A fanfic by Terrence Marks:
 
        Love is What Frightens You The Most
      
      Chapter 1: The Man With a Woman's Shadow
 
(Preliminary notes: The chapter titles are also song titles.
I suggest picking up the albums.  If you'd like, I'm willing
to distribute mix tapes to go along with this.  If you're
interested in getting a copy, email me.  If you're interested
in suing me for copyright violation over distributing above 
tapes...please don't.  I'm really not worth it.
 
Also, since most of the songs were written by other people
(one of them is by myself), the songs might not fit 
*exactly*.  For instance, in this chapter, the song
states that the man with the woman's shadow doesn't
mind.  In the fanfic, he minds a lot.  I'm not going 
to toy around with the lyrics.  It's just going to be
one of those charming inconsistancies.
 
And a word in asterisks, like *this*, means that it's
said with stress.)
 
 
Chapter One: Man With a Woman's Shadow
(By Robyn Hitchcock, off of the Moss Elixer CD and 
nearly-impossible-to-find single.)
 
((fade into lyrics))
He's a man with a woman's shadow
He's a man, but he doesn't mind
And so softly that does he creep 
that he kiss you in your sleep
when you're alone
 
He's a man with a woman's shadow
He's a man out in west L.A.
And I hate to tell you this,
but I love the way you kissed him 
Yesterday
 
He never gets the girl he wants
because the girl inside him haunts 
the living room
and the dressing room
 
He's a man with a woman's shadow
Hieroglyphics on a yellow cone
and you can reach inside yourself 
and you can find another self
and you can bend your soap and wash your spine.
Fine
 
He's a man with a woman's shadow
((fade out of lyrics))
 
 
(Scene: The Tendou house.  Soun Tendou is looking at a postcard.
He is crying.  The postcard says:
        Returning to Tokyo with Ranma
                        
                        Genma
                                        )
 
Soun: AKANE!  KASUMI!
 
(Kasumi ventures out from the kitchen)
 
Kasumi: What is it father?
 
Soun: I have important news to discuss with you and Akane.
 
Kasumi: I believe that she's in the dojo.
 
(Soun rushes out towards to dojo to get Akane.  Kasumi
waits patiently for a moment.  Soun and Akane return.)
 
------------------------------------------------------
(Tokyo Street.  Raining.  A girl is walking, followed
by a panda.  We all know who they are.)
------------------------------------------------------
 
(Back to the Tendou house.  Soun and his two daughters
are sitting on the floor.)
 
Akane: (shocked) Fiancee?
 
Kasumi: Father...are you sure that this is wise?
 
Soun: You haven't even met Ranma yet.  I'm sure that
you'll like him.
 
Kasumi: Father's right, Akane.  We haven't even met him
yet.  He may be a very nice fellow.  This seems so exciting.
 
(There is a knock on the door.  Kasumi stands up and proceeds
to open the door.  On the outside, there is a girl and a panda.)
 
Kasumi: Hello.  May I help you?
 
Ranma: Hi.  I'm Ranma.
 
Kasumi: Father!  Ranma is here! (to Ranma) Please come in.
 
(Ranma and the panda enter.  Akane looks Ranma over)
 
Akane: Father!  Ranma is a girl.
 
(Soun looks Ranma over.  The panda starts to walk towards the 
kitchen.)
 
Soun: Nonsense.  Everyone is looking androgynous these days.  
Like that Boy George fellow from America.
 
Kasumi: I don't think that I'd want to marry Boy George.
 
Soun: Then it's settled!  You won't marry Boy George, you'll 
marry Ranma.
 
Kasumi: (talking to Ranma) But..(stammers) this is all so 
sudden.  You haven't even proposed.
 
Soun: I didn't mean *today*.
 
Kasumi: It's *still* sudden.  (to Ranma) And you haven't even 
introduced yourself.
 
Ranma: (bows) Hello.  My name is Ranma Saotome.
 
Akane: He sounds like a girl.
 
Soun: Of course he's a boy, just like Genma said.  Just look 
at this manly chest.  
 
(Soun pulls Ranma's shirt open.  Unfortunately, Ranma is in 
female mode and his chest is not what most would consider 'manly')
 
Kasumi: Oh my.
 
Ranma: (pulls his shirt closed) Would you mind not doing that?
 
Soun: I'm shocked.
 
Kasumi: I'd suppose it's for the best.  I'm sorry, Ranma, but 
I simply can't marry you.  You're too young.
 
