Transitions

By Richard Lawson

Comments & Criticism Welcome!
sterman@sprynet.com

[...]

The first draft had the final scenes in the hospital room and 
Atsuko's room cut; I wanted to end it with Atsuko still coherent, 
and maybe leave open a possibility for a cure or something.  Not 
that I would do something as wish-washy as that; I would just 
sleep better at night knowing there was that loophole.  :)

I added the scenes back in when one of my prereaders felt that 
there was something missing, ending it like I did.  So I added the 
scenes back, and another one of my prereaders felt that the scenes 
were too unnecessarily depressing.  I want to know what you think; 
would it be better to leave out the final stages of Nuku Nuku's 
breakdown?

Don't you dare remove them. They are critical to the story. I will get
some flack for this - but I would shorten Nuku Nuku's expository speeches
and make the revelation more gradual and natural, they are the one place
in the story that it gets dry (take that however you will).

-- 
Benjamin "you know, it is hard to read when you can't see the
monitor" Franz