Well, once again I post Chapters to the FFML
And, once again, the ffml dies.

I'm beginning to suspect something here.

So I'm going to try again!

These are the final 2 chapters (Ch 16 in 2 parts for convenience)
Which completes Part 1 of the storyline.

Now its over, C&C would be much appreciated. Positive or negative.

Dave Row



Chapter 15 - Truths...
----------------------

I woke up to the gentle sounds of birds singing. For a little while, I
just lay there, listening, basking in the soft warmth and unwilling to
do anything that might disturb the half-asleep daze I was enjoying.
Then I remembered what happened just before I fell asleep...

That woke me up as fast and effectively as an icecube down my back,
and just about as pleasantly. Starting upright, I looked around,
looking at the quiet, peaceful room, the sunlight coming in through
the blinds, and wondering just what the hell was going on! Last time I
saw it, the temple hadn't been in this good a shape - in fact, it
hadn't been in any sort of shape. I was getting confused. Without
thinking, I started to get up, swinging my legs up off the futon to
stand up - and nearly collapsed back, as I suddenly felt about to
faint.

I waited for my head to stop swimming, and very carefully sat up. I
felt drained, but found if I moved slowly and carefully I didn't seem
liable to collapse too soon. It didn't do anything for the pain I
still felt deep in my bones and muscles, though. Looking down, I was
startled to see my hands were trembling. With an effort, I tried to
stop them, but barely succeeded for a moment, before they started
again, harder than before. I felt suddenly cold, despite the warmth of
the room. 

My attention was distracted, however, by the quiet sound of the door
sliding open. Standing there was Belldandy, looking, I must admit,
rather better than the last time I had seen her. She smiled, walking
over to me.

"Belldandy...?"

She sat down gracefully onto the floor next to me.
"It's all right. Everything's OK now"

"But... I feel so weak. What's the matter with me?"

She patted my shoulder gently, projecting reassurance.

"Well, you have to expect that, after all. It was a serious fight you
were in. People get hurt in those, remember. This is real life, not a
Disney Movie..."

I frowned. Something about her words didn't ring quite true, as if she
was hiding something from me. She was almost being _too_ cheerful,
after all that had happened.

I looked up at Belldandy sharply. She was looking at me calmly, but
definitely seemed unhappy, or maybe uneasy, about something.

"There's something you haven't told me yet. Isn't there?"

She smiled gently.
"You're very perceptive"

I wasn't falling for that one. I just kept looking at her expectantly
until she gave in.

She sighed, and nodded quietly.
"It's... well, it's about the consequences of your fight. To both you,
and to Iczer-2"

I must have looked puzzled, because she smiled fleetingly, patting my
hand gently. Then sobered again, equally fast.

"After the fight, the two of you were unconscious. We took both of you
and Keiichi inside, then phoned Heaven to explain and to get
instructions. They... weren't happy about what had happened. Well, we
got instructions, and permission, to - tidy up, I suppose you would
call it. To repair the damage to the area, and to its inhabitants, and
to heal them and remove their memories of what had happened. Now no-
one but you knows what happened."

I looked at her.
"What about Keiichi?"

She smiled a little more happily.
"Well, I had the power I removed from Loki which was used to hurt him
in the first place. So I was able to heal the damage that had been
done to him. He's sleeping peacefully now. But - I didn't want him
remembering what Loki did to him. I didn't want him scarred by what
had been done to him. So I... well, he didn't clearly recall what
happened, it was just a jumble of images, so I did nothing to help him
recover them, I just let them become dreamlike. 

She looked down as she said that last, as if ashamed she'd tampered
with Keiichi's memory, however slightly. I smiled, and patted her hand
very gently.

"I think you did the right thing. It wouldn't help for him to
remember, hell, I wish I didn't remember it, and that was just seeing
him! And you didn't do anything except leave his memory alone, right?"

She squeezed my hand slightly, in thanks. Maybe it did help, being
reassured by another mortal. But then she looked at me, more
seriously.

"There's more, though. And not as good. Concerning you and Iczer-2.
Your health, and other matters."

I blinked...
"But... we survived, didn't we? I know I still feel terrible, but
surely we will be OK? After all, if you could heal Keiichi after what
was done to him...!?"

