{Ednote: Quick profile--Mik's the anal wiseass, Lennox is the irritable
one, and Zenk...is the random element. Zenk is the source of most stupid
comments, but actually comes up with some intelligent stuff on occasion.
We'll do more in-depth character descriptions as this review team goes
through more stuff together.}
[Scene: a messy college dorm room. How can you tell it's a dorm room?
Many empty pizza boxes, the occasional textbook, ethernet connections
(ha!).... Clustered around a TV are three males; one is 17, one is 18,
and one is 20. How can you tell their ages? I just said so.]
Zenk: Hi! We're the fanfic reviewers for The Sound and the Furry.
Mik: Unlike the _other_ reviews of this kind, though, this is actually
a multi-person effort. Andrew, Eric, and Mike have all put out comments
on this fic, and then all of that has been put into this one review. How
is it done?
Lennox: [groaning] Trust me. Ye dinna wan' tae know. [shaking himself]
Well, fer our first review, we've chosen the "Ranko and Kaneda"
alternate universe, chapters 1 an' 2.
Zenk: Andrew, you really going to be doing that Scottish accent?
Lennox: [heatedly] Fer these reviews, it's Lennox! An' wha's it tae
ye, "Zenk"?!
Zenk: Hey, I wanted to be called Zenki, anyways. But nooo, with the
copyright violation stuff; I mean, aren't these fics copyright vio--
Mik: Come on, not now. Besides, I didn't complain when I couldn't get
"Mikado" for my name, did I? [pops a tape into the VCR] Let's go.
Zenk: Wait, hold on--
Eric: What now?
Zenk: For one thing, you just got called Eric.
Mik: Eep! Hey!
Lennox: An' wha's the other?
Zenk: Well, er, I just remembered something.
Lennox: Wha'? Say it already, lad.
Zenk: Adrian Wong's already released this part to raac.
[Everyone blinks a few moments.]
Lennox: [suddenly] Och, Hell wi' tha'! We worked long an' hard on this!
We're goin' tae do this anyway! Roll it!
[Mik presses the play button.]
------------------------------------------------
Mysterious Fuzzy Fanfic Crew 6.023E23 Review 1
"Ranko and Kaneda", Parts 1 and 2 by Adrian Wong
Review by Andrew "Lennox" Huang, Eric "Mik" Jones, and Mike "Zenk" Chen.
***************Alternate Universe: Ranko and Kaneda*************
by: Adrian Wong
Intro:
In the Ranma 1/2 manga by Rumiko Takahashi, Germa Saotome
engaged Ranma to one of Soun Tendo's daughter, Akane in order for
him to inherit the Tendo Dojo. The entire series is largely
consisted of the problems and chaos generated by the couple.
Supposed that Germa has a daughter, and Soun has two girls and
one boy, then what's going to happen? Also, how will the
Jusenkyo factor apply itself in this case? Well, read on and
find out!!
=============================
Mik: Another alternate universe! Yay, maybe someone will do something
different with Ranma! [looks around at glaring faces] Umm, nevermind..
=============================
*Most characters belong to Rumiko Takahasi (even though some of
them have endured sex changes)*
Part one: The Matching Game
In a peaceful corner of Nerima, Tokyo, there was a typical
looking dojo connected to a typical looking house. Inside that
typical looking house sat a typical looking middle-aged Japanese
man with a typical stern look on his face. In his hand was a
typical looking letter with the following words:
=============================
Mik: You think he's getting the idea across that this is supposed to be
typical?
Lennox: Aye.
Mik: That was rhetorical.
[Lennox bigsweats]
=============================
Tendo-kun:
Coming with Ranma for the fulfilment of our promise.
Saotome.
"So Saotome-kun has came back after all..." The man said in
his typical dignified tone... and broke down sobbing. "Oh happy,
happy day!!!!!! My babies, daddy has got surprises for you all!"
He danced his way upstairs, leaving a wet trail of tears behind.
Now that was definitely NOT typical.
=============================
Mik: He obviously hasn't seen Ranma 1/2 enough.. This is VERY
typical.. [smirks]
Lennox: He was referrin' tae the surprises.
Zenk: Heh? Wha?
[Mik and Lennox grumble]
=============================
* * * * * * *
In a side street with activated automatic lawn sprinklers on
every front yard, a huge rounded figure was being chased by a
=============================
Zenk: Sprinklers? In _every_ front yard? Why's that? [scrathes his head]
Lennox: Remember, lad? This is Nerima! If it's nae raining--
Mik: --there's some other source of water.
Lennox: [bristling] 'Ey! Doon't finish me sentences fer me!
Zenk: "Doon't"?
Mik: The Scottish, remember? That was supposed to be "don't".
Lennox: Was it just me, or was this interruption pointless?
=============================
smaller, leaner figure. The smaller figure, a fair looking teen
with short hair, a bobbed pigtail, and Chinese clothing has
murder in his eyes.
"I don't care if you're my father, no one, and I mean NO ONE
did that to me and live!!"
=============================
Mik: Grammar check--"NO ONE does that to me and lives!!"
Zenk: [rubbing ears] Geez, just 'cause Ranma yelled, doesn't mean you
have to.
