Here it is (again)

Terrence Marks
Second Student in the Tendo Kasumi School of Philosophy
Remember-Jesus is your friend.
normal@grove.ufl.edu

 
And let me know if I accidentally switch into present tense or 
forget a quote. Around this draft, I *think* that I got all of 
the silly little mistakes.  Please be on the lookout for 
silly, big mistakes.
 
After chapter 4 is posted to the FFML, this chapter will be 
sent to r.a.a.c.  If there's anything that needs to be 
changed, let me know.
 
 
A fanfic by Terrence Marks:
 
        Love is What Frightens You The Most
 
      
      Chapter 1: The Man With a Woman's Shadow
 
(I don't want this to be an average fanfic.  Some people
have a C&C policy of "If you can't say anything nice, don't
say anything at all."  Do NOT do that with this fic.  If you've
got a pair of sandpaper gloves, now is the time to put them on
because I want this one to be entirely smooth.  If something is
boring, a joke doesn't work, etc. let me know.  Why?  Because
I don't want this to be an average fic.  I want this one to win
the awards, to be posted on every webpage.  I want this fanfic
to be Time Magazine's Man of the Year.   I want this fanfic
to be able to melt snow and ripen crops.  
And I can't do that alone.)
 
 
NOTE: Kaori is NOT a new character.  Like everyone else in 
this fic, Rumiko Takahashi made her up.  She's just not very 
well known.  I say this because some people have a reaction of 
"A name I don't recognize??  Must be one of those author 
insertion things.  Well, I didn't like Misadventures of a 
Foreign Exchange Student, so I'm gonna just delete this one."
(n.b The above is not offering the author's opinion of 
Misadventures.  It's just an easy one to cite.)
 
 
Pursuant to the state laws of Florida, this work cannot be 
taken as legal advice.
 
Chapter One: The Man With a Woman's Shadow
                        An Introduction
 
 
                *       *       *
It was an ideal Sunday.  As Soun Tendou, a middle-aged man, swept 
his porch, he noticed a postcard which he apparently dropped 
yesterday.  It had no return address, but the stamp was 
obviously Chinese.  On one side was a picture of a panda bear.  
On the other was the writing:
 
"Tendou,
  Returning from China with Ranma.  Would write more, but 
  being chased by crazed Amazons.  Give my best to daughters.  
  Will arrive as soon as possible
                                Genma"
 
If there were crazed Amazons in China, Soun always figured that 
Genma would be the type to get chased by them.  He went inside 
and called his daughters.
 
"AKANE!  KASUMI!"
 
Kasumi stepped out of the kitchen.  "What is it, father?"
 
"Where is Akane?"
 
"I believe that she's in the dojo."
 
Soun ran to the dojo and returned with Akane.  He began to 
cry.  "Daughters!  I have great news!"
 
"Yes, father?"
 
"Genma Saotome and his son Ranma are returning from China!  
The School of Anything Goes Martial Arts will be reunited at 
last."
 
Akane nodded.  "Genma Saotome...wasn't he the other man who 
studied Anything Goes with you?"
 
Kasumi never paid much attention to martial arts, unless it 
was directly related to her own life.  "Does that mean that 
you'll be teaching again, father?"
 
Soun smiled.  "No.  It means that one of you will marry Ranma."
 
Akane and Kasumi both gasped.
 
Akane tried to remain calm.  "You want us to marry him?  We 
haven't even seen him yet!"
 
Kasumi smiled.  "Now Akane, I'm sure that if father thinks 
that he's a decent man, then he's good enough."
 
"Actually, I've never met him."
 
Before Kasumi or Akane could react, there was a knock at the 
door.  Soun rushed to open it.  A panda and a girl in a red 
chinese outfit were outside.  
 
Soun was perplexed.  "I'm sorry.  I haven't ordered a panda 
bear tonight."
 
Ranma looked at his panda and asked "Are you sure that 
this is the right house?"
 
