Subject: NARRABUNDAH 1/2 - Volume II, chapter 1
From: Ratbat
Date: 2/23/1997, 5:19 PM
To: Fanfix


                   NARRABUNDAH 1/2
                               
                by Urac Sigma with Suzy Styles
                               
                               
                    Volume II, chapter one
                               
             Toujou! Eien no Mayoigo, Euan. Toto!
                               
                               
                      CAST OF CHARACTERS
                               
                          TENDO SUZY
                    That girl with the buns
                               
                       SIGMATOME RATBAT
        The one what turns into a girl when he gets wet
                               
                          TENDO NIKI
                    The blackmailing chick
                               
                          TOBOKI EUAN
                      Always gettin' lost
                               
                          KUONJI COL
                   Who? Oh, the spatula guy.
                               
                          TENDO FIONA
                       The domestic one
                               
                         KUNOU JARRAH
                       That samurai dude
                               
                         SIGMATOME LEN
                           Panda guy
                               
                          TENDO BOBBI
                            The mum
                               
                         TOBOKI CALLUM
                      Good-lookin' doctor
                               
                              Two
                             OTAKU
                               
                         What's this?
                            Another
                           LOST BOY?




             0.  INT.  CORE  NARRABUNDAH COLLEGE COMMON  ROOM.
             DAY.

             [This  scene's  in live-action.  We  start  on  a
             close-up  of the edge of a common room  table  in
             the  core Narrabundah College. After a moment,  a
             hand  grips  the  edge - a slightly  webbed  one,
             long  over-cared for fingernails, hematite  ring,
             coming out of green sleeve.]

ANGLO-SCOTTISH VOICE:  Romance.

             [Another hand grips the table right next  to  it.
             No  (or  short)  sleeve. Also long  nails,  black
             polish,  incredibly  long  little  fingernail.  A
             mite smaller than the first.]

AUSTRO-JAPANESE VOICE: Violence.

             [Over  the  next few shots, we will become  aware
             that  these  are  Suzy and Ratbat,  only  they're
             not.  While they're still dressed akin  to  their
             characters, these are obviously Suzy  Styles  and
             Urac  Sigma rather than Tendo Suzy and  Sigmatome
             Ratbat.]

             [CU on each mouth in turn.]

SIGMA:       Transsexuality...

STYLES:      Aquaphobia...

             [Eyes.]

SIGMA:       Martial arts...

STYLES:      Lingerie theft...

             [Now full-body shots, leaning on the table.]

SIGMA:       Interfering parents...

STYLES:      Bizarre teachers...

             [They come forward from the table.]

SIGMA:       Nudity...

STYLES:      Blackmail...

             [They  end up back-to-back, just like many famous
             pictures of Ranma and Akane.]

STYLES & SIGMA:   Welcome back to Neribanda!

             [And we hear the music, and go straight into...]



             TITLE SEQUENCE.

             [Opening  theme: Little Date (alternate  version).]

             [A  new title sequence: It starts off with a  pan
             from  Ratbat-kun's  feet  to  his  head,  and  no
             sooner have we got there, than Suzy and Niki  tip
             a  bucket  of water over him, and he  turns  into
             Ratbat-chan.  What then follows is  a  series  of
             clip-like  sequences, showing the  various  types
             of  things  that  our heroes usually  get  up  to
             (Suzy   bonking  Ratbat  with  a   mallet,   Niki
             counting   money,   Graham  with   a   horde   of
             underwear,  Ruthie with her coin,  Kunou  flexing
             his rubber sword, etc, etc), perhaps with one  or
             brief clips from the Jusenkyou sequence from  the
             start  of the series, and bits of stilted romance
             things. Of course, it all finishes with a  voice-
             over from Suzy and an appropriate art-card.]

SUZY [VO]:   Toujou! Eien no Mayoigo, Euan. Toto!



             1. OVER NERIBANDA.

             [An  aerial view of the district, showing us that
             it is night, and a quiet one at that.]

