Chapter 15 - Truths...
----------------------

I woke up to the gentle sounds of birds singing. For a little while, I 
just lay there, listening, basking in the soft warmth and unwilling to 
do anything that might disturb the half-asleep daze I was enjoying.
Then I remembered what happened just before I fell asleep...

That woke me up as fast and effectively as an icecube down my back, and 
just about as pleasantly.
Starting upright, I looked around, looking at the quiet, peaceful room, 
the sunlight coming in through the blinds, and wondering just what the 
hell was going on! Last time I saw it, the temple hadn't been in this 
good a shape - in fact, it hadn't been in any sort of shape.
I was getting confused. Without thinking, I started to get up, swinging 
my legs up off the futon to stand up - and nearly collapsed back, as I 
suddenly felt about to faint.

I waited for my head to stop swimming, and very carefully sat up. I felt 
drained, but found if I moved slowly and carefully I didn't seem liable 
to collapse too soon. It didn't do anything for the pain I still felt 
deep in my bones and muscles, though. Looking down, I was startled to 
see my hands were trembling. With an effort, I tried to stop them, but 
barely succeeded for a moment, before they started again, harder than 
before.
I felt suddenly cold, despite the warmth of the room. 

My attention was distracted, however, by the quiet sound of the door 
sliding open. Standing there was Belldandy, looking, I must admit, 
rather better than the last time I had seen her. She smiled, walking 
over to me.

"Belldandy...?"

She sat down gracefully onto the floor next to me.
"It's all right. Everything's OK now"

"But... I feel so weak. What's the matter with me?"

She patted my shoulder gently, projecting reassurance.

"Well, you have to expect that, after all. It was a serious fight you 
were in. People get hurt in those, remember. This is real life, not a 
Disney Movie..."

I frowned. Something about her words didn't ring quite true, as if she 
was hiding something from me. She was almost being _too_ cheerful, after
all that had happened.

I looked up at Belldandy sharply. She was looking at me calmly, but 
definitely seemed unhappy, or maybe uneasy, about something.

"There's something you haven't told me yet. Isn't there?"

She smiled gently.
"You're very perceptive"

I wasn't falling for that one. I just kept looking at her expectantly 
until she gave in.

She sighed, and nodded quietly.
"It's... well, it's about the consequences of your fight. To both you, 
and to Iczer-2"

I must have looked puzzled, because she smiled fleetingly, patting my 
hand gently. Then sobered again, equally fast.

"After the fight, the two of you were unconscious. We took both of you 
and Keiichi inside, then phoned Heaven to explain and to get 
instructions. They... weren't happy about what had happened.
Well, we got instructions, and permission, to - tidy up, I suppose you 
would call it. To repair the damage to the area, and to its inhabitants, 
and to heal them and remove their memories of what had happened. Now no-
one but you knows what happened."

I looked at her.
"What about Keiichi?"

She smiled a little more happily.
"Well, I had the power I removed from Loki which was used to hurt him in 
the first place. So I was able to heal the damage that had been done to 
him. He's sleeping peacefully now. But - I didn't want him remembering 
what Loki did to him. I didn't want him scarred by what had been done to 
him. So I... well, he didn't clearly recall what happened, it was just a 
jumble of images, so I did nothing to help him recover them, I just let 
them become dreamlike. 

She looked down as she said that last, as if ashamed she'd tampered with 
Keiichi's memory, however slightly. I smiled, and patted her hand very 
gently.

"I think you did the right thing. It wouldn't help for him to remember, 
hell, I wish I didn't remember it, and that was just seeing him! And you 
didn't do anything except leave his memory alone, right?"

She squeezed my hand slightly, in thanks. Maybe it did help, being 
reassured by another mortal. But then she looked at me, more seriously.

"There's more, though. And not as good. Concerning you and Iczer-2. Your 
health, and other matters."

I blinked...
"But... we survived, didn't we? I know I still feel terrible, but surely 
we will be OK? After all, if you could heal Keiichi after what was done 
to him...!?"

She sighed, deeply, looking at me with what I could have sworn were 
tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. We owe you both so much... but... we can't. The damage you 
both took is too great, and we are under strict limits to the amount of 
power we can use to help mortals, especially those who aren't of this 
world."

************************************************************************

I had a horrible sinking feeling when she said that. Did she mean she 
couldn't do anything to help? I hadn't thought too much about my 
trembling while we'd been talking, but now it came on again, even 
harder, no matter how much I tried to keep my hands still.

I looked up from my hands as the door slid open abruptly, glad of 
anything  that didn't make me watching them shiver. Urd and Skuld stood 
there, looking remarkably sombre. I got a much worse feeling. This was 
not going well. After all I'd been through, all we'd done to stop Loki, 
it all seemed unfair. I sighed, deeply. Maybe it was unfair, but it was 
what had happened, and I just had to deal with it. I looked up at 
Belldandy again.

"So tell me the worst, please. I want to know."

The three of them exchanged glances for a second, then Belldandy nodded 
slowly.

"Very well. First, you have some physical injuries. That isn't anything 
serious, mundane medicine could handle that in fact. Secondly, you are 
completely exhausted. Again, that isn't anything a few weeks rest 
couldn't cope with, although it does exacerbate the first."

