This has parts 9 _and_ 10 together.
--------
What has gone before: Tendou Akane never existed in this history. Ranma's
only fiancee is Ukyou, and Genma and Soun hate it. The school still believes
Ranma to be a girl and Ukyou a boy. Ryouga is Ranma's pet pig Charlotte.
TENDOU 2/3
by Ken Arromdee
Chapter 9: Bad Hair Day
"Kunou-chan, we've got to talk."
"Of course we must talk, Tendou Nabiki. You are my sole source of pictures
of Saotome Ranma, after all. I await your description of the pictures of the
beauteous Ranma Saotome and your extortionate fees that I, the Blue Thunder of
Furinkan High, will magnanimously pay."
"That's what I've decided to talk to you about. You see, I've gotten
tired of taking pictures and I think I need a new hobby. Would you care to
buy a slightly used camera? It should be especially useful for taking pictures
of Ranma since that's what it's done its whole life!" Wonder if Kunou thinks
that really makes sense, thought Nabiki. A camera's a camera, after all.
"What, to think that I, Kunou Tatewaki, would stoop so low as to take
pictures in secret?"
Nabiki insisted. "How much are you willing to pay, Kunou-chan?"
Kunou named a figure, about 30% more than the value of the camera. Nabiki
was about to give it to him, but was interrupted by a timid voice saying
"Excuse me..."
Nabiki glanced over and recognized the boy that was interrupting as
Hikaru Gosunkugi, a student from Ranma's class who never got the nerve to ask
Ranma out on a date, not that it would have gotten a "yes" answer regardless.
She answered "Hai, Gosunkugi-kun?"
"I was... I was wondering if you would sell that to me. I am interested
in photographing scenery like you do with it...."
The kid was fixated on Ranma, thought Nabiki. But then so was Kunou. May
as well try to get a good price. Nabiki told Gosunkugi a price about 40% too
high; Kunou outbid him, and after a short but fierce bidding war Nabiki sold
the camera to Gosunkugi for twice its real value.
Nabiki chuckled as she walked away with her profits. The idea of buying
another one and selling it to Kunou briefly passed through her head, but if
she really needed more money there were much more profitable methods.
Gosunkugi drooled over his newfound purchase, and hid in a bush waiting for
Ranma to come by so that he could take pictures of her. Pictures that would
be his, to keep and admire forever.... Was that someone coming down the street?
Gosunkugi hid deeper, just in case it was Ranma.
It _was_ Ranma. She was chasing after her pet pig. Gosunkugi looked
through the viewfinder at Ranma and pressed the button just when she was leaning
over with her breasts slightly exposed.
Nothing happened.
Gosunkugi, shocked, realized what he did wrong and went to the store to buy
film.
Meanwhile, Ranma chased after Charlotte, not even noticing Gosunkugi's
antics. She grabbed ahold of him and took him to the men's room, throwing him
in with his clothes and slamming the door on her. It was something Ranma had
to do, even though Ryouga wanted to hurt her; fighting with someone when
they're under the handicap of being turned into a pig just isn't honorable.
Ryouga came out, raging mad. "Ranma! Why you jerk, letting me be hurt
by Kodachi like that. She was nearly going to roast me for dinner!"
Ranma tried to explain. "Ryouga, I told you she didn't know you're
Charlotte. You didn't believe me. So I proved it."
"You proved it by trying to feed me to the only girl who's expressed any
concern for me!" Ryouga threw his umbrella at Ranma, which Ranma sidestepped.
The umbrella flew in an arc and landed back in Ryouga's hand.
"How was I going to know she was going to try to cook you? If you tell a
normal person to look at a pig for a minute they're not going to immediately
try to cook it."
Ryouga began throwing bandannas. "Are you insinuating there is something
wrong with Kodachi?"
Ranma finally started fighting back, kicking Ryouga dozens of times.
"Well, she does cook using poison. And she likes hurting people. It's a hint,
anyway."
"She cooks using poison because she never learned how to cook without it!
But she likes me, Ranma, and she's willing to try harder. Already her food is
delicious and the poison does no more than add a slight bitter taste." Ryouga
backed off from Ranma's kicks and began a second barrage of bandannas.