             [CAPTION:  Neribanda  district,  Tokyo,  Japan  -
             Friday 8 September 1995  ]

             [We  zoom  around  to find the Tendo  Dojo.  Home
             in.]



             2. NIKI'S LAIR.

             [Niki sits here in bed, writing in a diary.]

NIKI [VO]:   What   can  I  say?  After  reading  Suzy's   and
             Ratbat's  for so long, I couldn't help but  start
             a  nikki  of my own. You know, with stuff besides
             who's on what roll of film and things like that.
             Actually  most of the reason I want to do  it  is
             because I wanted to write down some of the  weird
             stuff  that's been going on since the  Sigmatomes
             moved in. OK, so first off Mum engaged one of  us
             to  her friend's son so they could take over  the
             family  dojo  and never told us. A bit  off,  but
             she's  always been a bit vague, so I can't say  I
             really  blame her. It's what happened  in  the  -
             shit,  it's  only been a month - what's  happened
             in   the   tsuki   since  that's   really   worth
             mentioning. For a start, we manage to get  Ratbat
             -  that's the son's name, by the way - engaged to
             Suzy  rather than myself or Fiona. It could  have
             backfired  horribly, but it  looks  like  they're
             getting along now.



             3. SUZY'S ZONE.

             [Suzy is in her bed, asleep.]

SUZY [In sleep]:  Baka.



             4. RATBAT'S DEN.

             [Ratbat-kun, the same.]

RATBAT [Asleep]:  Bouryoku.



             5. NIKI'S LAIR.

             [Still at it.]

NIKI [VO]:   Then,  we  find  out that Ratbat  and  her  (yes,
             that's  right,  'her')  Dad  had  a  bit  of   an
             accident  when  they  were training  at  a  place
             called  Jusenkyou in China. They fell  into  some
             mystical   pools  or  something.  Now,   whenever
             Ratbat  gets splashed with cold water, she  turns
             into  a  girl.  Her dad turns into a  panda,  but
             that's not as much fun. Pandas have all the  same
             bits as humans, they're just furrier.



             6. CORRIDOR.

             [We  see the door of the lavatory. There  is  the
             flushing sound, and Len (panda) emerges,  humming
             to himself and folding up a newspaper.]



             7. NIKI'S LAIR.

             [She can't be stopped.]

NIKI [VO]:   Anyway, it goes on from there. We found out  that
             Ratbat  was  actually secretly gender  dysphoric.
             For  the  last sixteen years, she's felt  like  a
             woman  in  a  man's body - although not  much  of
             one, maybe a boy's body would be better - so  she
             likes it better when she's in her onna state.  Of
             course,  she  sometimes thinks twice  about  that
             when it comes to Kunou.
             Kunou  Jarrah's  this self-obsessed  martial-arts
             maniac at school. It was bad enough when he  just
             had  the  hots for Suzy, but now he's decided  he
             likes this ponīteru no onna [ie, Ratbat] just  as
             much...and he'll do anything to make them his.



             8. KUNOU'S BEDCHAMBER.

             [Traditional  Japanese decor, and decorated  very
             ornately.  He  is  sitting  up  in  bed,  looking
             through  photographs. We see that  they  are  the
             snaps  of  Suzy  and/or Ratbat.  He  keeps  doing
             appreciative noises, and getting happy looks.  We
             cut   away   so   we  can't  see   the   pictures
             themselves.]

KUNOU:       Ah...such fine beauty, Tendo Suzy...

             [Next pic.]

KUNOU:       Mmm, ponīteru no onna, thou shalt be mine...

             [Next pic.]

KUNOU:       Aahhh...now that is exquisite!!

             [We  see  over his shoulder that he  is  in  fact
             looking at a photo of himself.]



             9. NIKI'S LAIR.

             [Stop it, girl! Ye'll go blind!]

