Subject: NARRABUNDAH 1/2 - Volume II, chapter 2
From: Ratbat
Date: 2/23/1997, 5:20 PM
To: Fanfix


                         NARRABUNDAH 1/2
                               
                by Urac Sigma with Suzy Styles
                               
                               
                    Volume II, chapter two
                               
                   Amari Takusan no Rekishi
                               
                               
                      CAST OF CHARACTERS
                               
                       SIGMATOME RATBAT
                         SIGMATOME LEN
                         House guests
                               
                          TENDO SUZY
                          TENDO NIKI
                          TENDO BOBBI
                          TENDO FIONA
             People what really live in the house
                               
                          KUONJI COL
                          TOBOKI EUAN
                      Restaurant-dwellers
                               
                         TOBOKI CALLUM
              I guess he must live in the surgery
                               
                       HAPPOUSAI GRAHAM
         Actually...I'm not really sure where he lives
                               
                               A
                       CAFETERIA WORKER




             TITLE SEQUENCE.

             [Opening  theme: Little Date (alternate version).
             Finishes  with  a  voice-over from  Suzy  and  an
             appropriate art-card.]

SUZY [VO]:   Amari Takusan no Rekishi.



             1. BACK KITCHEN.

             [We  pick  up right before we left off.  Col  has
             just discovered Ratbat in the kitchen.]

             [CAPTION:   Neribanda,   Japan   -   Saturday   9
             September 1995 ]

RATBAT:      Kochan...uh...hi. Are you going to tell  me  what
             the--Aie!!

             [Col has launched himself at Ratbat, and the  two
             are now grappling.]

COL:         Nhh...not   only...do  you   soil   my   family's
             honour...but   you  have  the...nerve   to   play
             ignorant!

             [Almost gets a punch in.]

RATBAT:      I  am  ignorant! Thoroughly ignorant!  Really,  I
             don't  have  a clue at all!! [Pause]  Glenda,  if
             Suzy was here now, she'd be having a field day.

             [Manages  to get a grip on Col. Somehow,  though,
             his   hand   has  gotten  caught  up  and   found
             something underneath his shirt.]

RATBAT:      Hm? Nan da yo...?

             [He  suddenly  pulls and is jerked backwards.  We
             can   only  see  his  face,  but  his  expression
             betrays  abject surprise. The two combatants  now
             off  each  other, Ratbat is staggering  backwards
             to the wall.]

RATBAT:      aa...

             [This  time  we  see.  A piece  of  solid-looking
             material (some form of binding) has come away  in
             his  hand  (not  to  mention the  fact  that  his
             shirt's been ripped in what will probably end  up
             becoming  a  rather unstrategic  place).  We  see
             what  has  become of Col now that this  is  gone.
             His  bandolier has come apart, and his shirt  has
             ripped  open  to show that (and this is  probably
             the  cause  for  Ratbat's surprise,  even  though
             you'd  think he'd seen enough of these even since
             he  got  to Neribanda) 'he' has a pair of breasts
             under  there.  Col  looks aghast  at  the  ripped
             shirt.  Ratbat staggers right back to  knock  the
             underside  of a shelf, which has a jug  of  water
             on it. It falls on him, and yep you guessed it.]



             2. HIGH STREET.

             [Niki and Suzy have just released each other  and
             are watching Euan.]

NIKI:        Masaka...this yaro is plenty pissed.

             [Euan  swings and thumps a lamp-post rather hard.
             It  bends,  then slowly creaks down  and  crashes
             with a loud noise.]

EUAN:        He...will...pay!!

             [Kicks  a can so hard that it puts a hole in  the
             wall across the street.]

EUAN:        He has made my life a living hell!!

             [Halves   a   garbage   can,   scattering   trash
             everywhere.  He  looks  like  he's  about  to  go
             another, when a voice speaks.]

VOICE:       Look, stop that!

             [Euan   turns  to  face  the  voice,  then  looks
             surprised. Niki and Suzy also turn to see...]

CALLUM:      Honestly...can't you ever calm down, ototo-san?

             [Suzy  and Niki look at each other, then at Euan,
             then at Callum, then back at each other.]

NIKI & SUZY: Brother?!

