Subject: [R1/2][SPAM] Laugh All You Want...
From: Lara Bartram
Date: 4/6/1997, 5:29 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com (FFML)

In elebration of our new readers!  I'll avoid posting dark
lemons and submit this more light-hearted darkfic.  Please
don't take it too seriously.  =)  I didn't.	

I don't know.. people may find this kind of dark, but it's
got Kodachi so what do you expect?  Anyway, this is one of those
'how did it all get started' stories.  I borrowed some medical
conditions and warped them to serve my own purposes.  I suppose
I'll be required to explain it at the end.. *sigh*


			Laugh All You Want...
			    'bad brains'
		             A Darkfic

	"What's this?"  It was a large box decorated with postage 
marks in 5 different inks.  The mailing label was written in very 
neat English 'Kuno Residence, Nerima Prefecture, Japan'.  The 
return address was also in English but the girl couldn't read it.
	"Brother!  Brother!"
	"What is it, Kodachi?  I'm busy right now."
	"This package arrived.  I can't read the return address."
	Tatewaki walked in and grabbed the box from her hands and 
looked at the label.  Seeing it was in English, he immediately 
chastised her.  "You should work harder on your English.  It's not 
all that difficult to read."
	He stared at the label.  "Nee... Nu... New.  Ge... Gwi... 
Gwinay...  New Guinea?"  He looked quizzically at the box.  "This 
must be from Father."  He handed it back to Kodachi.  "I want 
nothing to do with it."
	"Oh please, Tatchi?  Open it for me?  You know I can't do 
it myself," she begged.
	Tatewaki looked at her with disgust, before giving in to 
her sad eyes.  "Oh fine."  He took the box back and yanked at the 
heavy tape keeping it closed.  One hard pull and the tape 
seperated itself from the cardboard.  He finished opening the box 
the rest of the way then handed it to Kodachi.  "There.  Have fun 
with Fathers twisted idea of a gift."
	Kodachi smiled brightly.  "Thank you, Brother."
	Tatewaki softened as Kodachi smiled at him.  She hadn't 
grown to hate their father as much as he had, that seemed to 
maintain her youthful innocence.  "You're welcome, little sister."
	Kodachi looked in the box and pulled out a large container 
filled with something she couldn't identify.  There were a few 
slips of paper inside with the container with more writing on it.  
It was also in English, but simple enough for Kodachi to read.  
They appeared to be recipes.
	Kodachi pulled out the container and tried to see inside.  
It was made of a translucent plastic, enough to see there was 
something inside, but not what.  Taped to the top of the 
container, in her fathers neat writing was a warning: DO NOT OPEN 
UNTIL READY TO USE.
	He had sent her something from New Guinea to cook?  Did he 
really know how much she liked to cook?  She smiled as she read 
the paper.  It would take a lot of skill to cook this and make the 
recipe perfect, but she knew she could do it.  Father knew she 
could do it.

***

	She opened the container.  Whatever it was smelled awful.  
She cringed back from the terrible stink wafting out of the 
container.  Her eyes started to water as she tried to get a 
closer look at what she was about to cook.
	It was some sort of meat, that much she could tell.  It 
was a bit sickly looking, kind of shriveled and grey around the 
edges.  It was in some liquid, thick, gooey looking liquid.  The 
entire thing, even without the smell, made Kodachi want to vomit.
	She lifted it out of the container with a spatula and a 
large cooking knife and set it on the cutting board.  She couldn't 
get over the stink, it was so foul.  But the recipe promised it 
was a great delicacy if cooked correctly.

***

	She put the final dish into the oven to bake.  The recipe 
said 50 minutes, no less than 50 minutes at 500 degrees.  Kodachi 
happily set her timer for 50 minutes and went out to check on her 
small greenhouse.  Her African violets were just starting to bloom 
and were very delicate.

