At 05:27 PM 4/6/97 -0400, you wrote:

At 13:45 06/04/97 -0700, you wrote:

Hi! I just subscribed.  How's everybody doin?

(Ranchan comes in with a big banner and party favours.  The banner reads
'WELCOME TO THE FFML')  

"Hi, I'm Ranchan, I'm doin just fine.  Welcome!"  (Azusa suddenly bursts in
and tries to grab Alexis.) "Jenette!  Jenette!!"

Ranchan immediately gets in Azusa's way and is clobbered for it.  "Waaahhh,
Azusa just wanted to play with widdle Jenette."  Ranchan peals himself off
the floor.  "Sorry about that, but Azusa tries to grab all the newbies.
Anyways enjoy the list."  Ranchan walks away dragging along a very miffed
Azusa as she continues to beat on him.  He can be heard saying..."Why oh why
did I create a church for you?"
Ja ne!!

Ranchan

Josh opens an unmarked door near the back of Ranchan's little party, revealing
the true reality of the FFML:

"She is not!"

"She is so!"

"Is not!"

"Is so!"

A couple of guys are beating each other up, with Akane standing idly by.
She looks
a bit unstable.  She holds an axe, which is simply labeled, "Kasumi".  The
sound,
"Chop! Chop!" is barely audible over the two wrestlers.

A guy is writing the message, "You Suck!" on a terminal.  Another guy comes
along,
and kicks him off, screaming, "Get outta my account!"

Several armies of subscribers are marching in lines. Some of these groups wield 
banners that are marked with the insignia of several churches such as:
Ukyou, Shampoo, Akane, and Ryouga.  A few here and there carry effigies
bearing the name of Catkiller.  The chant, "Kill!  Kill!  Bomb him!" can be
heard in the back...a large cart carries a huge cannon, in which a guy is trying
to stuff a chicken.

A few writers are pushing around carts with stacks of stories on them, with
the legend, "C&C my stories!".

A lively girl who seems to be dropping citrus fruits all over
the place, leads the Ryouga group.  She carries a stick of !bapping, which
many seem to fear.  They bow down before her procession as she passes by.

One assemblage off to the right is doing nothing but crying, while another
to the
left looks very serious and evil.  A band in the middle is dropping banana peels
on the ground, while members of the former two groups slip all over the place.

A man is a dark cloak carries a little pussy cat, and hands out copies of one
of his works. Whenever they take one, they release huge pools of tears which
threaten to flood the land.  The name "Lawson" is mentioned by one of the
bawling readers.

Finally, there is a huge stack 20-miles high of messages generated by the FFML,
held behind a hydroelectric damn (This is hyperbole, or exaggeration for comic
effect. The actual size is 18-miles.)  At the controls is what seems
to be a pure white Canis Lupis Lupis. 

He activates the controls.

"Say goodbye to your social lives!  Bwahahahahaha!!!!" he laughs hysterically as
the floodgates rush open, dumping tens of thousands of kilograms on the
unsuspecting population.

The masses scream as they are forced to turn on portable filters and browse
through headers, some of which have no labels! GASP!

Several people undaunted by the flood walk around in circles, spewing out
comments which are readily ignored by the poor drowning fools.  Although,
some readers actually take the time to thwack them over the head so they'll
go away.

Before many people can finish reading, The DAM unleashes yet another cargo load,
which forces the people to stack the stories up.  There are screams of anguish,
pain, torture, laughter, and amusement.

"....."

The newcomer screams and faints.

Josh closes the door and smiles ever so slightly.

"Welcome to our world..." he says, as he walks away to avoid the amount
of hate mail this post will produce.


                                The Ever Lovin' End!

--------------------------

(No offense meant to Ranchan. (actually, no offense meant to anyone
who was subtly hinted at in this post). I was just making sure the
newcomer got an in-depth 'pessimistic' look at the FFML. ^_-)

Oh, by the way:  Welcome all new people!  Enjoy!


     -_^ Joshua-kun ^_-
         j_kun@lni.net
  ----------------------------
  Kneel before the Red-haired
       Hacker Goddess!!
         Go on, KNEEL!
  NeneNeneNeneNeneNeneNeneNene