             [Euan suddenly looks very sheepish.]

NIKI:        Callum...you never told us you had a brother.

CALLUM:      Ja...you never told me you had one!

SUZY:        We don't!

CALLUM:      Well, there's no problem, then!

             [Shrugs. Suzy and Niki look back to Euan.  He  is
             starting  to  seethe again. Callum goes  over  to
             him, addressing the Tendos the whole time.]

CALLUM:      I'm  really sorry about him. I haven't  seen  him
             in  a few years. Come on, Euan...you can tell  me
             what you've been up to all this time.

             [He  gently manages to lead him, even  though  an
             imaginary  black  cloud is forming  above  Euan's
             head. Niki and Suzy look utterly confused.]



             3. BACK KITCHEN.

             [Col  and Ratbat have barely moved since we  last
             saw   them.  Ratbat  takes  her  sunglasses  off,
             blinks,  then slowly raises a claw  to  point  at
             Col's chest.]

RATBAT:      Han...nani?

             [Col  briefly looks down at her (we guess) chest,
             then back up again, rather indignantly.]

COL:         They're  tits! What do you think they  are!?  You
             should know, you've-- [realises]

             [She goes over and squeezes one of Ratbat's.]

COL:         Why the hell have you got those?

             [Ratbat prods one of Col's.]

RATBAT:      You can talk.

             [They  pause, realising who is touching what  and
             what's exposed and who's looking where.]

COL:         Han.

RATBAT:      Ano...d'ye think we can call a truce long  enough
             to  agree  not  to  fondle each  other's  exposed
             breasts?

COL:         Hai.

             [They release their grasps.]

RATBAT:      OK...now  that you've calmed down a  mite...could
             ye  perhaps tell me why you're chasing me  around
             Neribanda,  trying  to  kill  me  with  a   giant
             spatula.  And  for  that  matter,  why  are   you
             suddenly onna?

COL:         What  do you mean 'suddenly'? You'd be better  to
             answer  that!  How'd you do the sudden  dye  job?
             And for that matter, why...four?

RATBAT:      The  four  part?  That's easy,  I'm  chiropteran,
             it's all part of the deal. As for the onna...

             [She  weighs  up telling about the first  or  the
             second curse.]

RATBAT:      Ye  remember the type of trip my dad and  I  were
             on  when  I met ye? One of them took us  to  this
             lovely  little  place  called  Jusenkyou.   Short
             version: I fell into a pond that means  I  get  a
             female body whenever I get wet. Some nasty  curse
             'cos  a girl drowned in there fifteen hundred-odd
             years ago.

             [Col nods, taking this in.]

RATBAT:      Your go.

COL:         I  don't know why you're asking me about suddenly
             being  a  girl,  when I've been one  for  sixteen
             years...

             [She sees Ratbat about to raise her hand.]

COL:         [Sigh]  I'm  sixteen, by the way, all right?  The
             reason   I'm   after  you  is  because   of   the
             engagement you ran out on eleven years ago!!

             [Aims a spatula at her menacingly.]

RATBAT:      Ne?  Nani?  Donna engagement? The only engagement
             I  know  about  is my one my dad and  Suzy's  mum
             gave me to her!

             [Col's  ire  starts to rise again at this  point,
             so Ratbat moves quickly on.]

RATBAT:      A-anyway...back then, I thought ye was a boy!

COL:         Nani?! Then?

RATBAT:      We  were  five years old - it's not  so  easy  to
             tell at the time!

             [Col pauses.]

COL:         You honestly don't know what I'm talking about?

RATBAT:      Hontoo.

             [His eyes narrow.]

RATBAT:      I  think  it's  time we found out  just  what  is
             going  on...and  I  know who  we  can  ask  about
             that...come on. Tendo Dojo ni ikimashoo.

             [They leave.]



             4. DR CALLUM'S OFFICE.

             [Enter  Euan,  shirt off, towelling himself  dry.
             Callum is weighing up the value of putting a  tie
             on  Hoppy-chan the lab skeleton. He looks  up  on
             Euan's return.]

EUAN:        You see?

             [Dr Callum shakes his head.]

CALLUM:      Masaka...you're right, that isn't good...but  can
             you really blame Ratbat for all of it?