	"Sasuke!  My sister has promised me a foreign delicacy 
to be served at 3:10 PM.  Inform me at 2:45 so I may make myself 
presentable for her effort!"
	"Yes, Tatewaki-sama."  What a bore.  He watched Tatewaki 
start on a few quarter-speed strikes before sneaking away quietly.  
If he didn't keep track of time and Tatewaki-sama was late, he'd 
be in trouble, but he'd fall asleep if he actually sat there and 
watched him practice.
	Sasuke formed a brilliant plan.  He went to the kitchen 
and grabbed the timer.  Whatever was cooking would be fine without 
the exact time cooked.  Kodachi-sama should watch her food a 
little more carefully anyway.  The timer at that point read 40 
minutes.
	Sasuke checked the clock.  It was 2:25.  He moved the 
timer to 20 minutes then went off to read some of his manga.

***

	Kodachi came inside from her greenhouse.  Her violets were 
all doing well, they were all so beautiful with their deep purple 
petals.  She sighed happily and went into the kitchen.  The timer 
was ticking away.  She looked at it and frowned.  Only 12 minutes 
left?  That didn't seem right.  She wasn't quite sure when she had 
put it in the oven so she couldn't compare it to the clock.
	"Just caught up in the greenhouse, I guess."  That 
happened sometimes.  She found it so peaceful, time seemed to go 
by so quickly when she was in there.  She went to clean herself up 
before finishing with her dish.  She wanted to look like the 
perfect hostess for her brother when she presented the exotic 
delicacy to him for an early dinner.

***

	*DING!*  The timer went off, catching Sasuke's ear.  He 
went out to get Tatewaki and tell him it was time to get ready.

***

	Kodachi went into the kitchen, dressed in her best outfit, 
ready to serve her surprise dish.  The recipe said to serve it 
straight from the oven to keep the flavor.  The timer was off, she 
had been getting ready too long and now her cuisine would be 
overcooked!  She gasped and hurried to the oven, throwing it open 
and pulling out the pan with a mit.
	"Brother!  It's almost ready!"  She got out the serving 
platter and put the entire contents of the pan onto it.  It looked 
delicious, covered in a delicate sauce and vegetables.  She used 
her knife to slice it several times then arranged a few decorative 
elements around it.
	She stood back and admired it.  Perfect.
	"I thought you said it would be 3:10 when we would eat?"  
Tatewaki asked from the other room, getting all huffy as usual.
	"I guess I was off in my time estimations.  You'll just 
have to deal with it, Tatchi."  She grinned, knowing how that 
annoyed him.  It was so much fun to tease her brother.
	She lifted the platter and carried it to the dining room.  
Tatewaki was seated, looking grumpy.  Kodachi smiled brightly at 
him.  "Here it is!  Doesn't it look delicious?"  She set the 
platter in front of him.
	He looked it over carefully before declaring "Most 
impressive, I must admit.  It surpasses even your earlier 
efforts."
	Kodachi beamed with pride at his statement.  It always 
made her happy when her brother praised her cooking.  It was 
something she took a lot of pride in.  That and her flowers.
She sat across from him at the table and began to divide the food 
up.  She took a smaller slice of meat than the one she gave her 
brother.  She had to watch her figure for when she finally made it 
on the rhythmic gymnastics team.
	She went right for a bit of meat, while her brother 
sampled the vegetables.  She took a bite and chewed slowly.  It 
was tender and savory, the sauce giving it a spicy undertaste.  
She swallowed and smiled; it was excellent.  Her brother would 
enjoy it even more than she.
	He was finishing off the vegetables; he always ate in a 
pattern.  He would eat any large vegetables, then he would eat any 
meat and then whatever else was left.  Kodachi found it a very 
boring way to enjoy food.
	Kodachi ate some more of her meat, grabbing a bit of 
brocoli along with it.  She couldn't help but smile at the taste 
in her mouth.  The recipe was a masterpiece and she wasn't too 
modest to think what she had cooked was too.
	She continued eating as Tatewaki picked up a slice of meat 
and began to bring it up to his mouth.  Kodachi smiled and started 
to take another bite when the stomach cramps hit.
	She dropped her chopsticks, her mouth forming an 'O' of 
surprise.  She dropped her hand to her stomach as the pain struck 
her again.  It felt like her insides were being twisted inside 
out.  Her brow furrowed as the pain intensified.  "Ouch..."
	"Kodachi, what is the matter?"  Tatewaki was looking at 
her with concern.
	The pain was too intense to answer him.  "Owwwwww."  Her 
other hand was on her stomach and she was listing to one side.
	"Kodachi, what's wrong?"  Tatewaki's voice was growing more 
concerned.
	She groaned in response, still clutching her stomach.  She 
felt her stomach begin to reject what she had eaten.  The bile 
rose in her throat as she leaned over, her forehead inches from 
the floor.  
	"Kodachi?"  Tatewaki stood up and walked around the table.  
Seeing her doubled over, he kneeled beside her. "Kodachi?  What's 
happened?"  He put his hand on her shoulder and could feel her 
frame shake.
	She retched, stomach acid staining the floor.  Tatewaki 
backed up, surprised at the mess Kodachi had made.  In passing, he 
noticed blood mixed in the brownish liquid.  "Sister?  Say 
something?"  The blood had sent him almost into a full panic.  
"SASUKE!"
	Sasuke appeared in a blur, smacking his knee on the table 
in the progress.  "Yes, Tatewa..."  He watched Kodachi on the 
floor, horror on his face.
	"Clean up this mess, while I help Kodachi upstairs."
	"Yes, Tatewaki-sama."  He couldn't take his eyes off the 
blood.  And when Tatewaki lifted Kodachi gently, he couldn't stop 
staring at the blood on her lips.