=============================
* * * * * *
Meanwhile, back at that typical looking house which was
shown to have the word TENDO on the front door, sat Mr. Tendo and
his two daughters in the dining room.
=============================
Lennox: Er, laddie...the wordin' here is a wee bit...clunky. I dinna
think ye need tae mention the bit aboot "Tendo" bein' on the front door.
=============================
The older looking girl wearing an apron spoke in a pleasant
voice: "Daddy, you engaged us your friend's son without telling
us? Oh my!"
=============================
Lennox: Problem here. Kasumi is nae inclined tae end a sentence like
tha' wi' "Oh my". Fer her, it's a stand-aloone sentence. Plus...she
would seem tae be more likely tae say "Father" rather than "Daddy".
Zenk: Boy, that Scottish sounds _weird_.
Lennox: Where's me claymore?
=============================
The younger looking girl with short hair said with a bored
look. "You do realize how arranged marriage is guaranteed to be
loveless, don't you?"
=============================
Mik: Either rephrase this to be "..an arranged marriage..", or
"..arranged marriages are..."
Lennox: Is it jus' me, or dae any o' ye others think this is a bit weird
comin' from Nabiki?
Greg Sandborn: Hey! Nabiki is--
Zenk: Not just about money, right. Maybe not. Still, this _is_ at the
very beginning of the series.
Lennox: [glaring] An' how the HELL did ye get in here, anyways?!
Greg: Uhh....
[Greg disappears]
=============================
"Kasumi! Nabiki! I do realize how you two has still got
illusions about this free-love idea that the gaijins has
corrupted our young with. But believe your father, arranged
couples can grow to love each other as time passed by. Couples
by their own will easily burn out their passions through the
challenges of a married life."
"Really? So why did you elope with mom instead of marrying
your fiancee?" Nabiki said with a smug look as Kasumi gave him a
close eyed smile.
"Well... I err... WAHHHHHHH!! My own daughters are going
against my wishes!!" Tears flooded out of Soun's eyes as he
started wailing.
=============================
[Zenk and Mik burst out in laughter. Lennox squeezes his eyes shut in
an attempt not to laugh. He fails, snickering a little.]
Mik: That's a good one....
Zenk: I love it when Soun cries like that! It's like a fountain!
Lennox: I dinna think tha's the funny part here, lad.
=============================
"Could somebody PLEASE put him out of his misery?" Nabiki
cried out loud.
=============================
Mik: [at the screen] Hey, Kasumi, why not give him a "massage"?
BWAHAHAHA!!! [visions of an axe dance over his head]
[Zenk nods in agreement, grinning. Lennox looks at Mik, bigsweating.]
=============================
And a giant Chinese panda busted through the wall and
swatted Soun flat. It flipped out a sign: "Finally, the Tendo
Dojo!"
=============================
Zenk: Wow. Does Nabs have a deal going with Saotome or something?
Lennox: Woul' ye stop interruptin'!?
Mik: Well, he does have a point there. It's a rather interesting
coincidence.
=============================
The boy got out of his rage and noticed for the first time
that he is in somebody's house. "This is the Tendo Household?
Damn! I've fallen right into pop's engagement scheme... "
=============================
Lennox: Tense alert. "...for the first time that he _was_ in somebody's
house...."
=============================
"He surely is better looking that most boys around his
age...." Kasumi smiled.
=============================
Lennox: Ah! The age reference! Subtly worked in. I'm impressed.
=============================
Ranma looked frantic. "Look, I know I look like a Grade A
Beef and all that, but I can't marry you girls! I'm really ..."
=============================
Zenk: Ego alert! Ego alert!!! Raise shields!!!
Lennox: I dinna think she can take it, cap--
[Mik and Zenk glare at Lennox murderously.]
Lennox: [cringing] AARGH! Sorry, lads. Reflex action. Ye all know I
doon't like TOS....
=============================
"Kaneda! Show some respect to our guest!" Soun towered
over the boy, who looked didn't even finch. Kaneda turned to
Soun. "You dare talk about respect when you gang up with Mr.
Saotome to force Ranma there into marrying Nabiki?! He too is a
guest, you know!"
=============================
Mik: Sounds a little off. Try, "He is a guest too, you know!" Also,
don't forget to make a new paragraph for when someone new starts
speaking. Same goes for the paragraph below.
=============================
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! He dared to talk to me
this way!!" Soun broke down crying. Germa simply didn't know
what to do. Nabiki looked disappointed as Kasumi looked
concerned. Kaneda walked up to the still angry-looking Ranma.
"Let's leave them to sort out this craziness by themselves. Want
me to show you around?"
=============================
Mik: Yep, that's the place. When Kaneda starts speaking here, remember
to make another para--
Zenk: [confused] Kaneda? What is this, an Akira/Ranma crossover?
Personally I think it's a bad idea--
[Lennox smacks Zenk upside the head]
Lennox: Ye bleedin' fool! Tha's Akane's name as a male!
Mik: Didn't we go over this when we first got the fic?
=============================
Ranma nodded, and let Kaneda led him to the Dojo.
"Th-thanks." Ranma said in a small voice. Kaneda smiled. He
really enjoyed helping out the others.
