I went and deleted the first part of this fic as soon as I saw the 'warning
Kun-chan don't read this' bit. In general, I *DESPISE* Ranma fanfics.

I promptly forgot the title of the first half and dug into the second half
today. After the first ten or so pages, even though I knew where you were
going, I couldn't stop reading. The text held my attention and captivated
me, something which is not easy to do when I hate the subject matter.
Excellent job.

However, I still don't much like the idea of this, because despite your
Author's Notes, I am still left with the notion that the text, from Akane's
first hearing about Ranma's 'free lessons', is done with the singlular
purpose of getting Akane to kill Ranma.

And quite frankly, I do not believe that:

(1) Nodoka would EVER give up her katana.

(2) Akane gets more powerful through anger.

(3) Akane ever gets as mad as you have her. (This is a major point, you
drill it into the reader's head that Akane's anger has been getting steadily
worse. This seems to me to be rationalization in order to have her, at the
end of the fic, ready to kill Ranma and Ukyou.)

(4) Akane can so utterly fail to listen. Akane at least -tries- sometimes to
make her relationship with Ranma work... but in this story, she does
absolutely nothing but be a hair-trigger emotional psychopath. In fact, now
that I think of it, she is very OOC by the end of the 'fic, but she has to
be so she can kill Ranma.

(5) Ranma wouldn't avoid or defend himself from Akane. Ranma's emotional
calm in this fic seems a bit much, but more importantly although he might
not attack Akane, if she attacked him with a potentially lethal force he
would NOT let it hit him. 

As a story in general, this is very good.

As a story about Ranma and Akane, it doesn't wash. Not for me.

Try again for a 'Ranma gets Akane' fic, but this time instead of assuming
that it will be a disaster, assume that BOTH of them will work to keep it
going, bad good or indifferent.

As for this story, run an edit and send it, it's good. Wrong, but good.

Redneck (another 'Nodoka finds out' fic? NOOOOOO!!! FOR THE LOVE OF WASHUU,
NO MORE!!!) }:-{D



Kris Overstreet, will write for food... | "The universe is already mad.
http://www.txdirect.net/users/redneck   | Everything else is redundant."
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