"However, there is a far more serious problem, caused by the power you 
used during those fights. You used far more than you could handle 
safely, indeed you used far more than should have been possible for you. 
You also did something we all thought to be impossible; during that 
final fight you were generating psionic and magical power 
simultaneously."

I must have looked even more clueless than usual at that, because she 
half smiled before continuing calmly.

"Normally, either you use raw power for magic, OR psi. The use of one 
precludes the use of the other. In a few rare cases, there are beings 
who shift things to use both, but never at the same time.
But that, together with the sheer amount of power you put out, has 
seriously damaged the... well, circuits is as good a name for them as 
any... which handle and control that energy. Indeed, you are lucky to be 
alive, you nearly burnt out as you did it. But it means that you can't 
use it again, any attempt to use more than the smallest amount would 
burn out the damaged circuits and kill you."

I sighed.
"Well, that doesn't seem too bad, does it? I managed for 30 years 
without knowing I HAD that power, I don't suppose I'll miss it."

She patted my hand softly.
"It isn't just that. Haven't you noticed how you keep trembling? That 
overload caused major damage to your physical nervous system as well. 
And mundane medicine can't do anything about that. It won't get better 
on its own."

I looked away for a moment, not wanting to see them as I tried to take 
that in. Somehow, you never expect something like this to happen to you, 
it's always to somebody else...

"What about Iczer-2?"

Belldandy looked down at her hands, gathering her thoughts, then looked 
straight at me.

"She's dying."

************************************************************************

I just stared back at her, numb. There are some things you just don't 
want to take in, even when someone tells you. After what I'd been 
through with Iczer-2, how she'd touched me... it all seemed so _unreal_!
Belldandy just sat there, looking at me sadly as I collected myself. 
Eventually I recovered enough to talk again.

"But how? I know Loki hurt her, but she's so much tougher than me...?"

"I think you already suspect. That last effort she made to destroy 
Loki's amulet, when you synchronised with her, and Loki was using his 
power to try and destroy her. She couldn't take the two different sorts 
of energies, not at that intensity, not when they are so different. Her 
ability to handle energy is awesome, but it has limits. Her system is 
damaged beyond its own capacity to repair it, and we can't do enough to 
heal her, she's too badly damaged. We could heal the more ordinary 
injuries she has, but that won't help her.

I had to turn away, I couldn't face Belldandy anymore.
"It's all my fault. If I hadn't summoned her she..."

Belldandy touched my shoulder, very gently. I could feel her sorrow and 
sympathy, but I didn't want it helping me right now.

"If you hadn't, we'd all be dead. And everyone on this world. I think 
she'd understand."

I looked up at her in anger. I knew I shouldn't, she hadn't done 
anything to me, but I had to be angry at _something_, and transferring 
the anger towards her made it easier for me to stand. 

"Do you think that helps her? She stopped Loki for you, and all you can 
do is to let her die? I thought you were better than that, Belldandy, 
letting an innocent person suffer because they helped you!"

I looked at them angrily, my fists clenched so tightly it almost stopped 
my trembling.

"You owe us."

Belldandy nodded gravely.
"Yes, we do. Both personally and for those in our charge"

I almost growled.
"Then pay your debts. Heal us. Or at least heal HER, she wouldn't even 
be here if I hadn't dragged her into this! Why can't you _DO_ 
something??!"

Belldandy looked down, unwilling to meet my eyes. Skuld looked angry, 
whether at my deliberately insulting words to her sister or at the 
situation in general, I had no idea.

Urd just spat out one word, making it sound like something that should 
be scrawled on toilet walls.
"Politics"

"Just what do politics have to do with this? I didn't realise Heaven had 
politics!"

Belldandy looked somewhat upset, and Urd just growled.

"I'm afraid it does. You see, what the two of you did offended a number 
of Gods."

"You mean helping stop Ragnarok isn't popular!!!?"

She shook her head, sadly.
"Of course it is. In general, anyway. But the Gods whose aspects cover 
war and destruction aren't happy, nor are Hel or Fenris. And there are a 
lot of conservative Gods who view you interfering and, worse, attacking  
and hurting a god as being, well, hubris. You aren't popular with them.
On the other had, there is a large group of Gods with whom you are, in 
view of what you did. But the first group is large enough to stop us 
breaking any rules in your case. If they do, they'll report it to Kami-
sama immediately"

"And Kami-sama didn't want us to help?"

Urd grunted, still looking peeved.

"Kami-sama finds it necessary to do things in his, well, 'public' 
capacity he finds offensive in his 'personal' capacity. And since he is 
bound, by his own will, to follow his laws, he'd have to take action 
against us."

Wonderful. You just can't please some people!
 
************************************************************************

Skuld pushed her way forward a little. The talk of politics seemed to 
have annoyed, or at least bored her; or maybe she was being more subtle, 
trying to take my mind off the mess I'd gotten into. She looked at me 
thoughtfully.

"Do you remember what you did when you summoned Iczer-2?"

I tried to think. I could remember some of it, but it made my head hurt 
trying to remember the rest.

"Some. Somehow I did something that affected probability...?"