=============================
Lennox: Aye, nice little detail. As was pointed out by me fellow Blade,
Akane has always been one tae help others.
Mik: And _you_ were saying something about interrupting too much?
Lennox: Woul' ye shut up!?
=============================
Seeing how unpleasant the subject is, Kaneda decided to drop
it. "Well, err... why don't we spar a bit, eh? From what you
told me, you seem to be a pretty competent martial artist."
Kaneda said.
"Sure." Ranma said uncertainly.
=============================
Lennox: Now, fer the real show, I coul' understand Ranma's hesitation.
But here, I'm nae so sure...it's acceptable, apparently, fer a girl to
fight a guy, isn't it?
Zenk: Akane sure didn't hesitate to do so....
=============================
Kaneda punched forward, Ranma bended backwards to dodge.
=============================
Lennox: "Ranma bent backwards"
=============================
credit for." Ranma sighed, then lightened up. "Thank's for
cheering me up, I really need it."
=============================
Lennox: Dinna need the apostrophe there. "Thanks for cheering"
=============================
"I... err...don't really want a bath right now." Ranma
said.
"But you are all sweaty after sparring with Kaneda. C'mon
Ranma-kun, bathing doesn't take that much effort." Kasumi said.
=============================
Lennox: Somehow, I canna see Kasumi sayin' this bit quite like tha'.
Espcially the "c'mon".
Mik: That aside.... She doesn't conjunct 'you are' into "you're", but
she says "C'mon"? The great Kasumi would never be so inconsistent! It
might look.. Messy.
=============================
"It's not the effort... sigh! All right." Ranma walked
=============================
Mik: "sigh" should probably be a sound effect, not a part of speech.
Especially not with an exclamation mark. ^_^
=============================
into the bathroom and closed the door. As he stripped, he
couldn't help but blush at his body.
=============================
[All three stare at the screen, slightly bored looking.]
Lennox: Ye know, I preferred the anime version o' this scene.
[All three nod simultaneously. Mik suddenly shakes himself.]
Mik: No! Now, it's not like we're hentai or anything--
Lennox: [also shaking himself] O' course! Seriously--
Zenk: [grimacing] Um, I think it's a little late for that now.
[Sweatdrops, all around....]
=============================
"Oh, Saotome-kun! It is most honorable of you to sacrifice
your own flesh and blood for our promise, even if it is in vain."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The shill scream broke off the fathers' conversation and
sounds of objects crashing came from upstairs. They both signed
and headed upstairs.
=============================
Mik: Signed... What? A contract for their souls? autographs for their
fans?
=============================
Nabiki and Kasumi were discussing their futures in the
bedroom on second floor. "Nabiki, are you sure that you want to
=============================
Lennox: Hm. Coul' be worded a bit differently, per'aps?? With Nabiki in
tha' sentence, "discussing their futures" woul' incline me tae believe
they were talkin' aboot mutual funds an' the like.
=============================
Nabiki grinned wickedly. "Sister, have you any idea how
much money I can make off that guy? I mean, the girls will
definitely love to have photos of him, and his martial arts
skills can come in handy as my side-kick..."
=============================
Zenk: Heh, this is Nabiki alright.
Lennox: Nabs, the mercenary....
Mik: [wryly] So Nabiki is going to use Ranma's martial arts as her
sidekick?
[Zenk and Lennox facefault]
Zenk: Do you _have_ to be so anal?
=============================
Then came the shill scream that made them jump. "Holy!
What are the boys up to?!" Nabiki and Kasumi rushed out of the
room, and saw the strangest sight ever presented in their
household.
Kaneda was lying naked on the hallway, passed out. In front
of the bathroom was a shapely pigtailed girl clad in a towel.
Judging from her arms, she had just threw quite a punch.
=============================
Mik: "She had just thrown...", or "she just threw...". Preferrably
the first one.
Zenk: Grammar aside...heh, a reversal of actual roles. Isn't Kaneda
supposed to do this? I guess this is the beginning of the messup of the
standard roles that Takahashi has developed in Ranma.
=============================
"About a month ago, we went to this mysterious training site
in China called Jusenkyo (the cursed springs). It was a strange
place with hundreds of pools, each with several bamboo sticks
sticking out of it. Anyway, while me and my daughter were
balancing on the sticks and sparring, we accidentally knocked
each other into two separate pools. It turned out that I've
landed in the spring of drowned panda, and my daughter, the
spring of drowned boy. From then on, we're cursed to change
shape upon touching cold water."
=============================
Mik: We all know what Jhusenkyou is.. So why's it in ()?
Lennox: I think he means it's bein' said as an aside.
Mik: Isn't that ususally done with commas?
Zenk: Ehh, who cares. It's not important.
Lennox: [snorting] Wi' the grammar errors I've seen in yer stories, I
guess ye woul' nae think it important.
Zenk: Boot to the head! [WHAM]
Lennox: YOW!
Mik: You know, guys, maybe we should find a new move for our group. I'm
pretty sure that "boot to the head"--[WHAM]
Zenk: OW!!