Ranma leapt aside, into the branches of a tree, but nearly fell when
one of the bandannas sliced the trunk in two. "Ryouga, you idiot, can't you
stop fighting and see that..."
Ranma never finished her sentence. Another bandanna flew by and she
easily dodged it with a quick motion, swinging her head aside. But then came a
third. The pigtail trailing behind Ranma's head was directly in its path, and
she noticed her predicament just a moment too late. The bandanna sliced
through, cutting it off, and then more bandannas chopped it into dozens of fine
pieces.
As Ranma realized what happened, she stopped, shocked, and began to lash
out at Ryouga. "Ryouga... Ryouga you idiot! That's... that's... how could
you _do_ this to me, Ryouga?".
Sayuri, watching the battle from nearby with her friend Yuka, broke away
and walked right up to Ryouga, then slapped him in the face. "How _could_ you
do that? A girl's hair is her life! We spend all that time to fix it and you
just cut it off because you're a little bit upset with her." Sayuri walked
away.
Yuka followed in her footsteps. Ryouga tried to dodge her, complaining
"Hey, she's not hurt!" Yuka replied "She's not hurt, but she lost her hair!
And she's obviously upset!", slapped Ryouga again, and left too.
Ukyou walked by, saw that Ranma was upset, and glared at Ryouga. His
attempt to assume an innocent expression failed miserably, and Ukyou finally
slapped him too. Ranma just watched, still stunned.
Ryouga didn't know what to say, and stood there for several long seconds
with red marks on his face. Finally, the words occurred to him.
"Ranma, act like a man! I didn't do anything to make you so shocked.
Just because you have to act like a girl in front of them doesn't mean you
are becoming... or _are_ you becoming a girl, Ranma?"
"No... But you don't understand at all."
"Well, then explain."
Ranma began the explanation. "Just a little while after we came from
Jyusenkyou, my old man had eaten all the food. I was starving, when I spotted
this guy chasing this other guy to get back a bowl of soup. I figured that
I was a lot hungrier than either of them, so I took it and ate it all.
Ukyou glared at Ranma. "You stole food from a restaurant?"
"It wasn't a restaurant. Anyway, the first thing the guy in the back did
was open my robe to look at my breasts. He tried to pretend that it was to
be sure that I was a girl, but I think he was just etchi. Then he explained
to me that it was good that I was a girl, because I had just eaten what he
called the 'Dragon's Hair Soup'.
"This soup is made with a special hair said to be from a dragon. It's very
rare, since even in the myths dragons usually have scales and not hair. This
soup is a home remedy for baldness. If a bald man drinks this soup, he'll grow
hair. But if a man with hair drinks it, it makes his hair grow uncontrollably.
It doesn't affect girls.
"I took the hot water kettle from his stove--did I tell you he invited me
to eat?--and tried it, because I _wasn't_ going to believe some stupid story
about magic hairs that didn't even exist. But they did. As soon as I became
a guy, my hair went out of control. I had to beat him up before he'd tell me
the cure... tie my hair together using the Dragon's Hair.
Ryouga gaped and pointed to the pile of cut hair, with short pieces of
a slightly different color interspersed--fragments of the Dragon's Hair. "You
mean... you can't become a guy until you get another Dragon's Hair?"
"Yeah. Want to go over to China and get me one? You can swim pretty
well, Charlotte." Ryouga growled at Ranma's use of that name. Ranma growled
back, then Ryouga tried a punch, and soon the fight started up again.
At the Tendou Dojo, the doorbell rang. Kasumi answered it. "Oh, it's
you, Ranma-kun!" She spotted Ukyou, as well as a battered Ryouga being dragged
by the top of his shirt, and an almost equally battered female Ranma. "Oh,
and you have guests!"
Ranma called together his father and the Tendous and explained the story,
demonstrating the effect of the Dragon's Hair with pots of hot and cold water
(and a scissors). "Now, I'm returning to China, old man, and you can't stop
me. I'm going to pack."
She headed for the stairs. Ukyou stood in her way, as well as Genma, who
Genma picked Ranma up and turned her around. "You will not go to China to get
the Dragon's Hair without taking your father along! It can be a perilous
journey and no son of mine shall go alone!"
"Yeah, Dad. I know what you want it for." Ranma knocked off her father's
hat and pointed to the smooth dome of skin, glistening in the light. Then she
pushed him back several feet and turned to the stairs again.