	Tatewaki carried Kodachi to the bathroom and set her down 
gently.  He wetted a washcloth with warm water and wiped her face.  
There was a bright red flush to her cheeks and her breathing was 
shallow.  Her eyes were closed tightly, and she was sweating.
	"Kodachi.. can you hear me?"  He wiped her cheek and 
mouth.
	She didn't say anything, but she squeezed his arm.
	"You'll be fine, imoutochan."  He cradled her head, 
looking at her face etched with suffering.
	"Oniichan?"  Her voice was quiet and weak.
	"I'm here.  You'll be fine, just rest."  He started to 
rock her, trying to get her to sleep.
	"Tatewaki-sama?"  Sasuke was standing in the doorway, 
looking at them nervously.
	"We must get her to a doctor, Sasuke," he declared, not 
removing his eyes from his sister.

***

	"This is very serious.  What happened just before she 
started vomiting?"  The doctor opened one of her eyelids and 
shined a light on the pupil.
	Tatewaki and Sasuke were standing to the side, watching 
the doctor with concern.  "We were eating," Tatewaki said.
	The doctor looked up.  "Eating?  Did you eat any of it?"
	"Only some vegetables."
	"This could be some very serious food poisoning if she got 
it from eating meat.  It would help immensely if you could bring 
in whatever it was you were eating so we can test it."
	Tatewaki looked at Sasuke.  Sasuke blushed.  "You told me 
to clean up so I threw it out for the garbage collectors to pick 
up."  It had been garbage day after all.
	Tatewaki frowned, along with the doctor.  "Without running 
any tests on what made her sick, this whole process will be much 
more difficult."
	"Isn't it possible to just pump her stomach or 
something?"  Tatewaki was starting to panic again.  His little 
sister, no matter how much she teased him, couldn't die.  She just 
couldn't.
	"It's too late for that to help totally.  It's already 
been partially digested.  We were waiting to hear what happened 
before we took a definitive course of action.  Now if you'll just 
clear out of the room, we'll do our best."
	Tatewaki and Sasuke filed out as a pair of interns walked 
in.  Sasuke was too guilt-ridden to worry about what would happen 
to him, and Tatewaki was too worried to care about Sasuke's 
mistake.  They went into the waiting room and sat down heavily.  
They would be waiting quite a while.

***

	"Not knowing exactly what it was that she ate, we had to 
work with some generalizations.  She appears healthy, that it was 
only a severe stomach ache with some vomiting."
	"What about the blood?"
	"That was a side effect of the intense cramping.  Her 
stomach and intestines are all fine.  She's going to need rest for 
at least a week, keeping her restricted to liquids.  No solid 
foods."
	Tatewaki and Sasuke both nodded.
	"And you should give her this medication to fight back 
whatever traces there are food poisoning."  He handed a slip of 
paper to Tatewaki.  "Fill that twice and no more.  It should be 
more than enough."
	Tatewaki nodded again.  "Thank you, doctor."
	It was the doctors turn to nod.  "It's my job.  And if she 
starts to feel ill again, call us right away."
	"Thank you, I will."