EUAN:        What  do you mean, 'for all of it'? It's directly
             his  fault! Everything is! [Distracted] What  are
             you doing?

             [Dr Callum shows off Hoppy-chan's tie.]

CALLUM:      What do you think?

EUAN:        Eto...Callum-kun...it's an ornament.

CALLUM:      What  are  you talking about? This is Hoppy-chan!
             He's  not  just a prop - he's almost  as  good  a
             dancer as Fiona!

             [Interesting  note:  His  glasses  fog  and  then
             instantly  clear for the small space of  time  in
             which he says 'Fiona'. Euan shakes his head.]

EUAN:        I  think Fred Astaire there might have taken  one
             too   many   steps  at  random   on   the   mined
             dancefloor.

CALLUM:      No,   actually  he  touched  himself   where   he
             shouldn't  when he was little. [Grave face]  What
             our parents told us was true.

             [Euan  rolls  his  eyes, then it's  back  to  the
             matter at hand.]

EUAN:        Anyway  - I can see that Sigmatome's got  to  you
             as   well!   Just  as  he's  obviously  deceiving
             that...fiance  that  that  samurai  baka  was  on
             about.

CALLUM:      Iinazuke? Oh, that would be Tendo Suzy.  She  was
             one  of  those girls in the street. The one  with
             the headband.

EUAN:        Ee...

EUAN [VO]:   She was pretty...

EUAN:        But  isn't  she...I  mean,  her  and  that  other
             girl...

CALLUM:      Nani? Oh, no - that's her sister.

             [Euan  looks  slightly embarrassed  and  confused
             all at once.]

EUAN:        Soodesune.  [Ahem] Anyway, I'm  off  to  take  my
             revenge  of  Ratbat! And don't you try  and  stop
             me!

CALLUM:      Wouldn't dream of it.

EUAN:        Good!

             [Exit Euan. Callum returns to pottering. After  a
             moment, Euan returns.]

EUAN:        Don't even think of it.

CALLUM:      Absolutely. Off you go.

             [Leaves. Returns.]

EUAN:        I'm   telling  you,  Callum-kun  -   this   isn't
             working!!

CALLUM:      I never thought it would.

             [Euan  scowls at him, then leaves again.  Another
             pause.]

EUAN [Off]:  AAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

CALLUM:      I love teasing him like that.



             5. OUTSIDE TENDO DOJO.

             [Col  and  Ratbat  approach. Both  look  slightly
             annoyed.  Ratbat, at least, looks  focussed.  Col
             has   changed  attire  slightly.  While  she   is
             scarcely unrecognisable, she now more looks  like
             a girl in boy's clothing than a plain old boy.]

RATBAT:      Why  do  ye  spend so much time disguised  as  an
             otoko, anyway?

COL:         After you rejected my femininity,

             [Ratbat  looks like she's about to  protest,  but
             lets it go.]

COL:         I  didn't want to give anyone else the chance  to
             reject it again.

RATBAT [Sorry]:   Glenda-sama...I guess I must have...

COL:         I still don't know how you could forget!

RATBAT:      That's   the   thing!  I  don't  think   I   have
             forgotten! I'm beginning to get the think that  I
             never knew!

VOICE:       A-haa! Pretty ladies!!

RATBAT:      Chikusho.

             [A   dwarf   -   dressed  in  black  and   maroon
             [including   a  leather  jacket  he  appropriated
             somehow],  with long red and grey  hair,  glasses
             and  a  goatee beard - leaps down from  somewhere
             above  and  gets a bizarre position on  Ratbat  -
             standing   on  her  lower  bosoms,  and   keeping
             balance by grabbing her top ones.]

GRAHAM:      Ahhh...Ratti-chan!  Want  to  play   with   Uncle
             Graham?

RATBAT:      No!

             [She  whips him off, which painful, as he doesn't
             let  go  at first, meaning they stretch out  then
             snap  back. She tries to throw him aside, but  he
             ends up grabbing onto Col's midriff.]

COL:         Nan da yo?

RATBAT:      [Sigh]  Kuonji Col - meet my dad's old  sensei  -
             Happousai   Graham.  Graham,  we've  got   better
             things to worry about then you at the moment.

