Well, it just got worse for Akane...


Terrence Marks
Second Student in the Tendo Kasumi School of Philosophy
-Seeking enlightenment through normalcy.
normal@grove.ufl.edu

                        Transferrance
                   
                   A Spamfic by Terrence Marks
            All copyrights are controlled by the owners, etc.                        
 
                        *       *       *
(Soun Tendou puts down a postcard)
 
Soun: Akane! Nabiki! Kasumi!  Genma Saotome and his son Ranma are
arriving today!
 
 
                        *       *       *
(On a street in Nerima)
 
Ranma: You told this guy that I was gonna *marry* his daughter!
 
Genma: It's for the good of the school, boy.
 
Ranma: Is there anything else that I should know about?
 
Genma: Well, yes.  You're also engaged to --
 
(And then it starts to rain)
                        *       *       *
(Tendou residence.   A girl and a panda show up at the door.
Nabiki answers it.)
 
Soun: Hello!  You must be Saotome.
 
(The girl and panda nod.)
 
Soun: Welcome to my home.  (talking to girl)  So, you're
here to marry one of my daughters.  Akane is the best
practicioner of the Tendou style of Anything Goes Martial
Arts.  You're the best practicioner of the Saotome style, 
right?
 
(the panda shakes its head "no" vigourously and points to itself)
 
Girl: Yeah, but --
 
Soun: Well, then.  You'll marry Akane!
 
Akane: But I don't want to marry him.
 
Soun: You barely know him. Besides, it's for the good of the art.
 
Panda: (sign) Very well, they shall be married.
 
Girl: But I'm not --
 
Soun: Not ready for marriage?  That's ok.  You don't have to 
marry her right away.
 
Girl: Tendou-san.  May I ask you one favour?
 
Soun: Anything for my son-in-law.
 
Girl: Hot water.
 
(Minutes later, Kasumi comes back from the kitchen with hot water.
The girl pours some on herself and the panda.
The girl turns into Genma.
The panda turns into Ranma.)
 
Soun: Genma!  This is a surprise.  (looks at Ranma)  This must 
be Ranma.  What happened to you?
                        *       *       *
(flashback.  Jyusenkyou training grounds.  Ranma and Genma
are perched on poles.  Ranma leaps towards Genma.  They collide
in mid-air.  Genma knocks Ranma down.  Moments later, a panda
flies out of the pool and throws Genma into a spring.
 
Guide: Ah.  Very tragic you fall in there.  That spring of 
drowned adolescent girl.  Very tragic.)
 
                        *       *       *
 
 
Ranma: Congratulations, pop.  You're gonna get married.
 
Genma: I never agreed to this!
 
Ranma: A minor oversight.
 
Genma: But I'm already married!
 
Kasumi: Nodoka always struck me as the liberal type.  Maybe she
won't mind sharing you.
 
Genma: Ranma!  You have to marry Akane!  Not me!
 
Ranma: Sorry.  You already engaged me to three other people.
Once I deal with them, maybe I'll marry Akane.  Maybe.
Until then, you're stuck with her.
 
Genma: You don't know what you're saying, boy!
 
Ranma: It's for the good of the school.  You and Mr. Tendou
made an agreement.
 
Genma: Yes, but *you* were supposed to marry her.
 
Soun: (retrieves a scroll) The most skillful male practitioner of
Anything Goes Martial Arts shall, in twenty years, be married to
the most skillful female practitioner of Anything Goes Martial 
arts to which he is not related by blood.  Akane is the only
female practitioner of Anything Goes Martial Arts.  I obviously
cannot marry her.  And you, Genma, have been studying longer
than Ranma.  As much as it pains me, the agreement must be
carried out.
 
Genma: Ranma is better than I am!  He has natural talent!
We *meant* for him to marry Akane.
 
Soun: Unfortunately, the wording is too clear.  
 
Genma: No!  There has to be a way out of this!
 
Nabiki: You could fight to see which of you is best.
 
Genma: Exactly!  You'll see that my boy is superiour to me.
There's no way I'll win.
 
Ranma: You don't plan on dumping your stupid agreements on
me, do you, old man?
 
Genma: That is *exactly* what I'm going to do.  Even if I was 
going to marry someone again, I wouldn't marry her.
 
Akane: What?!
 
Genma: Look at you.  You could pass for a boy.  I'd never
marry someone as unnatractive as you.
 
Akane: (brandishing mallet) GENMA NO BAKA!
 
                        *       *       *
 
Transferrance, Chapter 2: Ranma vs. Genma -- To win is to lose.
 
                        *       *       *
(Ranma and Genma are in opposite corners of the Tendou Dojo.
They are each wearing a gi.  Akane, Nabiki and Soun are 
watching from the sidelines.)
 
Genma: I won't go easy on you, boy!
 
Ranma: Really?
 
Genma: Saotome Secret Final Technique!
 
Ranma: Not so fast, old man.  If you leave the dojo, it's a
forfeit.
 
Genma: Exactly.
 
Ranma: And if you forfeit, I get to decide who the winner is,
as the remaining combatant.
 
Genma: That's ridiculous!
 
