On Sun, 6 Apr 1997 07:31:01 -0400 you wrote:

: It occured to me that I never announced the winners of the 1996 Anime
: Bulwer/Lytton contest, taking place in May 1996.

Isn't that "Bulwer-Lytton", one name?


: Now:  it's time for the 1997 contest.  The object is to create the worst
: opening for an anime fanfic in the entire world.  Just an utterly evil
: opening.


OK, how 'bout this:


    Quinghai Province, China.

    <Sploosh!>

    "Ayaaaah!"

    The chinese guide clasped his face in his hands in a Culkinesque
    gesture.  With bated breath he waited for the poor Jusenkyou
    victim to emerge from the pool.  Finally the waters parted.

    "Waaaaah! - Oh, stop screaming, it hurts my throat. - What do you
    mean, '*your* throat'? - WAAAAAAH!"

    "Oooh, too bad!" the guide exclaimed, "You fall into spring of
    drowned Schizophrenia Therapy Group!"

                        ----------
                        Ranma 23/5
                        ----------

    Coming soon to a fanfic forum near you...




Hopefully not.  How about a non-Ranma one, then?


    Linna popped open one eye, then the other.  She gazed at her
    bedroom ceiling for a while, going through her morning checklist.
    "OK, what do I remember of last night?  Bzzzt, access denied. 
    Damn, must have been pretty drunk, then.  Bad hangover?  No, I'm
    feeling fine.  Great, actually... uh oh.  Thoroughly drunk but
    feeling great in the morning?"  She carefully extended her left
    arm further into the bed to her side, soon encountering a soft
    resistance.  "OK, seems I scored last night.  Now, for the 10.000
    dollar question - with whom?"

    Slowly she sat up, so as not to disturb her apparent bedmate, and
    turned.  She was greeted by the smiling face of Leon McNichol. 
    "G'mornin' love," he said...


    "AAAAaaaaaahh!"  Linna's eyes shot open as she sat up abruptly,
    throwing of her covers.  She clasped a fist over her furiously
    thumping heart.  "It was just a dream," she said to herself, "Just
    a dream."

    "What was just a dream, Lovergirl?"

    Slowly - very slowly - Linna turned.

    "So, who's gonna shower first?" asked Nene, giggling, "After all,
    we worked up quite some sweat last night.  Or should we shower
    together?"

                  --------------------------------------
                  Bubblegum Crunch - Linna does ADPolice
                  --------------------------------------

The Anime review board rates:

Bubblegum Crisis:  Good stuff!
Bubblegum Crash:   Still well done.
Bubblegum Crunch:  Uh.  If you're into that kind of thing...
Bubblegum Cramp:   Don't. Touch. It.


Sebastian Bulwer-Lytton
--
       <http://enterprise.mathematik.uni-essen.de/~bastian/>
                         Comics reviewed 
-- 
Adolescence, n.:
The stage between puberty and adultery.