Soun Tendo practically danced through the house, shouting with joy.
"Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane! Come and hear the news! Wonderful new! Oh,
joyous day!"
Kasumi walked in from the back yard, still slathering tanning cream
over her body. The tiny halter and thong bikini she wore accentuated her
shapely figure, which she carried with the self-assurance of a woman who
knew exactly what that figure was capable of. "What's up, Dad?" she
asked. "Did the indecency laws get repealed?"
From her room, pencils and pens sticking from her ears, short-cropped
hair and pockets, juggling calculator, note, receipts and bills,
stumbled Nabiki. "Oh, c'mon, sis, it's gotta be that gaijin Ed McMahon
is coming at last!" Sighing, she added, "Oh, what I could do with ten-
whoops!" The piles of paper fragments spilled from her hands to the
floor. "Aw, man," she moaned, "I just sorted those! Now I gotta start
over!"
From the kitchen, a girl with waist-length dark hair leaned out and
said, "Just a moment, Daddy! I have to set the pie out to cool!" A few
seconds later, she removed the apron from her gi and smiled, "So, what
-is- the good news?"
Soun smiled beatifically, eyes on the point of bursting with tears.
"Oh, my darling daughters... and Kasumi," he added, glaring at her
almost-not attire, "Saotome is coming at last! At long last the Saotome
and Tendo schools of Anything-Goes Martial Arts shall be united! Oh,
happy, happy day!"
"Saotome?" Nabiki, forgetting the pile of financial records at her
feet, snatched the postcard from Soun's hands, reading aloud, "'Will
arrive this week. Am bringing Ranma. Genma Saotome.' Dad, what's this
all about?" she asked, suspicious.
"Well, Nabiki," Soun smiled, "back when Akane and Ranma were born...."
Thunder rang through the streets of Nerima.
Splashing through the rain-soaked streets of Nerima ran a red-headed
young woman, chest Gainaxing mightily beneath the loose confines of the
red Chinese peasant shirt she wore. She wore equally loose, nearly
shapeless black pants secured at the waist and ankles by rope, and a
huge pack rode upon her shoulders, bouncing slightly as she rushed down
the street.
Behind her, a giant panda, also carrying a backpack atop its soaked
black-and-white fur, waved a sign; <Wait! Wait! You have to go through
with this!>
"Like hell I have to go through with this!" the girl gasped. "This was
your promise, not mine! I have to get back to China!"
<It's not like you have a choice,> the panda waved a new sign. He
turned it around; <Besides, she'll probably be a babe!>
"I don't care about babes!" the girl shouted. She stopped and yanked a
signpost out of the sidewalk and swung it at the panda. "It was babes-"
she grunted as the panda dodged her swings, "-that got- us into- this
mess!"
<And what's wrong with good looking women anyway?> the panda hastily
scribbled. He poked the girl in the chest, adding, <You weren't exactly
a monk yourself...> The panda's eyes widened as his paw encountered
something hard beneath the fabric. <You aren't -touching- yourself, are
you?>
"WHAT???" the girl shrieked. Fire blazed in her eyes, and her swings
came faster, punctuating each shout, "I AM NOT-" swing "-TOUCHING-"
swing "-MYSELF! Got that, old man??"
The panda caught the signpost in its paws. With a soft 'growf' it swung
it, and the girl, in a 360 hammer loop, finally launching the girl
across the street into a fruit stand. Strolling nonchalantly over, it
picked the girl up and put her over its shoulder, holding up a sign in
its free paw; <Pardon us. Family dispute.>
The stunned vendor just stared as the panda carried the girl away.
Beside the vendor, a bystander muttered, "Pandas running loose and
attacking innocent young women. That sort of thing shouldn't be
allowed."
Another bystander added, "Innocent? No way. She jiggles too much to be
innocent."
"That's true, I suppose," the first admitted. "Did you see how big they
were? They must have been as big as melons!"
"Melons..." The fruit vendor whispered. "Melons!" From nowhere, he drew
a katana and waved it wildly around his head. "I'LL GIVE YOU MELONS!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" The two bystanders barely dodged his first sweep,
scrambling down the street barely a step ahead of the enraged grocer.
Welcome to Nerima, home to more martial-artists per capita than any
other city in Japan. You never really know where one will pop up...
*********
...okay, there's a small sampler of Ecchi 1/2 (the working title), which
should indicate what direction I've decided to take based on the C&C I
got.
Now, to answer the specifics of that C&C...
First, thanks to those who just said 'yes, write it please!'
Second, thanks to the two of you who said, 'let it die, willya please?'
but I'm going with the crowd on this one. };-{D
I, personally, wouldn't write it..
Nobody's asking you to, Mr. Marks. };-{D
Third, thanks to Mr. Wilde, who said -both.- }:-{D
Now, to specifics...
Sounds like a lot of fun I may have to go dig up your other story if
this
is a sample of your humor. Be nice if you did it as a genuine lemon
though.
