I've written Part 2 of Barracuda, and I'm posting it here along with the
original Part 1. More will be forthcoming.

If you're reading and enjoying this story, and want to see more, please
send me email. I only got once piece of feedback for the first part
(thanks Gary!), and if I don't hear from anyone, I'll assume nobody's
reading and move on to something else. I'm just starting out in writing,
and I could really use all the C&C I can get.

Thanks, and enjoy.

--JSH


*****

BARRACUDA

A Ranma 1/2 fanfic by Jonathan S. Haas

Part 1

*****

WARNING * PLEASE READ * WARNING * PLEASE READ * WARNING * PLEASE READ *
WARNING

This fanfic contains both sex and violence. If it were a movie, it would
be rated R. Read at your own risk.

*****

"This is the stuff," explained the wizened old man, his gnarled claw
holding forth a small, clear bottle filled with a thick amber fluid.
"Use this, and results are guaranteed."

His customer leaned forward, intrigued. The transaction was taking place
in a dark alley, far from prying eyes, at a time when decent people were
asleep. But this customer was not a decent person -- not decent at all.
And this time of night suited her perfectly. It was when she truly came
alive.

"How will this help me achieve my goal?" she inquired. After a short,
barking laugh, the merchant said in his gravely voice, "It is pure love
potion. Give it to him, and he won't care about anything but you.. He
will be deliriously happy living with you, and no power in the world
will convince him to leave your side."

Her eyes lit up. "A worthy plan indeed," she whispered. "This shall
snare my prey as surely as a noose snares a rabbit. How much?"

A figure was named. Coins were pressed into a ragged palm, a bottle was
pressed into a delicate one. 

Black rose petals scattered as the girl leaped away into the night.

---

"Kodachi-sama", sighed Ranma, "I love you so."

"Oh, Ranma-sama," came the reply, "I love you too."

The couple was entwined on a thick futon, decorated in pastels. Balloons
hung from the ceiling, and the delicate scent of roses was in the air.
Ranma was dashing in a crisp black suit, and Kodachi had doffed her
traditional leotard in favor of a wedding dress... a dress Ranma was
even now removing.

First came her veil, revealing a face glistening with expertly applied
makeup, shining half-lidded eyes, and lips that were turned up in a
kissable pout. He accepted the invitation, rewarding Kodachi with a slow
but promising kiss, before turning his attention back to her dress.
Gentle and tantalizing, he undid the clasps, and ever so slowly, the
front of her dress fell away. Kodachi couldn't suppress a sigh as Ranma
lightly flicked each of her nipples with his tongue.

Suddenly, their repose was interrupted by a series of bone-jarring
vibrations, as of giant footsteps getting closer. Kodachi clutched Ranma
to her and cried, "What is it? An earthquake?" Ranma grimly shook his
head, and wrapped his arms around Kodachi protectively. The rumbling
kept getting louder and louder, as the walls shook, dropping some of
Kodachi's framed photographs to the floor. A vase filled with black
roses fell off its pedestal to shatter below. Plaster fell from the
ceiling in white clouds.

The door began bulging inward and cracking, as though someone were
pounding on it from the outside. Finally, it imploded in a blizzard of
splinters, showering the couple on the bed. Kodachi shrieked and held
Ranma tighter, squeezing her eyes shut. Ranma just stared ahead, his
face a mask of anger. The dust slowly cleared, and Kodachi opened her
eyes.

Akane Tendo was standing in front of the futon, a giant mallet in her
hands, and murder on her face. "RANMA!!" she bellowed, the veins on her
forehead standing out. "What are you DOING here?"

To Kodachi's surprise, Ranma didn't cower in front of Akane's mallet, or
try to make excuses. Instead, he got to his feet, frowning, and said,
"I'm spending time with the woman I love. What's it to you?"

Akane turned even redder, hoisting her mallet like a sledgehammer, and
shouted, "RANMA, YOU..." before suddenly stopping. Her face cleared a
bit, and she blinked twice. "Did you say... did you say with the woman
you love?"

"Yeah, that's what I said," Ranma answered. He pulled Kodachi to her
feet and put his arms around her waist. It was only then that Akane
noticed Kodachi's opened dress. "And you interrupted us," Ranma
finished.

Akane's face had made the journey between cherry red and sheet white.
Her mallet clattered to the floor from her boneless fingers. "Do you...
mean that?"

"Yeah, I mean that!" Ranma snarled. "Why'd you have to barge in here,
you uncute sexless tomboy? Go home!" And before a stunned Akane could
react, Ranma had grabbed her arm. Twisting easily and then jerking, he
hurled Akane towards one of the front windows. The window was not open,
and Akane's body broke the glass before coming to a crumpled landing on
the front lawn. A soft moan was Akane's only sound.