Mik: Whoops, forgot that it's automatic once it's said. Anyways, I'm
pretty sure that move is already copyrighted or something. Plus, it's
getting cliched.
Lennox: Boot tae the head! [WHAM]
Mik: OW! What was that for?!
Lennox: Well, Zenk booted me, ye booted Zenk--it woul' only be fair if I
booted ye next.
[Mik grumbles.]
=============================
"Don't you dare stand there and lie like this. You threw me
into the spring of drowned boy on purpose to engage me to the
Tendo girls !! You even gave me that ridiculous name RANMA! Who
would name his 'son' wild horse anyway?!" Ranko said hotly, and
was once again sent flying into the pond by Germa.
=============================
Zenk: I dunno, the author seems to take a really negative tone with
Genma. I don't remember him being such an asshole in the last fic.
Lennox: Haven't ye read "Ranko 1/2"? Genma did the same thing there.
Zenk: Oh. Whoops.
=============================
"Don't you understand anything?! I did this to fulfill my
promise to unite our family with the Tendos. It is about honour,
about duty!!! Besides, you've chased me all the way from China
non-stop! Haven't I suffered enough already?!" Germa bellowed
in a commanding tone.
Nabiki spoke up in a malicious voice. "So... you tried to
deceive us into marrying your DAUGHTER?!"
"Well...it's because of the promise..." Germa stepped back
with fright in his voice, and bumped into a smiling Kasumi.
"Now, Mr. Saotome..." Her voice even sweeter than before.
"It isn't nice to deceive your hosts under ANY circumstances."
=============================
Mik: Give him a "backrub"! Heh!
Zenk: Where's the ax? I want to see some blood!
[Lennox quietly edges away from the other two.]
=============================
Upon hearing this, Ranko (in Ranma mode) leaped over the
yard and landed right in front of Kaneda. "You are a TENDO?!"
Kaneda nodded.
"POP! YOU SAID MR. TENDO HERE HAS ONLY GOT DAUGHTERS!!!!"
=============================
Mik: Now I know Ranma.. Err, Ranko speaks a bit grungy, but it should
prolly be "You said that Mr. Tendo only had daughters!"... Watch your
tenses.
Zenk: Speaks a bit "grungy"?
Mik: Shut up.
=============================
Germa laughed nervously. "Well, when I lost contact with
Tendo-kun 17 years ago, he only have two girls then, so I
thought..."
=============================
Mik: "had two girls"
=============================
"But it
doesn't matter anymore, Ranko-san." Mr. Tendo said.
"If nobody else, my son will certainly marry you..."
"Hold it! I didn't agree to anything yet! You can't just
expect two complete strangers to be engaged out of the blue.
Besides, a girlfriend is the last thing that I need right now."
Germa shrunk back in shock. "Tendo-kun! Is your son a
homo-ACK!!!" Kaneda crushed him under the table before his could
finish. "I AM NOT, you pathetic excuse of a father!! I just
happen to have had enough of them skirts, that's all!"
=============================
Zenk: Actually, that combined with the "pretty boy" part...this reaction
was just perfect. I like! However.... Kaneda has a short temper. That
makes this story seem like normal Ranma with Ranma and Akane having a
sex change operation. Not much of an alternate universe. Heh, it's
mostly the same.
Lennox: I think tha's a bit too hasty o' a judgement, lad.
Zenk: Whaddaya mean?
Lennox: Well, in chapter 3--
Mik: You already went through chapter 3?!
Lennox: [cringing] Well, I was a wee bit bored earlier....
=============================
Nabiki walked up to the crumbled man and smiled smugly.
=============================
Lennox: I woul' change tha' tae "crumpled", rather than "crumbled".
=============================
"Kaneda had some problems with girls at school lately, it would
be of your best interest to steer clear of this subject." Germa
tried to nod, but couldn't find the strength.
Ranma on the other hand seemed to be annoyed at Kaneda for
the first time. "Hey! What is wrong with us 'skirts'?"
Kaneda looked frustrated. "Why you girls are all...
arrrg!!!! What's the point of explaining it to you anyway? You
wouldn't understand, you're a girl!"
=============================
Lennox: Och. We can be expectin' NOW tae be knockin' on this laddie's
door soon.
Mik: For those of you who don't know what NOW is, it's the National
Organization for Women.
Lennox: A somewhat frightening bunch, those lassi--ah, women.
=============================
"And here I thought you were a great guy... I can't believe
it! Are all men so sexist?!"
"I am not sexist, you... you... TOMBOY!!!"
"Oh, now I am a tomboy, am I? Ha! You're just feeling
jealous because I'm a better martial artist than you, not to
mention having a hunkier body in my boy mode..." Ranma started
flexing his muscles.
"BAKA!!!" Kaneda lifted the table off Germa's head and
buried Ranma down the floor boards with it.
"Now THAT he... I mean she had it coming." Germa said.
=============================
Zenk: [bored look] Say, Ranko took the insults a little calmly. So, when
are Ranma and Akane gonna show up?
Lennox: Woul' ye stop? I told ye, it's different, fer real! Jus' be
patient.
=============================
Closing Song of the Chapter: The Gaze of your Eyes
Ranko: Slightly, softly, slowly, and gently,
Was there a spark of passion
In the passing gaze of your eyes?
