Subject: NARRABUNDAH 1/2 - Volume II, chapter 3
From: Ratbat
Date: 2/23/1997, 5:20 PM
To: Fanfix


 
                               
                         NARRABUNDAH 1/2
                               
                by Urac Sigma with Suzy Styles
                               
                               
                   Volume II, chapter three
                               
                 B- B- B-chan, Rokunamonjane!
                               
                               
                      CAST OF CHARACTERS
                               
                         HODJSUKE TIM
                         KUNOU JARRAH
                          KUONJI COL
                        SANZENIN CHRIS
                        SHIRATORI NOOMY
                         SIGMATOME LEN
                       SIGMATOME RATBAT
                          TENDO BOBBI
                          TENDO FIONA
                          TENDO NIKI
                          TENDO SUZY
                          TOBOKI EUAN
                          YUKA LOUISE
 I got bored so I decided to put this week's regular and semi-
          regular Neribanda-jin in alphabetical order
                               
                      Two incarnations of
                      THE JUSENKYOU GUIDE




             0. EXT. JUSENKYOU. DAY.

             [Another  live-action prelude. We  see  someone's
             booted  feet  walking along  the  ground,  before
             tripping  and  falling into  a  pond.  After  the
             splash,  we cut to Matt, done up as the Jusenkyou
             guide  (unlike  the  run-in to  chapter  one,  he
             actually is the character).]

MATT:        Aiya!  Too  bad,  matey-- um,  honourable  guest!
             You've  just  fallen into otakuniichuan!  It's  a
             cursed spring! Everyone who falls in there  turns
             into a Japanese-obsessed student with no money!

             [Suzy Styles' head rises out of the pond.]

STYLES:      This is so stupid.



             TITLE SEQUENCE.

             [Opening  theme: Little Date (alternate version).
             Finishes  with  a  voice-over from  Suzy  and  an
             appropriate art-card.]

SUZY [VO]:   B- B- B-chan, Rokunamonjane!



             1. AROUND CORNER.

             [As  we were last week: Euan pulls off a hat  and
             throws. It heads straight for Ratbat. Suzy  comes
             around  the  corner behind Ratbat, so he  doesn't
             see  her.  Ratbat ducks out of  the  way  of  the
             hat.]

             [CAPTION:   Neribanda,   Japan   -   Saturday   9
             September 1995 ]

SUZY [JPO]:  Ratbat--!

             [The  hat  strikes  Suzy  around  the  chest.  On
             Ratbat.]

RATBAT [Alarm]:   Suzy...!!!

             [Forgetting Euan, he goes over to her.]

RATBAT:      Suzy-kun?

             [She's in a near-catatonic state.]

RATBAT:      Masaka...Suzy-kun, daijobu desuka?!

             [He  checks the point of impact. There is  a  lot
             of  ripped  garmentry there. Suzy  looks  at  his
             examination in a kind of detached way.]

RATBAT:      It  doesn't look too bad a cut...there's not much
             blood...actually,  I  don't think--  [quiet]  Oh,
Glenda-sama.

             [He withdraws, not quite knowing what to say.]

RATBAT:      He--  it--  I-- [Sigh] The cut took  your  nipple
             off.

             [Suzy  nods distantly. Then there is a  red  snap
             of  fury,  and she knocks Ratbat down the  street
             to  collide with Euan, sending them both a  short
             distance  and  to  the ground. Ratbat  stares  at
             her,  blinking [Euan's reaction isn't up to much,
             as  he  has a chiropteran on his head]. She walks
             off,  zombie-like.  She doesn't  even  appear  to
             notice what she just did.]

RATBAT:      Nani...watashi...

             [Then  the heavens open, and down comes the rain.
             Ratbat-chan  screws up her face and looks  up  at
             this.]

RATBAT:      This  manor  can have the most irregular  weather
             patterns, really it can.

             [She  becomes aware that she is, in fact, resting
             on a pile of clothes.]

RATBAT [VO]: Och,  so  ye  went to Jusenkyou...I'd thought  as
             much...obviously   he  didn't   keep   the   same
             clothes. I wonder which spring he fell into?

             [She starts to bundle up the clothes.]

