Kasem:  Good evening, I'm Kasey Kasem, and tonight, we're going to take a
look at a special group of people, anime celebrities who have united for a
cause.  It all started when veteran Internet hacker Nene Romanova took a
look at the popular anime chat group, rec.arts.anime.misc, and was appalled
by what she found.

[Cut to interview with Nene]

Nene:  It was awful!  Everyone on the group was screaming and fighting and
throwing tantrums!  Well, like, I just had to do something.  These are our
people, you know!

[Back to Kasey]

Kasem:  Nene contacted her friend, Priss Arigari of the popular Mega-Tokyo
rock band Priss and the Replicants, and together they used Priss's vast
network of music contacts to assemble an all-star music ensemble, united
behind the cause of peace on the Internet.  Let's listen to their stories
in their own words.

[Cut to various interviews]

Priss:  Well, yeah, they're a bunch of pathetic fanboys, but they're *our*
pathetic fanboys.  Besides, I could use some practice for the new BUBBLEGUM
CRISIS TV series.

Wendy Ryder:  I felt so guilty when I learned that my own English voice
actress was the inspiration for some of these flamewars!  I just had to
pitch in!

Shampoo:  Shampoo will show world that Shampoo sing best!  Especially lots
better than Akane!  Akane suck big time!  And Shampoo love Ranma!  Love
Ranma lots!  Hey!  Give back microphone!  [WHACK!  THUD!]

Minmei:  Times have been kinda dry since the 80's.  I just wanted to let
people know I still exist, and that I don't suck as bad as I sounded in
ROBOTECH.  Oh, and peace is a good cause, too.  This is about peace, right?

Key:  When you're trying to make 30,000 friends, the last thing you want
them to do is fight amongst themselves.

[Cut back to Kasey]
7
Kasem:  Well, there you have it.  The name of the band is Anime Musicians
Against Flamewars.  Let's listen to their song...

[Cut to studio, where over twenty-five anime characters are assembled in
front of several microphones.]

[Sung, more or less, to the tune of "Do They Know It's Christmas?" by Band-
Aid.  Bear with me, it's been awhile since I've heard the song. :-)]

Priss:  It's flaming time,
        Way off in cyberspace.

Minmei:  Tem-pers flare up,
         It's such a big disgrace!

Key:  There's a war afoot on Usenet,
      And it's a war of bitter words!

Wendy Ryder:  Angry posts and angry flames,
              Spit out by angry nerds!

Eve and
Sharon Apple:  They're setting fire to our home,
               These bitter, angry fen!

Basari Neki:  Well, tonight, let's take a breath and count to ten!

Idol Defense Force
Hummingbirds:  And we don't need flames on r.a.a at anytime!

Vision:  We all can live together if we try!

Amy Lin:  Don't flame, because it's wrong!

Yellow Dancer:  That's why we sing this song!

EVERYONE:  Why can't all the fans just get a-long?!

DoCo:  Here's to them!

Ishtar:  Writing posts and 'fic and GRIT!

The Pretty Four:  Nuts to them!

Mylene:  Writing spam and flames and shit!

EVERYONE:  Why can't all the fans just get a-long?!

[Madoka solos on saxophone, followed by Kagato on organ, and finished off
with an electric guitar riff from To-Y]

EVERYONE:  Douse... the... fla-ames!
           Let them know we're all just fans and
           Douse... the... fla-ames!
           Let them know we're all just fans and
           [Repeat ad nauseum]

[Music fades]

Director:  Cut!  That's a wrap!

Shampoo:  It over?  Good!  Shampoo no like sing with Akane!

Sharon Apple:  I am not sharing a mainframe with Eve one microsecond longer!
Do you know she never collects her garbage?

Vision:  So, Priss, are you getting killed in your new series?  I was
supposed to replace you, you know.

Minmei:  I have a new song!  It's called "My Husband's Still a Pilot"!
Wanna hear it?

[Cut back to Kasem, while sounds of fighting steadily increase in the
background.]

Kasem:  So there you have it.  Over two dozen celebrities setting their egos
aside and uniting in the cause of peace.  Be with us next time when we take
a look at the next good cause project, "Anime Musicians Against Tentacle
Ra--" OW!!

[THWOCK!  A shoe collides with Kasem's head, knocking him off his stool.
Scores of fighting anime characters swarm into the picture, trampling him to
death as we fade to black.]

:-)

------RM