Kaneda: Intently, emotionally, dreamily or slyly,
How can I ever understand,
The message behind these blue eyes?
Ranko: My look was not intentional. . .
Kaneda: But it makes me emotional. . .
Both: A perfect matching of imperfect declarations.
I wonder, who would be the bolder of us two?
Ranko: Even though it looked unintentional. . .
Kaneda: But the message of love was original . . .
Both: An unlikely union of a likely couple ,
I wonder, who would be the more stubborn of us two?
=============================
Mik: Face it, both of you are pretty stubborn. [smirk]
Zenk: Hey...I can't hear the music!
[Lennox's right eye twitches.]
=============================
Part 2: When Roses Are Black by: Adrian Wong
The next morning, Kaneda was jogging around the area. He
was silently berating himself for his actions the previous night.
"What was I thinking, hitting Ranko like that! Even thought she
was in boy mode, still..."
=============================
Mik: So he was delusional about Ranma being a boy at the time? Or
should that be a "though", there...
Lennox: Wha's wi' ye an' rhetorical questions?
Mik: Hey--you've got your accent, I've got my rhetorical questions.
Zenk: What do I have, then?
Mik: We'd better not answer that one. [snicker]
=============================
His mind went back to last night, as Kasumi had a little
talk with him over his treatment of his fiancee.
=============================
Lennox: Woul' be nice if he coul' use another way of introducin' a
flashback.
=============================
**************************Flashback******************************
"Kaneda, I think you're being too rough with Ranko." Kasumi
said.
"Well, she deserved it, flaunting her . . . his muscles like
that, and calling me weak . . ." Kaneda grumbled.
"Look, Ranko is a nice girl. She just happened to think
your remark was sexist and decided to taunt you a bit. Remember,
Kaneda, one day you will be marrying her."
=============================
Zenk: It's 100% Kaneda's fault. I wouldn't blame a girl for pasting me
after I called her uncute and not pretty.... Heh, seems that with the
sex change Kaneda is going to be rather unfair to Ranko... I mean,
Akane does have a reason to paste Ranma 60% of the time. Not Kaneda...
=============================
"Assuming father can beat me unconcious and drag me to the
wedding. . . Kasumi, can't you understand? I can't marry her,
she's a couple all by herself!"
"Which is why she is such a special person." Kasumi said.
"What?!"
"Ranko is as sensitive as a girl, and as carefree as a boy.
=============================
Lennox: Fer some reason, I like tha' interpretation o' Ranko.
=============================
You don't find girls like this very often. . . especially not in
your school." Kasumi said.
Kaneda shivered. "Please do not even remind me of those. .
. girls. But Kasumi, she's still a stranger to me, I do not feel
that way about her."
"No matter how you feel about her, at least be a gentleman
and apologize." Kasumi smiled. "Besides, I doubt if you can
resist her once you get to know her better."
=============================
Lennox: Err...where woul' Kasumi be pullin' tha' conclusion from? Sure,
she did just say tha' earlier comment aboot Ranko, but...this is a
little sudden.
=============================
"Ranko, now that we will be staying here for a while. You
need to go to school along with Nabiki and Kaneda." Germa said.
POW!!!!
Ranko kicked her father out into the pond in disgust.
"Great. Not only do I have to live with that weakling, but also
study in the same school as well!" Ranko said indignantly.
=============================
Zenk: Ok, so I was wrong... Ranko is a little rude...
Lennox: Aye.
Mik: Plus don't forget to also additionally not add too many
'also'-type words, too...
Zenk: [muttering] Wiseass.
=============================
All feeling of guilt drained away from Kaneda. "Hmph! As
if I want to be stuck with a tomboy!"
Nabiki, who was already in full uniform, finished off her
breakfast. "Before this argument ended up in another fight, I
should warn you guys that we are getting quite late."
=============================
Mik: "We're going to be late', or "It's getting late" would probably be
better...
=============================
Kaneda stole a peek at Ranko, who was pointedly ignoring him. He
sighed and loosen up his pride. "Hey, Ranko."
=============================
Mik: Don't forget to keep the tenses constant.. "sighed and loosened"
=============================
"What?!"
"Err... about last night..."
"Go on."
"I...I am really sorry about that, I shouldn't have hit
you."
"Apology accepted... for now. What have you got against us
girls anyway?" Ranko looked at him with a cute frown.
=============================
Zenk: Why should Ranko be cute if she's also proud about her manly side?
This just threw me off a little when I read it.
Lennox: Tha' never occurred tae me....
Mik: [mock horror] You mean--Zenk thought of something that you
didn't!?
Zenk: HEY!
=============================
As if on clue, a bunch of girls carrying various sports
equipments charged out from the front gate. "Tendo-sama, prepare
yourself!!"
=============================
Zenk: Um, I'd never get close to women bent on killing me.. It's a no
no. Heh.... But this was a nice touch on the author's part. Not
expected.
Lennox: See? I tol' ye! Ha!
Zenk: ...