RATBAT [VO]: I'd  better  go see how Suzy is. [Pause,  scowls]
             Han,  with the mood she'll be in now... might  be
             an  idea  to leave her to cool for a bit.  [Nods]
             Kochan, on the other te...

             [She heads back towards the house.]

RATBAT [Self]:     Glendammit, I feel like today's been  three
             weeks long...



             2. LIVING ROOM.

             [Bobbi is here, building a house of cards. It  is
             very elaborate, and so far stands perfectly.]

BOBBI [Serene]:     The  true  martial  artist  is  always  in
             control...

             [She  places  another  card precariously  on  the
             house.]

BOBBI:       She  is  always  the master of  her  environment,
             exhibiting  perfect  unity within  her  body  and
             beyond...

             [She sneezes, and all the cards blow over.]

BOBBI:       Oh, bum!

             [Ratbat edges into the room.]

BOBBI:       Oh,  konnichiwa.  If  you're  looking  for  Suzy,
             she's in her room.

RATBAT:      Right  now,  looking for Suzy-kun is last  on  my
             list of things to do.

             [Bobbi goes back into sensei mode.]

BOBBI:       A  true  warrior  of  Rejinra will  face  earthly
             dangers  without question, without fear, lest  he
             sacrifice  his honour. [Pause] But  then,  you're
             talking  about going near Tendo Suzy  when  she's
             already pissed with you - honour be fucked.

             [Starts on the cards again.]

RATBAT:      Och...right. Have ye seen Col?

BOBBI:       That boy with the tits?

RATBAT:      Um...right.

BOBBI [Going off]:They're  nice  ones,  actually  -   I   must
             remember to find out where she got them.

             [Ratbat blinks. Bink!]

BOBBI:       Gomen...han, she left a while ago.  I  think  she
             must have gone home. She seemed upset. Maybe  her
             tits stopped working.

             [Ratbat  looks really befuddled. She  leaves.  As
             she does:]

RATBAT [Self]:     Why  is everyone around here obsessed  with
             bosoms?

             [Gone. Bobbi looks up.]

BOBBI:       Look who's talking. Little Miss Greedy-Guts-Took-
             The-Lion's-Share.

             [And while we're on the topic:]



             3. SUZY'S ZONE.

             [Suzy  is  still  wearing the same indescribable
             expression  she was outside, standing before  her
             mirror. Numbly: she removes her waistcoat,  lifts
             up  her  T-shirt,  and takes  off  her  bra.  She
             doesn't  seem  to really absorb or  believe  what
             she  sees. Her right bosom is fine, OK,  same  as
             ever.  She  looks  across and touches  her  left.
             There  is  little  marking apart  from  a  slight
             scratch  and  a  small bruise, but  the  analysis
             remains  true:  the  cut was clean.  Where  there
             should  be a nipple on her left breast, there  is
             simply  a  continuous run of skin. She  runs  her
hand over it.     It     starts     to    sink     in.     Her
             expression changes. She's mad.]

SUZY [Still dazed]:     ...not...I haven't...why couldn't  she
             just...it's   the  fucking  komori's  fault...she
             attracted   all  this...[total  ire]  RATBAT   NO
             BAKA!!!!!

             [Pulling her shirt back down, she storms  out  of
             her room.]



             4. CORRIDOR.

             [Suzy  stomps across to Ratbat's room, kicks  the
             door  open,  reaches in, tears the  doorknob/lock
             off the other side, and throws it away.]

SUZY:        Bakabakabakabakabakabaka...

             [She  forcibly  pulls the door  back  shut,  then
             makes sure that she can't open it. In short:  She
             got  annoyed and locked Ratbat out of  her  room.
             She  stands  there for a moment.  No,  it  didn't
             make her feel that much better, did it?]

SUZY:        NERF!

             [She treads down the stairs and out of shot.]



             5. NEAR DOJO.

             [Suzy  comes forth, obviously with the  intention
             of  walking some of it off. A short distance  up,
             we   see  Kunou.  He  is  approaching  the  dojo,
             bearing a big bunch of flowers. He spies Suzy.]

KUNOU:       Ah,  Tendo Suzy. Mine eye can see that  thou  art
             torn   within,  not  knowing  whether   I   shalt
             eventually  declare  my love  to  thyself  or  to
             sangurasu no bijo.