Ranma turned back to Kodachi, his features in a smile. "Sorry about
that, Kodachi-sama... I'll buy you a new window."

Kodachi, overcome with the sheer ludicrousness of the situation, burst
out laughing. And laughing and laughing and laughing. "Never mind,
Ranma-sama, the Kuno fortune can easily replace a mere window. Now where
were we?" She opened her arms to him. Ranma smiled and accepted her, her
bare breasts crushing against his chest. He tilted her head back and
leaned in for a kiss... before being interrupted again. "Wait!" came a
cry from the door.

Ranma turned angrily to see Akane standing there. She looked awful. Her
face was muddy, and her hair was a tangled fright. Her clothing had been
torn in many places... as had two nasty cuts on her face and shoulder.
She was standing a little wobbly, and was only able to remain on two
feet with the assistance of the doorframe. Tears mingled with the blood
and dirt on her face. "Ranma..." she said. "Tell me this is a joke... or
a dream... or a mistake... or a misunderstanding. Please, Ranma, don't
let this be what it looks like."

Ranma let go of Kodachi and walked over to Akane. "You don't give up, do
you?" he snarled at her.

Akane squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head desperately. "Ranma...
come back with me. I'll forget this. Don't leave me... please... it
hurts..." 

He grabbed her shoulders, hard. "I already threw you out of here once.
Are you going to make me do it again?"

She cried out, then raised her head and looked him straight in the eyes.
"I love you, Ranma," she said, pouring her heart into her voice.

Ranma's answering look was one of disgust. And then, without a word, he
slapped her hard across the face. And then again with the other hand.
And again, and again. And then his fist slammed into her stomach,
causing her to double over. An uppercut to her face followed, with the
clear snap of a nose breaking. Another punch, and teeth flew. Akane made
no attempt to defend herself, her shattered face covered in blood and
shock. Ranma didn't let up at all, and he kept hitting her and hitting
her and hitting her and hitting her and Kodachi was laughing and
laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing...

...and laughing, and laughing, and her eyes snapped open and she was
sitting in bed. It took her awhile to realize where she was, and awhile
longer to stop laughing. How long have I been laughing in my sleep, she
wondered? It could have been seconds, it could have been minutes, it
could have been hours. Judging by the apprehensive look Sasuke was
giving her as he entered with her breakfast, it had been a long time
indeed. Kodachi's heart soared with the memory of her glorious dream.
And that dream had the power to come true, she realized. She looked down
at her right hand.

The bottle she'd bought was still there, still clutched in her hand, as
it had been when she fell asleep. Here is the key to my dreams, she
thought. Ranma-sama, I shall use this tonight, and tonight you will be
mine.

The Kuno mansion once more rang with the sound of Kodachi's insane
laughter.




*****

BARRACUDA

A Ranma 1/2 fanfic by Jonathan S. Haas

Part 2

*****

"La lalala, la lalala, la laaaa la la� hah hah!"

Kodachi liked to cook, and when she cooked, she liked to sing. The
cooking was a natural outgrowth of her interest in chemistry� and
cooking was a form of chemistry, in its own way. Both involved mixing
ingredients in precise proportions to achieve the desired result.
Whether the end result was a deadly poison or a tasty dish, the process
was the same.

The singing was just for fun.

"La lalala, la lalala, la laaaa la la� ho ho!"

Today, she was singing a tune that she typically sang when she was
happy. She was cooking an unfamiliar dish, but years of experience
following precise formulae chemical and alchemical gave her the
confidence that she could do it well. And this recipe she was altering
with the addition of one key ingredient.

"La lalala, la lalala, la laaaa la la� hah hah!"

She remembered the old merchant's instructions well. Mix it in his food,
he said. The potion will affect whoever eats it. That person will then
fall uncontrollably in love with the one who gave him the food. The
effects begin immediately but slowly, reaching their full permanent
strength in twenty-four hours.

Of course, Ranma would know better than to eat a dish he knew came from
Kodachi. That's why subterfuge was called for.

"La la la, la la la, la la la la. Oh hohohohohohohoho!!!"

With the end of her song, Kodachi poured the batter she'd been preparing
onto the hot oiled griddle. As it sizzled and the edges started to turn
brown, she began getting ready with the sauce.

The scent of cooking food brought her brother Tatewaki to the kitchen.
Sniffing the air cautiously, he asked, "Sister, whatever are you cooking
here?"