             Apart  from  him,  we've had  insane  ice-skating
             martial-artists, a new teacher at school who  can
             suck  the  life out of a student with  her  spare
             change,  too many challenges to think about...oh,
             and  our parents' old teacher came back...he's  a
             complete  hentai...and his  particular  taste  is
             teenaged girls with big chests. [Pause]  You  can
             see our problem here.
             Anyway,  Niki no nikki, that was the  month  that
             was.  Maybe  from here on in, things  might  calm
             down.

             [She  stops writing, puts the book in  her  safe,
             and  turns  the light off. As she lowers  herself
             down, she adds to herself:]

NIKI [Self]: Probably provided no new people show up.



             10-11. OVER NERIBANDA/OUTSIDE ABANDONED SHOP.

             [We  go  from outside the dojo to another  street
             in  Neribanda. A truck (the same truck we saw  in
             the  last scene of the last volume) drives up  to
             the  abandoned  shop and stops.  Two  people  get
             out.  Both about sixteen, the first is  the  lost
             boy  we  followed all over the place last volume.
             Long  frizzy  red hair tied into a  ponytail.  He
             wears  glasses,  GP  boots, a yellow  top,  black
             trousers, and a grey fedora hat with a black  and
             yellow  hatband  tied on. (It's description time for
             this new volume.) The second  boy  we've
             never  met.  He  has long dark-brown-almost-black
             hair,  also  in a ponytail, not to  mention  also
             having  glasses,  although his  are  missing  one
             arm.  He  wears clothes reminiscent of a Japanese
             school  uniform, except for a sash not unlike  an
             ammo  belt  that has spatulas in it. He  picks  a
             huge  spatula  from the back of  the  truck,  and
             tucks  into  a holder on his back. The  lost  boy
             looks up at the empty store.]

LOST BOY:    Is this it, Col?

COL:         Ee.

             [Col  grabs the lost boy's bag from the  back  of
             the  truck,  as well as his own, then  shuts  and
             locks it.]

LOST BOY:    But...it's a mise...

             [He goes over and looks into the window.]

LOST BOY:    A restaurant, come to that.

COL:         Uh-huh.

LOST BOY:    When  you  said you had a place in  Neribanda,  I
             didn't...

COL:         There's  flats upstairs. My family owns  a  whole
             bundle    of   these   places.   I    figure    I
             can...[emotional  almost-noise]  finish  what   I
             came here for, and then maybe start up business.

             [He unlocks the door and they go in.]



             12. EMPTY RESTAURANT.

             [Dust   everywhere.  Nothing's  been  cooked   or
             served  here in some time. Col gets a  flashlight
             from his bag and starts shining it around.]

LOST BOY:    What type of business?

COL:         An  okonomiyaki restaurant. It's the  kazokukeiei
             no  shobai, making okonomiyaki. It all  built  up
             from  a yatai my dad had for years when I  was  a
             kid.

             [There  is a hard edge to his voice when he  says
             the  last part, but the lost boy decides  to  let
             it go.]

LOST BOY:    You can cook French food?

             [Col looks at him.]

COL:         Euan-san...okonomiyaki  is  Japanese.  Don't  you
             know that? Aren't you Japanese?

EUAN:        Ano...do  you  think that Japanese food  will  go
             down well in France?

COL:         We're  not in France! We're where we both  wanted
             to get to! This is Tokyo! We're in Japan!

EUAN:        Oh...right... [Looks away]

             [Col closes his eyes.]

COL:         You  didn't  know  Tokyo was in Japan,  did  you?
             God,  you've got bad a sense of chiri! No  wonder
             you  kept  getting  lost all  this  time.  [Yawn]
             Anyway,  I'm  tired.  I'll  set  up  one  of  the
             upstairs rooms for you, then I'll turn in.

EUAN:        Then ashita?

             [Col smiles nastily.]

COL:         Then tomorrow...for what he did to my family...

EUAN:        ...and to my life...

COL & EUAN:  Sigmatome Ratbat will pay!



