Here ya go- one Gwing fic... ^_^ Yaoi- ie, guy guy love- and the third of
the trilogy...

Declaration and Love: By Monica Shin

        Lazily, he looks at me. "What?" He smiles in reply and moves closer 
to me, a contented expression on his face. My face mirrors that look as I 
smile back and put my back to the bed again. He drapes himself over me, as I 
murmur, asking again, "What?" He puts his hand near my face, his fingertips 
brushing my cheek. I lean into the hand, shamelessly reveling in the feel of
his gentle touch. He suddenly replies, "I-" Then he blushes, and looks away
from me.

        I notice his pulling away. "Blushing? Why? It's not as if we haven't 
done this before..." I purr a little as I cuddle up to him, but he pulls 
even further away. I can't help but be curious as he continues to study the 
blanket, avoiding my face as his hands toy with the fringe of one of the 
pillows. He is avoiding my eyes...

        "What's wrong?" This time, I'm a bit concerned as he continues to
pull away. I finally give up trying to get him to get closer to me. I get
out of bed with a sigh. After all, it is getting a bit late. I try not to 
show how upset I am... after all, all we are- no, all we can be are comrades 
who happen to be lovers. I have no power over his life, and he has none over 
mine. 

        As I gaze at his taut back, I can't help but wonder when that
definition of our relationship had changed- at least, for me. Just comrades
sharing warmth without any strings attached, nothing more- maybe for him,
but not for me. Not anymore. He holds my heart in his grasp, and he doesn't 
even realize it. It doesn't matter- after all, we are expendable. That is 
our job and our function. It is impossible for us to live like normal people 
do, with love and joy... too much blood is on both of our hands.

        I shake myself out of my morbid and slightly depressed mood. "Well, 
Heero, if you wanted me to leave, you could have just told me. We'd
better get out of here anyway..." I take my clothes from the floor
intending to dress quickly and get out of here before he notices my
expression. I wish that I could school my emotions as well as he does but
my face betrays me every time. All of my emotions are displayed there for
any to see. 

	Still, that is the way I am. I suppose I'm weak. All I want to do 
right now is to stay warm and safe in his arms- he would probably find it 
contemptible if he knew- I don't know. I had thought since that time we had 
discovered each other... that maybe he felt something for me. Or at least 
that he had felt enough not to throw me out like this. Whatever...

        His soft voice interrupts me. "I-" He can't seem to say anything,
and his voice is rough with... emotion? I turn to look at him, huddled in
the middle of the bed. "Heero, what's wrong?" I put my arms around him, and
this time, I don't let him go. I ignore the struggling and the
not-inconsiderable damage his fists do to my body, and after a while, he 
stops. 

        Wincing a little as I feel a bruise coming up on my upper arm, I
carefully turn his face toward mine. They are blank, cold. "Damn it, Heero!
Don't do that to me. Tell me what's wrong! I'm not going to do anything to
you! Can't you trust me even a little? Do you really think that little of 
me?" He is doing it again, shielding me out... why?

        I berate myself as I look at his still form. It's not the smartest
thing to do, screaming abuse at someone who is obviously trying to get away
from the world. But what could have made him like this? It is so unlike
him... What can I do, but hold him? That, and hope that he's willing to open
up to me.

        "Duo. I-" He doesn't look at me at all. Desperate... that is the
only word I can come up for his mood. "Heero- what's the matter?" He tries
to take those blazing eyes away from mine right after he looked up at my
words, but I won't let him. This time, it is me who holds onto his face,
making him look at me. 

        He is blushing again. Blushing... why? What could possibly make
*him* blush, of all people? He is my strong soldier, the one that has gone
through so much more than I can even fathom. Mine... I shouldn't think that,
should I? After all, he isn't mine. He's the property of the mission, and
all our companionship can be is a flash of light in his dark world.

        His grasp becomes tighter as he holds me closer to him. Trying to 
break the silence, I grasp at anything... "Heero, you what? Want to become 
a cabaret dancer? Want me to be shut up?" I sit there thinking up imbecilic 
and impossible endings to his mysterious statement, knowing that I'm 
babbling. Then  I hear his whisper. 

	"Duo, I... I love you." Those words- they echo in my head and heart 
for what seems like an eternity. With that little sentence, he changes my
heart forever... Love? How is that even possible for us? Our relationship
was supposed to be that we would only be comrades seeking comfort, without 
any attachments to each other. We are beloved only to death- that is the way 
it was supposed to be...

        His eyes are pleading as they look up into mine. Doesn't he realize
how I've wished that this was possible? That someday I would have the courage
to say those words, instead of keeping silent in my pained heart? "Heero, I-
I love you too. I've loved you ever since I saw you on that grassy meadow, 
looking at the sunset... ever since you asked me to teach you how to braid 
my hair... all those meaningless, simple things that you've done for me."