GRAHAM:      Really? Like what?

RATBAT:      Like another fiance of mine that's turned up  out
             of nowhere!

GRAHAM:      Nani?  How am I supposed to train you to  be  the
             heir  to  the  Rejinra school if you  can't  even
             handle a couple of women?

RATBAT:      Wakaranai.

             [And  with that, she knocks him off Col and  into
             low Earth orbit. Col looks at him go.]

COL:         Well, that's him gone.

             [Graham suddenly reappears at her feet.]

GRAHAM:      Yeah, but I got your bra!

             [He  holds  it  up, then zooms  away  again.  Col
             realises that this is true, and growls.]

RATBAT:      What's  ye  problem? You yerself  said  ye  dinna
             usually wear them.

COL:         Hai, but now I'll sag terribly.

RATBAT:      Och. Really?

             [Looks  down  Col's top to check,  not  realising
             what  she's  doing. Col slaps her  with  a  small
             spatula.]

COL:         You could have taken my word for it.



             6. SUZY'S ZONE.

             [Did  you  know that this room has a window  that
             overlooks  the  front garden?  Well,  it  didn't,
             until  now. Ha ha. Suzy looks through this window
             at Ratbat and Col below.]

SUZY:        What's she doing...after she said...

             [Gets  angry,  and  hits  her  head  against  the
             window,  breaking it [the window] a bit.  We  see
             that Niki is also in the room.]

NIKI:        Suz...what  did  I  tell you about  smashing  the
             glass with your head?

             [Suzy  turns back, revealing that she has  a  cut
             on her head.]

SUZY:        It's a bloody stupid idea?

NIKI:        Mochiron.

SUZY:        Nerf.

             [She  goes  and finds a band-aid to  put  on  her
             head.]

SUZY:        But  look  at Ratbat down there! She  was  ogling
             that  other person's chest...and after she  swore
             blind  that  that  kind of thing didn't  interest
             her! Why someone else?

             [We   see   now   that   at  some   point   Fiona
             materialised in the room, and is putting  clothes
             away.]

FIONA:       Ja,  Suzy-chan...she's  probably  seen  yours  so
             often now that they're boring to her.

             [Doesn't    break   innocence.   Doesn't    break
             composure. Scary, isn't she? Suzy glares  at  her
             a   moment,  then  cups  her  own  breasts  self-
             consciously.]

SUZY [Sulk]: Nerf. What's wrong with them?

             [Niki is instantly sliding up her.]

NIKI [Play-sexy]:  Well, I know I certainly haven't  seen  any
             better...

             [At  that  point, something catches her eye,  and
             she  holds out her collar, looking down  her  own
             top.]

NIKI:        Then again...

             [She   comes  off  Suzy.  She  pauses.  She  then
             wanders from the room.]

NIKI [Self]: Wow, these are great...

             [Suzy  looks  slightly  confused.  She  turns  to
             Fiona.]

SUZY:        Oneechan...just how much do you know?

             [Fiona smiles sweetly.]

FIONA:       Ja...I  know that if you and Ratbat were to  ever
             make  it  to...marital arts...[pause]...I'd  much
             rather be her than you!

             [Smiles again and exits. Suzy's eyes have  opened
             really  wide, and her entire expression reads  'I
             don't  think any of that just happened'.  Without
             moving  otherwise,  she pitches  forward  on  her
             face.]



             7. BOTTOM OF STAIRWELL.

             [The  angry Ratbat and Col appear here. It  seems
             they've worked out that if there's a cock-up,  it
             probably lies with one man...]

COL & RATBAT:SIGMATOME LENMA!!!!



             8. LEN'S BIT.

             [Len  [human]  is here, and flinches  at  hearing
             the noise from down below.]

LEN:         Uh-oh.

             [He  grabs one of those always-available  buckets
             of  water,  and  tips it on himself.  Hey,  panda
             time!  He  pretends to be asleep,  then  Col  and
             Ratbat burst in.]

RATBAT:      You've got talkin' to do!

             [Len  holds up a sign: 'Talking? Don't be  silly,
             son - pandas can't talk.']

COL:         Huh?

RATBAT:      Och, ye're no gettin' out that way...