             [Suzy  stops  dead in front of him. He's  getting
             all posing. He thrusts the flowers forward.]

KUNOU:       Fear not, scarlet cloud! For the Blue Thunder  of
             Narrabundah  College shall hold a place  for  you
             in his heart for all eternity!

             [We  don't see anything in the next shot, but  we
             hear  a  loud  noise. When we cut back,  Suzy  is
             continuing  away down the street,  and  Kunou  is
             lying battered on the ground with his sword  tied
             around  his  neck. He is approached  by  a  small
             blonde  man wearing a ninja outfit with  a  Fuzzy
             Bunny Adventures badge.]

TIM:         Aa...Kunou-sama...daijobu desuka?

             [Kunou coughs, and remnants of the flowers  issue
             forth from his mouth.]

KUNOU:       It  appears that Suzy-megamisama may not be fully
             ready   to   accept  the  concept  of  rejection.
             [Pause]  No!  'Tis  not  rejection  by  me   that
             wrenches  her heart so! She must have  been  once
             more  violated  by that pile of  fish  excrement,
             Sigmatome Ratbat! Yet again I must find  him  and
             strike  him down. Remember, Timothy - we are  the
             ever-vigilant eyes of good!

TIM [sigh]:  Hai, Kunou-sama.

             [As  Kunou  tries to get to his feet,  his  sword
             becomes  dislodged, and the rubber  weapon  snaps
             back  and  slaps  Tim in the face,  knocking  him
             down.]



             6. KOCHAN'S.

             [Well, Col's shop has at least started to  get  a
             bit  cleaner, even if she hasn't actually got  it
             up  and running yet. She has started to shift the
             tables  around,  putting them in a  more  orderly
             fashion. The counter, also, is now clean.  Ratbat
             cautiously  enters. As Col looks up, we  see  her
             eyes are still slightly red.]

RATBAT:      Kochan?

COL:         Ratchan...

             [She looks away.]

RATBAT [Means    it    literally]:What...what   can   I   say?
             Go...gomenasai.

COL:         [Sniff]   It's  not  your  fault,   Ratchan.   It
             was...your chichi.

RATBAT:      Aye,  but...I  can see how much the  whole  thing
             got  to  ye.  I've  ne'er had a  woman  track  me
             across   the  country  with  a  marriage-or-death
             ultimatum before.

             [Goes over to her.]

RATBAT:      I  have  to  admit...I'm  kind  of  flattered,  I
             guess...

             [She  faces  Ratbat. She can see that glimmer  of
             hope in her eyes.]

COL:         Then...

RATBAT:      I'm  sorry, Col...but I...you're my friend.  Even
             without the Suzy thing, I...[this is hard]

COL [glum]:  ...you  just  don't see me that way.  You're  not
             sexually  attracted to me. I thought it might  be
             something like that.

RATBAT:      Don't  put  too  much  into  it...I've  no   been
             sexually attracted to anyone.

             [A  brief  word of explanation that  will  go  as
             well  here  as anywhere else (while the  action's
             centred  around  Ratbat's  old  friends  and  who
             finds  who  sexually attractive): As  far  as  we
             know  at  this  stage  in the  series,  the  only
             people  who know about Ratbat's gender  dysphoria
             are  Ratbat, Suzy and Niki (and possibly Fiona  -
             she's  always coming up with surprising  snippets
             of  knowledge).  Just thought  I'd  stick  it  in
             before the inevitable question came up.]

             [Col lets out a deep sigh.]

COL [Facing fate]:So...d'you   think...can   we    still    be
             friends...even  after what I  d--  what  happened
             this morning?

RATBAT:      Hai!  Mochiron!  Like  I've  never  had  an   off
             morning.  We  can  just start over,  forget  that
             whole concept ever happened!

             [They both laugh, relieved. Ratbat bows.]

RATBAT:      Sigmatome Ratbat. Hajimemashite.

             [Col bows back.]

COL:         Kuonji Colleen. Hajimemashite.

RATBAT:      'Colleen'.

COLLEEN:     Ja...I  figure I've been a boy for long enough  -
             I  might  as  well give a try at  being  a  girl.
             Besides,  I'll  probably do better business  that
             way.