Ukyou still stood in her way. "Ranchan...".
"You want to come with me, Ucchan? I'd be glad to have you along. You're
a good friend."
"I'm your fiancee! And I want to know how you're going to GET to China.
Surely you're not going to swim there?"
"We did it once. We'll do it again."
Nabiki's smile was heard by everyone who saw her face and had a strange
imagination. "There's no need to go through all that trouble."
Ukyou asked "And I'm sure you have the perfect way to get to China?"
"Yup.
"And I'm sure it has the perfect price?"
"Yup."
"And I'm sure that you're going to make a profit on it, so it'd be cheaper
to buy whatever it is directly instead of going through you?"
"Well, if you're not interested...." Nabiki headed for her room.
"Wait!" asked Ranma. Nabiki stopped. Ranma continued "What's your
price?"
"I can't squeeze blood from a stone, Ranma. Besides, I'm a possible
fiancee of yours. I can't have a potential husband who's a girl all the time.
Let's see, with the discount for family members... 1000 yen each for you,
Ryouga, and Ukyou. Plus 1000 to bring back a Dragon's Hair for Mr. Saotome.
Pay for your own food and lodging."
Even Ranma could notice the hole in that suggestion. "You _can't_ get to
China on 1000 yen a person unless you use the money to buy a plastic canoe and
some oars."
"Oh, really? Watch."
Everyone watched Nabiki. She tapped her foot until Genma finally brought
out his wallet, peeling off 1000 yen for her. Ranma, Ukyou, and Ryouga soon
followed.
Nabiki walked to the phone and dialed a number. "Hello? Kunou-chan? No,
I need to speak to Kodachi..." She waited a moment for Kodachi to get on the
line.
"Well, I just called to tell you Ryouga is going away to help Ranma on a
little mission... yeah, I know they don't have much money. They only paid
1000 yen a person, and we're going to buy the canoe tomorrow... What do you
mean you don't want your Ryouga-sama to travel the vast oceans of the world in
just a canoe? It's perfectly safe!... Really? You'd go through all that for
Ryouga? You're a great help!... But you want to come along to see that Ryouga
is safe? Of course, we'd be glad to have you! Ja ne."
Nabiki hung up the phone and explained. "The plane leaves Tuesday at
noon."
Ranma was furious. "I could have done that!"
"But you're predictable, Ranma. And I'm the predictor."
The day before the flight left, Ranma said goodbye to her friends at
school. Hiroshi, who had turned out to be a pretty cool person once he stopped
asking Ranma for dates, wondered about the trip.
"Ranma... there's always been something _very_ strange about you. You're
like no girl I've ever met before. You've always acted in ways that made no
sense and done strange things... I haven't bugged you about this, but now...
could you tell me what this trip is _for_?"
"Hiroshi, forget it. I can't explain at the moment. I'm not sure I ever
can. Think of it as a training trip, okay? It's not dangerous, and I'll be
back as soon as I find what I'm trying to find. It might not even be a week."
Sayuri, accompanied by Yuta, told Ranma "Open your hand and close your
eyes." Ranma obeyed, and Sayuri dropped something in her hand. "You can
open your eyes now!"
Nestled in Ranma's hand was a cute heart-shaped trinket. Sayuri explained.
"It's supposed to be for good luck! Don't lose it! We know you don't like
earrings, so we decided to get you this. Just put it on a keychain."
"Sayuri-san, it's not a dangerous trip. I don't need good luck. Please
believe me." Ranma wracked her brains as fast as she could to figure out a way
not to be unintentionally humiliated by Sayuri and Yuka by having to use cute
girls' stuff. "It's... I'm not sure if they allow imported jewelry in that
area of China without paying big customs duties!"
"Ranma, I know you're trying to make us feel better. You know we'll worry
about you, so you try to make us think it's safe and that you don't need good
luck. But you don't have to hide it from us... we're your friends." Sayuri
suddenly hugged Ranma, making her turn slightly red, and pushed the charm down
hard into Ranma's hand. "Sayonara, Ranma-chan... and good luck!"
"It is NOT A DANGEROUS TRIP!"