             [Len  spins  the sign around: 'Get out?  Get  out
             and eat bamboo? What a splendid idea!']

             [Ratbat sighs, and produces a kettle.]

RATBAT:      I  thought this might happen. He fell into a pool
             of his own, y'see.

             [Changes  Len  back, just as he's trying  to  get
             another sign ready. As a human, he gives  up  and
             throws the sign away.]

LEN:         Chikusho.  All  right, what d'you want?  And  who
             are you?

             [Thinks for a moment. Realises.]

LEN:         Ah, crap.

             [He  looks towards the door, then decides against
             it  when  Col  holds  her big  spatula  over  his
             head.]

COL:         Now,  Ojisan...perhaps you'd like to tell me  why
             you  and  this  ama ran out on  me  eleven  years
             ago...

RATBAT:      ...not to mention why I don't remember doing it!

LEN:         [Sigh] OK - it was when I took Ratbat out on  one
             of his first trips...

             [Flashback to:]



             9. ROAD.

             [Well, yes...a road.]

             [CAPTION:  Near  Hakodate, Japan  -  Thursday  23
             August 1984    ]

             [...and  wandering into shot we see  Len  [pretty
             much  exactly the same as he is now], and Ratbat.
             At  five  years of age, Ratbat is  wearing  a  gi
             that is a couple of sizes too large, his hair  is
             all  over the place, and his sunglasses  are  way
             too big for his head.]

LEN [VO]:    Obviously, all that walking would make us  hungry
             a  lot.  Luckily for us, we often ran  into  this
             guy with an okonomiyaki yatai.

             [The   two   come  across  this.  Len   buys   an
             okonomiyaki  for  himself  and  one   for   Young
             Ratbat, who wanders off happily.]

LEN [VO]:    After  a  while, it became obvious that this  guy
             had  a  kid  - a daughter - around Ratbat's  age.
             You, Kuonji Colleen.

             [Young  Colleen steps out from behind the  yatai,
             her  father enthusiastically talking to Len.  The
             following  scenes  are  all  of  Ratbat  and  Col
             having  a  great time, chasing each other  around
             and  doing all sorts of fun kid stuff. The  young
             Col,  we  might add, hasn't got glasses yet,  but
             otherwise  looks like a five-year-old version  of
             what  we know now. And yes, she could be mistaken
             for a boy.]

RATBAT [VO]: Och... 'Col' wa 'Colleen' no tanshukukei desuwa!

COL [VO]:Ja, what did you think it was?

RATBAT [VO]: I  dunno...I  mean, it's not like it's  a  common
             Japanese name...

COL [VO]:You can talk.

RATBAT [VO]: Obviously ye've nae heard me try.

LEN [VO]:    [Ahem!]

COL & RATBAT [VO]: Gomen.

LEN [VO]:    He  said  that he could see how well Col  and
             Ratbat were getting on, and that even though  she
             was  only five, she knew she wanted to marry him.
             At  first I said no, then the guy offered me  the
             yatai for a dowry. And because I was hungry,  but
             had no money...

             [His hand gropes unsuccessfully in his pocket.]

LEN [VO]:    ...I accepted.

             [Mix to where Young Ratbat is. Len comes over.]

LEN [VO]:    Only  later  I  realised  what  I'd  done,  so  I
             decided that I had to ask Ratbat. Frankly, I  was
             stuck.  I  asked  him which  he  liked  better  -
             Col or okonomiyaki.

RATBAT [VO, dry]: Truly abstract thought - only Sigmatome  Len
             can do this.

LEN [VO, ignoring  her]:And, of course, 'cause he didn't  know
             how  Col  felt,  not to  mention  bein'  only
             five, he said...

YOUNG RATBAT [Mouth full]:  Ukyounmiyagi!

LEN [VO]:    So I nicked the yatai anyway, and that was that.

             [End flashback.]



             10. LEN'S BIT.

             [Len gets up to go.]

LEN:         And  there you go. All perfectly logical, and all
             Ratbat's fault. Now, sumima--

             [Ratbat grabs his leg.]

RATBAT:      Not so hayai...

LEN:         What? Hadn't you better stay here with your  jo--
             [realises] Aa.

