Intro song: Yasashii, Ii Musume ni Narenai by Tendo Akane We see the usual: Male Ranma is being chased by most of the female cast... then turns into a girl and is chased by most of the male cast. Then Akane, keeps on pounding on Ranma with the mallet, during the bakabakabaka part... (and they say I'M violent????) The Touch Screen Shut-down: What's this? I can't move? Part 1 It was a rather sunny day in Nerima Perfecture. A couple could be seen walking along a rather empty road. Pretty odd for a couple, one would say as the boy was walking, balancing, atop the wire mesh fence beside the road. "So what do you think, Ranma?" asks Akane. "Huh? About what?" "The cooking contest. What else?" "Oh, that cooking contest... hmmm... Hah.. I've no doubt that you'll be the winner..." "Really? Do mean that?" her eyes somewhat sparkling. "Yeah. You win by default. Since everyone else would end up dead once they taste your cooking..." "Grrr... why you jerk!!!" as she jumps up and swings her leg. Ranma also leaps to avoid the kick. "Aw, come on, face it, Akane. I know and you know very well that you can't cook." "Hmph.. Can't cook they say... hah... I'll show them," mumbles Akane. Then from somewhere, a voice calls out, "Ranma Saotome, prepare to die!!!" "Huh?!" A tall, lean male now stands before them. "And just you the hell are you?!!" Ranma asks. "What did you do this time, Ranma... stole something...," mumbles Akane. "Gee... how highly you think of me...," Ranma mumbles back. "Look, I have no idea who you are... ," Ranma says to the boy. "I am... Yugi. Remember me? From grade school?" the stranger says. "Yugi?... Oh... er... yo pal... um... what's up? Long time no see..." "How dare you speak such nonsense despite your imminent destruction!" as Yugi lunges forward with a straight punch. "Hey! Wait a minute..." as Ranma side-steps. "I've waited long enough... Yaahh!!!" as Yugi side-kicks, which Ranma easily dodges. "So what did you do, Ranma?" Akane asks. "Um... I'm still thinking about it..." "You don't know? Hah!! You don't know?!! You copied all my answers during tests... everytime!!!!" "You copied...." mutters Akane, rather unimpressed. "Hey, just because I've copied on some lousy tests doesn't mean that you can get mad or someting..." "Now that I've mastered the Computer Science Martial Arts Technique, I shall put to end your evil ways," Yugi says. "Evil ways?!!! What on earth are you talking about??!!" cried Ranma. "Watch and behold... The Compact Disks Shaken Technique!!!!!!!" Yugi yells as he pulls out a stack of CDs from... somewhere... and flicks them one by one like shakens towards Ranma. Ranma easily swats the CDs away. While having Ranma occupied, Yugi lunges again and taps Ranma on the chest with his forefinger. Ranma staggers then stumbles backwards. "Are you okay, Ranma?" as Akane runs to his side. "Just caught me off-guard that's all. No pro..." Yugi grins. [Huh?!!! What's this?!!! I can't move?!!!!!] in Ranma's thoughts. "Are you sure you're okay? Ranma? Hey, Ranma?!!" yelled Akane. Impatient, Akane slaps Ranma on the back, and Ranma flops face-down to the ground. "Ranma?!! Ranma?!!! Say something!!!" cried Akane. "Hahahahaha!!" Yugi laughed, "That was the Touch Screen Shut-down Technique!!!!" "Touch Screen Shut-down Technique?!!!" Akane repeated. "Yes, the Touch Screen Shut-down Technique. Your friend now has been paralyzed. Only I know how to deactivate it. Until I do so, he shall remain paralyzed!" "I'll finish you now, Saotome!!!" as Yugi lunges forward. -splash- The old woman with a bucket of water looks around then enters her house. "Yahh!! Give me a break!!! This is my fic!! Why does she have to be here?!!!" cried Yugi, looking pretty much the same the with the exception of now having long pony-tailed hair, "This all your fault, Saotome! Yes, you!!! You and you father's stupid trip to China. Geez, of all the places you have to go to. You could have gone to Hawaii or France or somewhere else, but China?!!. So what do I do? Naturally, I followed. And what do I get? I fell in some spring, and this fat guy comes along and tells me I fell in Saykonichuan, and cold water turns me into a psyco. Yeah, sure.. a likely story. You expect me to believe that?!! Anyways, all I find there is this really big black and white bear... um... what's it's name again?... um... racoon?... koala?... no no no... ah yes.. panda. And this red haired girl. Hmmm... come to think of it, she's quite a cutey. Anyway, then, everyone treats me like I crazy or something. Me?... a psyco?! Hahahaha! I'm not psycotic! You think I'm a pysco?!!! Huh??!!!..." "You don't look anywhere near sane..." mumbles Akane. "... So now, I'm gonna beat the hell out of you!!! Uh? Oh... I believe I haven't caught your name yet, beautiful one." [Why that!!!!] in Ranma's thoughts. "M-me?" Akane blinks. "Why don't we leave this poor excuse for a boyfriend and have some ice cream with me?" Yugi said, grinning, as he wraps his arm around Akane. "Grrr.... get your hands off me, YOU PERVERT!!!" -Whapak!!!!