She nodded.
"Does your home world know how to do that?"

I looked at her, beginning to wonder where this was leading.
"No, it doesn't. Currently we are theorising about wormholes, but no-one 
has any idea about how to... oh!"

Now I saw what she was getting at.
"And no, I don't, and even if I did I don't think I'd understand the 
math! Its a long time since I studied physics. Weren't you helping me?"

She looked at me glumly.
"No, it wasn't me! I was too scared at the idea of a mortal trying that 
trick like that - if it had gone wrong....!!

I gulped. I could think of quite a few things that might have resulted, 
and I didn't like any of them!!

Urd cleared her throat, deliberately.
"So. As you can see, you were still being manipulated even during the 
fight. And before you ask the obvious question, no, it wasn't Loki. I 
checked, and anyway what motive did he have for letting you summon help? 
He might have been insane, but he wasn't stupid!"

I looked down at my fingers.
"So. I guess I'm still a danger, even now?"

"Well, not really. But I suspect it wasn't Loki who blocked your power 
all those years ago, but this other player. Also... do you remember any 
dreams, now?"

I looked up, startled at that last comment. Dreams? I tried to recall, 
then froze as I remembered them. One by one, they played back in front 
of the screen of my memory. Finally it stopped, and I opened my eyes, 
shivering slightly from reaction. Events had been so close to ending up 
like those dreams.

"But why didn't I remember any of this??"

"I suppose so you would keep to his 'script', assuming that's what he 
wanted. Whoever it is - or he, or she - is a long-term player, by the 
looks of things. It's only a feeling, but I don't think he's finished 
with you yet."

My, that WAS a comforting thought! As if I hadn't been through enough 
already! And I suspected that a 'feeling' for one of the goddesses was 
something you could rely on.

"Well, before you worry too much, I don't think whoever it is going to 
kill you. If he had, it would have been easy for him to have stopped 
your hearts just after you destroyed Loki's amulet. You'd just have been 
two dead heroes who hadn't made it, and I don't think anyone would ever 
have thought to check further. Of course, whatever he has planned for 
you may not be safe..."

I gave Urd a bitter smile.
"Hoist with my own petard, aren't I...?
When I needed someone to help me, I pulled in a 'version' of someone who 
was both powerful enough to help, and had the personality and motivation 
to help me. I didn't stop to think whether they'd want to be dragged in. 
Now it looks like someone did exactly the same thing to me first, and it 
annoys the hell out of me." 

"You did what you thought best at the time."

"So I did. And just how does _that_ make what I did any more 
acceptable?"

She didn't answer me.



Chapter 16 - and Consequences...
----------------------------

Belldandy coughed politely, attracting our attention.
"Sisters? We are getting away from the point, which is what we are going 
to do to about our debt to these two."

Urd and Skuld both looked serious for once, settling beside their sister 
as she continued speaking.

"We have a problem. We owe you and Iczer-2 a debt we cannot really 
repay, and the only way we can even attempt to do so, by healing you 
both, is forbidden. If we do it anyway, we violate other and older 
obligations to those in our care, since we cannot fulfill those while we 
are being punished for violating heaven's laws. So we need to find a 
solution around this."

Urd looked very thoughtful at that, her eyes looking a little 
unfocussed. I wondered what she was thinking. Then she suddenly spoke.

"Skuld? Can I have a word with you for a moment? I have an idea..."

Skuld nodded, and the two of them went over into a corner, starting a 
conversation which steadily grew more agitated and heated, judging by 
the gestures and the increasingly fast typing Skuld was doing on her PDA 
pad. I wished they'd been speaking in a language I could understand, I 
hated watching it and having no idea what was going on, but at least it 
was a distraction for me that took my thoughts away from things I didn't 
want to have to think about.

Finally Skuld threw up her hands, scowling at Urd who stood there with a 
big grin on her face. It looked as if she'd finally admitted defeat, as 
the two of them came back over.

Urd beamed at me.
"Well, we have an idea we think will work!"

I started to get worried again. Oh god, I was in the hands of 
engineers...
"That you _think_ will work? Uh, just what does this entail?"

Urd smiled still wider, looking like a cat that had got into the cream 
bowl.
"Its simple, really. We aren't allowed to use more than a certain amount 
of power on a mortal like you. However we need more than that permitted 
amount to heal Iczer-2 or yourself. So, we merge the two of you, and as 
we do we do the healing, using _both_ allowances of power on one of you, 
thus we aren't really breaking the rules, because they don't cover this 
sort of thing anyway!"

I frowned, trying to get this all together. Urd's idea of 'simple' was 
obviously rather different from mine.

"Let me see if I understand all this. You can't heal both of us 
sufficiently, but you can heal one of us if you used both allowances of 
magic on one person. However you can't do that, it's forbidden. BUT, if 
you merge us, and THEN add the two 'doses' together, you CAN heal one of 
us completely, but then we'll be 'merged', whatever that is. And that 
doesn't actually break any rules, because they don't cover it. Am I 
right so far?"

Skuld nodded.
"That's about it! Of course, there are a few trivial technical details 
to sort out, but they wont be any problem, not with me to handle them!"