She sighed, deeply, looking at me with what I could have sworn were
tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. We owe you both so much... but... we can't. The damage you
both took is too great, and we are under strict limits to the amount
of power we can use to help mortals, especially those who aren't of
this world."

**********************************************************************
**

I had a horrible sinking feeling when she said that. Did she mean she
couldn't do anything to help? I hadn't thought too much about my
trembling while we'd been talking, but now it came on again, even
harder, no matter how much I tried to keep my hands still.

I looked up from my hands as the door slid open abruptly, glad of
anything  that didn't make me watching them shiver. Urd and Skuld
stood there, looking remarkably sombre. I got a much worse feeling.
This was not going well. After all I'd been through, all we'd done to
stop Loki, it all seemed unfair. I sighed, deeply. Maybe it was
unfair, but it was what had happened, and I just had to deal with it.
I looked up at Belldandy again.

"So tell me the worst, please. I want to know."

The three of them exchanged glances for a second, then Belldandy
nodded slowly.

"Very well. First, you have some physical injuries. That isn't
anything serious, mundane medicine could handle that in fact.
Secondly, you are completely exhausted. Again, that isn't anything a
few weeks rest couldn't cope with, although it does exacerbate the
first."

"However, there is a far more serious problem, caused by the power you
used during those fights. You used far more than you could handle
safely, indeed you used far more than should have been possible for
you. You also did something we all thought to be impossible; during
that final fight you were generating psionic and magical power
simultaneously."

I must have looked even more clueless than usual at that, because she
half smiled before continuing calmly.

"Normally, either you use raw power for magic, OR psi. The use of one
precludes the use of the other. In a few rare cases, there are beings
who shift things to use both, but never at the same time. But that,
together with the sheer amount of power you put out, has seriously
damaged the... well, circuits is as good a name for them as any...
which handle and control that energy. Indeed, you are lucky to be
alive, you nearly burnt out as you did it. But it means that you can't
use it again, any attempt to use more than the smallest amount would
burn out the damaged circuits and kill you."

I sighed.
"Well, that doesn't seem too bad, does it? I managed for 30 years
without knowing I HAD that power, I don't suppose I'll miss it."

She patted my hand softly.
"It isn't just that. Haven't you noticed how you keep trembling? That
overload caused major damage to your physical nervous system as well.
And mundane medicine can't do anything about that. It won't get better
on its own."

I looked away for a moment, not wanting to see them as I tried to take
that in. Somehow, you never expect something like this to happen to
you, it's always to somebody else...

"What about Iczer-2?"

Belldandy looked down at her hands, gathering her thoughts, then
looked straight at me.

"She's dying."

**********************************************************************
**

I just stared back at her, numb. There are some things you just don't
want to take in, even when someone tells you. After what I'd been
through with Iczer-2, how she'd touched me... it all seemed so
_unreal_! Belldandy just sat there, looking at me sadly as I collected
myself. Eventually I recovered enough to talk again.

"But how? I know Loki hurt her, but she's so much tougher than me...?"

"I think you already suspect. That last effort she made to destroy
Loki's amulet, when you synchronised with her, and Loki was using his
power to try and destroy her. She couldn't take the two different
sorts of energies, not at that intensity, not when they are so
different. Her ability to handle energy is awesome, but it has limits.
Her system is damaged beyond its own capacity to repair it, and we
can't do enough to heal her, she's too badly damaged. We could heal
the more ordinary injuries she has, but that won't help her.

I had to turn away, I couldn't face Belldandy anymore.
"It's all my fault. If I hadn't summoned her she..."

Belldandy touched my shoulder, very gently. I could feel her sorrow
and sympathy, but I didn't want it helping me right now.

"If you hadn't, we'd all be dead. And everyone on this world. I think
she'd understand."

I looked up at her in anger. I knew I shouldn't, she hadn't done
anything to me, but I had to be angry at _something_, and transferring
the anger towards her made it easier for me to stand. 

"Do you think that helps her? She stopped Loki for you, and all you
can do is to let her die? I thought you were better than that,
Belldandy, letting an innocent person suffer because they helped you!"

I looked at them angrily, my fists clenched so tightly it almost
stopped my trembling.

"You owe us."

Belldandy nodded gravely.
"Yes, we do. Both personally and for those in our charge"

I almost growled.
"Then pay your debts. Heal us. Or at least heal HER, she wouldn't even
be here if I hadn't dragged her into this! Why can't you _DO_
something??!"