             [Ratbat's  mind boggles for a moment  before  she
             realises what Colleen is talking about.]

RATBAT:      Och, soone... the okonomiyaki-ya!

COLLEEN:     Ee,  okonomiyaki-ya... [She knows what  else  she
             meant.]  My family'll probably need some cooling-
             off  time  when  I tell them what's happened...so
             I'd  say  that pre-tty much clinches my  decision
             to stay here and run this place.

RATBAT:      Ye're  gonna  be sticking around,  then?  Wicked.
             Now...I  think I might go and see if  my  josei's
             any calmer. Ja nee, Kochan...

             [She   heads  for  the  exit.  Colleen,  suddenly
             serious  again  [and not as over  Ratbat  as  she
             claims to be], calls her.]

COLLEEN:     Ratbat...!

RATBAT:      Un?

COLLEEN:     Do...do you love her?

             [Ratbat pauses. She remembers.]

SUZY [VO - clip  from I.10]: I don't hate you. Always remember
             that.

SUZY [VO - clip from I.2]:  Ratbat no baka!

             [The distant sound effect of mallet on head.]

RATBAT:      I...

             [Huge pause.]

KUNOU [Off]: Sigmatome!! Blackguard, where art thou?!

RATBAT:      [Sigh] ...I think I hear trouble.

             [She exits the shop to go looking for him.]



             7. LIVING ROOM.

             [Bobbi  and Len are playing shogi. Niki  is  also
             here,  sitting by and watching them. Bobbi points
             over Len's shoulder.]

BOBBI:       Look - there's a tank in the next room.

             [Well,  good  job  neither Suzy  nor  Ratbat  are
             here,  that's  all I can say. Len  looks.  As  he
             does,  Bobbi  shifts a piece. When her  attention
             drifts, however, Niki shifts it back.]

LEN:         Nee! Are you cheating at our shogi game?

BOBBI:       Eeto...

NIKI:        You  know, I don't think she has - see,  all  the
             pieces are still the same position.

LEN:         What? Bullshit! How dare you!

BOBBI:       Oi! I resent that!

LEN:         Ee, care to take this outside?

BOBBI:       Right!

             [They  storm  out the door. After a  moment,  Len
             returns  to  take  the game with  him.  Soon  the
             sounds of battle are heard.]

FIONA:       Niki-chan? Could you please go to see if you  can
             see  where  your  sister and  her  iinazuke  are?
             Neither  of them seemed to be in a very good  way
             this morning.

NIKI:        But  I've  got  stuff to do! I'm going  out  with
             Louise and some others tonight...

FIONA:       Come, imoto-chan...It won't take you long.

NIKI [Resigned]:  Hai.

             [She gets up and leaves.]



             8. FRONT GARDEN.

             [As  Niki  walks  out, Len and  Bobbi  are  still
             scrapping  by  the pond. After  each  blow,  they
             lean  back across, and make a shogi move. One  of
             the  strikes  is  for Len to hit Bobbi  over  the
             head with a panda sign that reads 'Take this!'.]



             9. OUTSIDE TENDO DOJO.

             [Niki  walks  past as Kunou and Tim come  in  the
             other  direction. Kunou is looking in  wonderment
             at his arm.]

KUNOU:       But  Timothy...what  can have propelled  ponīteeru
             no  onna  to bite my arm so? Is it the throws  of
             passion amongst the komori kind?

TIM [Desperately  trying to clue him in]:   And sir, isn't  it
             bizarre that her tooth-marks in your arm are  the
             exact  same  shape  as those  left  by  Sigmatome
             Ratbat on your sword?

             [Kunou  starts. He compares sword  and  arm,  arm
             and sword.]

KUNOU:       I  think I at last understand what you are saying
             to me, Timothy...

TIM [VO]:    Hooray!

KUNOU:       How  could Sigmatome be so foul, so...evil as  to
             restructure the teeth of the red-haired Helen  to
             match his own!! He shalt perish!

             [Tim  just  starts  banging his  head  against  a
             wall.]



             10. ROAD TO SCHOOL.

             [Suzy's dejected wanderings have taken her  here.
             She continues to skulk down the street.]