Oh, that _was_ reassuring. Considering how drastic I'd found her 
solutions to be so far, I wasn't sure I'd trust her to change the fuse 
in my toaster, at least not without changing it 'accidentally' into a 
nuclear power station. I still felt she didn't really understand human 
limitations.

"So... what happens when we 'merge', as you so-delicately put it??"

Urd frowned, biting her lip as she tried to phase her explanation in 
terms I could understand.

"Well... we will merge your physical and mental bodies as we do it, then 
use all the magic we can to fully heal one of you. Then you'll both be 
in one body at a time, but both minds will be present."

I blinked...
"Hang on - one body at a TIME????"

Urd hmmmd.
"Didn't I mention that?"

"No you bloody well DIDN'T!"

She waved one hand loosely in an 'oh dear, silly me!' gesture.
"Ah. Well, we aren't actually destroying anything, so both bodies are 
still there, just that one is phased out while the other is here, and 
your minds are in both. Is that clear?"

Yeah, clear as mud.
"Phased out? What does that mean?"

"Well... it will be possible for you to switch between the two bodies. 
They can't both be in the real world at once, but if you can find 
someone who can help you, and fix the other body, then it should be 
possible to break the connection again so you are both OK. At least, 
we'll try and make it so its only a temporary solution."

Yes, and I knew how permanent 'temporary' solutions tended to be. Still, 
at least they were giving us a chance.

"So how do we switch? If its water, Urd, I'm going to kill someone!!!"

Skuld giggled.
"Water? What do you think this is, a Takahashi anime? No, it will be a 
mental process. Though it will be different depending on which way you 
switch."

"These two minds. How are we going to coexist in one body?"

Urd chuckled at my expression.
"Carefully! Sorry... well, one of you will be dominant, the other will 
be along for the ride, as it were. But you should be able to 
communicate. At least, I _think_ you will. Honestly, though, we can't 
predict it completely; if this has been attempted before it's buried 
under a LOAD of security programs. We just don't know until we try."

"Can't you tell which of us will be dominant?"

"Not really. I think it will be you, because while you are both strong 
willed, even stubborn people, you have so much more experience of 
living, I think you will be the dominant personality. But maybe not."

"Umm, Belldandy? Just how legal is this trick you are suggesting?"

Urd looked innocently up at the ceiling, Skuld buried her face in her 
PDA, and Belldandy smiled beatifically in my direction, not meeting my 
eyes. Just as I suspected, not very!!

"It isn't actually _illegal_. Though I will admit, we are edging very 
close to the boundaries of some restrictions. The combination of things 
we are considering may perhaps be illegal when done together, but as far 
as we know no-one has ever tried this before, so while it may be 
outlawed after, we should get away with the first usage.
Also, we suggest that we help you leave this universe as soon as 
practicable afterwards. Once you are out of the direct jurisdiction of 
the deities most annoyed by this, most of them will probably leave it at 
that."

"MOST of them?"

"Well, we don't have any direct power outside of our own universe. But 
some gods do have cults elsewhere. They can work through those if they 
want, though it does involve a considerable expenditure of effort and 
energy. And they have to work with what powers and abilities their local 
servants have"

Oh, now I felt _really_ reassured. I could see the wanted posters 
already. 
But it wasn't as if I had any choice, really, they were doing the best 
they could for us.

I looked at Skuld.
"Just as long as it doesn't turn out to be as painful as my last 
experience as your laboratory rat!!"

She *eeeepd* indignantly, as Urd snickered and Belldandy diplomatically 
hid her smile behind a hand.

I watched their reactions for a moment, then steeled myself to ask the 
question I'd been putting off by asking all the others.

"If I understand this right, the body you don't heal will be pretty much 
as it is now, right?"

She nodded.

"Then... you'll have to heal Iczer-2. Otherwise, if we switch..."

Belldandy looked at me calmly.
"Are you sure? It will mean you living in someone else's body, maybe in 
someone else's mind, and she isn't male, or even human?"

I sighed, not looking at anyone.
"What choice do I have? First, it's MY fault she's in this mess, no 
matter what you say. I can't evade that responsibility. And logically, 
she's much tougher than me physically, so it makes sense from an 
impersonal point of view."

Belldandy smiled at me; despite my fears I felt reassured, as though she 
was approving of my reasons.

"There is one other benefit. Iczer-2 already has some ability to phase 
and to transit dimensions. With a little bit of extra knowledge we will 
give, the two of you should be able to travel between worlds. That will, 
hopefully, allow you to eventually find someone who can finish healing 
you both.

Urd nodded.
"And her other abilities will help you survive. Dimensional travel is 
dangerous, as you probably realise by now!"

Boy, did I ever.
"Is it possible to arrange this quickly? I'd... like to do it before I 
lose my nerve..."

************************************************************************

I was glad when the three left me alone while they went in to see to 
Iczer-2. My thoughts were a dark and chaotic place right now, and I 
wanted to be alone in it.

I don't really know how long they were in there, I think that I may have 
dozed off. With all the stress I was under I didn't see how, but maybe 
one of the goddesses had decided to 'help' me. I woke to see Urd 
standing over me.

"You can speak to her if you like."