             13. LIVING ROOM.

             [The  next morning. Already present we have Bobbi
             (loooong  brown  hair  with  grey  bits  in  it),
             wearing  a long royal blue garment  that  appears
             to  be  part  dress,  part  samurai  robe.  Fiona
             (short  light  brown hair( enters, neatly-dressed
             as  ever  in  slacks  and a  sweater  covered  in
             clouds and birdies and other sweet things.  Fiona
             starts  laying the table. Over in the corner,  we
             see  Niki  and  Len.  Len (short  grey  hair  and
             moustache) is dressed in the same bloody gi  that
             we  always  see  him in. Niki (long  black  hair)
             wears  a  seiraa  fuku decorated  in  purple  and
             black  rather  than  the  traditional  white  and
             blue.  Yen symbols decorate her neckerchief.  She
             has   another  table  set  up,  one  with   three
             upturned  cups  on  them. She  is  swishing  them
             around, Len trying to follow.]

NIKI:        Come on, then - which one is it under?

LEN:         Oh,  ye'll  have  to do better then  that,  Niki.
             Fiddlin'  like that's child's play when you're  a
             master of Rejinra martial arts.

NIKI [Unimpressed]:    Which one, then?

             [Len  takes  a blind guess and picks  the  middle
             one. Niki lifts it up. Nothing.]

LEN:         Kuso.

NIKI:        Come on, pay up.

             [Len  grumbles and places some cash into her open
             palm. He skulks back to the table.]

NIKI:        I  wonder  if  it'd still be as  much  fun  if  I
             actually  put  a  ball under  one  of  the  cups.
             [Pause] Naahhh...

             [Enter Ratbat-kun (medium-length dark brown  hair
             in  a ponytail - he also appears to have effected
             the  long-ribbon thing), wearing green  and  blue
             Chinese attire with his badge-jacket.]

RATBAT:      Ohayo. [Looks around] Suzy-kun wa doko da?

FIONA:       Oh,  she's  in  the kitchen at the moment.  She's
             finishing helping me make breakfast.

             [Everyone  else  in  the  room  suddenly  baulks,
             turning a pale grey colour for a moment. Panic.]

BOBBI:       Musume, are you out of your mind?

FIONA:       Okaasan,  it's  asagohan - even  Suzy  should  be
             able to manage that.

LEN:         Is it too late to move house?

FIONA:       Now,  Sigmatome-san, she has  to  be  allowed  to
             start somewhere.

RATBAT:      Aye - Warszawa, for preference.

             [With  no warning, a mallet swings down and  hits
             Ratbat on the head.]

SUZY:        Ratbat no baka!

             [We're back in business!]

             [The  mallet  disappears, and we see Suzy  coming
             from  the  direction of the kitchen.  Dark  brown
             hair  up  in the buns and ribbons we've all  come
             to  know  and  love. We also have  a  long  green
             skirt,  a  Lum  T-shirt, a charcoal waistcoat,  a
             'rising  sun'  headband  (you  know  the  ones  I
             mean(, and of course...Jean-Luc, the dog-collar!
             She carries a tray with food on it.]

LEN [Brave face]: All right, let's see what we've got here...

             [Suzy  smiles  and dishes out the food.  Everyone
             looks at it.]

FIONA:       Oh, my. Pancakes.

BOBBI:       And they're such a lovely...blue colour.

             [Everyone  continues to stare at  them  a  moment
             longer.]

SUZY:        Oi! What are you waiting for?

             [Immediately, breakfast conversation  breaks  out
             thick and fast, covering the fact that no-one  is
             eating.   Except   Niki,  who  is   quit   calmly
             consuming   the  blue  pancakes.   Ratbat   looks
             surprised. He addresses her in a low voice.]

RATBAT:      'ere...'ow can ye just...eat that? Dinna tell  me
             she actually cooked summat good for a change.

             [Niki shakes her head.]

NIKI:        Sureness of metabolism, Batti-chan.

RATBAT:      Ye  mean  ye've  mean subjected  to  Suzy's  food
             preparation that you can stomach it these days?

             [Niki shakes her head.]

NIKI:        No,  I  mean  sureness of how my metabolism  will
             react. It's very precise.

