From: Gary Kleppe <KLEPPE@execpc.com>
Date: Saturday, 5 April 1997 15:31

    She watched him covertly, somewhat concerned as he sat
himself between herself and Nabiki at the table.  His expression
was neutral, but something lurked in his eyes that worried her.
Even if he was a being a pig-headed boor about whatever childish

Is the pun intended?

No, not really.  Pity.

    "Itadakimas'!"

(Where's that glossary when you need it...)

In this usage, it means, "thank you for the food".  It is commonly
said before meals.  It is actually a "humble" verb (itadaku) 
meaning to receive or take food or drink.  A full translation of
"itadakimasu" is probably something along the lines of, "this lowly 
person will partake of the food and drink", depending of course on 
context.

    Akane frowned.  "You were holding his hand when you came
back," she said half-accusingly.

Uh oh... is Akane suspecting something between Ranma and Nabiki? Or am I
just having after-effects from Zen's fic...

You might well think that, but I couldn't possibly say....

Maybe Nabiki ought to explain that Ryouga is Jusenkyo-cursed? Doesn't
Akane wonder *how* Ryouga turns into P-chan?

I think this would be redundant.  Remember that the Tendos live
so much with Jusenkyou curses that it'd be completely natural for
them to assume, when coming across a shape-changer, that this was
as a result of Jusenkyou water and that hot water would reveal 
the true form.

Ryouga?!!  How can I put it to one side?!  I'll kill that sukebe pig!!"

Wonder what "sukebe" means... "delicious"? ;-)

Sukebe is a nasty word that good little girls don't admit
to knowing.  It means "lewd person" or "lecher" but it's a very
coarse word.  FYI, Happousai is called "sukebe" fairly frequently
in the manga.

    "We have a number of problems to resolve."  She sighed
sadly.  "What's this I hear about you contemplating suicide, my
son?  I don't think things are that bad!"  She added something
under her breath that Ranma didn't catch because he was busy
facefaulting.

Er, this IS the same mom who was contemplating *forcing* him to commit
suicide?

This doesn't mean she ever *wanted* to do this.

    Nodoka shot Nabiki a sceptical look, then frowned at her

Should that be skeptical, or is this a US/UK spelling difference?

Not sure... I use both when I haven't got Word to keep me honest.
Those little red lines are accusing....

    Happousai was at Ranma-onna's rear, patting her buttocks and
grinning from ear to ear.  "Ranma, my dear, you love your master
don't you?"

"Mwowr! Love him, yes! With a few garnishes he'll be quite tasty!" :-)

    Kasumi frowned at this display and looked over at the cherry
tree.  Happousai still hadn't moved.  She walked over quickly to
check more closely, and found that the old master was bleeding

>from several places, although not critically, and appeared to

have broken an arm and a leg.  In addition, he was utterly
unconscious.  "Oh, my," she said to the others.  "He's been hurt
rather badly.  I'd better call a doctor.  Obasama, would you

Considering the circumstances, he got off lucky!

Yes, you're right... this sequence was meant to be an "evolution
in action" part but I wimped out at the last moment.

You may want to add more descriptions to Shampoo's attacks. If her mind
has been affected in the way it seems then she's probably in a killing
frenzy. You might play that up a little for effect.

Commentary so far suggests that this part has two major weaknesses:
The speed of Nabiki's epiphany and the Shampoo fight scene.  I'll
be working to put more justification into the one and expanding the
other for the second draft.

And the title will *definitely* be changing.  At the moment,
"Knowing Akane" is something I'm considering, but the jury's
still out.

Oh, and thanks very much for the C&C.  :-)

--
David Eddy -- dje@progress.com
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/8341/