To: Mike Noakes <s6699330@aix2.uottawa.ca>
Subject: Choices: the Party
	This got mailed privately, but something went wrong and it 
bounced.  So this time, I'll try through the ML.
	I can only plead the usual copious spare time problems about 
replying to this.  On first browse, I knew I was going to reply.  This is 
an amazingly good story, I am v. impressed!  I don't think I've seen a 
story from Hiroshi/Daisuke 's pov before, and I'm very surprised no one 
else has thought about it.  Certainly glad that the first person so to 
think is such a good story teller.  
	There were a few carps on spelling or grammer, but very few.  The 
most common problem seemed to be that beer has a plural when it is in 
bottles.  You can say "bottles of beer" or you can say "beers", which is 
the idiomatic form.  The other problem was an occasional inversion of 
words.  One sentence in which both occurred was:  "Actually, he thought 
as he glanced around for Daisuke, who should've been back by now with a 
few more (beers), it's surprising that (Ranma had) come at all."
	Another inversion "...returning to his sullen demeanor of 
earlier." probably would read more smoothly as "...returning to his 
earlier sullen demeanor."
	In my opinion, no one is ooc.  Hiroshi and Daisuke are perfect.  
Akane is exactly as she should be.  The cameo of Ryoga was 
unforgettable.  I think I knew Ryuta back in high school.  
	Some questions, if I may.  "Drunken style Kung Fu"?  Is the idea 
yours or does it occur in some other source?  (It's good.)  When Daisuke 
asks Ranma "...you gotta have a favorite...maybe that friend of Nabiki's, 
the one with the pig-tail?"  That one almost slipped by me.  Great 
foreshadowing.  
	Another exchange that had me in stitches, and perfectly in 
character:  "And, Hiroshi..."  "Yeah?" "Would you mind letting go of my 
hand?"  
	This is just Part One???  It is a superb stand-alone story by 
itself.  If you are looking for pre-readers, I would be honoured.

	P.s.  Do you read much Tom Stoppard?  Just a thought....


S h a z o r n				No, I'm not an otaku!
<rayburn@cc.umanitoba.ca>		But I'm working on it... ^_^;