"How brave Ranma is when she tells us that", muttered Sayuri to Yuka
with admiration.
Ranma fingered the charm attached to her keyring at the airport, wondering
if Sayuri could have been guessing right. After all, the last time she had
been in China was when she _got_ this problem to begin with. Not to mention
the curse, though for once the curse had proved useful--she would already have
run out of hair otherwise. If only she had thought of asking for more than
one Dragon's Hair when it started.
The assembled group included Ranma, Ryouga, Ukyou, Kodachi, and Nabiki.
Kodachi handed Ranma, Ukyou, and Nabiki a ticket each. "Oh, and Ryouga-sama,
I'll hold yours for safekeeping!" Ryouga grabbed for the ticket; Kodachi
suddenly drew it back and stepped a foot forwards, causing Ryouga to lose his
balance and fall on top of her. Kodachi blushed. "Ryouga... sama...."
Ryouga hit the ground with one hand and pushed himself up and away from
Kodachi. "I didn't mean... I'm sorry, Kodachi!"
"Oh... Ryouga... It's all right. The accident was a gift from heaven.
Please take me!" Kodachi hugged Ryouga tightly, causing Ryouga to jitter and
finally faint. Kodachi kissed him on the lips.
Nabiki pointed to Ryouga and Kodachi in turn and asked Ranma, "So you set
_him_ up with _her_?"
"In a way."
"Fun." replied Nabiki.
They checked their luggage, and walked through the airport towards their
gate. The guard at the metal detector let through Ranma, Nabiki, Ryouga, and
Ukyou (making her put her spatulas in the X-ray machine). As soon as Kodachi
stepped in, an alarm clattered.
The guard stopped Kodachi. "I'm sorry, you'll have to come with me."
"Oh, it's just a few bombs! Why, I would never use one on an airplane; it
would get me as well as all the victims. And these are poisoned spikes.
Really, I wouldn't cause any trouble with them. They're just for
self-defense!"
At that the guard pressed a button, which alerted several others. One
arrived immediately, drinking a cup of coffee, and wondered. "You caught one?"
"Yeah, Joe. Caught one. A real nutcase. She says she's carrying bombs
and poison on the airplane. I thought most people like that try to hide it?"
"Well, it takes all kinds."
Ryouga explained. "It's a bad habit I've really been trying to get her
to give up."
Nabiki tried to think of a way out. It was her own fault, after all, she
thought. She had misjudged Kodachi, having figured out that Kodachi was
friendly enough not to disrupt anything despite her earlier quarrel with Ranma,
but she hadn't considered the possibility that Kodachi would do something
stupid while not meaning any harm. So it was up to Nabiki to solve the
problem. Of course, she could always bribe the guards, but that wasn't certain
to work, and Nabiki didn't like to take chances when the cost of failure was
too great. Still, the group was in a pretty bad situation anyway, and she
might have to risk it.
Everybody's salvation came, in the form of Gosunkugi, hiding behind a
potted plant. He had followed them all the way from Nerima, and had meant to
to secretly snap a picture of Ranma, but since he had forgotten to turn off
the flash, he was as obvious as a martial arts battle at 500 paces.
Ranma tried the "cute" act again. "Officer, that boy's been following us!
He's been stalking us and taking pictures of us from secret! Pleeeease do
something! I'm _scared_!"
Both guards went over to Gosunkugi. When they turned around, the party
was gone.
"Hey, Joe? Where did those guys go?"
"Dunno."
"They couldn't have gone onto the plane. The rose girl would have set off
the buzzer again."
"Well, maybe she can crawl on the ceiling like Spiderman. Sneak through
above the metal detector."
"That's not funny. Anyway, at least the plane's safe. Let's go bring
this guy in. Boy, does he look pathetic."
The trip took several hours, with an in-flight movie of Dragonball GT that
the five eagerly viewed, Nabiki half lost in thought as she watched it. The
closest thing to a fuss happened when Kodachi decided she didn't like the
airplane food and cooked a meal for herself and Ryouga using ingredients from
her carry-on bag, but Kodachi was careful to keep her portable stove turned
off during takeoff and landing. The meal was a delicious smelling pork dish
over rice, and Ryouga fainted again at the mere thought of sampling her
cuisine. Kodachi laughed; Nabiki didn't bother pointing out that the look on
Ryouga's face before he fainted was one of disgust.
