PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH
                                       THIS FIC
I am trying to hone my writing skills for work as I am doing more and 
more copy. Any advice helps.

RoboForce 1/2

Legal advice courtesy of Tendo Nabiki;

Takahashi and co. disclaimer yadda yadda....can and will be used 
against.....yadda yadda...whole truth and nothing but the....yadda 
yadda....court finds you guilty....yadda yad?!#$....WHAT DO YOU MEAN 
'EXECUTION'?!?!

Chapter One; Picture if you will.....

The town had been held in the grip of terror for some weeks now.
 The Robo Gangs technology outclassing anything the beleaguered and 
incompetently mismanagaged police force could bring to bear.

  Terry Sing  huddled in the miserable weather behind the police barricade
waiting for Dominator 1 to turn up at the bank as the anonymous note 
to his newspaper, one of many had promised.

The giant robot was, for the most part, the reason for the Robogangs 
arrogant confidence. "How could anything stand up to this?" the young 
newspaper reporter wondered. He used his sleeve in a vain attempt to 
clear the rain from his glasses and view more closely the swat teams 
inordinate amounts of ordinance. Assult rifles, APC's, shotguns and 
even a rocket launcher or two were on display.    

 "All right move back everyone, this is supposed to be a secure 
zone". These words  came from an officious looking captain with an 
oily smile and the sort of moustache that is just left of 
fashionable, just right of serious and spot on stupid. "Wait, what 
about the freedom of the press, people have a right to know", 
spluttered Terry as he was pushed back by a couple of overly zealous 
thugs in blue. His protests fell on deaf ears as he was escorted back 
to his little scooter.

A rebellious streak ,usually well hidden in the normally placid young 
man came to the fore of the now thoroughly damp reporters mind. (No 
his mind wasn't damp, just him). He weeled his scooter around and 
made his way around the supposedly secure police line before leaving 
it proped beside a wall.

He scuttled under the cover of darkness to come to rest behind the 
banks ostentatious concrete sign beside the main building.    No 
sooner was he settled behind cover than he heard some sort of 
commotion on the far side of the police barricade. "It's breaking 
through!" came the dismayed cry, swiftly followed by an agonized 
scream mercifully cut short. The ominous silence 
dragged on for timeless seconds......

Suddenly this moment of peace was rudely shattered by a robot with 
all the style of a rogue paperclip. In its favour though, it had the 
drama of any combat robot with the following vitals;

Height; huge, 
Weight; first take two large trucks,....then .....you get the picture 
right? Suffice to say it was bigger than your favourite sumo star. 

Its eye sockets glowed a cool, if somewhat pointless lambent red and 
gouts of steam issued forth from vents in its head at sporadic 
intervals (doubtless they had something to do with the hydraulics 
system. Yeah I'll buy that!)."I am Dominator 1!", for that was the 
title of this bulky, armored SFX escapee. From somewhere in the 
depths of this monstrous bulk came this booming artificial voice "You 
cannot resist the might of the Robogang, we shall crush all 
opposition....IN THE NAME OF THE MIGHTY LUCIFER...." 

The creation emphasised its point with the limp body of the crushed 
policeman in its mighty fist. "Wow! Scoop of the century" thought 
Terry happily to himself as he raised his camera, humourously 
forgetting the lens cap.   At this point whatever else it might have 
had to say was lost in the pyrotechnics of a triggerhappy army of 
police men with big guns. 

Terry, who had by this point ventured out to the road, was panicked 
by the riotous richochets and he dropped the aforementioned visionary 
aids as well as the occular image capture device by the feet of of 
the barbarous behemoth. Fumbling about on the rain swept tarmac he 
retrieved both camera and glasses just in time to watch the mobile 
monolith commit an offence of dubious legality, namely that of 
absconding with the banks ill gotten gains (yes you read that right).
 
Conveniently the bank kept its gold reserves close at hand in a 
large steel container and wrapped in chains for towing, and it 
shortly emerged from the building, shrugging off the ineffectual fire 
of the even less effective police.

At this point a handsome young man, resplendent in flowing white 
robes of chinese origins stepped forward from the shadows. Besides 
him a male companion, sheltering both with his umbrella.....Another 
dramatic pause......Flinging wide his arms the man in white attacked 
a nearby mail box with a stream of transformer toys issueing from his 
sleeves and crying "I have you now Dominator 1!" He promptly 
vanished, replaced somehow in the pouring rain by an angry white duck 
with glasses.....his partner had gone too.....seemingly 
.....ummm...gone!

The monstrous metallic manufacturer of mayhem 
ignored the interuption and triggered its jetpacks in such a way as 
to send the  ironclad infidel hurtling skywards, towing his goodies 
behind him at the end of a chain like some bizzare Saint 
Nicholas.....  

          ****************************

AUTHORS NOTE;

  This is based in part (so far in main) on the HK action movie 
Roboforce, starring the fabulous Sally Yeh (of 'the Killer' fame) 
which people either love or hate (either movie) but I think was a 
great bit of entertainment (especially the credit sequence). You 
should watch it (or I'll keep enclosing everything in these annoying 
brackets)....Oh yeah, this be my first fanfic BTW so I hope you like 
it (or at least think it has some small potential)


NeonB.
 drift5@ihug.co.nz

Things we are unlikely to ever hear...
   "Take me now Giant Robo...NO!...Wait, I mean ARRRGGH!"
      *SPLUT*