=============================
"Really..." Ranko focused her attention back to the fight,
which was almost finished by then. Despite his anger, Kaneda
seemed to be holding back a lot, trying not to do too much damage
to the girls. After knocking out the last girl with a neck chop,
Kaneda stood and rearranged his loosely braided pony tail.
"Stupid girls..." He muttered.
=============================
Zenk: [screaming] He hit a girl! He hit a girl! I don't believe it!
Lennox: [rubbing his ears] Pipe doown! It's the author's prerogative!
Zenk: [calming down] Well, it would have been more interesting if Kaneda
had Ranma's sense of morals when it came to fighting girls.
Mik: What, you want him to get beaten and be forced to date these
girls?
=============================
Then a beautiful but creepy laughter came from behind a
tree, and Kaneda moaned in disgust. "Hohohoho... how nice to see
you fighting so well, Kaneda-sama." Black flower petals
appearing out of nowhere were drifting in the air, giving the
school yard an errie feel.
=============================
Zenk: Hey, I like this. Good way to mix in the Kunos.
Lennox: [smiling] I must agree wi' Zenk.
Mik: So where's Kuno going to school? I guess "St. Hebereke" isn't
going to appear here, eh?
Zenk: Well, in _my_ alternate universe fic, there's "St. Lawrence Boys'
Academy"....
Lennox: Well, tha's a shameless plug if I ever heard one.
Zenk: Oh, and like you wouldn't do that if you had the chance?
Mik: [suddenly wearing a "Mikado Ichiban" t-shirt] I know I'd never
stoop that low.
=============================
An extremely beautiful girl stepped out from behind the tree
into plain sight. She was tall and shapely, with long hair
braided to one side. Her dark lashes were incredibily rich,
creating a sharp contrast with her pale skin and crimson lips.
Had it not been for the deviousness presented in her eyes, she
could pass herself off as a goddess. On her delicate, long
=============================
[Lennox almost starts to drool. Mik and Zenk eye him nervously.]
Lennox: [snapping out of it] 'Ey, can I help it if I've acquired a soft
spot fer Kodachi?
Mik: If that's so, I'm gonna be worried when Ukyou shows up. Well, that
is, if Ukyou is still a girl in this story.
Zenk: No kidding. With all of these sex changes....
=============================
Kodachi looked like someone had bit her over the head and
lost her coolness. "You... YOU DARE TO TRAP MY KANEDA-SAMA INTO
MARRIAGE??!!!!!"
"What are you doing, baka!" Kaneda turned angrily to Ranko,
who looked smug. "Annoying this pushy girl." Out of
the corner of her eye she saw something whipping at her and
instinctively dodged it. To her surprise it turned out to be a
ribbon, which actually left a mark on the ground that it made
contact with. "Oh, a ribbon.<insert cute expression> I'm like,
so scared!"
=============================
Zenk: Again. Before Ranko was quite uncute acting, but now she's acting
cutely. A minor variance on the author's part.... Heh, doesn't detract
from story tho.
=============================
"That new girl, I don't believe it..." Girl 1 said.
"Well, it is unusual for Japanese girls to have such
ungodly curves..." Said the drooling Boy 2.
=============================
Zenk and Mik: [simultaneously] Wait, I thought all Japanese women had
disproportionately long legs, nice curves, and wild hair in different
colors.
[Lennox blinks at the two.]
Lennox: Och. I must be gettin' tired.
=============================
Kaneda was amazed, never before had he seen anyone so FAST
before. He knew that Ranko was good, but to dance around
Kodachi's ribbons like this...
=============================
Mik: "like that..."
=============================
Suddenly, a giant mallet swatted Kodachi flat and Ranko
found herself dragged off into the school building by a speedy
Kaneda. The crowd upstairs moaned disappointedly as the fight
broke off, none of them saw the change but Nabiki.
=============================
Zenk: Isn't it common to assume that only women can summon the great
Hammer? I was just wondering....
Lennox: True enough. Like I said, ye need tae see the third chapter.
=============================
Kaneda sighed. "During last summer, I've finally passed Dad
in my martial arts skill. In order to make me further my skill,
Dad came up with this crazy idea to have Nabiki publicly
announced that whoever beat me in a fight can be my girlfriend.
I agreed to the deal, thinking of it as a joke. It turned out
that the captain of the Gymnastic Team, who is also the
chairwoman of the Feminist Club, got extremely turned on by the
idea. She, Kodachi, thought that a REAL woman should have the
liberty of winning her man's heart through her power and
strength. She preached this message to all the girls at school,
who just happened to be whacko enough to buy it. From then on,
the nightmare began."
=============================
Zenk: Ouch, Soun isn't that caring about his children any more. Hah,
well it's a nice way of summarizing it. And Nabiki is colder than
usual--well, that's just me. As comments go, this alternate universe is
simply a redone Ranma universe with everyone other than Ranma/Akane
being a little bit more mean. Kasumi is always and exception usually.
[Lennox looks like he's about to respond to that, but just shuts up.]
=============================
A series of flashbacks showed Kaneda attacked by hordes of
armed girls every morning. Kaneda was shown desperately blocking
and dodging their attacks, not willing to hit girls. As time
passed by, the attacks expanded to the classroom, the boy's
locker room, and even the boy's rest room. Eventually, Kaneda
fought back after the humiliation of getting jumped by the
offending girls while he was showering after gym.