T.H.
Well, the more I think of it, the more I figure it's -got- to be a
lemon... and one which will run the gamut from tender slow-burn material
to wacked-out crasy shit. (Much more of the latter than the former).
}:-{D
now, for the point-by-pointers...
*RANMA SAOTOME* - a boy with a curse... who is beginning to get curious
about his new body...
Oh dear...do you mean what I think you mean? Oh dear, oh dear, oh
dear...
I mean a lot of things, although I will draw the line at one point;
Ranma is only interested in females, or at least people who are normally
female. };-{D
A staple lemon plot.
No, a staple lemon plot -device.- I intend to start out with the startup
plotline parallelling the original manga, but after a point it will
diverge of its own accord. I will -try- to get some real plot going,
but, well, there's so much wackiness to do! };-{D
*AKANE TENDO* - an overachiever, champ martial artist, cook, and
student, with no time for romance- or perverts
Umm...do you mean better than Ranma champ martial artist? With that and
being able to cook....we're all doommed.
Actually, not as good as Ranma... which will get them off on the wrong
foot from the get-go.
Sounds like she'll be alienating the rest of the cast then.
To some extent. Don't worry, she'll mellow out eventually. };-{D
*KASUMI TENDO* - read 'The Joy of Sex' at 15 and hasn't slowed down
since
Oh my.
She only says that when she's... having a lot of fun. }>-{D
Ahh...another member of the Church of the Dark Kasumi....well...maybe
the Church of the Horny Kasumi in this case. :)
Naaah, I just figure if I'm going to do an OOCfic I might as well go
whole-hog and change Kasumi from a woman who has no apparent concept of
sex to a brazen nympho. };-{D
*SHAMPOO* - the lonely bookworm of the Amazons, seeking companionship
outside her tribe
And I bet this one speaks good Nihongo, too.
Yep. Her first line is: "Ranma Saotome! Your angel of death has come for
you!! Prepare to meet your ancestors!"
A lot better than, "RANMA! I KILL!" isn't it? }:-{D
"Shampoo too busy to fight. Shampoo reading 'Paradise Lost.'"
Shampoo also reading Stephen Hawking, Geoffrey Chaucer, Cicero, and
every book on fighting ever written. She's a bookworm, but she's still
the best fighter of the Amazons.
(She has to be, otherwise she'd be teased for her reading so much.)
*MOUSSE* - macho jerk obsessed with conquering, breaking, and possessing
Shampoo
If he can just find her through those coke bottles he wears on his
face...
Nope, this Mousse has 20/20 vision. In this universe, it's Kodachi who's
blind as a bat.
Mousse, with Ranma's normal attitude, plus a dark obsession. I HATE to
think what he now has hidden in those robes...
A potty, same as always. And chains, and swords, and lots of other
stuff. He's even more powerful than before... but he's an arrogant
bastard, which means two things.
(1) He'll always lose.
(2) He ain't getting any. };-{D
*COLOGNE* - irresponsible elder of the Amazons, more interested in
meddling with other people's lives than ruling her people
Cologne with an almost Happosai attitude of life, without his normal
perversions...
Well, without them in such strength. She's hardly above the occasional
butt-slap or crotch-grab, and her tactics tend not so much towards the
wedding chapel as the honeymoon hotel. };-{D
And this would be different from Takahashi's Cologne?
"Laws, shmaws, what I wanna know, Son-in-Law, is when you're gonna take
my granddaughter off to the love shack and do the naked pretzel!" *cop a
feel* "Oooh, looks like she's gonna have a lot to look forward to!"
Something like that. };-{D
*HAPPOUSAI* - Buddhist monk and master of Anything-Goes Martial Arts,
whose sole weakness is the sight of lacy underwear; it makes him faint
Yep...was expecting this one...Haposai as a great human being.
I wouldn't go -that- far. More like a busybody who suspects the worst of
people and is continually 'punishing' people for their transgressions.
*NODOKA* - Ranma's long-lost sex-fiend mother, total hentai with no
qualms about sex
Sex with whom...? Nevermind. I don't want to know.
Belay my last, I spoke too soon when I spoke of horrors...
*ahem*
the horror...! the horror...!
well, she's kept her figure, at least... it's just that she's a nearly
unstoppable force of nature, one which demands male attentions, or at
least a nice vibrating plastic substitute, on a regular basis... oh, and
she has an incredible collection of briefs, boxers, leather and silk and
athletic supporters.
There's only one thing Nodoka won't do... Genma. };-{D
OH MY GOD! Everyone, if you see that woman carrying around that
sword--RUN!
HEY! YEAH! YOU OVER THERE! Don't run TO her!
Poor soul, to go in such a...bad...way....HEY! WAIT UP!
Be careful... the phrase 'eaten alive' takes on new meaning with Nodoka.
};-{D
Okay, now if you'll pardon me, the next few days promise to be hectic...
(Antarcticon, yay)
Redneck