RATBAT:      Un?

             [Niki checks her watch.]

NIKI:        In  precisely  seven  minutes,  I  will  make   a
             nonchalant excuse, and leave the table. In  seven
             minutes  and thirty seconds, I will go  into  the
             toilet  and close the door. In seven minutes  and
             thirty-three   seconds,  I  will  violently   and
             copiously  spew  my guts up. In  ten  minutes,  I
             will return to the table.

             [Smiles nicely.]

RATBAT:      You're  weird. I look like a bat and turn into  a
             girl when I get wet, but it's you that's weird.

             [On Len, Bobbi and Suzy.]

BOBBI:       What do you think of Hiroko?

SUZY [Confused]:  Who's Hiroko?

LEN:         It's not a person, it's a name.

SUZY:        For what?

LEN:         Your daughter.

SUZY:        What daughter?! I'm not pregnant.

             [Turns sexy eyes to Niki.]

SUZY [Sexy]: Unless, Niki-chan...

             [Niki returns the eyes.]

NIKI [Sexy]: Yes, Suzy-chan...

             [Suzy slowly embraces her.]

SUZY:        Did you...?

             [Niki  looks straight to her, and they are locked
             in iris-to-iris passion.]

NIKI [Breathy]:   Did I what, darling?

SUZY:        ...get me pregnant?

NIKI:        This year?

SUZY:        Hai...

NIKI:        Iie.

             [Were  this  any other time or any other  people,
             Ratbat  might  react, or at the  very  least  say
             something  or  be bemused. Now, of  course,  he's
             just  sitting  there  filing his  nails.  Without
             missing  a  beat, Suzy returns her  attention  to
             the parents.]

SUZY:        So what are you talking about?

BOBBI:       Well,  you know, you and Ratbat, you're going  to
             get  married...you'll end up  having  children  -
             it's  probably a good idea to choose a namae now,
             before there's much pressure.

             [Suzy   is   trying  to  think  of  an   adequate
             response, but she can't.]

SUZY:        Nerf!

             [Suddenly, Fiona speaks.]

FIONA:       Oh, my.

RATBAT:      Nani?

FIONA:       We've run out of sukiyaki sauce, and I need  some
             for tonight's dinner. I'll just have to go up  to
             the hondori later and buy some.

             [Suddenly,  Niki, then Ratbat,  spring  to  their
             feet.]

NIKI:        Don't worry, oneechan!

RATBAT:      We'll head off right away and get it for you!

             [Shouldn't  you  guys be at  school?  Oh,  forget
             it.]

FIONA:       Oh, you're so kind. Domo arigatoo gozaimasu!

SUZY:        Ne! What about the breakfast I made for you?

NIKI:        Han...we left it too long!

RATBAT:      Aye,  look, it's spoiled. And if we ate  it  now,
             it  would  be a terrible insult to you! Come  on.
             Ikimashoo!

             [Ratbat  and  Niki go, an utterly  confused  Suzy
             following  them out. Somehow, Len and Bobbi  also
             mysteriously leave the table. Fiona, left  alone,
             samples one of Suzy's concoctions.]

FIONA:       Oh. It's actually quite good.



             14. HIGH STREET.

             [Col  emerges from an alley, dragging  Euan  with
             him.]

COL:         Honestly, Euan!

EUAN:        I'm sure that's the right direction.

COL:         That's  a dead end! I think they might be  a  bit
             better  off than trying to run a dojo in  a  pile
             of cardboard boxes.

             [He grabs his wrist and starts to lead him.]

COL:         Look,  we've both been waiting ages to  get  back
             at Ratbat, and I don't th--

VOICE:       Ratbat?  Speakest thou the name of  that  manure-
             dwelling cur Sigmatome Ratbat?

             [They turn.]

COL:         Hai.

EUAN:        We've got to settle scores of honour with him.

             [Yes,  we  all  know who's there:  short  cropped
             hair,  blue  samurai robe, rubber sword  flopping
             in the breeze.]