Akane: Stop talking about marriage, Kasumi.
 
(In the background, a teakettle can be heard to whistle and
Genma walks out from the kitchen.)
 
Genma: Hello, Tendou!
 
Soun: Hello, Saotome.  You told me that you had a son.
 
Genma: I had a son.  You told me that you had three daughters.
 
Soun: (laughs nervously) No, you must be mistaken.  I have
two children.  That's all.
 
Genma: Ah.  Twelve years ago, you had seemed rather certain that 
it was three children.
 
Soun: You know how children are.  I must have miscounted.
 
Genma: (thinks about it for a bit, then nods)
 
Soun: You were rather certain that you had a son.
 
Genma: Allow me to demonstrate.
 
(Genma takes a teakettle and pours the contents on Ranma.  Change)
 
Ranma: It's about time that you did that, pop.
 
Kasumi: How did it happen?
 
                *       *       *
(Meanwhile, at the certain mansion, a mysterious figure
is speaking into the telephone.  The mysterious figure
is speaking English, currently.)
 
Figure: Hello.  Mr. Greenspan?
 
        Yes.  Nice to talk to you too, Alan.  I want you to cut
the reserve ratio.
        
        Yes, I know that the Federal Reserves has other methods of 
controlling the money flow.   I said I want the reserve ratio to 
go down.
 
        I don't care what you'll have to go through to do that.
 
        You do remember who you're speaking to, don't you.
 
        That's better.  I'm sure I'll read all about it in the 
papers tomorrow morning.  Good bye.
 
(The mysterious figure hangs up the phone.)
                *       *       *
(back at the Tendou residence)
 
Soun: That, Saotome, was a very moving story.
 
Genma: Thank you, Tendou.
 
Soun: So, Ranma, which of my daughters will you be marrying?
 
Kasumi: Akane would be the logical choice.  I already tried 
marrying him when he got here, and that didn't work out.
 
Akane: Kasumi!
 
Kasumi: And you're the same age as he is.
 
Akane: I already have a boyfriend, though.
 
Kasumi: That Kunou fellow, right?
 
Soun: (to himself) Kunou... (speaking loudly) Then it's settled!
Ranma will marry Akane!
 
(The background of the house is replaced with animated fireworks.
This is not a literal occurance, but just one of those mood 
backgrounds that you see throughout the anime and manga.
Unfort, they don't convert well to text)
 
Genma: Our families will be united!
 
Kasumi: I simply adore a good wedding.
 
Ranma: I'm not gonna marry her.
 
Akane: Good.  I'm not going to marry him.
 
Soun: But what about our families, our honour?
        
Ranma: You can take your honour and stuff it.  I've got
other things to worry about.  Besides, I could find
myself a better-looking girl than her.  (points to Akane.
Akane glares at him.)
 
Akane: I've got a nice, honourable boyfriend who appreciates
me.  I'm not going anywhere near this jerk.
 
Genma: You would make your father break his word?
 
Akane: I didn't ask for this!
                        *       *       *
        At a certain mansion, dinner is set out over a table 
with three chairs.  Currently, two chairs are occupied.  It 
is currently too dark to tell who the occupants are.  
The first one breaks a long silence by saying 
    "Sister, your evil is as boundless as the eternal ocean."
The second figure pauses a moment, in thought, before responding
    "But brother, the ocean has boundaries.  They're called shores."
The first figure waits before replying.
    "Yes.  But it is still very very large."
The second figure nods in approval.
    "That *does* make sense.  Is there anyone else in here with us?"
    "I don't believe so."
    "That's quite unfortunate.  That means that one of us will have
     to turn on the light."
The first figure nods, and then there is silence. 
   "You", says the second figure, "are the Rising Star, bringer
    of light to all whom you meet."
   "Mere lightbulbs cannot express my true brilliance."
   "Even a star has to start with a lightbulb."
   "Even a star has to start with a lightbulb?  That makes no sense."
The second figure thinks for a moment.
   "Yes, I suppose it didn't.  I'll turn on the light."
The room is illuminated, revealing the first figure to be 
Tatewaki Kunou and the second figure to be Kodachi Kunou.
Tatewaki Kunou stares at the plate in front of him.
   "Eat, brother."
   "Your evil is as limitless as the ocean is large!  What is
    the name of this foul concoction?"
   "Stop being dramatic, brother.  It's sheperd's pie.  It's
    a nice, British dish.  It's quite good actually."
   "You would serve your own brother British food?  Your
    evil is truely without bounds."
   "If you don't want to eat it, you don't have to.  I just
    wanted to try something foreign."
For a moment Kodachi looks quite disappointed.  Tatewaki notices   
this and starts eating.  Kodachi smiles and starts eating too.
                        *       *       *
(The next morning.  Ranma and Akane are walking to school.
Sasuke waits for them at the gates.)
 