TENDOU 2/3
by Ken Arromdee
Chapter 10: Tourist Trap
As Ukyou was about to pay the equivalent of 500 yen for lunch, Ranma
stopped her. "Ucchan, they're overcharging you by a factor of five. It may
seem cheap by our standards, but they always soak the tourists. I was here
before, remember?"
Nabiki was a little surprised. Ranma, knowing how to save money? Maybe
she wasn't so dumb after all. Nabiki herself was wearing her best cheap
Chinese outfit, and did a credible imitation of a Chinese person who just
happened to speak an outlander dialect that nobody in this city understood,
and knew only enough Mandarin to buy and sell and to say "too expensive",
"I don't have that much", and "have mercy on me, our family is so poor that
we would sell our own children for food".
The next day they left Beijing. After that came three days of train
rides, bicycle rides, canoe rides, and finally, hiking. The place where
Ranma got the Dragon's Hair was deep in an area of China full of ancient
villages with strange traditions. The government preferred to ignore them as
long as they didn't cause any trouble. Of course, so did everyone else,
making travel in the area a real difficulty. Ironically, Japanese was spoken
there more frequently than anywhere else in China; martial artists were the
exception to the lack of tourists, and if any language other than a Chinese
dialect would be useful to the locals, the language that all these foreign
martial artists spoke was it.
Ranma thought. Jyusenkyou wasn't far away, and if she could retrace her
steps and try to find the place where she got the Dragon's Hair.... First, go
to Jyusenkyou.
"Maybe we should get a guide?", suggested Ukyou.
"Aww, what do guides know?" replied Ranma. "It can't be that hard to find
the place." Ranma stopped a farmer travelling on the dirt road. "Excuse me,
which way to Jyusenkyou?"
The farmer shook his head and denied any knowledge.
Nabiki wordlessly handed Ranma a guidebook, which contained a map clearly
marked by her with a trail leading to Jyusenkyou.
They followed the trail that had been drawn on the map until they got much
closer. The map's scale and clarity still wasn't the best, and soon Ranma,
suspicious that he was going in circles, started looking for people to ask
for directions.
The first few included more farmers, as well as one bandit (who Kodachi
paralyzed and left tied up and bereft of possessions). None knew the location
of either the cursed springs or the Dragon's Hair, although Ryouga
misinterpreted and wandered away looking for the village of "Dunno" before
Kodachi grabbed him with a ribbon and pulled him back.
Ranma questioned another passerby. This one didn't seem to be a farmer; he
was young and wore a strange outfit covered with areas of imitation scales,
including a set of inefficient-looking shoulderpads. "Excuse me, where's
Jyusenkyou?"
The man stared at Ranma's chest and stammered out "Are you... are you a
woman? Are those breasts?"
Ranma grabbed him by the neck. "Where can I get the Dragon's Hair?"
Unfortunately, this made the strange person come back to his senses. He
hit Ranma several times with lightning speed.
Ranma warned him "If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get! I
am Saotome Ranma, of the Saotome Unlimited Martial Arts!" Ranma proceeded to
kick him, aiming carefully for the most vulnerable areas.
The teenager dodged, barely even getting sideswiped. "You're good...
very good." He punched at Ranma again, and they traded punches.
He yelped at a punch from Ranma, but Ranma screamed louder from the
strange teen's reverse punch. "Nobody can... be that strong!"
Ranma kicked his opponent back, but he dodged it and then shouted "Ryuusei
Hishou!" He soared up into the air and flew all around Ranma, hitting her
until she fell over.
Nabiki whispered into his ear and then said "We're friends!"
"Oh."
Ukyou took Ranma in her arms and woke her up.
The teenager explained. "My name is Herb. I'm the prince of the Musk
Dynasty. We train all our lives in the mountains here, never seeing a woman.
When I saw you I couldn't help but stare. But after that, you attacked me,
so I attacked you back. I'm surprised you're still awake... only the most
powerful of martial artists could survive more than a few seconds against us.
Ranma asked "Do you know where the Dragon's Hair is?"
"Yes."
"Where is it?"
Ranma waited. So did Herb. Neither of them said anything. Finally Herb
asked "There are no women in our village. But you're a nice strong woman,
with big b... b...."