KUNOU:       Nay,  for  I  have only these past  days  decreed
             that  mine own exacting revenge must come  before
             any other.

EUAN:        Hontoo? What do you want with him?

KUNOU:       Not  only  does he dare to try to  make  me  look
             foolish,  but  he  holds  fair  maidens  in   his
             satanic  grip, namely the red-haired  beauty  and
             Tendo Suzy - whom he dares claim as his fiancé!

             [Both  look  surprised at  that  last  word.  Col
             actually looks slightly hurt.]

COL [Quietly]:    Josei...

EUAN:        Look, who are you?

KUNOU:       I   am   he   who  strikes  for  the  honour   of
             unfortunate   onna.  I  am  kempo   champion   of
             Neribanda!   I  am  Kunou  Jarrah  -  Narrabundah
             College's Aoi Ikazuchi!

             [He  holds  aloft  his  sword,  and  thunder  and
             lightning play in the immediate vicinity.  Strike
             a pose.]

COL:         He's boring me.

             [The  combine to punch him into the air and  away
             - him still in his pose as he flies off.]

EUAN:        All right - where do you think this dojo is?

             [Col suddenly holds up a hand.]

COL:         Listen - we might not need to bother.

EUAN:        Huh?

             [He  drags  him down behind a hopper. Further  up
             the  street,  we see Suzy, Ratbat and  Niki  come
             into view.]

NIKI [Fade up]:    Fair  enough...the Dirty Pair  against  the
             Magic Knights.

RATBAT:      Magic Knights.

SUZY:        Dette ike. The Lovely Angels, no contest.

RATBAT:      Get away! The Magic Knights are cuter!

SUZY:        They're having a fight, not a cute contest!

RATBAT:      Cute   contest'd   be  more  fun.   Anyway,   the
             Naitsu've got all magics and stuff.

SUZY:        Dirty Pair: Spaceships, big guns and attitude!

RATBAT:      Ah, but the Magic Knights 'ave Mokona...

SUZY:        Mughi would eat Mokona.

COL:         Hold it right there!

             [All  three look forward to see Col and  Euan  in
             front  of  them. Col surreptitiously  turns  Euan
             around so he's facing the front.]

EUAN:        Prepare to die, you coward!

             [Niki  immediately drops to her knees and  starts
             to cry (Tendo Soun comical style).]

NIKI:        No!  I'm  really sorry! I never meant to  do  it!
             Please! We can still all be friends! I'll pay  it
             all back! I'll make it up to you!!!

COL:         [Sigh] We were talking to Ratbat.

             [Niki snaps out of it.]

NIKI:        Oh. Really? Sorry about that.

             [She gets back to her feet.]

NIKI:        [Ahem] Continue.

SUZY [To Ratbat]:  Who  are these people and why do they  want
             you?

RATBAT:      I'm no completely sure...I think...

EUAN:        Don't pretend you've forgotten us!

RATBAT:      Ah. Glenda.

SUZY:        Glenda nani?

RATBAT:      That  geezer in the hat...I knew him at a  school
             I  went  to a few months ago. Hm. Things  between
             him   and   me  went  a  mite...hm.   The   other
             guy...I...[looks closer] Kochan? Is that you?

COL:         Shut up, you.

EUAN:        I've  seen Hell because of you! You're  going  to
             pay!

COL:         Pay for what you did to both of us!

RATBAT:      What I did to...?

SUZY:        Yeah - what did you do, Ratti?

RATBAT:      Wakaranai!  Hontoo ni! Kochan,  what's  all  this
             about?

COL:         Shut up, 'Ratchan'.

NIKI:        'Ratchan'?  'Kochan'? [To Suzy]  I  really  think
             we've missed something here.

SUZY: [Growl]Nerf.

EUAN:        Ima! Attack!

COL:         Matte kure. I want first go!

EUAN:        Dame! Boku!

COL:         Uchi!

EUAN:        Boku!

             [They  sigh.  As our heroes start to look  bored,
             the  attackers draw their fists match each  other
             for it.]