I blinked, rubbing my eyes.
"She's awake? Have you told her...?

She nodded, her face expressionless.
"Yes, we have. She agrees with you, what we have in mind is the only 
viable solution."

I sighed, part in relief that she wasn't going to die, and part in worry 
about what that meant for me in terms of Urds's solution.

"Can I see her? I'd like to, before you..."

Urd smiled slightly, and knelt, sliding her arm under me to help me up.

"Go on. Let us know when you're both ready."

I nodded, and walked over to the door carefully, as she led me into the 
next room. Lying on a futon, a sheet over her, was Iczer-2.
She didn't look good. Her skin was deathly white; while I remembered her 
as being pale when I'd seen her before, this was not a healthy colour.
The paleness was marred by scars, and the dark blemishes of bruising 
stood out in sharp relief. I stopped for a moment, waiting as she turned 
her head slowly to look at me. Her eyes met mine, and I looked deep into 
them, as she smiled slightly, painfully.
"Please..."

I nodded, and let Urd go, walking unsteadily over to where she lay,
to sat down carefully next to her; neither my movements or my balance 
were what I was used to. Her right hand, the uninjured one, lay on the 
bed, and I took it carefully in mine. Doing that gave me an excuse not 
to meet her eyes for a while.

"They told you?"

"That I'm dying? Yes. And that there is a possible solution."

I squeezed her hand very gently.
"I'm so sorry. It's all my fault, I should never have summoned you 
here."

She turned her head slightly to look at me squarely. Even in her current 
state, I could feel the force of her personality.

"Oh, so you didn't want to be my partner? Should I release you from 
that?"

That shocked me enough to meet her eyes again.
"But I.. no, I mean I want to, uh.. I mean..."

She tried to chuckle, an effort that started her coughing harshly, her 
hand gripping mine tighter until the spasm stopped.
"Foolish. I'm an empath, you can't lie to me, I know how you're 
feeling."

I must have looked stupid.
"An empath??".

She nodded.
"Didn't you realise? I take your power via your emotions, that's why 
it's much more powerful when you are angry or upset. Your emotions are 
much more open, its easier to draw the power. But in order to do that, I 
have to be an empath. How can I use your emotions if I can't feel them?"

"I didn't realise. There's so much I don't know about you..."

Her eyes were deep cobalt wells of sadness as they gazed deep into mine.
"I'd... hoped to have the chance for us both to find out. I've wanted a 
partner for so long..."

I sighed, shutting my eyes. I couldn't meet the hurt and pain in hers.

"You have one now. For as long as you want him."

"I may not have you for long. This - solution - those three proposed, it 
doesn't sound very likely to work.

I squeezed her hand again, trying to reassure her.
"Trust them, they know what they're doing. Anyway, at least their 
proposal gives us a fighting chance, doesn't it?"

She gave me a twisted smile.
"Well, I can't deny that I enjoy fighting. And as everyone keeps telling 
me, it's what I do best... It's just that I wish that it wasn't all 
people think I'm good for."

"Then that was why you seemed upset - when I summoned you, and asked you 
to fight?"

"Yes... I understand why you did, don't worry. Loki needed stopping; 
Belldandy told me what he planned. It's being able to use my skills to 
an end like that that makes me glad I am so good at fighting. But... I 
suppose I keep hoping that someday someone will want me for other 
reasons. We all have foolish dreams, don't we?"

I smiled at her, and reached out, my finger very softly stroking down 
one cheek.
"They don't have to be foolish..."

Her hand slipped out of mine, pressing my other hand against her face.
"Promise me one thing?"

"Of course..."

"Just don't leave me. I don't want to be alone again..."

I nodded, and leant forward, as I kissed her forehead very softly.

"I won't leave you."

She smiled up at me for a long moment.
"I'll hold you to that. Well, we'd better get them in and start, waiting 
isn't going to help.

I got up, already stiff despite the short time we'd been together. My 
thoughts and emotions were still in turmoil. I don't know what I'd 
expected from her, how she'd be, only that I was pretty certain it 
wasn't this... But I'd keep my promise to her, it was the least I could 
do. If I had other reasons, my subconscious was keeping them firmly to 
itself.

************************************************************************

I'd offered to carry Iczer-2 to the work area, even if she wasn't 
conscious, I'd hoped she would feel my presence. But Urd had vetoed it; 
in my current state I wasn't just subject to uncontrollable trembling, 
but kept stumbling, not the best way to carry someone already suffering 
from major injuries. Instead she wrapped her carefully in the sheet, and 
picked her up in her arms with an easy strength, a quick motion of her 
head ordering me to follow along.

I kept my attention on Iczer-2. Not only did it help me feel my presence 
might reassure her, if she could still feel it, but it helped keep my 
attention off the tension that was growing steadily inside me, adding a 
sick, tight feeling to my already-unhappy state.

Belldandy motioned me over, away from where the other two were busy. I 
looked back for a second, fascinated despite the circumstances; Skuld 
was buried in a pile of components big enough to almost bury her, while 
Urd had a book in one hand and was drawing some sort of magic circle, 
the writing of which tried to writhe around and get behind my eyeballs 
every time I looked at it.

