At 22:52 -0500 14/02/97, Cynewulf wrote:

On Fri, 14 Feb 1997, Louis-Philippe Giroux wrote:

has been down since the morning of February 12.  Could someone possibly
send me the fics I missed  during that time?  By that I mean all the way
from the 12th through today at the time of this message?

	Oops.  Can't help you with that... been off the ML myself...

   No problem; Zeitgeist helped me with that.

Chapter 4

   She looked up the time. *Mamoru has probably arrived at the train
station for some time now*.  Not knowing what else to do, she decided to go

	That sounds a bit awkward... more like, '...arrived at the train
station a while ago...', or something...

   Interesting phenomenon: you always manage to find the typos and
structure errors in any fanfic you write yourself, but only after you've
sent the draft for pre-reading...  (ugh!)

   Ranma and Akane pushed the gates and went inside the shrine grounds.
They looked around and saw the staircase leading to the shrine itself.
Seeing no one on the grounds, they decided to climb the steps to the
shrine. They stopped when they neared the top of the stairs.

	I dunno.  Those four sentences sound a little choppy, or
something.  Maybe joining 'em together, or not repeating the word
'shrine' or 'stairs' as often...

   I'll see what I can come up with.

   "What? Don't you even remember me Rei?" answered Ranma with a smirk on
his lips.

	That may be redundant... where else would you smirk?

   Mmmhh...  True, I guess.  That's the kind of mistake you do when you
don't write in your native language  ;)

Shinto priestesses didn't deal with monster on a regular basis, right?

	Heh.  Irony, right?

   In the scene I'm writing, Haruka inadvertently finds out just how good
Ranma *really* is.

   "Ahem!"
   All the girls suddenly noticed Luna, impatiently waggling her tail and

	I'm not sure if a cat wags its tale when impatient...

   Ano...  I'll fix that.

   Usagi suddenly remembered something: "Oh yeah, we also found out Mamoru

	Ahhh... I dunno... this seems like a rather quick transition into
something as important as what Usagi brings up.  Maybe some small
buildup, or pause in the conversation while they mull over the last
subject...

   I was trying to highlight Usagi's uncanny ability at switching from one
subject to another, but it looks as if it didn't come out right...

<I'm not finished>

	Damn.  I like this story... <grin>
	Sorry about the nitpicky C&C...

   I need it, don't worry.

	Can't really comment on the content, though... at least, not 'til
you're done the rest of the chapter.  But I like it... it's an
interesting SM/Ranma mix.

	Later!
	-Mike

   Ja ne!

**********************
* The Phoenix Reborn *              Jordanite and Mystical
**********************                  Freak at Large

Louis-Philippe Giroux

Phoenix@upc.qc.ca
Phoenix@cmq.qc.ca