Nabiki helpfully said "Breasts."
Herb continued. "Will you marry one of the men of the Musk Dynasty? If
you do, I'll tell you where to get your Dragon's Hair."
Ukyou objected. "Ranma's a g--" She realized that Kodachi was still
around and really didn't need to be told Ranma's secret. "I'm Ranma's
fiancee! And we're from Japan. Ranma can't marry one of you.
Herb looked at Ranma's chest again. "B..." Ranma and Ukyou simultaneously
slapped him.
Ranma asked "Haven't you ever heard of Jyusenkyou?" She had to be a bit
oblique, to avoid tipping off Kodachi, but if this man did know what
Jyusenkyou was, and had heard of the Dragon's Hair, he would understand. Herb
nodded and said "But even if you've been there you still have b... breasts....
But fine. Follow me and you'll get the Dragon's Hair."
Ranma looked around for Kodachi and wondered exactly where she was, anyway.
Ryouga tilted his head towads a treetop and said "Please don't, Kodachi-
san. Ranma, er, needs him alive and awake."
Herb led everyone to his village. "You can stay here..." He called
several other young men and added "...permanently!" The others surrounded
the group.
Ukyou hit one of them with her spatula, hard. Ranma konked him.
Ryouga faced off against a teenager wearing tiger stripes. They
grappled, both straining their muscles against their opponent. Incredible,
thought Ryouga as the teen forced him back. I've never met anyone this strong.
It's not natural...
Kodachi came to Ryouga's aid, shoving a bouquet of black roses (a little
wilted from the journey in her bag) at the man. He collapsed.
However, soon more men of the tribe surrounded everyone. They all took up
martial arts stances, and Ranma realized that there was no way everyone could
just escape. "Now come along with me!" commanded Herb.
Herb took them to a large hut. It looked pretty comfortable, for a place
meant for prisoners. "Now get in."
Ranma asked "All of us?"
"All of you, except for the wo... woman with the short brown hair."
Nabiki replied "My name is Nabiki Tendou."
Ranma wasn't going to let Nabiki just rot in some Chinese village. After
all, she had caused nowhere near as much hardship in Ranma's life as, for
instance, Ranma's father. "Hey, you can't do that!"
"We won't hurt her. But she is to be insurance. Since you cannot marry
any of our tribe, Ranma, I want you to find us someone who will. There is a
tribe full of strong women, called the Nyuuchezuu, who live not far from
here. Go there and bring us some brides, and we will free Nabiki and tell
you where to get the Dragon's Hair.
"Why can't you do that yourself?"
"We don't understand people with b... breasts and we have no idea how to
talk to women to ask them to marry us! Now, do you agree to our terms?"
Nabiki shouted at Ranma "Don't just stand there! Do something!"
Ranma angrily answered "If that's the kind of demand you're going to make,
you leave us no choice! We have to..."
"Yes?" asked Herb.
"... agree." Nabiki didn't even bother facefaulting.
Ryouga hit Ranma as soon as they got away from the village. "What did you
agree to something like that for? I'm no part of this!"
"You caused it! It's because of you that I have to come to this
godforsaken place and get the Dragon's Hair. So you're coming with us...
Charlotte." said Ranma.
Ryouga looked around nervously to see if Kodachi was close enough to hear.
He knew Kodachi hated the little pig and he wasn't going to let her know that
that was really him. Of course, Ranma was bound by honor not to tell Kodachi
outright, but Ranma would figure out some way to let her know without bringing
any guilt on himself.
As they approached the village the next day, Ranma warned everyone. "Now,
whatever you do, don't eat any of the food!"
Kodachi wouldn't accept this. "I've developed resistance to poisons.
They cannot take down the Black Rose of St. Hebereke that easily!
Hahahahahaha!"
"The food's fine. But if you ever eat the prize in their tournament,
you'll have to fight, and then kill the one you're fighting."
Kodachi said "So?"
Ryouga told her "You don't want to kill them!"
"Why not?"
"Because... because... ah, forget it."
Cologne watched the strangers arrive. Odd, she thought. They were
martial artists--at least they moved like martial artists, and they wore
either the clothes of martial artists, or the clothes of one of the many
professions with which martial arts could be combined. Two men and two women.