SUZY [VO]:   How  on  Earth  did this happen?  I  still  can't
             really  believe  it's gone. Not that  I  used  it
             much,  but  still... Maybe I shouldn't have  been
             so  ready  to  charge  out there.  Ha!  Or  maybe
             Ratbat  shouldn't have been doing things to  make
             me charge out there. In any case, wha--

LITTLE GIRL'S  VOICE [OOV]:  Marcelle! Marcelle, come back  to
             Noomy-chan!!

             [Suzy  looks up to see a small girl there,  about
             seventeen  or  eighteen, with  black  hair  in  a
             cutesy   hairstyle,  a  pastel-pink  dress,   and
             exquisitely-painted fingernails. She,  Noomy,  is
             chasing along the street the small ginger  piglet
             with    the    yellow-and-black    collar    that
             mysteriously  appeared  when  Euan  got  wet   in
             chapter  two  of  Volume One. The Euan-pig  looks
             terrified.  Following Noomy  and  the  pig  at  a
             leisurely  pace  is  an  elegantly-dressed  young
             man,  Chris,  with fair hair, coiffed  to  match.
             Both are on roller-skates (his are blades).]

CHRIS:       [Sigh] I can't take her anywhere...

             [Suzy comes to her senses.]

SUZY:        Nee!  You  - Noomy - I don't think that pig  wants
             to be chased!

             [The  pig  looks  up towards  the  voice  of  his
             saviour.  He  changes  course,  and  leaps   into
             Suzy's  arms. Noomy looks pissed off, and  brings
             herself to a halt before Suzy.]

NOOMY:       Hey! Marcelle belongs to Noomy-chan!

SUZY:        Uh-uh. Can't you see he's frightened?

             [She  protectively  hugs  the  Euan-pig  to   her
             chest.  CU  on pig. As he gets his face  squashed
             into    Suzy's   bosom,   he   squeals,   blushes
             profusely, and passes out.]

NOOMY:       Ee!  Frightened of you, horrible middle-aged lady
             with bobbles on her head!

             [Chris reaches them.]

CHRIS:       Oh, it's you again.

SUZY:        Nerf.  Grr. What, are you going to try this time,
             stealing my collar or dating me?

CHRIS:       Ha.  You've already [directed at Noomy,  whom  he
             is   restraining  behind  him]  fairly  won  your
             collar back...

NOOMY:       Jean-Luc!

CHRIS:       Be  quiet.  And it wasn't you that  I  wanted  to
             date, it was your red-haired pretty friend.

             [As  she  reacts, Suzy lets go of  the  pig,  who
             slithers down her leg, comes to, then skulks  off
             towards an alley. She goes all paranoid.]

SUZY:        What?  What's wrong? It's the nipple, right?  You
             can  tell, can't you!? Chikusho! It's so obvious,
             isn't  it!!  I'll never be able to live  normally
             again!

             [She   grabs   self-consciously  at   the   area,
             accidentally revealing some through the  tear  in
             her  shirt  as she does. Noomy immediately  leaps
             for it.]

NOOMY:       Henri! Come to Noomy-chan!!

             [Niki  approaches from the end of the  road.  No-
             one sees her. On Niki.]

NIKI:        Ahh...well, there's Suzy...

             [She  looks  toward the alley  that  Euan-pig  is
             going  to,  and sees that coming up it the  other
             way is...]

NIKI:        ...Ratbat!

             [She starts towards that one.]



             11. ALLEY.

             [Euan-pig  comes  in,  looking  nervously  around
             him.]

PIG:         Buki?

             [He  is  startled when Ratbat comes down  from  a
             fire-escape above.]

RATBAT [Evil]:    Konnichiwa, Euie-chan.

             [With an instant kettle, she tips water over  the
             pig.  Next  thing we know, there is a naked  Euan
             (except   for  his  hat,  glasses  and  hair-tie)
             standing there.]

EUAN:        Bastard-bitch.

             [He  realises  what has happened,  and  tries  to
             cover himself as Niki comes in.]

EUAN [To Ratbat]:  I don't suppose you happened to pick up  my
             clothes, did you?

             [Niki   suddenly  holds  out  the  bundle.   Euan
             reaches for it, but she whips it back.]

NIKI:        Iie...fifteen hundred yen.