"While they are finishing the preparations, I'd better tell you a little 
about Iczer-2, since its quite possible you will be living in that body 
a fair bit, at least until you can get everything fixed."

I gulped, and hoped that we _could_ get things fixed. Well, better to 
hope. Anyway, this would take my mind off the preparations for what I 
_hoped_ wouldn't be my funeral...
"OK, I guess I do need to know."

"Very well. Now, firstly, you should realise that while she looks human, 
she isn't. Although we were surprised to find that she is basically a 
modified human, an least physically."

I blinked at that revelation.
"Human? But she's a Cthulu - an alien! How can she be human??"

"Well, I did say basically. Her DNA seems to be a genetically modified 
human structure. Maybe these 'Cthulu' aren't so alien after all?"

I shrugged helplessly. What did I know, I'd only seen the anime...

"Anyway, physically the main differences are strength and speed. She's 
both _very_ strong and fast, and pretty tough as well. Most of the other 
physical differences are fairly minor, those are the ones you'll 
probably notice most. I do hope they also aren't the ones you'll need 
most."

So did I!

"However, the non-physical differences are _far_ more interesting. 
Basically, she's psionic. A very powerful one, too, but the most unusual 
feature is her ability to act as an amplifier for someone else's power."

"Someone else? Like me??"

"Yes, like you. Her 'partner'. She links to one person, and draws on 
their power, amplifies it and controls it. That's what you were doing 
during the final fight with Loki. Now, as a result of what we are about 
to do, that ability will be affected. We aren't sure exactly how, we'll 
do another analysis after the operation."

"Even without a partner, though, she is very powerful. She's a receptive 
empath, and can create and manipulate energy fields. That's how she 
controls the 'sword' she used, and she can also use it for protection, 
although its more effective against energy than physical force. 
She can use them to allow herself to fly, and she also has some control 
over dimensional manipulation. We can use that to allow you both to 
leave this universe, after we teach you how."

I looked rather stunned. THIS was what I was getting involved with!?
"Ah... right. Is that it, or are there any other little gems of data 
you've glossed over"
I get sarcastic when I'm upset...

"Oh, one thing I forgot. She has a certain amount of precognition, but 
it seems tied to her combat skills. So don't count on it."

"Count on it?? Belldandy, if it IS me who ends up in control, how am I 
going to even _use_ these abilities?? I don't suppose I'm going to get a 
manual!!" 

She smiled.
"Oh, I'm sure it won't be that bad! After all, even without them you 
will have a lot of advantages. Just be careful, and remember that using 
those abilities takes power. And may be very obvious to, well, certain 
entities."

Oh, this just got better and better. So when I used those wonderful 
abilities (if I ever found out how) I could point a big neon sign at 
myself saying 'Look over here!!'

All this was not doing me any good at all. The 'butterflies' in my 
stomach seemed to have grown to the armour-plated, B-52 size right now. 

My worrying was interrupted by the touch of Urd's hand on my shoulder. 
I'd been so absorbed I hadn't even realised she'd walked over to us.

"We're ready."

I took a deep breath, and nodded.
"What do I do?"

She smiled. Her air of reassurance would have worked better on me if my 
mind hadn't insisted on popping up all those bits of manga where she 
used magic.

"Just stand in the triangle. We stand in the other three, and Iczer-2 is 
already in her circle. We'll do the rest."

I nodded, and walked over, fast, to where she had indicated. I had to do 
it fast, if I'd let myself think I don't believe I could have gone 
through with it.

The three of them took position in the other circles as Urd gestured, 
the candles positioned around the area flaring as they started to shed a 
flickering light. I had to shade my eyes for a moment against the soft 
glow as their garb changed into their 'working' outfits. The glow didn't 
exactly fade, but it seemed to concentrate inside them, making their 
bodies almost luminescent, and somehow making them seem more real, more 
solid.

"Just shut your eyes, and let your mind go blank."

I took one last look over to where Iczer-2 lay on the floor, her body 
wrapped in a sheet. She looked so frail, it was impossible to think of 
her right now as the fighter who'd stopped Loki. Then I closed my eyes 
in resignation, trying to blank my mind.

What happened next I flatly refuse to describe. In any case, I can't 
recall it clearly, even now, although Iczer-2 says she understood it.
Anyway, the next clear memory I have is opening my eyes again, still in 
the circle, and noticing that the candles had almost burnt down. I felt 
odd, tired, and very stiff from standing.

"Did it...?"

Urd nodded, looking tired herself.
"It worked. Everything seemed to go fine, but we'll need to do some 
tests next to see in detail."

I looked over at where Iczer-2 had been, and then blinked, rapidly 
looking around for her.
"Where is she??"

Skuld looked up from her instrumentation.
"She's merged with you, just like we planned!"

Well. Now I guess we have to see what happens...

************************************************************************

I looked over at Urd, my body trembling. Whether with reaction from the 
operation, or fear, I didn't really know, and right know it hardly 
mattered.

"So... how do I 'switch', as you put it earlier??"

Urd frowned slightly as she bent her head next to Skuld's, watching with 
her the data zip past on the VDU, then straightened up with a half-smile 
that I hoped was good news.