She kept watching them as they approached. Hmm, she thought, that one with
the pigtail had visited before, just a few months ago. She had won the fight
against Shampoo, and Shampoo had chased her across the ocean to Japan. And
lost again. Her enemy--along with her enemy's husband who, by rights, should
have been Shampoo's, had sent her away using her own shampoo on her. When
Cologne found her and restored her memory, she had cried in shame and gone off
to train so as to fulfill her duty.
As the group approached, one of the junior Amazons, a girl named Soap,
asked Cologne if she should question them.
"No. I'm going to do it personally, Ladios-san. I've taken special
interest in these people."
Ranma looked around, worried that Shampoo might be there. But surely even
if she was and this did become a fight, Ranma could stave off Shampoo for the
few hours it would take to arrange a meeting between the young people of the
two villages. Then Ranma could get the Dragon's Hair and change back to a man
again!
The person who rushed out to meet them, an old woman picking her teeth,
spoke to Ranma. "I'm Cologne. Oldest of the elders of this tribe."
"Boy, that's fast. We thought it my take a while to get a chance to talk
with anyone important...."
Cologne rapped Ranma with her walking stick, so fast she couldn't even
dodge. "Quiet! You were here before, Ranma. You beat my great-granddaughter
Shampoo."
"Great-granddaughter? Anyway, that was over with!"
Cologne tossed her toothpick backwards, hitting Kodachi's hand and making
her drop the bouquet she was about to shove under Cologne's nose. Ryouga
gaped. Cologne continued, "As I was saying, you, Ranma, beat Shampoo. No,
I'm not going to fight you. That's her business. But there is something
which _is_ my business, as someone from the same family." She turned to Ukyou.
"You're the one who calls himself Ranma's fiancee, right?"
"If you want to make me marry Shampoo, I can't and I won't!" answered
Ukyou.
"It's your duty. You're to stay here in this village and be Shampoo's
husband."
"Your customs can't apply to outsiders!"
"Your custom that people can't apply things to outsiders can't apply to
us." Ukyou didn't think this made a whole lot of sense, but arguing with the
old woman seemed useless.
Cologne motioned to a group of guards, mostly women but including several
men too. They surrounded the group.
Ranma began to wonder if it was really necessary to lose one party member
in each village they visited. And he wasn't going to let his friend down.
"If Ucchan stays, we all stay."
Ryouga and Kodachi protested. They argued and fought with Ranma and
Ukyou. Cologne didn't seem to mind, and the guards left everyone alone, as
long as they didn't try to leave.
A girl rode a bicycle in on the dirt road, as small animals scampered out
of the way to avoid getting crushed. "Ni hao!"
Cologne waved to her and she got off and hugged Cologne. "Shampoo,
<< you're back! You have guests. It's Ranma and your husband. Be careful,
I can tell something's strange about him, though I do think he's telling the
truth about being engaged to Ranma. >>
Shampoo let go of her great-grandmother and hugged Ukyou affectionately.
Ranma and Ukyou both hit Shampoo, which didn't particularly please her, though
it did stop her from fingering Ukyou's chest area.
"Oh. It is girl Ranma who defeat Shampoo. Shampoo not kill you so far
because has to train for battle due to loss second time. But Ranma's turn
will come. Are these others bodyguards of Ranma?"
Ryouga shouted out "No way!"
Kodachi agreed. "Though Ranma has helped me before, surely she can fight
her own battles."
Ryouga explained "That means 'no' too."
Shampoo asked "You mean to stay or flee from leader of group?"
Kodachi protested. "The Black Rose of St. Hebereke is led by nobody!"
She stuck a bouquet of black roses in front of Shampoo's face; Shampoo
collapsed on the ground, unconscious.
Kodachi opened her eyes as a splash of very cold river water hit her.
Ukyou was there, with a bucket, keeping a careful distance as if in fear that
Kodachi would attack him for being abruptly woken. Smart boy, thought Kodachi.
"Kodachi, you're working for Ranma now", said Ukyou.
"I would never...."
"I talked to some of the people of the tribe. If you're working for
Ranma, that just counts as a defeat by Ranma. But if you're not... well,
then it's kill or be killed."
There was a knock on the door, late at night, when everyone was asleep.