RATBAT:      Ye   wanna   know  something?  Now  that   you've
             mentioned  it...I can remember that conversation.
             I  think  you might be bending the truth  just  a
             mite...

             [Flashback to:]



             11. ROAD.

             [Len  talking  to Young Ratbat, just  as  he  was
             above.]

LEN:         Well,  son?  What  do  you like  better  -  nice,
             sweet,     delicious    okonomiyaki...or...[evil]
             Kuonji  Col - demonic creature from the  pits  of
             HELL!  Slayer of innocents and small  children!!!
             Bringer of ALL DOOM!!!!

             [Screams  maniacally. Young Ratbat  looks  scared
             out his mind.]

YOUNG RATBAT [Small]:  Igglenimayaki? [Pause] I think  I  just
             had an accident.



             12. LEN'S BIT.

             [Len suddenly looks really guilty.]

LEN:         Of course...it could have gone like that...

             [While  Ratbat snaps, tears start  to  roll  down
             Col's cheeks.]

RATBAT:      Och,   nice...is  that  all  I  am  to   you?   A
             chiropteran MasterCard? What did you plan  to  do
             about Te--

             [Col  escapes a sob, and Ratbat  notices  her
             crying.]

RATBAT:      Kochan?

COL [Through tears]:    Ratchan...I...this...

             [She  fully  starts  to cry, and  runs  from  the
             room.  Ratbat debates whether to follow her,  and
             turns  to Len...who now isn't there, if  you  get
             my drift. She looks to the window.]

RATBAT:      Baka-sama.

             [She  is  about  to  get up and  leave  when  she
             notices what Len was doing already.]

RATBAT [VO]: Hmm...a  postcard  to Haha...[sarcastic]...always
             just  so  insistent  that  she  comes  to  visit,
             inn'e?

RATBAT:      [Sigh]

RATBAT [VO]: I wonder where Kochan's got to...?

             [She gets up and leaves.]



             13. BATHROOM.

             [Col  is  leaning against  the  closed  door,
             crying.]

COL [VO]:I'm  so  stupid...why did I have to stay obsessed
             with  him for eleven fucking years? Can I  really
             have  thought  that  he'd just  let  himself  get
             beaten  into the ground, and then he'd come  back
             to  me? Why am I that dumb? I should've just  got
             over  him...maybe  I would have  fallen  in  love
             again...  Maybe  I  mightn't  have  got  rid   of
             Charlotte so quickly... But now...he's  got  this
             Suzy  girl. And he probably loves her  more  than
             someone  who's been out of his life  since  1984!
             Fuck!

             [She  slams  her  hand against the  door  several
             times.]

COL:     Fuck fuck fuck fuck! I hate love!

             [Bursts into tears again.]



             14. CORRIDOR.

             [Ratbat-kun,  alerted  by the  noise,  starts  to
             head towards the bathroom. However...]

EUAN [OOV]:  RATBAAATTT!!!!!

             [Ratbat  rolls  his  eyes,  and  heads  for   the
             stairs.]



             15. FRONT GARDEN.

             [Euan  is  here, looking pissed off.  The  Tendos
             stand  by. Fiona has a tray of drinks. Euan turns
             to them.]

EUAN:        Ratbat-kun wa doko da?!

BOBBI:       Eto...inside, I imagine.

FIONA:       Would you like some tea?

EUAN:        Arigatoo.

             [He  takes a cup, swigs it down, then glares back
             at the house. Ratbat soon emerges.]

RATBAT:      Och,  so  you made it, did ye? Did your sense  of
             direction get better at last?

EUAN:        Urusai!  [Pause]  If you must know,  I  ended  up
             here  while  I was looking for the toilet  in  my
             brother's  clinic.  But  I  meant  to  come  here
             eventually anyway. [Pause] Matte kuru.

             [He  whispers something to Fiona. The two briefly
             go  into  the house. After a moment, there  is  a
             flushing sound, then they emerge.]

EUAN:        Gomen...it had to be done.

             [Everyone face-faults.]

EUAN:        Now,  Sigmatome! I don't know how you drove  back
             Kuonji-san,  but  I  won't  be  dealt  with  that
             easily!

RATBAT:      Before we get started, you wouldn't just want  to
             fill me in on just what your beef is, would ye?