EUAN:        Nani??

NIKI:        It's your choice, Euie...

             [Euan  looks about himself nervously, then  gives
             in.]

EUAN:        Fine. My wallet's in the left trouser pocket.

             [Niki  finds it, withdraws the money,  the  hands
             the clothes back to Euan, who redresses.]

NIKI:        A business doing pleasure.

             [She smiles. Ratbat turns on Euan.]

RATBAT:      Now, would ye mind explaining to me just what  on
             Earth  is  going  on? Since this morning,  you've
             come  back and tried to kill me, my fiance's lost
             a  nipple  and ended up in a very foul  mood,  my
             friend's got upset, I've been running all  around
             Neribanda,    and...[suddenly    grimaces     and
             winces]...and  I've  just  discovered   that   my
             periods are still really irregular...ow!

             [Niki  hands Ratbat a tampon. She breaks  out  of
             her pain for a few moments to look at her.]

NIKI:        „300.

RATBAT:      No deal. I canna use that one.

NIKI:        Why not?

RATBAT:      What  happens if I get hot watered? I don't  know
             either, but it wouldn't be pretty.

NIKI:        All  right,  „250. You could still last  till  we
             got home.

             [Euan's turning seven shades of mauve here.]

RATBAT:      „150.

NIKI:        „200, and that's my final offer.

RATBAT:      Han...how  about nothing and I tell  you  that  I
             came prepared?

NIKI:        You  ama! Does being strung along feel like  that
             when I do it?

RATBAT:      Arhh...hai.

NIKI [Orgasmic smile]: Wow, it really is evil...

             [Ratbat  opens  a  door to find  it  leads  to  a
             secluded  alcove.  She  disappears  inside.  Euan
             slowly returns to normal.]

EUAN:        Oi! You won't escape me that easily, Sigmatome!

             [He  is  about to strike the door open, but  Niki
             grabs his arm.]

NIKI:        You don't know much about girls, do you, Euan?

EUAN:        Han...dooshite?

NIKI:        If  you  did, you'd not be trying to go in  there
             right now.

RATBAT [OOV]:I  can  still hear ye. You were about  to  launch
             into the 'living hell' stuff again.

NIKI:        Yeah  -  why  do I get the feeling  that  there's
             more  than bread and broken hearts at the  centre
             of this?

             [Euan slumps against the wall.]

EUAN:        All  right.  You'll  hear of the  last  indignity
             you've put me through...

             [Flashback to:]



             12. JUSENKYOU.

             [CAPTION: Jusenkyou, China - Sunday 25 June  1995 ]

EUAN [VO]:   I finally managed to track you as far as China.

RATBAT [VO]: I despair that you actually found China.

EUAN [VO]:   Shut up.

             [Euan walks into shot.]

EUAN [VO]:   I  found  myself  in a place filled  with  ponds,
             pools   and  springs.  I  didn't  know  where   I
             was...but it had been a long trip, and  I  wanted
             to cool off...

             [Euan  stoops  down towards a pond,  but  a  hand
             grabs  his shoulder. We see that it is  Matt  the
             Jusenkyou guide.]

MATT:        Whoa - that was a close one, matey.

EUAN:        Nan da?

MATT:        That lake there, it's niuhoomanmaorenniichuan!

             [Holds    up    a    metre-long   sign    reading
             'niuhoomanmaorenniichuan'   in   Chinese.    Euan
             stands up.]

EUAN:        So what does that mean?

MATT:        Very  tragic story, matey! 2500 years ago, a yeti
             riding  a  bull  carrying  a  crane  and  an  eel
             drowned in there. It's got a curse on it now.  If
             you'd   fallen  in  there,  you'd   have   turned
             into...ooohh, fuck knows what.

EUAN:        Soodesune. Thanks for the warning.

             [He   turns  around,  and  steps  straight   into
             another spring. Matt holds up another sign,  this
             one saying 'xiaotouenniichuan', again in Chinese.]

MATT:        Oh,  that  one's  not nearly  as  much  to  worry
             about,  matey. Um, honourable guest,  sorry.  All
             that happened in that one is the tragic story  of
             a little pig drowning 1200 years ago.

             [The Euan pig splooshes out of the spring.]