EUAN & COL:  Jan...ken...pon!

             [Euan gets paper, Col rock.]

COL:         Chikusho.

             [Euan  charges  at Ratbat. Niki  and  Suzy  stand
             clear.]

EUAN:        Bakusai-ten-ketsu!

             [He  goes  down  and  punches the  ground  before
             Ratbat. He actually manages to hit so hard,  that
             the  ground vibrates and cracks, knocking  Ratbat
             to it.]

SUZY [VO]:   What  the  fuck's going on here...who  are  these
             people?

             [In  other  words, she's still surprised,  that's
             why she's not helping. Niki stares at Euan.]

NIKI [VO]:   He  must  be  strong...he  hit  the  ground  hard
             enough   to   cause  a  small  tremor...must   be
             something  to do with channelling they're  always
             on  about. I wonder if Suzy'll go me „2000 on the
             new guy?

             [Another figure, a guy in a yellow top and  green
             trousers  with  a  yellow and black  bandanna  is
             passing through.]

BANDANNA [VO]:    Where am I now?

             [Looks over and sees the ground-shaking punch.]

BANDANNA [VO]:    Ah, I've seen it before.

             [He goes. On Ratbat, lying on the ground.]

RATBAT [VO]: Ow.  Ow.  Ow.  He's been busy these past  months,
             I'll  give  him that. I think he's gone  off  me.
             Better finish this.

RATBAT:      Sigmatome seiki-o-tsubusu!

             [Makes  that attack of his. Euan goes  down,  but
             not out. He soon gets back up again.]

EUAN:        Grrrr... Kanazuchi no ashi!

             [Goes  for  an  almighty kick.  Ratbat  fails  to
             dodge.]

RATBAT:      Tenshin amaguriken!

             [Makes   an   almost-too-fast-to-see  series   of
             punches  on  Euan. Euan reels back, then  punches
             Ratbat  in the face. Ratbat hits the ground,  and
             rises to his elbows, looking stunned.]

RATBAT:      Hey...you didn't call it!

             [He  struggles  to  get back to  his  feet.  He's
             hurt, but seething.]

RATBAT [VO]: He's really gotten good. Time to go all-out.

RATBAT:      SIGMATOME ULTIMATE DEFENSE!!!

             [He turns on his heel and runs away.]

             [It takes Euan a moment to take this in, then  he
             starts  after him. Ratbat runs down the street  a
             small  way, then turns a corner. Euan  turns  the
             same  corner.  There is a pause.  Ratbat  returns
             from  the bend, looking a bit confused. He  looks
             around,  but  he's not there. Euan has  got  lost
             already. Col buries his face in a hand.]

RATBAT:      Nan da yo?

             [He  wanders back, completely befuddled. Col gets
             himself together.]

COL:         Arrgghh!  Right! You might have  lost  that  baka
             [Kami  knows  it isn't hard], but I won't  be  so
             easy...

RATBAT:      Kochan...I still dinna understand...

COL:         Don't  you  'Kochan' me!! I'll teach you  to  run
             out like that!

RATBAT:      Run out? Nani?

             [Col withdraws his huge spatula.]

COL:         Kuonji hera no kogeki!

             [Ratbat  runs as Col chases after him,  obviously
             intent  on  doing  him an injury  with  the  huge
             tool.  They  run clean out of shot. On  Niki  and
             Suzy,  who  look  at each other,  confused,  then
             start pretending to make out.]



             15. OUTSIDE ABANDONED SHOP.

             [This  street again, although it looks as if  the
             shop   has  started  clean-up  work.  The   door,
             however,  is  unlocked. Dr Callum (a tall  early-
             thirties with red hair, glasses, and blue  denim)
             passes  through,  on his way somewhere.  After  a
             brief  pause, Ratbat runs into shot. He's  gained
             some ground on Col, but he's still a problem.  He
             pauses briefly to gain his breath.]