Belldandy looked down, unwilling to meet my eyes. Skuld looked angry,
whether at my deliberately insulting words to her sister or at the
situation in general, I had no idea.

Urd just spat out one word, making it sound like something that should
be scrawled on toilet walls. "Politics"

"Just what do politics have to do with this? I didn't realise Heaven
had politics!"

Belldandy looked somewhat upset, and Urd just growled.

"I'm afraid it does. You see, what the two of you did offended a
number of Gods."

"You mean helping stop Ragnarok isn't popular!!!?"

She shook her head, sadly.
"Of course it is. In general, anyway. But the Gods whose aspects cover
war and destruction aren't happy, nor are Hel or Fenris. And there are
a lot of conservative Gods who view you interfering and, worse,
attacking  and hurting a god as being, well, hubris. You aren't
popular with them. On the other had, there is a large group of Gods
with whom you are, in view of what you did. But the first group is
large enough to stop us breaking any rules in your case. If they do,
they'll report it to Kami- sama immediately"

"And Kami-sama didn't want us to help?"

Urd grunted, still looking peeved.

"Kami-sama finds it necessary to do things in his, well, 'public'
capacity he finds offensive in his 'personal' capacity. And since he
is bound, by his own will, to follow his laws, he'd have to take
action against us."

Wonderful. You just can't please some people!

**********************************************************************
**

Skuld pushed her way forward a little. The talk of politics seemed to
have annoyed, or at least bored her; or maybe she was being more
subtle, trying to take my mind off the mess I'd gotten into. She
looked at me thoughtfully.

"Do you remember what you did when you summoned Iczer-2?"

I tried to think. I could remember some of it, but it made my head
hurt trying to remember the rest.

"Some. Somehow I did something that affected probability...?"

She nodded.
"Does your home world know how to do that?"

I looked at her, beginning to wonder where this was leading.
"No, it doesn't. Currently we are theorising about wormholes, but
no-one has any idea about how to... oh!"

Now I saw what she was getting at.
"And no, I don't, and even if I did I don't think I'd understand the
math! Its a long time since I studied physics. Weren't you helping
me?"

She looked at me glumly.
"No, it wasn't me! I was too scared at the idea of a mortal trying
that trick like that - if it had gone wrong....!!

I gulped. I could think of quite a few things that might have
resulted, and I didn't like any of them!!

Urd cleared her throat, deliberately.
"So. As you can see, you were still being manipulated even during the
fight. And before you ask the obvious question, no, it wasn't Loki. I
checked, and anyway what motive did he have for letting you summon
help? He might have been insane, but he wasn't stupid!"

I looked down at my fingers.
"So. I guess I'm still a danger, even now?"

"Well, not really. But I suspect it wasn't Loki who blocked your power
all those years ago, but this other player. Also... do you remember
any dreams, now?"

I looked up, startled at that last comment. Dreams? I tried to recall,
then froze as I remembered them. One by one, they played back in front
of the screen of my memory. Finally it stopped, and I opened my eyes,
shivering slightly from reaction. Events had been so close to ending
up like those dreams.

"But why didn't I remember any of this??"

"I suppose so you would keep to his 'script', assuming that's what he
wanted. Whoever it is - or he, or she - is a long-term player, by the
looks of things. It's only a feeling, but I don't think he's finished
with you yet."

My, that WAS a comforting thought! As if I hadn't been through enough
already! And I suspected that a 'feeling' for one of the goddesses was
something you could rely on.

"Well, before you worry too much, I don't think whoever it is going to
kill you. If he had, it would have been easy for him to have stopped
your hearts just after you destroyed Loki's amulet. You'd just have
been two dead heroes who hadn't made it, and I don't think anyone
would ever have thought to check further. Of course, whatever he has
planned for you may not be safe..."

I gave Urd a bitter smile.
"Hoist with my own petard, aren't I...?
When I needed someone to help me, I pulled in a 'version' of someone
who was both powerful enough to help, and had the personality and
motivation to help me. I didn't stop to think whether they'd want to
be dragged in. Now it looks like someone did exactly the same thing to
me first, and it annoys the hell out of me." 

"You did what you thought best at the time."

"So I did. And just how does _that_ make what I did any more 
acceptable?"

She didn't answer me.

(to be concluded in Chapter 16)