EUAN:        My  'beef'? My 'gyûniku'?! You've made my life  a
             living Hell, and you wonder what my beef is?

RATBAT:      Han...aye.

EUAN:        Care  to  cast  your mind back about  a  year  or
             so...?

RATBAT:      [Sigh]  I seem to be casting my mind back  a  lot
             today.  I'm  beginning  to  know  how  an  angler
             feels.

             [Flashback to:]



             16. SCHOOL CAFETERIA.

             [CAPTION:  Hakodate, Japan - Monday 25 July  1994
             ]

             [A  lot  of students are here, crowded  around  a
             counter. It's evidently lunch-time.]

EUAN [VO]:   Junior  high. From what I've heard, probably  one
             of  the  few  times in your life you've  gone  to
             school  on a regular basis. Please don't  try  to
             tell  me  that  you've  forgotten  what  used  to
             happen every lunchtime.

RATBAT [VO]: Iie.

             [The  cafeteria worker holds up a  piece  of  pan
             bread.]

CAFETERIA:   Oi!  Listen  up, minasan! This is the last  piece
             of   pan  there  is.  Whoever  catches  it,  it's
             theirs!

             [He  throws it into the air. Euan is amongst  the
             kids  below.  [At  this stage  he  is  wearing  a
             school  uniform,  but still his  hat.]  He  looks
             up.]

EUAN:        Mine!

             [He  leaps  for  it  [Takahashi gravity-physics],
             but  just  as he is nearing it, Ratbat-kun  [also
             wearing  a  school uniform, but with his  various
             bits  of  jewellery], jumps out  of  nowhere  and
             grabs  it. He lands and starts to eat. Euan looks
             annoyed.]

EUAN:        This went on day...after day...after day.

             [Shot after shot of similar things happening.  In
             short,  Euan's  been really unlucky  in  the  pan
             stakes.  Towards the end, as Euan starts to  look
             more  angry,  Ratbat  actually  starts  to  looks
             slightly  upset.  In the last one,  we  see  that
             Ratbat  is actually holding out half of  the  pan
             to Euan's retreating back.]

             [End flashback.]



             17. FRONT GARDEN.

             [Everyone  looks slightly dumbfounded  [including
             Len,  who  arrived  in  the meantime].  Oh,  Niki
             isn't - she's sitting there with popcorn.]

SUZY:        So - all this temper-temper's about...bread?

             [Euan looks over at her.]

EUAN [VO]:   God, she is kirei...

EUAN:        It's  not  just about pan. I'd probably  find  it
             somewhere in my heart to forgive just that.  It's
             the...ordeal  I've been through  ever  since  you
             stood me up for our....fight!

             [Now Ratbat looks really confused.]

RATBAT:      Tatakai? Gomen...I really don't remember.

EUAN:        Sure you don't. I might have been a bit late--

             [Ratbat holds up a hand.]

RATBAT:      How late?

EUAN [Quietly]:    Seven  days.  [Aloud] And then  what  do  I
             hear? You've gone to China on a training trip!

RATBAT:      Och,  so  that was then...but I still dinna  know
             about this fight!

SUZY [Accusingly]:Just  like you didn't know about your  other
             fiance?

RATBAT:      Han...kinda.

EUAN:        Don't  play  stupid, Sigmatome! I sent  you  this
             letter of challenge!

             [Whips  a  letter out from beneath  his  hat.  He
             realises. He's got it. Ratbat hasn't.]

EUAN:        Aarrggghhh!!

             [He buries his face in his hands.]

RATBAT:      Dinna tell me you forgot to send it.

EUAN:        I meant to...

RATBAT:      Besides...I think you're leaving a few  important
             bits out, Euie-chan.

EUAN:        What mean you?

             [Ratbat looks around.]

RATBAT:      With me.

             [He  exits the garden. Euan follows. Soon  after,
             everyone  drifts away, except for Niki and  Suzy,
             who go up to one wall to listen.]



             18. AROUND CORNER.

             [Ratbat is reading the letter.]

RATBAT:      Feh.  Fight. This might be for a one-on-one,  but
             you  know  as  well  as I do  that  this  was  no
             tatakai!