***

	Tatewaki was helping Kodachi in the house.  She was still 
weak and had trouble walking by herself.
	"The doctor said a week of rest and then you'll be fine."  
Tatewaki was doing his best to cheer her up.  She had seemed 
awfully... grouchy since leaving the hospital.
	"I don't want a week of rest.  I have more important 
things to do."  Her voice was defiant even while she held on to 
Tatewaki's arm.
	"The doctor said you need it to regain your strength.  You 
don't want to get sick again, do you?"
	"Don't be a fool, Tatchi.  I won't get sick again just 
because I don't you let pamper me like a little girl."  She tried 
to pull away from him, but staggered and was forced to hold him 
with both hands.
	"Please, imoutochan..."
	Kodachi heard the pleading in his voice and looked at him.  
He was so concerned about her...  "All right, oniichan."  She let 
him escort her to her room and make her as comfortable as 
possible.

***

	"Sasuke, if you don't move, I will spill this all over.  
Please get out from under my feet!"
	"I'm sorry, Tatewaki-sama.  I'm only concerned for 
Kodachi-sama."
	"I understand, but I don't wish to stain the floor any 
further."
	Tatewaki stepped into Kodachi's room, balancing a bowl of 
soup, a glass of water and her medicine.  Sasuke attempted to 
enter the room at the same time, bumping Tatewaki.  The hot soup 
sloshed over the side of the bowl directly on Sasuke's head.
	Sasuke howled in pain as he tried to scramble away from 
the dripping soup and managed to knock Tatewaki to the floor, soup 
flying everywhere.  Tatewaki stood up, dripping wet from the 
water, his face red with anger.
	"SASUKE!"
	Kodachi giggled at the sight of the two.  Then she giggled 
a bit more.  It was so funny, how incompetent the two of them 
could be.  Her giggling changed into laughter.  Her whole family 
consisted of nitwits and buffoons!  She began to laugh harder.
	The anger left Tatewaki's face as he stared at Kodachi.  
She was laughing a bit unnaturally, her face looked strained.  
"Kodachi?"
	She could only laugh at his puzzled look.  And at Sasuke 
with red welts on his face from the hot soup.  She felt her 
stomach muscles begin to protest at her laughter, and that made 
her laugh.  She soon realized she couldn't stop laughing.
	She put her hand over her mouth but that only muffled the 
sound.  She gasped for breath.  "Tatchi..."  Her laughter started 
up again.
	"Kodachi, stop that laughter."  Tatewaki wanted to be firm 
with her, but he was frightened at her outburst.
	Kodachi hicupped a bit.  "I can't stop.  My head hurts so 
much..."  She howled with laughter, tears coming from her eyes.  
She just couldn't stop laughing.. and laughing.. and laughing..

End

END NOTES: OK, you can probably tell this story takes place in not
the recent past.  At least I hope you can.. =)  And yes, I know
English language instruction does not start that early, but heck..
It's a pretty useful language to know if you've got the time and
money to spend on it.

Anyway..  What did Kodachi catch?  Extra points if you have ANY
clue.  It's the rather disgusting Laughing Sickness.  Cannibals
caught it from eating infected meat (mostly brains).  It caused
uncontrollable laughter until death.  Kind of like salmonella 
with a funny bone.  I didn't use all the details of laughing sickness,
what fun would it be if Kodachi died?  And I'm not implying that
is was a brain that she ate.. =)

And normally I try to keep the 'Japlish' out of my stories, but
oniichan (keeping in style with the manga) and imoutochan (I just
can't avoid that u totally) have a lot more feeling than just 
little sister and big brother.. But that's just me.

-- Lara o------------------------------------o | Attend Eastern Michigan University | EMU's Student Slums | Less Effective | The best student | More Destructive | housing in Ypsilanti | You'll get yours | Rent at your own risk o------------------------------------o lara@emunix.emich.edu | http://emuaxp.emich.edu/~lt_bartram