EUAN [Angry]:Buiii!!!

             [End flashback.]



             13. ALLEY.

             [Ratbat and Niki listening to Euan's story.]

RATBAT:      Aye...I can see how ye'd find that inconvenient.

EUAN:        [Snort]  'Inconvenient'.  Can  you  imagine   the
             humiliation I'd suffer if this got out?

NIKI:        Humiliation? No-one here's even heard of you.

             [Euan ignores her.]

EUAN:        Ratbat,  as  a martial artist, you  must  have  a
             code  of  honour  - and by that  code,  you  must
             never tell of my curse!

RATBAT:      Haaaannnn...OK. Crap, I feel so Klingon now.

             [She  gets up and starts to leave the alley. Euan
             starts to follow, but Niki restrains him.]

NIKI:        Chotto matte, Euan-kun...

EUAN:        Nani?

NIKI:        I'm  not a martial artist. And I think that  that
             wallet  was  just a bit too heavy for you.  Let's
             talk.



             14. ROAD TO SCHOOL.

             [Suzy  finally  gets too sick of Noomy  all  over
             her.  She  hits her into low Earth  orbit,  Chris
             skating off in the direction she went. Ratbat  is
             approaching.]



             15. OUTSIDE KUNOU MANOR.

             [Kunou  and  Tim  are returning  home.  Suddenly,
             Noomy  falls out of the sky to land on Kunou.  As
             they  land in a crumpled heap, she gets her hands
             on his sword.]

NOOMY:       Phillipe!! You're Noomy-chan's pet now!

             [She bounces up and skates off down the street.]

KUNOU:       Hey!

             [He  gets  to  his feet and runs after  her.  Tim
             shuffles along in his wake.]



             16. ROAD TO SCHOOL.

             [Suzy  starts  to walk off again. Ratbat  catches
             up to her.]

RATBAT:      Suzy-kun...!

             [She stops and turns to her.]

SUZY:        Oh. You.

             [Ratbat  backs off slightly, doing the  oyakusoku
             pozu, but Suzy continues to walk.]

SUZY:        Nerf.  It's all right, Ratbat, I'm not  going  to
             kill you.

RATBAT:      OK.

             [Uneasy pause.]

RATBAT:      I'm...I dunno, I'm more sorry than I can  say.  I
             should've   warned  ye  that   he   can   get   a
             mite...volatile.  [Self]  Course,  if  ye  hadnae
             come rushing in in the first place...

SUZY:        Just...forget  it.  I  don't  know  who  I  blame
             anymore.  You,  me,  Euan...it's  none   of   our
             faults. It's all our faults. That's what you  get
             for kimi no ketsu no naka ni inkei ni arimasu.

             [Ratbat does a 'you're so weird' look.]

SUZY:        Just...take my forgiveness while I'm in the  mood
             to give it.

RATBAT:      Hai.  But  whatever...I'm really  sorry.  Believe
             me,  I  know how sensitive people can  get  about
             nipples...  Hontoo, if I could take  off  one  of
             mine and give it to you, I would. Ow!

             [There  is a sudden squeaking noise. We see  that
             Niki  has  come  up  behind,  has  her  hand   up
             Ratbat's  shirt,  and  is  evidently  trying   to
             remove said nipple.]

NIKI:        Well, we can try!

RATBAT:      D'ye  mind?  I'm getting enough pain signal  from
             this  corpus  for one day! Anyway, I thought  you
             were going out.

             [Niki withdraws her hand.]

NIKI:        Gomen, gomen...

             [She's gone. Suzy has started to laugh at last.]

SUZY:        Really,  Ratbat  -  I  don't  think  that'll   be
             necessary.  At least now I don't have  to  be  so
             self-conscious  about wearing  tight  clothes  in
             cold weather.

             [Ratbat laughs back.]

RATBAT:      Hai...ja,  I suppose either way we've  still  got
             five between us. That's more than enough...

             [They  walk  off  into  the  distance.  After   a
             moment, the pig scampers after them. Dissolve.]



             17. CORRIDOR.

             [Ratbat  and Suzy have just returned  home.  It's
             night-time.  Ratbat  is  entering  the   bathroom
             behind  Bobbi, whom Suzy is talking to.  Suzy  is
             cradling the pig in her arms.]