=============================
Lennox: Och. Tha's going a wee bit far, doon't ye think? Good touch,
though.
=============================
"Oh, well. Most of them are really weak anyway, save for
that gymnast... Boy! How did she came up with the idea of
combining martial arts with gymnastics anyway?"
"No idea. We fight everyday, she never won." Kaneda said
sullenly.
=============================
Mik: "she has never won"
=============================
"You shall not talk about Kaneda-sama this way, minx!!"
Kodachi flung a razor-edged hoop at her, which cleanly cut off
the branch she was standing on. Ranko flipped in midair as she
fell, preparing to land on. . . the swimming pool?
SPLASH!!!
=============================
Lennox: Hmm. It's a rather odd way o' introducin' the swimming pool
element. [ribbing Zenk] Still think it's a copy o' the original?
Zenk: Stop poking me!
=============================
Kodachi looked surprised, then she smiled. "Ah, I see. My
fair prince has decided to test the skill of the invincible Black
Rose. If I win, then you shall be mine. But don't worry, I
won't hurt my future groom too badly. . . " She took out a
skipping rope and advanced upon her prey. . . eh, I mean her
love.
=============================
Lennox: Good tongue in cheek bit.
=============================
Kaneda once again leaped over her attack. Then the skipping
rope came down at him from above, and he clapped it between his
hands, feeling its solid strength.
"You cheater! This is not a skipping rope, its a stick
shaped like a skipping rope!" The boy protested angrily.
=============================
Zenk: Ok so Kodachi has changed also... The last time I read the manga,
Kodachi only went as far to use paralytic poisons and stuff on Ranma...
She never threatened him with bodily harm.... Ouch...
Lennox: Like I said--
Zenk: All right, already!
Mik: Besides, heh heh--all's fair in love and war!
=============================
Kodachi was still holding tight onto the handle of the
'rope'. "Hohohoho. . . all's fair in love and war, Kaneda-sama!"
=============================
Mik: Hey, is there an echo in here? Heh, I wonder which one she's
referring to, love, or war....
Lennox: Stop interruptin'!
=============================
Kaneda gritted his teeth. "Then take this!!!" With a
powerful fling of the stick he sent his fanatic admirer
flying away. . . towards the boy's shower room.
=============================
Lennox: I pity any lads in there at the moment.
Zenk: Especially "Ranko", huh?
=============================
Ranma rushed inside the now empty shower. "Damn that b____!
Using Bombs and razors and all that. . . I can't believe the
school didn't expel her! Oh well, first thing first. . ." He
reached for the shower. . .
=============================
Mik: That would take an awful effective school staff to expel someone a
few minutes after a fight... Or should it be, "the school hasn't
expelled..."
=============================
And the ceiling of the room craved in, dumping a psychotic
gymnast in his arms.
"Ohhhhhh. . . " Kodachi moaned, then really looked at the
pigtailed boy holding her with a dumbfounded expression. <What
man is this? Such handsomeness as I have never seen . . . His
beauty could almost rival my Kaneda-sama. . . but first thing
first.>
"Kind sir, do you know the whereabouts of a pigtailed girl
called Ranko Saotome?"
Ranma shook his head sheepishly, then Kodachi continued.
"That wretch! She is no woman, running away from our fight like
that!! Grrr. . . when I get my hands on her. . ."
She didn't get to finish off her sentence, as Ranma angrily
flung her out of the shower through the same hole that she fell
in. Turning on the shower, the girl turned boy reverted to her
true form and leaped after her. Both landed outside facing each
other, Kaneda and the rest of the students were standing some
distance away from them.
=============================
Lennox: I like tha'! It's a good fusion o' the Kuno an' Kodachi segments
of the original.
=============================
"So you dared to face me again after all, coward." Kodachi
sneered.
=============================
Mik: "dare to face me.."
=============================
"What the-" Ranko was confused. What would rose petals do
in an attack anyway? Then she saw all the students rapidly
retreating away, save for Kaneda, who dashed forward into the
storm of rose petals and shouted: "Do not breath!"
=============================
Mik: "breathe", not "breath"--breath is a noun, breathe is the verb.
=============================
Sensing the urgency in Kaneda's voice, Ranko immediately
hold her breath and leaped to a save distance away from the
=============================
Mik: "held", not "hold"
=============================
"Oh, Kaneda-sama! Why did you risk yourself to my paralysis
powder to save that wretch? Can't you see that I'm the only one
for you? But don't worry, my kiss shall cure you from her
bewitchment!" Kodachi picked up her love.
Kaneda, who was already unconscious, didn't object.
Anger flashed in Ranko's eyes. It was bad enough that this
psycho was cheating once again, but to hurt Kaneda. . .
=============================
Zenk: Ok, so there's an interest between the two. Actually, a lot
faster than in Ranma 1/2. Heh, not bad. I couldn't stand it in the
first couple episodes where Ranma and Akane actually really didn't like
each other but Akane just had to keep on pounding on Ranma.
[Lennox looks smugly at Zenk. Zenk glares back at him.]
=============================
ZOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!