Sasuke: Master Kunou sends his regrets, Miss Tendou.  Previous
engagements prevent him from meeting with you this morning.
He sends this.
 
(Sasuke hands Akane a box of chocolates.)
 
Ranma: So that's how she got that figure.
 
(Akane and Sasuke glare at Ranma.  A blue lightningbolt flashes
in the background.  Suddenly, Kunou leaps out of a nearby tree
and lands two feet away from Ranma.  His bokken is poised to 
strike.)
 
Kunou: How dare you insult Akane Tendou?!
 
Ranma: What do you care?
 
Kunou: I am the rising star of the kendo world, Tatewaki Kunou.
I have the privelege of dating the fair Akane Tendou.
 
Akane: Kunou!  Sasuke said that you were busy.
 
Kunou: The importance of my other appointment pales in comparison
to the importance of defending your honour.
 
Ranma: What's that mean?
 
Sasuke: It boils down to "Get lost, punk."
 
Kunou: Thank you, Sasuke.
(Sasuke bows to Kunou)
 
Kunou: Your manners, stranger, are abominable.  I suggest that you
keep your distance from Akane.
 
Ranma: Can't do that.  I'm living with her father.
 
Kunou: What?!  I cannot permit this!
 
Ranma: Her father can.  And my name is Ranma Saotome.
 
Akane: Kunou, don't make a scene.  We're going to be late.
 
Kunou: Akane wishes you to be spared, Ranma.  I shall forgive
you for this infraction. (Kunou bows.  He and Akane walk away.)
 
Ranma: Great.  She didn't tell me where the classroom was.
                        *       *       *
(Ranma walks into a classroom.  It appears to be home ec.  He
apologizes and walks out.  We see Ranma walking through the 
hallway, ducking his head into various classes, and various
teachers yelling at him to get out.)
                        *       *       *
(Akane is taking notes to a lecture.  A glance at the clock
reveals that it is half an hour after school has started.
Ranma walks into the classroom.)
 
Teacher: And who are you?
 
Ranma: Ranma Saotome.
 
Teacher: You're late.  Go stand in the hall.
 
Ranma: I've been in the halls for the last thirty minutes.
 
Teacher: Good.  Another thirty shouldn't seem that difficult, then.
 
Ranma: But Akane --
 
Teacher: You know Akane?
 
Ranma: Yeah, I --
 
Teacher: Akane.  Go stand in the hall with him.
 
Akane: What?  But I --
 
Teacher: Guilt by association.  Get out.
 
(Akane and Ranma go stand in the hall)
 
Akane: This is all your fault.
 
Ranma: My fault?  You were supposed to show me where my class was!
 
Akane: Be quiet or they'll hear you.  I would have shown you
where your class was if you hadn't been a jerk.
 
Ranma: I was a jerk?!
 
Akane: Yes.  You were.
 
Ranma: What do you see in that Kunou guy, anyways?
 
Akane: He's polite, he's nice, he's a gentleman.  You know...
all the things that you aren't.
 
Ranma: And he's rich.
 
Akane: That's not why I like him!
 
Ranma: Sure.  So if he's such a great guy, why does your
father want me to marry you?
 
Akane: He doesn't like Tatewaki, for some reason.  Whenever
I ask, he just laughs nervously and starts talking about
the weather.
                        *       *       *
(Kasumi is walking through a street, carrying a book and
a basket.  She turns and enters an office.  A group of 
elderly patients quickly file out.)
(Kasumi is in Dr. Tofuu's office, with Dr. Tofuu.  His
glasses are, as you expect, fogged over.)
 
Tofuu: What a coincidence it is, to meet you here, Kasumi!
 
Kasumi: Thank you for lending me the book, Doctor.
 
Tofuu: Call me Tofuu.
 
Kasumi: Certainly.  I say, it is a nice day outside.
 
Tofuu: It doesn't seem that nice a day.  All I can see
from this window is bones.  It must be a bad day with
all of these dead people.
 
Kasumi:(giggles) That's not a window, Tofuu.  That's
your anatomy chart.
 