SUZY [Pleading]:  Can I, okaasan, can I...?

             [Bobbi considers.]

BOBBI:       Ja...I guess it isn't a very big butaa...

SUZY:        It's just that he seems to like me so much...

             [Snuggles the pig, who looks dazed.]

SUZY:        Doesn't  seem to like Ratbat much, but then,  who
             does...?

             [The  pig  turns  his  head  and  snarls  at  the
             bathroom door.]

BOBBI:       OK. Hai, you can keep the pig.

SUZY:        Oo, arigatoo, Haha!

BOBBI:       But  remember, he's your pet, you'll have to take
             care of him... Does he have a name?

SUZY:        I'm going to call him 'B-chan'.

BOBBI:       B?

SUZY:        B. From the romanji of butaa.

BOBBI:       Oh. Right. Of course. Haha.

             [She  shakes  her  head  and  goes  towards   her
             bedroom.]

SUZY:        Come  on,  B-chan...it's time for  bed.  I  don't
             have  anywhere to put you, though...Ah,  you  can
             sleep in my bed.

             [And with that, Suzy takes a really-wide-eyed  B-
             chan   off   to  her  zone.  Shortly,  Ratbat-kun
             emerges   from  the  bathroom  in  his   pyjamas,
             followed by some steam. He tries the door of  his
             den,  but for some reason it won't come. Much  as
             he tries, this door ain't gonna open.]

RATBAT [VO]: Nani?  I must have accidentally set off the  lock
             or something... Gah, what am I gonna do now.

             [He snaps his fingers.]

RATBAT [VO]: Oh   aye...Niki-chan's  no  comin'   back   until
             tomorrow... I'll sleep in her bed.

             [Goes off towards Niki's lair.]



             18. NIKI'S LAIR.

             [Ratbat  enters, checks for traps, then  goes  to
             the bed and goes to sleep.]

RATBAT [VO]: Glenda,  it's black in 'ere...how the hell  do  I
             know if I turned the lights out or not?

             [Mix to:]



             19. OUTSIDE DOJO.

             [Niki and her friend Yuka Louise come past.]

NIKI:        Oh  - that's a surprise. I didn't think we'd  end
             up past here tonight.

YUKA:        Well, our plans did change around a fair bit.

NIKI:        Hai.  Ja,  if I'm back here, I guess I  might  go
             home tonight after all. Ja nee, Lou-chan...

YUKA:        Ja nee.

             [Niki goes up to the house and enters.]



             END CREDITS.

                        Sigmatome Ratbat
                          URAC SIGMA
                               
                          Tendo Suzy
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                          Tendo Niki
                         NIKI O'BRIEN
                               
                          Toboki Euan
                          EUAN BOWEN
                               
                        Kuonji Colleen
                         COLLEEN HICK
                               
                          Tendo Bobbi
                         ROBYN SCHOLES
                               
                       Hodjsuke Timothy
                           TIM HODGE
                               
                        Shiratori Noomy
                      NOOMY SCHWINGHAMER
                               
                        Sanzenin Chris
                         CHRIS SIMPSON
                               
                               
                          written by
                          URAC SIGMA
                             with
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                      additional material
                         NICOLE WYLIE
                               
                   creation and development
                          URAC SIGMA
                          SUZY STYLES
                          EUAN BOWEN
                         LEILA FETTER
                               
                       with apologies to
                       TAKAHASHI RUMIKO
                       (amongst others)
                               
    http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/1778/bundahalf.html
                               
                               
                               
             20. LIVING ROOM.

             [The   next  morning.  Fiona  has  just  finished
             laying the table.]

FIONA [Calls]:    Minasan...! Asagohan desuyo!



             21. NIKI'S LAIR.

             [ECU  on  Ratbat's face. He starts  to  open  his
             eyes,  Fiona's call having roused him.  Then  his
             eyes open big.]

             [ECU  on Niki's face. She starts to do the  same.
             Then she, too, stares.]

             [From  a  better shot, we can see that they  have
             indeed  slept together in this bed, and they  are
             now all lying half-on half-under each other.]

NIKI & RATBAT:    AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
                               
                 © Recycadelic Cacti MCMXCVII