(Ranma pulls out a book labelled "The Complete Guide to Anything
Goes Martial Arts" and points to the appropriate page.)
 
Soun: It appears that he's right.
 
Genma: The Master never used that old rule.
 
Soun: There were a lot of rules that the Master didn't use, 
actually.
 
Ranma: No.  We're fighting by official rules here.
 
Genma: Kya!!
(Genma leaps at Ranma.  When Genma gets within a yard of Ranma, 
they both fall to the ground.)
 
Nabiki: What just happened?
 
(Ranma stands up)
Ranma: His vicious attack caught me off guard, and he knocked me
down before I could counterattack!
 
Genma: No!  His counterattack knocked me out before I could land
the attack!
 
Soun: (glancing at the book) Pretending to lose is considered a
forfeit.
 
(Genma and Ranma square off again)
                        *       *       *                
(An hour later, Genma and Ranma are still in the same spot.                      
Akane, Nabiki and Soun look bored.  We see a clock on the wall.
It advances an hour, and Genma and Ranma are still where
they were.  Akane, Nabiki and Soun look even more bored.
Suddenly, Kasumi comes out of the house and into the dojo)
 
Kasumi: Lunchtime.
 
(Nabiki, Akane and Soun go into the house.  Genma and Ranma
stay where they were.)
 
(Half an hour later, Akane, Nabiki and Soun re-enter the 
dojo.)
 
Soun: Thank you, Kasumi.  That was delicious, as always.
 
Nabiki: Too bad there's nothing left.  (Genma cringes)
 
Akane: Do you think we missed anything?
 
Soun: No, they stand ever-vigilant, each waiting for the other
to make a mistake.
 
Nabiki: They're hoping that the other attacks, so they can
pretend to lose.
 
(Another hour passes.  We see Akane and Soun playing shogi, while
Nabiki does homework.  Still no change in Genma and Ranma.
An hour passes, and Kasumi re-enters the dojo)
 
Kasumi: Dinnertime.
 
(Nabiki, Akane and Soun file into the house.)
 
Kasumi: Won't you be joining us?
 
(Genma starts to walk towards the house.)
 
Ranma: Go on, leave the dojo and forfeit the match.
 
Genma: Can't you see that you're putting your father through
great pain?
 
Ranma: What?  Missing dinner?
 
Genma: Yes.  Well, that and the engagement.
 
Ranma: You wanted me to marry her.  Turnabout is fair play.
 
Genma: I'm already married!
 
Ranma: Maybe you'll have to get a divorce.
 
Genma: But I love your mother.
 
Ranma: You should have thought of that before you made that 
ridiculous agreement.  You said that a true martial artist
should be prepared to lay down his life for the art.
 
Genma: My life, yes.  My marriage is another story.
 
                        *       *       *
(The sun sets.  Ranma and Genma stand there.)
                        *       *       *
(The sun rises.  Ranma and Genma are still there.)
                        *       *       *
(Three days later, Nabiki and Soun enter the dojo.)
Soun: Why...I'd almost forgotten about them.
 
Nabiki: Neither of them are willing to give the other
an advantage.
                        *       *       *
(Another three days pass.  Genma and Ranma are 
both quite woozy from hunger and lack of sleep.
Genma starts to fall forwards.  Ranma walks towards him.
Genma collapses onto Ranma.)
 
Soun: Well.  We have a winner.
(Ranma and Genma both start snoring.)
                        *       *       *
 
Transferrance, Chapter 3: I'm going to marry *him*!?
                        *       *       *
(Ranma and Akane are standing outside of a classroom,
holding buckets.  Tatewaki Kunou rushes towards them
with bokken held high.)
 
Kunou: Ranma!  I shall not allow you to marry Akane Tendou!
 
Ranma: Kunou, I'm not going to marry her.
 
(Kunou comes to a dead stop)
Kunou: Very well.  I shall permit you to not marry
Akane Tendou
 
Ranma: My father is going to marry Akane Tendou.
 
(Kunou glares)
Kunou: When I meet that cretin, he shall PAY!
(Kunou runs off through the halls.)
 
Akane: Funny.  He didn't ask where Genma was staying.
                        *       *       *
(Soun and Genma are playing shogi.)
 
Genma: Aha!  I've found a way out of this absurd
contract.
 
Soun: I know this trick.  You say that you found a
loophole, I take my eyes off of the board, and you
remove some of my pieces.  I'm not falling for that.
 
Genma: I wouldn't do something like that.
 
Soun: You did that the last three turns.
 
Genma: But I'm serious this time.
 
Soun: I'm still not going to take my eyes off of my
pieces.
 
Genma: Well, it has come to my knowledge that there
is another practitioner of Anything Goes, who is
much more powerful than I am.
 
Soun: This is joyous news!  Finally, I won't have
to marry my daughter to a man old enough to be
her father.
 
Genma: No.  A man old enough to be her great-grandfather.
 
Soun: (pales) Surely, you don't mean...
 
Genma: The Master is alive.  I'm sure that Sensei Happousai
will make an excellent son-in-law.
 
(Soun screams in absolute terror.)