"Well, based on what we had in mind, and what the preliminary data says, 
its emotional/glandular based. Given the nature of the way the two of 
you were initially bonded, it pretty much had to be."

I kept looking at her.
"And??"

She grinned.
"Just get mad! Or upset, or... _excited_, or anything else that 
generates a lot of emotional strain and energy, and stimulates those 
changes in your body!"

I blinked. Just get mad? It sounded easy, until you tried to do it on 
demand!

Urd must have sensed what I was thinking, my expression wasn't exactly 
guarded. Stepping closer, her expression changed from a grin to almost a 
sneer.
"What's the matter, boy? After all, it's all your fault, isn't it? Can't 
you do a little thing like change?"

I looked up, startled and hurt, as she poked me.
"Well, come on! Don't just stand there, why don't you do something!"

I growled, stepping back as I felt anger grow in me. While it was pretty 
obvious what she was up to, I played along, trying not to think but to 
let the irrational anger response grow and deepen. I felt warmer; odd, 
it was fine in here a moment ago, now it felt uncomfortably hot.

"Shut up, Urd!! It wasn't my fault!"

Urd grinned, nastily, as this time she slapped my face, hard, making me 
take another step back, looking back angrily at her contempt-filled 
face.

"Oh yes it was! And now you can't even do a simple little thing like 
change! You're such a wimp, no wonder Loki used you!"

This time I almost snarled, as I gave free reign to the tension burning 
in me, letting it grow and flower, as another wave of heat flooded 
through me. I felt incredibly tense, and my body locked, as I stood 
there, limbs simply refusing to answer to my commands. The burning heat 
grew, a wave of itching growing across my skin, my bones aching as I 
started to shudder convulsively and blacked out for a second.

I regained my senses oddly. It wasn't just that I opened my eyes, but 
the images I saw were more, well, clear than before, as if I was seeing 
the world for the first time without glasses. Every sound in the room 
felt much louder, as I looked over to Urd. And realised with a shock 
that this time I had to look UP a couple of inches to meet her eyes, 
instead of meeting them directly!!

"Wha..."
I broke off with a gasp! It was a totally _weird_ feeling to know you 
were 
speaking and to find the sound coming out in someone else's voice. Then 
I looked down at myself...and grabbed for the edge of a table, as a 
flash of weakness flooded through me, leaving me trembling in reaction.

"Oh my God...you did it!!!"

Belldandy was looking at me with concern, but didn't seem too worried. 
Urd was too busy smirking at me to say anything.

Skuld put her tongue out at me.
"That's Oh My Goddess, not Oh my God!!"

************************************************************************

Belldandy slipped a hand around me, helping me stay upright. It wasn't 
that I felt weak, but I was having difficulty balancing, everything felt 
different. I held out one arm, slowly looking at it, trying to make 
myself realise it was mine. The sight of the slim, pale and shapely limb 
instead of the arm I _was_ used to made me shiver and close my eyes 
again for a moment. Then I gave a deep sigh and opened them again. This 
wasn't going to go away, and the sooner I got used to it and accepted it 
the sooner we could be off and look for a solution to our problems.
A small background part of my mind registered that at least they had healed 
Iczer-2's physical injuries, although 'my' shoulder and left hand still ached, 
but right now even that hardly seemed to matter.

"I didn't really expect it to be like this. I thought Iczer-2 would be 
in control"

Urd shrugged.
"I did warn you, we couldn't control it. You seemed to come to some sort 
of balance between you when the merge was going on. You should be able 
to feel her, though, maybe even talk to her?"

I frowned, and closed my eyes again as I tried to search for Iczer-2. I 
realised after a few seconds that I could 'feel' something. I tried 
mentally to 'talk', but nothing happened. It was an odd feeling; have 
you ever had someone standing right behind you, not saying anything, out 
of sight, but you _knew_ they were there? It was like that, only more 
intense. I could somehow sense an emotion of reassurance and relief 
coming from the other presence.

"She's here. I can feel her. But I can't hear her, or anything, she's 
just there."

"Well, that's a start. At least it shows that you both made it OK. With 
practice, you should be able to communicate better."

Skuld nodded, her head still buried in a bank of equipment.
"She's fine, I have the readings here. It may take a while for the two of you to 
get used to each other, though, just practice, and don't rush things. The rest 
of the transfer worked fine, too, and she's pretty much healed! I'm _such_ a 
genius!!

Urd sighed deeply at that last comment, rolling her eyes at the ceiling.
"Oy, and _who_ had to be convinced it was possible...!!"

Belldandy smiled fondly at both of them.
"Now, we have to let David...ah, Iczer-2...mmm, what _do_ we call you 
both?"

I 'felt' an amused feeling from deep inside me. I wondered just how much 
Iczer-2 could sense of what I was seeing and hearing. And if it was that 
much, how I'd adjust to the lack of privacy...

"Uh. How about just Iczer? I always thought the -2 thing was tacky, and 
I certainly don't look like a 'David' any more!"

"That will do. Iczer. Well, the first thing is for you to practice 
walking and moving, get used to the different way that body feels. Once 
you've done that, we can test that you can change into David again."

