that Ranko pulled that bloody
folder out of her bag twice.
Akari: And why bother with the old woman and the water? She's already
a girl.
Lurker: A pointless waste of words.
Juban High School
Akari: Interesting that the high school would have the same name as
the junior high school.
Lurker: Either odd coincidence, or lack of care on the author's part
regarding details.
Ranko approaches Juban a look of trepidation on her face she
approaches the door to the place where she'll spend the next two
years.
<Might as well get this over with.> Stopping one of the students
who
apparently knows his way around the campus Ranko asks directions to
the
nurses office. After finally winding her way through the mess of
students
she arrives at her destination. Looking a bit nervous Ranko speaks
out
the tall brown haired woman who is presently packing the shelves
with
supplies. Ranko clears her throat before she begins to speak "Hello,
Ma'am I'm Ranko Saotome, and I know you need my records but Doc Tofu
said
they wouldn't be delivered until tomorrow. I hope it won't cause
any
trouble."
Smiling at the Red-head standing in front of her the nurse relied
"Don't
worry about it. The first few days are always chaotic. The thing is
that we
aren't going to be organized for at least a week the way that things
happen
around this place." Laughing the nurse looks over at Ranko. "Not
that
something couldn't happen, but what are the odds?"
Akari: Foreshadowing?
Lurker: I wouldn't know. Excuse me, I'm going to be noisily ill again.
Akari: Oy vey.
"You've obviously never been to Nerima. If something
doesn't
happen at least every other day you know something's wrong. I mean
with
all the weirdo's showing up I never got any peace. At least no one
knows
where I transferred. I really don't need to go though that again.
My
grades suffered enough because of them. I'll be back in tomorrow to
make
sure you got the records, but I gotta burn. The councilors need my
file."
Akari: I doubt Ranma would be telling her life story to someone she
just met.
Streaking down the hall Ranko slams into a young girl with two
blonde pony tails nearly plowing her into a wall. Reaching down
and
grabbing her victims hand she yanks the blonde to her feet. "Hey
watch
where you're going! Don't you know you shouldn't run down these
halls!
You might have hurt someone!"
Akari: Anou...Ranma was streaking down the halls, she slammed into
Usagi, and *RANMA* is the one bitching about someone running in the
halls?
"Sorry I ran ya over I'm late dropping my records and don't wanna
miss my first class. I hope you can understand. Gotta make a good
impression. Even if it's just Hinako Sensei." Grabbing her bag
Ranko
tears off down the hall toward her destination.
Lurker: (returning) Hinako-sensei? Curiouser and curiouser...
Akari: It'll be a real let-down if that's just an ignorant slip on
the author's part.
Finally arriving at the offices. She burst through the doors
panting from the exertion of dodging around all the students at top
speed.
Leaving a wake of toppled students in her wake. Shocked looks on
their
faces and papers scattered into the air. Only to find the smiling
face of
her new councilor. For one of the few times in her life Ranko was
truly
nervous. The look an the dark man's face was like a cat sizing up
its'
prey, as if she were insignificant to him. "Hello young lady. You
must
be Ranko. I believe you have something to drop off. I received a
call
about you from Furinkan about you. It seems you caused a lot of
trouble
there. I hope you won't be an aggravation for me. After all we
don't
need trouble here."
Akari: Something reeks.
Lurker: Indeed. In this case, it would be the author's attention to
detail. Ranma never used the name Ranko at Fuurinkan. In either form,
Ranma was known as Ranma.
Smiling up at her counselor she replied "Don't worry sir I won't
cause any trouble. It just has a tendency to find me. Oh, here are
those
records on my classes from Furinkan and my courses I need for the
semester. I hope there aren't any problems. I'm signing up for the
martial arts as an assistant if the openings still there. I already
know
enough to take care of my self."
"The position still open but you gotta talk to the coach he'll
tell ya if you qualify."
Akari: Ebonics?
Lurker: Seems like it. Related to VIZ's version of Kunou-kouchou
maybe?
"If, you do. Get back in here so we can give you credit for it."
"That and the fact you'll need to sign some papers in case you're
injured. After all it is a rather rough class."
Laughing at the man before her Ranko smiles. "You should really
read my file before you make a statement like that. I'm a martial
artist.
That's why I'm doing this gotta keep in shape. If you'll just
direct me
to the coaches office I'll straighten up that little piece of
business
before my class starts, and then I'll be back after my classes to
sign
those papers."
Looking up from her files with a grin on his face "OK' if you're
that confident I'll be seeing you kid. I think I'm going to like
being
your counselor. You've got spunk." Hope you aren't to torn up when
you
get here though Sensei Eiko is extremely brutal. with his assistants.