The panda nodded.
 
Ranma bowed.  "Hello.  I'm Ranma Saotome."
 
Akane eyed Ranma carefully.  "Daddy, Ranma is a girl."
 
"What makes you say that, Akane?" Soun asked.
 
"Well, if it looks like a girl and talks like a girl --"
 
"And quacks like a girl?" Soun interrupted.
 
Everyone stared at Soun.
 
"What?  It was a reasonable question.  Anyhow, Ranma isn't a 
girl.  Genma told me that he was a boy, therefore he's a boy.  
He's just a little androgynous.  I hear that that's all the 
rage among the young types, you know, like that Boy George 
fellow from America.  Just look at the manly chest under this 
shirt."  Soun grabbed Ranma's shirt and pulled it open, 
revealing him to be, in fact, a female.  Soun fainted.
 
Ranma pulled his shirt closed.  "Please don't do that."
 
The panda walked towards the kitchen.
 
Kasumi gently shook her father.  "I'm sorry, Ranma.  He 
doesn't usually tear other people's clothes off."
 
Ranma was less than reassured.  
 
Soun woke up to see Genma returning from the kitchen with a 
teakettle.  Genma poured the contents on Ranma.
 
"It's about time you did that, pops."
 
Soun fainted again.  Akane boggled.  Kasumi's polite smile 
twitched slightly.
 
Soun recovered.  "Saotome, didn't you say that your child was 
a boy?"
 
"Tendou, didn't you say that you had three daughters?"
 
Soun laughed nervously.  "No.  I have two daughters.  Always 
had.  Except before they were born.  Before they were born I 
didn't have any daughters.  I must have miscounted.  That's 
all.  You know how children are, always moving about.  I 
miscounted.  That's all."
 
Genma thought for a moment, then nodded.
 
Akane looked ar Ranma.  "Weren't you a girl a moment ago?" 
 
Ranma nodded.
 
Akane scowled as the logical explanation of all of this was 
ruled out.  "Is there a good reason why you aren't a girl now."
 
Genma laughed.  "Of course there is.  Sit down, will you?"
 
                *       *       *
 
In a room in a mansion in Nerima, an unidentifiable figure sat 
in a large armchair.  The room was decorated in a 
neo-Victorian fashion.  A thick, blue curtain cast the shadow 
which obscures the occupant of the room.  On an end-table by 
the chair was a black rotary phone, which was the only metal 
object in the room.  The figure dialed twenty digits and,
after a moment, she began to speak
 
"Hello.  Mr. Greenspan?"
        
"Yes.  Nice to talk to you too, Alan.  I want you to cut the 
reserve ratio." 
 
"Yes, I know that the Federal Reserves has other methods of 
controlling the money flow.   I said I want the reserve ratio 
to go down." 
 
"I don't care what you'll have to go through to do that."
 
"You do remember who you're speaking to, don't you?"
 
"That's better.  I'm sure I'll read all about it in the papers 
tomorrow morning.  Good bye." 
 
She hung up the phone.
 
                *       *       *
 
Akane idly ate popcorn as Genma finished his story on the 
Jyusenkyou pools.  Kasumi and Soun broke into applause when 
Genma stopped.
 
"That was a very moving story, Saotome."
 
"Thank you."
 
Ranma stretched his arms.  "Well, I guess it's time for bed."
 
"Not so fast, boy!  You're forgetting something", Genma cried 
with great enthusiasm.
 
Ranma turned around with a confused look on his face.
 
Genma and Soun grinned.  "Who are you going to marry, Ranma?"
 
"Can't I decide later?  Like, maybe after I hit the age of 
majority and get to know them?"
 
"Of course not, son!  Marriage is an important decision.  I'd 
be an irresponsible father if I let you put it off until the 
last minute."
 
"Can it at least wait until tomorrow?"
 