RATBAT [VO]: What  the  hell's  got into him? Granted,  Chichi
             and  I  left  somewhat abruptly all  those  years
             ago, but he seems pretty browned off just 'cos  I
             didn't say sayonara.

             [Turns  and see Col gaining. Inspired, he  shoves
             open the door of the shop and runs in.]

COL:         Oi! Uchi no! You come out of there!

             [Holstering the big spatula, he goes in.]



             16. EMPTY RESTAURANT.

             [Col  comes in and looks around. He sees nothing.
             Well,  no  chiropterans,  anyway.  He  cautiously
             looks under tables, and at the ceiling.]



             17. BACK KITCHEN.

             [Ratbat  has  comes right through  to  this  back
             room   of  the  restaurant.  He  tries  to   move
             silently  out,  but accidentally  knocks  down  a
             spoon,  making  a  noise. Within  seconds,  three
             small spatulas fly into the wall by his head.]

RATBAT:      Eep!

             [He turns to see that Col has found him.]

RATBAT:      Kochan...uh...hi. Are you going to tell  me  what
             the--Aie!!

             [Col has launched himself at Ratbat, and the  two
             are now grappling.]

COL:         Nhh...not   only...do  you   soil   my   family's
             honour...but   you  have  the...nerve   to   play
             ignorant!

             [Almost gets a punch in.]

RATBAT:      I  am  ignorant! Thoroughly ignorant!  Really,  I
             don't  have  a clue at all!! [Pause]  Glenda,  if
             Suzy was here now, she'd be having a field day.

             [Manages  to get a grip on Col. Somehow,  though,
             his   hand   has  gotten  caught  up  and   found
             something underneath his shirt.]

RATBAT:      Hm? Nan da yo...?

             [He  suddenly  pulls and is jerked backwards.  We
             can   only  see  his  face,  but  his  expression
             betrays  abject surprise. The two combatants  now
             off  each  other, Ratbat is staggering  backwards
             to the wall.]

RATBAT:      aa...



             18. HIGH STREET.

             [Niki  and  Suzy are still at it when  they  hear
             something and look up. It is Euan, storming  back
             in, miraculously. He must have gravitated.]

EUAN:        Coward! Where's he hiding?!

NIKI:        Masaka...this yaro is plenty pissed.

             [Euan  swings and thumps a lamp-post rather hard.
             It  bends,  then slowly creaks down  and  crashes
             with a loud noise.]

EUAN:        He...will...pay!!

             [Kicks  a can so hard that it puts a hole in  the
             wall across the street.]

EUAN:        He has made my life a living hell!!

             [Halves   a   garbage   can,   scattering   trash
             everywhere.  He  looks  like  he's  about  to  go
             another, when a voice speaks.]

VOICE:       Look, stop that!

             [Euan   turns  to  face  the  voice,  then  looks
             surprised. Niki and Suzy also turn to see...]

CALLUM:      Honestly...can't you ever calm down, ototo-san?

             [Suzy  and Niki look at each other, then at Euan,
             then at Callum, then back at each other.]

NIKI & SUZY: Brother?!



             END CREDITS.

             [With  the  alternative version of Equal  Romance.]

                          Tendo Suzy
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                       Sigmatome Ratbat
                          URAC SIGMA
                               
                          Tendo Niki
                         NIKI O'BRIEN
                               
                          Toboki Euan
                          EUAN BOWEN
                               
                          Kuonji Col
                           C.M. HICK
                               
                          Tendo Bobbi
                         ROBYN SCHOLES
                               
                         Toboki Callum
                         CALLUM BOWEN
                               
                            Ryouga
                       YAMADERA KOUICHI
                               
                               
                          written by
                          URAC SIGMA
                             with
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                   creation and development
                          URAC SIGMA
                          SUZY STYLES
                          EUAN BOWEN
                         LEILA FETTER
                               
                       with apologies to
                       TAKAHASHI RUMIKO
                       (amongst others)
                               
    http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/1778/bundahalf.html
                               
                (c) Recycadelic Cacti MCMXCVII