Kodachi cackled briefly before answering. "Why, brother dear, it needn't
concern you. This meal is intended only for my darling Ranma."

Tatewaki's features darkened. "For Saotome, you say? Indeed, not only
has that foul sorcerer bewitched the hearts of Akane Tendo and my
beloved pig-tailed girl, he extends his dark influence even to my own
sister, to the Kuno family itself."

Kodachi favored her brother with a wicked smile before answering. "It
might interest you to know, my brother, that if this meal goes as
expected, Ranma will very soon no longer concern himself with Tendo or
that pig-tailed wretch."

He looked puzzled for a few seconds before lighting up in a smile.
"Indeed? Then good luck to you, sister! I know not what you plan, but I
fervently pray with all my heart that you are successful!"

"Why thank you, brother dear!" And with that, Kodachi flipped the
half-cooked okonomiyaki with an expert flip of a spatula. Then she got
out her bowl of sauce, and a brush. "Now let's see," she muttered, "what
is that stupid pet-name that peasant whore always calls my darling
Ranma? Ah yes� 'To my darling Ranchan'"

---

A lot of unusual things had happened within the Tendo home since the
arrival of Ranma and his father Genma. Some of those things had been
good, most bad, but all had the effect of inuring the Tendos against
surprise. The almost daily astonishments had lately been barely
eliciting a reaction from the family. New fiancees showing up for Ranma,
new enemies calling for Ranma's blood, weird alien demons raised by
Happosai� all of these things were taken in stride. When the unusual
became the norm, it ceased to surprise. Hardly anything could faze them.

They were fazed now. Kasumi, Soun, and Akane Tendo were gathered around
in shock. Nabiki Tendo would surely have been shocked herself, but she'd
left a few hours ago pleading 'business responsibilities', and had yet
to return. An event was occurring that had never, never happened in the
Tendo house, not once since their two houseguests descended upon them.

Ranma Saotome was full.

Even more astonishing, his father Genma was full as well. Both seemed
possessed of a superhuman capacity to digest food, and each of the
Tendos secretly envied them their ability to gorge themselves without
gaining an ounce. The months of watching plate after plate of food
disappear into those two cavernous maws left them totally unprepared for
the sight of father and son immobilized at the dinner table, clutching
their stomachs in a contented manner, making no attempt to eat any more.

"Oh man," sighed Ranma. "That was great. Kasumi, you outdid yourself."

"Indeed," rumbled Genma. Speech appeared to cost him effort. "I haven't
eaten so well since� since�" He faltered, trying and failing to think of
a time he had eaten so well.

Kasumi composed her features into a smile. "I'm glad you enjoyed it.
You're too kind."

The table was cluttered with dozens of empty dishes, where a few minutes
earlier, a gargantuan feast had been. Not even crumbs remained. But from
the looks on the Saotomes' faces, and the visible bulges at their
midsections, they wouldn't be asking for more anytime soon.

Suddenly came a knock at the front door. Kasumi, ever the dutiful
mistress of the house, walked over to answer it. "Yes? Who is it? Oh
my."

"Ahhhh," a contented Ranma sighed. "I feel like I don't need to eat
again for a year." He leaned back, hands behind his head, and propped
his feet up on the table.

Akane flashed him a disgusted look. "You're a pig."

Ranma glared back at her. "Hey, at least I don't *sleep* with a pig. Do
you have any idea how disgusting that is?"

Before Akane could deliver an angry retort, Kasumi returned, bearing a
small flat box. "Ranma-kun, I believe this is for you."

Ranma got slowly to his feet, taking the box from Kasumi. The
mouth-watering smell of freshly-baked okonomiyaki wafted from it. He
jumped as he got a slight static shock from Kasumi, who went off into
the kitchen to deal with the dishes.

He opened the box, peering inside. Akane looked over his shoulder.
Inside was a familiar sight: one of Ukyo's best. "To my darling Ranchan.
Cooked with love, your kawaii iinazuke, Ukyo," Akane read aloud. Then
her face darkened. "You PERVERT!" she yelled at Ranma. "You just ate
enough to feed all of Tokyo, and now you're going to eat this *love*
offering from *Ukyo*! You make me sick, you LECHER!" After slapping
Ranma a good one, Akane stormed off to her room.

Ranma stared after her, his face tingling. Then he looked down at the
box. The mouth-watering smell of freshly-baked okonomiyaki was making
him sick. Ordinarily, he would have savored it greatly, as it was
evident that Ukyo had really put effort into this one. But now, even the
thought of another bite was making his stomach churn and threaten to
rebel.