After all it is a defense class. Oh, and if you need help with
classes
come and talk to me name's Hiro Koimiko. I'll be you counselor this
year"
Akari: More ebonics.
Lurker: And a rather badly located quotation mark.
"Thanks for the help sir. I may need more adjusting to this
school but don't know yet. See you after I'm done with my classes.
Shooting out the door the young woman fails to notice the glowing
the eyes
of the man at her back.
Akari: Ooh...
Ranko Saotome streaks though the door of her English class not
wanting to invoke the wrath of her sensei having had previous
experience
with this instructor at Furinkan. She was the most feared
instructor in
all Nerima and now she had followed Ranko to Juban high. The hyper
young
Akari: Aha! It wasn't a mistake.
Lurker: I'm rather amazed.
girl at the front of the to the those who were not familiar with
her
seemed out of place. Her hyperactive childish demeanor at of place
in the
class room but to the knowing few this was the horror of Hinako
Miramia.
The most feared disciplinarian in all of Tokyo. Fortunately the
students
were wise enough to take a cue from the bell as class was brought
to
session. Hinako as her usual bounced around the room like a hyper
active
5-year old after eating two-pounds of cotton candy. In other words
her
Lurker: Interesting choice of metaphors.
high pitched voice and cheerful demeanor became sickeningly. Her
eyes
becoming larger the more active hyper she got. Finally the bells
rang
releasing the students from the class they fled like a herd of
stampeding
animals from a forest fire. Escaping the terror of the new sensei
they
had tried to respect and take seriously. To the horror of the
huddled mass
Akari: More interesting metaphors.
of
cowering students they had been bombarded for a full hour by the
high
pitched voice of their tormentor. The sound of Her bubbly voice
driving
many of them out the door to the nearest bathroom wrenching from
the
sickening sweetness of the new instructor's voice that they had
been
Akari: "wrenching?"
Lurker: I assume he meant "retching." Which, by the way, I feel the
need to do again...
Akari: I'm with you this time. Much more of this and I'll be blowing
chunks too.
inflicted with. Ranko for her part sat in the back of the room
smiling at
the reactions of her classmates having long since gotten used to
the
yammering of Miss Hinako. After finally being freed from English
Ranko
ran down the hall eager to get to her next class.
The instructors standing on the center mat of the gym survey the
students before them. The smiling as they nod to each other. The
shortest of the two a dark eyed man with a strange foreboding about
him
begins the first class of the year dispelling the suspense that
fills the
room "OK, class we have notes here that some of you have prior
experience
in the arts. We need to know how much so we know which of you are
qualified to assist in the teaching of our little class here. To do
this
we need to know what schools you have studied and what ranks you
hold in
said schools. Now let's begin when I point to you I want your name
school's of study and belts in those schools and what year of high
school
your in is that clear" Almost as one the class yells out an answer
in
unison. "Yes ,SIR!'"
Akari: Jeez, they're high school students, not a fuckin' army!
Lurker: (shocked) Akari! Such language!
Akari: Sorry.
Student 1: Makoto Kino , school Korean karate brown belt 1st year
Student 2: Hiro Hanoshi, school Tea Kwon Do I'm only a forth rank
2nd year
Lurker: Please note that a sudden switch to script this late in a
prose story doesn't make much sense.
Ranko: Musabetsu Kakutou Ryu, Rank Black 9th dan, and kenpo belt
black 8th dan 3rd year
Instructor 2: Bull Shit! You are old enough to be that good in
kenpo and you made up that other school, I've never heard of it.
If
you're not series get the hell out of my class!"
Ranko with a wry smile: Care to try me?
Leaping from her lotus position on the mat to land behind the
instructor who had just accused her of lying. Faster than the human
eye
could follow she executed a perfect sweep knocking her accuser from
his
feet. Leaping into the air well above the heads of the other
student
whipping her weighted belt from around her slim form only to land in
a
ready stance with weapon in hand. You ready Sir?"
Akari: I wonder what brought the script piece on...
Lurker: Who would be able to tell.
Finally the rest of the class begins to react most of them with
looks of disbelief. Two of the students react by fainting and
Makoto
doubles over laughing at the seen before her. A teen aged girl had
just
flattened her instructor with out even breaking a sweat. Finally
recovering from her fit Makoto Smiles at the her class mate "You
know
girl, you really shouldn't be in here. You obviously out class the
instructors. Why on earth would you want to take a defense class."
"You can always learn something new even from some one less
skilled than you are. After all I don't know every thing yet. I
just
might learn something by helping out"
--continued next post--
____
------------------------------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
http://pages.prodigy.com/RMorrison
"mugen he to hirake fushigi yuugi"