- And Yugi is set sailing across the blue Nerima sky. Later, in Doctor Toufuu's clinic... "Hmmm, very interesting...." says the doctor. A worn-down ragged Ranma, thanks to Akane dragging him, sits before Toufuu. "So what do you think, Toufuu-sensei?" Akane asks. "This technique you say... very interesting" "You can cure him, can't you? I know you can..." [Please don't say no... please don't say no... please don't say no..] pleaded Ranma. "Well, to be honest... no." A slightly vague expression of agony and despair is on Ranma's face. "B-but..." "You see... I've never heard this Computer Science Martial Arts. It must be something very ancient... And I don't know of any pressure point in the chest that could paralyze a person..." "Maybe..." Akane stands up and walks to the ref and returns with a bucket of water. She dumps the cold, rather, icy cold contents on Ranma. A soaking female Ranma, with a rather shade of blue, now sits between Akane and Toufuu. [Yaaaah!!! Cold!!! Cold!!!!! You uncute tomboy!!!!] shrieks Ranma. "I-isn't there something you can do, sensei?" "Hmmm.. well... the closest I could come up with is the Elixir of Mouth Mobility... The recipe should be here somewhere..." "Elixir of Mouth Mobility?" "Yes," as Toufuu rummages though his books, "Ah, here it is... With this Ranma will be able to talk, but that's about it. Here..." [Gee... that's some help....] mutters Ranma Akane takes the recipe and bows, "Thank you, doctor. I'm sure me and Kasumi-oneechan and mix this..." "K-kasumi??? Oh.. hi Kasumi.. what brings you here? Would you care for some tea? hahahah..." babbles Toufuu, then looking at Akane, "Genma, could you please prepare us some tea.." "I'm Akane," she mutters. "Oh my.. you seem to have lost some weight..." while swinging around Betty-chan. "Let's go, Ranma," Akane dragging Ranma, "Thank god, I already have the recipe." [Owowowow!!! My hair!! My hair!!! Leggo!! ] Later still, in the Tendo Dojo... "Well, this should be it..." Akane beams, holding a brownish-green mixture with a few black spots in a bowl. [H-hey wait a minute... Y-you.. Y-you not gonna feed me t-that...] "Well, we were out of sugar, so I used salt instead... they're just the same, right? And, I thought it need a few cups of mayonnaise for coloring... Open wide, now... oh.. you can't move, can you.. oh well," as Akane jams a spoonful in Ranma's mouth. [I'm gonna die!!!! I'm gonna die!!!!] screams Ranma. Ranma turns green, and drops face-flat unconscious. Very much later... "Whoa... some dream," as Ranma suddenly woke up, and while trying to get up, "Huh?!! What's this? I can't move!!!" "Of course you can't, silly. Remember? That Yugi you fought with?" smiles Akane. "Eh? And what are you smiling at?!! Akane giggles. "Great.. so you think it so funny...." Akane giggles some more. "Ow... why does my head hurt... oh yeah.. I remember now.. you tried to poison me again with your cooking.." "Hmph, some thanks I get. Look, I was only trying to help. Well, Kasumi-oneechan, did redo the recipe..." "So, now what now? I'm stuck like this til this Yugi guy frees me? "Look on the bright side, Ranma," Nabiki said, "At least you could talk. As if it would do you any good.... Say... I can get you a wheelchair.. hmm... for you... just 4000 yen..." "4000 yen!!! That's all my savings!!!" shouts Ranma. "Look, I'm being generous today. But if you want to remain that way...." "Okay, okay.. the money's in my drawer....", Ranma sighs. "Don't worry Ranma," Kasumi smiled, "I'm sure Akane would take good care of you." "M-me? Why me?" stammered Akane. "Gee, how luckier could I get..." Ranma mutters sarcastically, "Isn't taking care of the sick a girl's job? So, what's Akane got to do with that. Some stupid uncute tomboy can't... -PAK!!!-... oof." "You stupid jerk!!!!" as Akane brings down her very own dimensional mallet down on Ranma. Outside, two old men are crying out... "What are we going to do now, Saotome?!!" "Don't worry Tendo... everything's gonna be fine..." Later still... "What?" cried Kunou. "A wheelchair, Kunou-baby.." "Are you out of your mind, Nabiki?" "Hmmm... if you add a thousand yen to it, I'm gonna tell you where I get those photos of Akane and your pig-tailed goddess.." "Very well... Sasuke!!!" A small ninja comes along with a wheelchair. "And your part of the deal?" as Kunou hands a thousand yen bill. Nabiki pockets the money and smiles, "I take them myself. See you later, Kunou-baby..." Outside further... A pony-tailed guy drops in front of a bandanna-clad parasol-weilding boy. "Huh?! What the.." "Hey you, you want to help me finally get rid of Ranma Saotome?" To be continued.... End Song: November Rain by Saotome Ranma (no... not the one by GNR..) Akane slaps Ranma while saying, "Ranma no baka...". Close-up camera shot of sidewalk and Ranma's feet. Then a few droplets fall to the ground... then more... then it begins to rain... A female Ranma stands motionless under the tormenting storm... then a series of photos of Ranma and Akane together in dramatic poses (your choice..) silhoutte of person standing with umbrella... reveals that it's Akane... walks towards Ranma... rather long staring.. sparkling, watery eyes... still staring til end of song... finally, embrace... fade to black... End notes: First things first, thanks to you for reading up to this part. And second, yes this is a self-insertion fanfic. But, not your I'm-so-great-and-so-powerful-and-I'm-gonna-make-you-mine-and-suck-you -dry-Nabiki-baby nonsense. (Ooh... did I hurt someone?.. ;p ) Anyway, I'm trying to make this feel as if it could have been part of the series. And simple as much as possible, probably just two parts. Comments and critisms would highly be appreciated and they may be implemented in a repost or in the succeding part/s. And if you noticed, I'm just borrowing a friend's e-mail, so a header indicating so would be very much helpful. Um, shurikens are the darts and shakens are the stars, right? I'm still unsure which is which. (Gee, a wise-guy...) Hmm... what to expect in part 2... lesee... Chinese girl... spatulas... green tights and pink ribbon... little black piglet... talking cow... oops.. wrong fanfic... and lots lots more...