I shivered. I wondered just what the chances were that I couldn't change 
back into my old body. I was getting a nasty suspicion that all this was 
a _lot_ more experimental than I'd been told earlier. While I could 
hardly accuse Belldandy of lying, I had a feeling she was being 
seriously economical with the truth. 
 
************************************************************************

Under Belldandy's careful eye, I practiced moving about. Once I got used 
to the differences, I seemed to adjust very easily, surprisingly so in 
fact. I mentioned this to Belldandy, who looked interested.

"I wonder how active Iczer-2 is. Although you can't speak to her yet, I 
suspect she has more input than we first thought. You are right, it 
should take much longer to adjust. I would think she's helping."

I nodded, still wondering how Iczer-2 really felt about all this. This 
was _her_ body I was using, after all. I don't think I'd have been very 
happy about someone else using mine in such a fashion.

"Well, at least I can move around normally. But am I stuck like this??"

Belldandy looked at Urd.
"Sister, you're the expert on shapeshifting. Would you show Iczer how to 
change back to her other form."

I looked at Urd hopefully. 'Her' other form. I was beginning to wonder 
how I was going to refer to all this, the genders were already starting 
to get confusing!

Urd hopped up off the corner of the desk she'd been lounging gracefully 
against, stepping up to me and looking closely at my face.

"Right. OK, I'll lead you through it. Just relax, its easy once you know 
how."

Her eyes looked into mine, and I felt my attention trapped there like a 
fly in amber. I couldn't really tell, or at least explain to myself in 
words, exactly what she did then. It seemed to make sense at the time, 
and I followed it OK, I just can't describe it.
I felt a soft tingling slowly spread across my body, and my vision got 
fuzzy, a soft throbbing noise growing louder in my ears. Then I jerked 
abruptly, spasming as I felt an almost tangible *click* inside me, 
instantly followed by a wave of agony as I doubled over, clutching 
myself as I tried not to collapse, every muscle and nerve screaming in 
agony.
I don't know how long that horrible pain lasted. It may only have been a 
second or two, it just felt like hours. As it far-too-slowly faded, I 
straightened up, trembling uncontrollably as sweat poured down me. It 
took me some moments to realise that I had successfully regained my 
original body, such was the shock, as I looked up to see Belldandy and 
Urd looking at me worriedly.

"I'm sorry... was it supposed to be this painful? It didn't hurt nearly 
so much going the other way."

Urd frowned.
"I don't see why. Hmm, we need to take a few more measurements...Skuld?"

Skuld nodded, starting to work at some of her instruments.

I panted, the sweat feeling achingly cold against my skin. I was still 
shivering, stomach knotting with cramps as I drew the blanket closer 
around me, waiting. Belldandy was still looking worried, and that did 
nothing to improve my confidence.

Eventually, Skuld finished whatever she was doing, and passed her PDA to 
Urd, who looked at it with interest.

"Well, Urd? What's the story?

She looked at me over it, then put it carefully down.
"It could be better, I'm afraid. It looks like the change puts a much 
higher shock to the system than we thought. Iczer-2's body is quite 
capable of handling that, she's very tough. But yours isn't. In fact, 
there's an indication that the change actually causes a small amount of 
damage. Not enough to be a problem, normally, but you aren't in the best 
of shape right now."

I looked at her unhappily. I had just _known_ something like this was 
going to go wrong.

She smiled in reassurance; such a pity I wasn't reassured.
"Don't look so worried! Firstly, the damage done is miniscule. Secondly, 
the change does work, even if its painful. So it means that what we did 
can be undone someday. But until then - well, I'd keep the amount of 
changing you do to a minimum, just to be on the safe side. That way your 
body will have time to recover from the damage"

I wiped my face with my hand, feeling the cold sweat wet my palm, 
feeling suddenly very tired. Inside me I could still feel Iczer-2, 
indeed if anything her presence was more marked in my body than in hers, 
offering me what comfort she could, but all I really wanted to do right 
now was rest.

Belldandy looked sympathetically at me.
"I think you'd better lie down, and get some sleep. We'll make some more 
tests, but there's no reason why they should disturb you. And as we said 
earlier, we need to see about getting you safely out of this Universe"

I'd almost forgotten about that. It was like a bad western, 'Get out of 
town by sunset!'.

Urd wrapped an arm about me, pulling me gently away.
"Come on, you look like you're about to fall over! And if you did, Skuld 
would never forgive you if you damaged her so _precious_ equipment! Lets 
get you to bed, we can brief Iczer-2 while you sleep"

I yawned, and nodded, letting her guide me with no resistance. After all 
that had happened, I was thankful just to follow someone else's 
instructions for a bit, and not to have to make decisions for myself.

************************************************************************

So now it's all ready. Belldandy says they will help 'us' leave tomorrow 
morning, as soon as I have recovered a little.

As I lie here in the dark looking up at the ceiling, I wonder if this is 
all real, or am I dreaming it? Am I now sharing bodies and minds with an 
alien killing construct who has the body of a beautiful girl? Or am I 
just imagining that I can feel her presence within me, her soul gently 
touching mine?

I could get mad and find out, of course. 
But I'm afraid I might be.


not The End.