        I suddenly laugh. He looks at me, shocked, and I reply in a lighter
tone, "Did you imagine that I, of all people, would reject your declaration?
Heero- even you should know how much I've wished... how much I've wanted-"
Why am I crying? I don't know... I can't stop my tears, or my laughter, until
he stops them for me.

        A soft kiss on each of my eyelids, and then a deeper one on my
mouth. I immediately respond, my mouth opening to his gentle assault. His
tongue fences with mine for a bit, before it leaves to travel down. We were
still naked from last night... I can't help but be glad we didn't have to go
through the tedious annoyance of removing clothes.

        His breath is hot on my chest as he toys with one nipple, and then
the other. I moan softly, loving the feel of his moist skin on mine. Then,
with a playful tone, I say, "Do you really think I'm going to let you have
all the fun?" I squirm out from under him and give a determined assault of
my own. My hands and lips explore his familiar body, loving the way his
muscles feel under my touch.

        I tease him as he squirms under me, and then laugh at his frustrated
expression. Obediently, I let him get on top of me once again. He puts his
lips on my penis, licking and sucking, lightly tasting. His tantalizing
touches drive me insane as I thrust up, hoping that he will take in more of
me. "Revenge..?" His small smile is all the answer I get as his mouth leaves
to assault my mouth again.

        My inarticulate groan of frustration is drowned out by the kiss, and
by the fingers he inserts into my mouth. I suck at them hard, biting one in
a small revenge. He removes his fingers and puts them to use, stretching my
opening carefully. I was loose from last night, but not that loose...

        Somehow, this feels more tender than our other times... Not that we
weren't gentle before... it had just been that it had been more for the 
momentary pleasure instead of- what? Now, was this for something more? Maybe
it's because we had both confessed- I don't know. But maybe this wasn't just
about our bodies, but about our souls? I really don't know... and frankly, I 
couldn't get myself to care as his touch made me lost to the pleasure. 

        He put my ankles to his shoulders and then thrust into me gently,
carefully. Almost as if he was afraid to hurt me... "Heero, you don't have
to be so-" His lips are on my shoulder, on the bruise he had unwittingly
given me. "I'm sorry..." He keeps repeating those words like a prayer as he 
bathes the area with kisses, and starts to softly float to his release...

        Somehow, that's wrong. That he would feel guilt over such a small 
thing... "Gentleness has never really been one of our characteristics, Heero.
I know that you wouldn't hurt me..." I impale myself up onto him roughly.
His startled eyes look at mine for a moment before he starts to thrust into
me harder. I gasp a little, and then start to moan again as my penis rubs
against his stomach. Soon, we both come, making a general mess.

        He lies on the bed. "Tired?" I ask, and then I smile. It is a smile
that he should recognize from when I'm feeling mischevious... "Too bad-"
Soon, he's not so tired anymore, and he's making those little gasps that I 
love to hear. As I grind my penis into him, he looks up with me with such 
an unguarded expression that I am shocked for a moment. Climaxing, I feel 
my heart expanding as if it was going to burst...

        I gaze into his eyes- those wonderful eyes that are free of the 
remembered pain and suffering for this moment. I can't help but feel rage at 
the people who had turned a boy who had obviously been able to love and feel
so well into their killing machine- But I won't even think of that now. I 
love him. He loves me... 

	Still, that he felt such agony over confessing to me- that he felt
such pain even daring to reveal any sort of love... it shows me exactly how 
much damage they've done to him in the name of the colonies. If only to heal 
some of that, I would stay with him. Not that I need an excuse. He is Heero- 
strong, unafraid- but also vulnerable and hurting inside. He has opened up to
me. What can I do but accept?

	All we are is two pieces in a greater game... We had found each 
other, but that doesn't mean anything to anyone besides us. Can we truly be
what I wish we could be? It doesn't really matter. What we are feeling right
now is the only thing that counts. For now...

        His body is warm and firm next to mine, so wonderful to lean
against. I love to hear his heart as I lean my head on his chest. He wraps
his arms around me, and start to sing the lullaby that I had taught him
before. As his song carries me off into sleep, I know that he had caught my
heart... I cuddle against him and drift off into a small peace. 

        We can't be just comrades anymore. Impossible, unthinkable... He is
dearer to me than my life, even more so than the mission. I would rather- no,
don't think that. Death is a constant in our life, but it is unwise to court 
it. Instead, I dream of a life we could have in a happier time- when we could
be at peace together, where we could drive away his demons and mine, and 
live...

-----
Monica Shin/Akira-chan! --- monica@pipeline.com - Fav. Anime/Manga-
CLAMP stuffs- RGV, TB, X, MKR, CCD, 20 Menso, Duklyon, CCSakura, Wish,
LOGH, MBoy, GWing, Esca, RKenshin, FY, YYH, EVA, Zetsuai/Bronze
Fav. Charas- Akira, Siegfried, Duo, Heero, Hiei, Izumi, Kenshin, Subaru
http://www.pipeline.com/~monica/ - fanfics, tradelist, scans!