"Tomorrow?  Ha!  You put it off today, you'll put it off 
tomorrow, and in eighty years, you'll be a lonely pervert."
 
"Can I sleep tonight if I promise not to be a pervert?"
 
"Of course not!  Choose one and we'll formalize the engagement."
 
"Wait, dad.  You mean that it's not a formal engagement yet?  
So I don't have to go through with it?"
 
Soun and Genma thought for a moment then nodded to each other 
and said in unison, "It's already formalized.  We just want to 
make it more formal."
 
Unlike Akane, Kasumi realized that danger was imminent.  She 
used a finely honed Anything Goes technique--let someone else 
deal with the problem.  "You know, Akane would be the perfect 
choice.  She's the same age as Ranma.  Besides, we found out 
that Ranma and I were incompatable when he came here, right?"
 
"Kasumi!  How could you do that to me?"
 
"Well, Akane, it is the logical choice."  Kasumi smiled.
 
"I've got a boyfriend already.  I can't marry Ranma."
 
Genma thought for a moment.  A fiancee and a boyfriend.  That 
didn't seem too bad a situation.
 
Soun furrowed his brow.  "And who is this boyfriend of yours?"
 
"Tatewaki Kunou.  You've met him before, haven't you?"
 
Soun froze for a moment at the mention of Kunou's name before 
he stood up.  "Then it's settled!  Ranma will marry Akane."
 
Soun grabbed the scroll from Genma and laid it back down in 
one smooth motion.  It unrolled, revealing that Ranma and 
Akane's names had been filled in.
 
Ranma looked the scroll over.  The ink on the names was still 
wet.  "Does it matter that I don't want to marry her?"
 
"My daughter isn't good enough for you?"
 
Kasumi served tea.  "Ranma, you're a guest here.  It's not 
polite to complain about a host's arrangements."
 
"Well, I'm not going to marry him."
 
Soun and Genma yawned.  "It's getting late, Akane.  We'll deal 
with that in the morning."
 
                        *       *       *
 
At a certain mansion, dinner was set out over a table 
with three chairs.  Two chairs were occupied, but it 
was too dark to tell who the occupants were, as the lights
were off and the large glass chandelier was unlit.
The first one broke the long silence and said,
 
"Sister, your evil is as boundless as the eternal ocean."
 
The second figure paused a moment, in thought, before she 
responded, "But brother, the ocean has boundaries.  They're 
called shores." 
 
"Yes.  But it is still very large."
 
The second figure nodded in approval.  "That makes sense.  Is 
there anyone else in here with us?"
 
"I don't believe so."
 
"That's quite unfortunate.  That means that one of us will have
to turn on the light."
 
The first figure nodded, and then there was silence. 
A minute later, the second figure spoke again. 
"Are you sure that you won't turn on the light."
 
"I'd prefer not to."
 
"Then I'd suppose I'll do it", said the second figure.
 
The room is illuminated, revealing the first figure to be 
Tatewaki Kunou and the second figure to be Kodachi Kunou.
He stared at the plate in front of him.
 
"Eat, brother."
 
"Your evil is as limitless as the ocean is large! "  Kunou inwardly 
smiled at having turned his bad metaphor into a good metaphor. 
"What is the name of this foul concoction?"
 
"It's sheperd's pie.  It's a nice, British dish.  It's quite 
good actually."
 
"You would serve your own brother British food?  Your
evil is truly without bounds."
 
"If you don't want to eat it, you don't have to.  I just
wanted to try something different for a change."
 
For a moment Kodachi looked quite disappointed.  Tatewaki 
noticed this and started to eating.  Kodachi smiled and started 
to eat also. 
 
                        *       *       *
 
The next morning, Ranma and Akane arrived at school a few 
minutes early.  Sasuke, the Kunou family's personal ninja, was
at the school gates, waiting for Akane.  "Master Kunou sends 
his regrets, Miss Tendou.  Previous engagements prevent him 
from meeting with you this morning.  He sends this." 
 