EUAN:        It  might as well have been, for how I felt after
             you  didn't show up! Do you know that I  followed
             you all the way to China! Did you know that?

             [Ratbat  tries  to add things up.  It's  starting
             make sense.]

RATBAT:      China...? Did...did you follow me to Juse--

EUAN:        Enough!  Like  it wasn't bad enough you  stealing
             my lunch all semester anyway!

             [Now Ratbat looks hurt.]

RATBAT:      I  told  ye  what that was! I was trying  to  get
             your  attention! I couldn't just ask you out just
             like that! I didn't know if you had some kind  of
             reputation to damage!



             19. FRONT GARDEN.

             [Against  the  wall, Suzy and Niki look  at  each
             other.]



             20. AROUND CORNER.

EUAN:        Then  how  do  you explain that fitting  in  with
             supposedly  being asexual? Or  is  that  just  so
             people will let their guard down?

RATBAT:      I...I  was  - I am. It was...I had an  adolescent
             schoolg--  kid-type crush, yes? I  know  that  we
             were  never serious about it...and that  I  still
             never  developed  those...other  feelings...  But
             Glendammit  - we had fun, remember? Why  are  you
             just blocking it out?

EUAN:        That  was...I don't anymore...with boys.  It  was
             like...a phase. I just--

RATBAT:      Just  what? Why the hot temper? Come on - we  had
             fun...and I still like you...




             21. FRONT GARDEN.

             [Suzy suddenly gets to her feet.]

SUZY:        Bloody hell, she's fucking half of Japan!!

             [Storms off toward the gate.]



             22. AROUND CORNER.

             [Euan snaps.]

EUAN:        Enough!   You   sacrificed  any   right   to   my
             friendship or affection when you wronged me  like
             that! Prepare for your doom! Bakusai-ten-ketsu!

             [He  aims  another one of those  punches  at  the
             ground,  but Ratbat has already jumped  clear  of
             it [he learns, this one].]

EUAN:        Fun! All right...try this!

             [He  whips  off his hat [revealing  that  he  has
             another  underneath - a bit like Ryouga  and  his
             bandannas  in Ranma 1/2, which I've heard  bears  a
             passing resemblance to this show], and throws  it
             at   Ratbat,  Oddjob-style.  Ratbat  dodges,  but
             still  cops  a  passing blow to the shoulder.  He
             notices a graze.]

RATBAT:      Cruk...what the hell are those things?

             [Euan   snarls,  and  throws  another  few  hats.
             Ratbat completely dodges this time, but the  hats
             flick the wall, knocking bits out of it.]

RATBAT:      Euie-kun - this won't help anyone!

EUAN:        It'll make me feel better!

             [Slow  motion:  Euan pulls off  another  hat  and
             throws. It heads straight for Ratbat. Suzy  comes
             around  the  corner behind Ratbat, so he  doesn't
             see  her.  Ratbat ducks out of  the  way  of  the
             hat.]

SUZY [JPO]:  Ratbat--!

             [The  hat  strikes  Suzy around  the  chest.  Cut
             straight to normal speed, and on Ratbat.]

RATBAT [Alarm]:   Suzy...!!!



             END CREDITS.

             [With the alternative version of Equal Romance.]

                          Tendo Suzy
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                       Sigmatome Ratbat
                          URAC SIGMA
                               
                          Tendo Niki
                         NIKI O'BRIEN
                               
                          Toboki Euan
                          EUAN BOWEN
                               
                        Kuonji Col
                         COLLEEN HICK
                               
                          Tendo Bobbi
                         ROBYN SCHOLES
                               
                         Toboki Callum
                         CALLUM BOWEN
                               
                       Happousai Graham
                        GRAHAM HENSTOCK
                               
                       Cafeteria worker
                        ETHAN PHILLIPS
                               
                               
                          written by
                          URAC SIGMA
                             with
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                   creation and development
                          URAC SIGMA
                          SUZY STYLES
                          EUAN BOWEN
                         LEILA FETTER
                               
                       with apologies to
                       TAKAHASHI RUMIKO
                       (amongst others)
                               
    http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/1778/bundahalf.html
                               
                 © Recycadelic Cacti MCMXCVII