Tofuu: (looks again) Well.  So it is!  Then today
must be a good day, because those people aren't
really dead.
 
Kasumi:(laughs) Yes.  Today must be a good day.
It's nice outside.  I brought you lunch.
 
Tofuu: Thank you, Kasumi.  I'll eat it as soon as
I attend to all my patients.
 
Kasumi: Your waiting room is empty.
 
Tofuu: Well...I suppose I'll eat in a few minutes.
 
Kasumi: It's lunch for two.
 
Tofuu: Oh.  Thank you, but I don't think I could eat that much.
 
Kasumi: It's nice outside.  I brought lunch for two people.
 
Tofuu: Yes.  You're hinting at something, aren't you?
 
Kasumi: I am.
 
Tofuu: Could you give me another clue, please?  You think
that I ought to repaint the office, right?
 
Kasumi: No.  Nothing like that.
 
Tofuu: Hmm...lunch...two people...nice day....You want me to
open a restaurant here, instead of an office?
 
Kasumi: No.  I know that you're a bright man and will figure
it out in no time at all.
 
Tofuu: You're being rather subtle.  Could you please give me
another hint?
 
(Kasumi sighs, then pulls out a giant sign, which reads
"Let's go have lunch together in the park."  She then
whacks Dr. Tofuu over the head with it.)
 
Tofuu: I've got an idea.  Let's go have lunch in the park
together.
 
Kasumi: That sounds simply delightful.  I was wondering
if you'd ask.
 
Tofuu: And while we're there, you can explain that thing
about the lunch for two people and the nice day.
                        *       *       *
 
(Lunchtime at Furinkan.  Kunou and Akane are sitting under a 
tree.  Sasuke is bringing them a picnic basket.  Ranma is 
sitting a good distance away and looking dejected.)
 
Ranma: (muttering) Stupid tomboy.  Wants to be alone with
her boyfriend.  I tried to tell her that she still has
my lunch, but no, she wouldn't listen.
 
(A girl wearing Japanese wedding robes appears.)
 
Girl: Did you say that you were hungry?
 
Ranma: Starving.  Why?
 
Girl: Are you Ranma Saotome?
 
Ranma: Yeah.  Why?
 
Girl: It is a wife's duty to see that her husband remains fed.
 
Ranma: That's good for your husband, but what am I going to do?
 
Girl: Please, call me Kaori.  Please take this.
(Kaori hands him a box of takeout ramen.)
 
Ranma: Won't your husband get angry.
 
Kaori:(amusedly) Silly boy.  You're my husband.
 
(Ranma facefaults)
                        *       *       *
End, Chapter 1
 
 
Closing Theme: "Abegail Anne" by Jeremy Enigk
 
no time to see where you went, Abegail
moving throughout dallow waters to spill
 
then crash a wave torn apart on its sail
hope i will see the end one maybe will
 
open eyes to see at all
i've known you at six feet tall
no time to see where you'll drift, Abegail
 
open eyes to see at all
i've known you at six feet tall
no time to see where you'll drift, Abegail
 
 
Character Profile: Kasumi Tendou
Age: 19
Kasumi is the eldest daughter of Soun and Mrs. Tendou.  She
takes care of most of the housework and cooking.
Basically, Kasumi is a hard character to write.  Most people
either just ignore her and have her cook things or make her
a medical genius.  I'm not happy with either of those solutions.
I've made her marginally more active.  The Kasumi in this fic 
is somewhere between the real Kasumi and Dinah from "Mr. Pim 
Passes By", by A. A. Milne.  Get the play.  This Kasumi knows 
full well what's going on, but is extremely whimsical.  She 
usually knows what's happening, but is likely to ignore it.
 
 
Character Profile: Kaori
Age: 16
The daughter of a fast-food magnate, her marriage to Ranma
was arranged when they were both infants.  She has returned
to claim her rightful husband.  
 
 
Story Notes:
Any C&C is *always* welcome.  This is not one of those "I 
wrote all 12 chapters, so I want you to spellcheck before I 
send it to r.a.a.c." fics.  This is *mostly* undecided.  I 
don't know, for instance, who will end up with whom.  If 
enough people want Ranma to end up with someone, I may work 
the story in that direction.  Any plot suggestions, additions, 
deletions and so on are welcome.  And if I spelled anything 
wrong, let me know.

Terrence Marks
Second Student in the Tendo Kasumi School of Philosophy
-Seeking enlightenment through normalcy.
normal@grove.ufl.edu