Sasuke handed Akane a box of chocolates.
 
Ranma grinned.  "So that's how she got that figure."  
 
Akane and Sasuke glared at Ranma.  A blue lightning bolt flashed 
in the background.  Suddenly, Kunou leapt out of a nearby tree, 
landing two feet away from Ranma with his bokken poised to strike.
 
"How dare you insult Akane Tendou?!"  Kunou tossed his head 
back, allowing the sunlight to reflect off of his hair.
 
"What do you care?"
 
"I am Tatewaki Kunou, the rising star of the kendou world, the 
blue thunder of Furinkan High, sophomore, class 2-B, and I have 
the previlage of dating the fair Akane Tendou."
 
"Kunou!  Sasuke said that you were busy", Akane walked towards 
Kunou and leaned towards him.
 
"The importance of my other appointment pales in comparison
to the importance of defending your honour.  Your manners, 
stranger, are abominable.  I suggest that you keep your distance 
from Akane."
 
"Can't.  I'm living at her house."
 
"What?!  I cannot permit this!"
 
"Her father can.  And my name is Ranma Saotome."
 
"Kunou, don't make a scene.  We're going to be late", Akane said.
 
"Akane wishes you to be spared, Ranma.  I shall forgive
you for this infraction."  Kunou bowed.  He and Akane walked away.
 
"Great", Ranma said with obvious sarcasm, "She didn't tell me 
where the classroom was." 
 
                        *       *       *
 
Akane was taking notes on a lecture, as she had been for the 
last half of an hour.  Ranma walked into the classroom.
 
The teacher looked up, "And who are you?"
 
"Ranma Saotome."
 
"You're late!  Go stand in the hall!"
 
"I've been in the halls for the last thirty minutes."
 
"Good.  Another thirty shouldn't seem that difficult, then."
 
"But Akane was--"
 
"You know Akane?"
 
"Yeah, I --"
 
"Akane.  Go stand in the hall with him!"
 
"What?  But I --"
 
"Guilt by association.  Get out!"
 
Akane stood up angrily and walked outside.  Ranma was already 
there, holding a bucket of water.
 
"This is all your fault, Ranma."
 
"My fault?  You were supposed to show me where my class was!"
 
"Be quiet or they'll hear you.  I would have shown you
where your class was if you hadn't been a jerk."
 
"I was a jerk?!"
 
"Yes, you were."
 
"What do you see in that Kunou guy, anyways?
 
"He's polite, he's nice, he's a gentleman.  You know...
all the things that you aren't."
 
"And he's rich."
 
"That's not why I like him!"
 
"Sure.  So if he's such a great guy, why does your
father want me to marry you?"
 
"He doesn't like Tatewaki, for some reason.  Whenever
I ask, he just laughs nervously and starts talking about
the weather."
                        *       *       *
 
Kasumi walked down a street, carrying a book and
a basket.  She turned and entered an office.  She entered the 
second door on the left.  A group of people quickly ran out of 
Doctor Ono Tofuu's office and into the offices of the three 
other chiropractors in the building.  
 
                        *       *       *
 
"What a coincidence it is, to meet you here, Kasumi!"
 
"Hello, Doctor.  May I borrow that book again?"
 
"Call me Tofuu", he said, handing her a book on first-aid.
 
"Certainly.  It's a nice day outside, isn't it?"
 
"It doesn't seem that nice a day.  All I can see
from this window are bones.  It must be a bad day with
all of these dead people."
 
Kasumi giggled.  "That's not a window, Tofuu.  That's
your anatomy chart."
 
Tofuu looked that area of the wall over again.  "Well.  So it 
is!  Then today must be a good day, because those people aren't
really dead."
 
"Yes.  Today must be a good day.  It's nice outside.  I brought 
you lunch." 
 
"Thank you, Kasumi.  I'll eat it as soon as I attend to all my 
patients." 
 