"Oy! Oyaji! Do you want this?" he shouted, as he held the box out to his
father. But Genma, on closer examination, was in no condition to accept
the okonomiyaki. He was curled up into a fetal position by the couch. He
was only slightly less bloated than he would have been in panda form.
His eyes were glazed and half-lidded, and he rocked slowly back and
forth, emitting soft groaning sounds.

"Guess not. Mr. Tendo?" He looked around for Soun, but he was nowhere to
be found. He peeked into the dojo, but it was deserted. Finally he
looked out on the back porch, and saw Soun sitting on the edge, facing
the pond, his shoulders bowed and wracking with sobs.

"Ohhhh�" he gulped between cries. "My future son-in-law is a glutton! A
veritable swine! Oh, this sad, sad day." He got back to sobbing with a
vengeance, quickly soaking his way through three handkerchiefs. "Oh,
what will my grandchildren be like? Who will carry on the Tendo School
of Anything-Goes Martial Arts now? Ohhhhhh!"

"Geez. Everybody's a critic," muttered Ranma. "Well, I guess it's into
the trash with you," he told the okonomiyaki. He headed inside to find a
convenient trash bin.

Just then, Nabiki entered the house. "Tadaima!" she called. "What's for
dinner?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Nabiki" he heard Kasumi call from the kitchen. "I'm
afraid we're all finished. There's nothing left."

"Nothing *left*? I'm starving!" exclaimed Nabiki. "You didn't save me
*anything*?"

"I'm sorry, Nabiki," repeated Kasumi, and then got back to washing the
dishes. She hummed softly to herself as she did so.

"I don't believe this," growled Nabiki. Her "business responsibilities"
had involved a certain amount of effort, and now she was hungry. And
those gluttons the Saotomes hadn't saved her a single bite. Her brow
darkened as she mentally frowned at Ranma.

In walked the target of her anger, wearing a wicked smile. It was a look
she knew well: the predatory gaze of someone who's about to get what he
wants. It was a look she wore herself quite frequently, but one she'd
never seen on Ranma. It almost frightened her.

"Hey Nabiki," he said. "Want this?" And he waved a box at her. From the
shape and the scent she deduced its contents: okonomiyaki.
Involuntarily, her mouth began to water.

"I couldn't help overhearing that you were hungry." He held the box out
to her, only to jerk it back when she reached for it. "2000 yen."

"2000 yen?!?" Nabiki exploded. "I could get one at the Ucchan for 500."

"The Ucchan is closed by now. And so is the Nekohanten. And so is that
little coffee shop and ice cream parlor, I forget its name. You'd have
to walk for miles to find someplace that's open. This is right here."

Nabiki glared at him. Ranma's smile grew wider. He had her, and he knew
it. Reluctantly, she opened her wallet and handed over two 1000-yen
bills.

Ranma handed the box to her. As their fingertips touched, a static shock
sparked between them. Nabiki yelped in surprise and dropped the box.

"Oops, looks like it's a little damaged," said Ranma. "Sorry, no
refunds." He walked off towards his room. He'd only made it about
halfway before he broke down in tears of laughter. He was still laughing
uncontrollably as he entered his room and shut the door. Nabiki heard a
shouted "YES!!! PAYBACK TIME!" from behind the door.

She stared daggers after him, and retrieved the box. She knelt at the
table and opened it� the okonomiyaki had been a little squashed by its
fall, but it was still edible. "That damn Ranma", she thought darkly, as
she began to eat. "He'll pay for this. I'll see to it that he pays
dearly. Hmm, this okonomiyaki is really good."

And it *was* really good, and strangely enough, it seemed to get better
the more she ate. The tangy spice of the sauce assailed her senses, as
did the complex blend of spices in the dough. The vegetables tasted
fresh and crisp, and the meats were tender but bold. Nabiki found
herself eating faster and faster, until near the end, she was stuffing
it into her face as fast as she could. When she'd finished, she sat
back, quite satisfied. And very full.

"That was delicious", she thought. "I really ought to thank Ranma for
this."

"Ranma!" she called down the hall. Ranma's door slid open and his head
poked out. "What is it, Nabiki?"

"I just wanted to say thank you for the okonomiyaki. It was good." Ranma
stared at her, baffled, then stammered, "Uh� you're welcome. Good
night." With that, he darted back in the room and closed the door.

"Wait a minute. What am I doing?" she thought. "I'm supposed to be mad
at him. I've got to get revenge on him, remember? Geez, am I tired all
of a sudden." Nabiki's eyelids were suddenly weighted down with lead,
and she yawned theatrically. Sleepily pushing herself to her feet, she
stumbled up to her room, and was asleep before her face hit the pillow.

--JSH