Nobody in the returning crowd could tell what has happened
next. All they saw was Ranko jumping past the gymnast, and the
next thing they know Kodachi released Kaneda and fell on the
glass. A set of footprints covering her from her face to the
waist level. Her eyes were rolling independently of each other.
"Wow. . ." The spectators murmured in union.
=============================
Zenk: How much did Adrian spend on the special fx? That was awesome!
Lennox: Easily amused, are ye?
[Zenk whaps Lennox on the head.]
=============================
In the nurse's room, Ranko was looking at the comatose
Kaneda with guilt on her face. "You baka! Warning me of the
powder, only to inhale it yourself. . . why don't you just left
=============================
Mik: "why didn't you just leave and".. The fight happened in the
past, ne?"
Lennox: Me, I'm kind o' surprised tae see Ranko with a guilty look....
=============================
and let me fight my own battle? Especially when you are so under
skilled-"
POW!!
"Can. . . at least. . . say. . . thank you. . . tomboy!"
Kaneda said to Ranko, who was twitching under his giant mallet.
Ranko pushed off the mallet. "You're all right?"
=============================
Zenk: Ok, I can't get over the mallet thing. Maybe it's a genetic thing
that runs in the Tendo family.
=============================
"What. . . do you think. . .. you're DOING?!" Kaneda
protested in embarrassment.
"Carrying you home, what else?" Ranko said.
"How . . . can I let a. . . girl carry me. . . AND ON HER
BACK?!" Kaneda struggled to yell out his words. Ranko
looked peeved, and picked up the bucket of water that she left in
the hallway before the fight.
SPLASH!
=============================
Lennox: Again, another interestin' fusion...although....
=============================
Kaneda felt water wash over him, and realized that the
shoulders supporting his arms have become broader.
"There, a guy being carried by another guy shouldn't be as
embarrassing, ne?" Ranma asked playfully, and carried his/her
fianc effortlessly down to the street.
=============================
Mik: You know, if a girl offered to piggyback me down a street,I'd
probably mind less than if a male offered...
=============================
The truth is, it is still pretty embarrassing, with the
people on the street giving odd looks to the boys. A few girls
from some other school even murmured and point fingers at them.
=============================
Zenk: Yup, I would agree. This scene seems kind of like an excuse to
morph Ranko. Heh, I do that all the time in my writing. Oh yeah, the
author is beginning to swap around the roles of Akane and Ranma.
Lennox: Exactly. I dinna think this works oot tha' well.
Zenk: "oot"?
Mik: It's the Scottish again, remember?
=============================
But somehow, Kaneda didn't mind being carried by the
pigtailed boy, who casually ignored other people's curious
stares. Instead, he was thinking about what Kasumi told
him.
<As sensitive as a girl, and as carefree as a boy.>
"Really. . ." Kaneda silently muttered to himself, then
rested his head against Ranma's back and fell asleep.
Closing Theme of the chapter: Obsession
=============================
Zenk: Heh. I hate Calvin Klein colognes.
Lennox: Boot tae the head! [WHAM]
Zenk: Argh! Hey, didn't you say we weren't going to use that?!
Mik: I suppose that as long as it's warranted, we'll use it until one
of us finds a suitable replacement.
=============================
(The entire song is sung by Kodachi, who was sensually twirling
two ribbons around her leopard clad body as she fantasized about
her prince charming.)
=============================
Mik: I believe he meant "leotard clad". Don't you agree, Len...nox?
[Lennox's eyes have glazed over slightly as he stares at the screen.]
Zenk: HEY! SNAP OUT OF IT!
[There is no response.]
Mik: Geez. Ever since he started writing that Io5CaD fic.... Don't
worry about him, he'll come out of it. And don't forget to watch your
tenses.. Since Kodachi "is singing" the song, she should be twirling her
ribbons now, ne?
=============================
I won't believe anything
Save for one thing:
That you love me deary.
I don't know nothing
But for one thing:
That you want me badly.
Embrace me, shake me, and make me stop being me.
The cold me, the virtuous me, collapses into the uninhibited me,
How can you stay cold while heating up poor little me?
There're
Irresistible temptation,
Indescribable emotion,
That stops me from restraining my passion.
I
I know that you love me,
I know that you want me,
So let's drop the act and take this passionate me!
------------------------------------------------
Mik: M-M-Mommy...I'm scared.... O_O
Lennox: [blinking as it ends] Yow.
Zenk: You know, you'd better not let Ucchan find out about this. [evil
grin]
Lennox: Wha'?
Zenk: Never mind. Well, folks, that's the first fic review by The Sound
and the Furry. See ya later....
Mik: [finally recovering] Well, then. We have to prepare for tomorrow
night.
Zenk: What're we going to do tomorrow night, Mik?
Lennox: The same thing we do every night, Zenk.
Mik, Lennox, and Zenk: [simultaneously] Watch more anime.
Mik: Hell, screw tomorrow night. So, did you bring El Hazard?
[Fade out.]
The Productions-----starring Not responsible for any brain
Sound Furry Andrew Huang Meredith Laver damage
and-----the Eric Jones------Mike Chen incurred
http://confused.student.harvard.edu/~furry/