"Your waiting room is empty."
 
"Well...I suppose I'll eat in a few minutes."
 
"It's lunch for two."
 
"Oh.  Thank you, but I don't think I could eat that much."
 
"It's nice outside.  I brought lunch for two people."
 
"Yes.  You're hinting at something, aren't you?"
 
"I am."
 
"Could you give me another clue, please?  You think
that I ought to repaint the office, right?"
 
"No.  Nothing like that."
 
"Hmm...lunch...two people...nice day....You think that
I ought to have worn suspenders instead of this belt?"
 
"No.  I know that you're a bright man and will figure
it out in no time at all."
 
"You're being rather subtle.  Could you please give me
another hint?"
 
Kasumi sighed and pulled out a giant sign, which reads 
'Let's go have lunch together in the park.'   She smashed
the sign over Doctor Tofuu's head, and then daintily helped
him back up.
 
"I've got an idea.  Let's go have lunch in the park together."
 
"That sounds simply delightful, Tofuu.  I was wondering if 
you'd ask." 
 
Tofuu laughed happily and continued smiling.  He almost 
remembered that this was the fifth time this week that Kasumi 
had borrowed that same book.  Kasumi put the book back on the 
shelf when when he wasn't looking.
 
                        *       *       *
 
It was lunchtime at Furinkan.  Various students were in the courtyard.
Kunou and Akane were sitting together under a tree.  Sasuke had
brought them a picnic basket.  Ranma was sitting a good distance 
away and looking dejected.
 
"Stupid tomboy.  Wants to be alone with her boyfriend.  I tried 
to tell her that she still has my lunch, but no, she wouldn't 
listen." 
 
A girl, wearing wedding robes, kneeled beside him.  Her 
face and other features were entirely concealed by their 
voluminous folds.
 
"Did you say that you were hungry?"
 
"Starving.  Why?"
 
"Are you Ranma Saotome?"
 
"Yeah.  Why?"
 
"It is a wife's duty to see that her husband remains fed."
 
"That's good for your husband, but what am I going to do?"
 
"Please, call me Kaori.  Please take this."
Kaori handed him a box of takeout ramen.  Ranma ate it
in the time it would take most people to open the box.
 
"This is good.  Won't your husband get angry that you gave
away his food?"
 
Kaori looked at him amusedly and smiled.  "Silly boy.  
You're my husband."
 
Ranma facefaulted.
                        *       *       *
End, Chapter 1
 
 
Character Profile: Kasumi Tendou
Age: 19
Kasumi is the eldest daughter of Soun and Mrs. Tendou.  She
takes care of most of the housework and cooking.
Basically, Kasumi is a hard character to write.  Most people
either just ignore her and have her cook things or make her
a medical genius.  I'm not happy with either of those solutions.
 
I've made her marginally more active.  The Kasumi in this fic 
is somewhere between the real Kasumi and Dinah from "Mr. Pim 
Passes By", by A. A. Milne.  Get the play.  This Kasumi knows 
full well what's going on, but is extremely whimsical.  She 
usually knows what's happening, but is likely to ignore it.
 
 
Character Profile: Kaori
Age: 16
The daughter of a fast-food magnate, her marriage to Ranma
was arranged when they were both infants.  She has returned
to claim her rightful husband.  She appeared in the anime
only, on the video "It's Fast or it's Free". 
 
 
Story Notes:
Any C&C is *always* welcome.  This is not one of those "I 
wrote all 12 chapters, so I want you to spellcheck before I 
send it to r.a.a.c." fics.  This is *mostly* undecided.  I 
don't know, for instance, who will end up with whom.  If 
enough people want Ranma to end up with someone, I may work 
the story in that direction.  Any plot suggestions, additions, 
deletions and so on are welcome.  And if I spelled anything 
wrong, let me know.  And I *like* hostile C&C.  I've probably
been hostile to a few of you.  If you can get me back, please do.