Kodachi, who habitually slept as lightly as a ninja, got up and answered the
door. Two girls a bit under Shampoo's age were standing there, twins from the
look of it. They bowed, introducing themselves. "I'm Pink." "And I'm Link.
We're twins." Yes, thought Kodachi, I know. So get on with it.
Pink explained "We're from a neighboring village. We heard that Shampoo
was gone and came here to find out why. And found out about you prisoners.
We just wanted to wish you luck. We don't particularly like Shampoo, you see.
Whenever she meets us, she attacks us! All because of a little accident when
we were kids."
"I, Black Rose Kodachi, am grateful for your support and am glad you are
here to free us from our imprisonment!"
"Oh, we can't do that. We don't want to get in trouble with the whole
village."
"Then naturally you would intercede on our behalf with the village council
as local residents of a neighboring village."
"We can't do that, either."
"What do you do?"
Link answered "We can cheer you on! By the way, do you have seeds for
those roses you used to defeat Shampoo?"
"Seeds?"
"You mean you have a way to grow roses without seeds?"
"Of course not. I am just astonished you have such an interest! But I
carry no seeds. The roses are hidden and brought to the fore when necessary,
a unique skill of the beautiful rose of St. Hebereke Girls' High School!"
Pink started speaking. "That is amazing. We can't hide flowers,
especially thorny ones like those. We carry seeds to grow them when needed."
She announced "Wind okay, adding water", and tossed a small object on the
ground near Kodachi's feet. Link poured a glass of water, and the object,
some kind of seed, instantly grew into a monstrous vine.
Kodachi admired the vine and brought out a spiked club, with which she
smashed it without touching the vine with her hands. "Ohohoho. A paralysis
vine! It is a good thing that I recognized it, for if I had touched it I
would not have been able to move. What a clever strategem!"
Link said "Just demonstrating. No offense."
Kodachi smiled. These were well-bred girls. "None taken. I would love to
discuss plants with you, for the art of gardening as a predecessor to combat,
which insures a balanced soul, is truly rare."
They discussed poisons and plants all night. As they left the next
morning, Kodachi exclaimed "The Black Rose of St. Hebereke Girl's High School
does really appreciate your company. I would be glad to call you friends,
of which I have so few."
Shampoo appeared at the door, with her great-grandmother. She seemed
happy as she warned Ranma "In week we have match. One of us die then. Shampoo
believe it be you, and this end problem with husband, who stay with Shampoo in
village forever." Ukyou threw a spatula at her, but Cologne knocked it out of
the air.
Ukyou tapped Cologne on the shoulder as she was leaving breakfast behind
for the prisoners. The old woman turned around, but did not hit Ukyou,
sensing that it was not an attack.
Ukyou asked her "Why are you doing this? You know that I don't want to
marry Shampoo. You seem to be a decent person otherwise. Why force this
marriage?"
"I'm sorry, great-grandson, this is the way it is. I'm the oldest person
in the village, and I'm the one who makes sure that everyone keeps the
traditions. If you don't like it, it's still your duty--I know you're
familiar with the idea. You can't complain that you don't like marriages
arranged for you when the marriage that you'd prefer is just as arranged."
"But I like Ranma!"
"And Shampoo likes you. I'm doing this for her, you see. She's my only
great grandchild--we lost a lot of people in the Cultural Revolution. I want
her to be well-off and happy. And she's going to set a very good example for
the village for following customs.
"And me?"
"You too."
"I'd be happier not being here."
"We can't get everything we want. The wedding is the day after the
fight; best wishes, great-grandson."
The prisoners remained prisoners. Ranma wondered, idly, if Nabiki was
in any danger, but Herb had seemed pretty gentle with everyone considering that
he was taking a hostage and sending everyone to do his dirty work for him
just because he couldn't handle girls. What a wimp, thought Ranma.
Ukyou came up from behind and hugged Ranma. Ranma yelped and ran away.
"Don't do that!"
"You can't handle girls?"
"Ucchan, this... this isn't really a good time and place for that."
"It never is. Do you like me, Ranchan?"
"Y... yes..."
"How well?"
Ranma paused. "I've never really thought about it."
"Well, let's find out", said Ukyou. "After we get back, let's go on a
date. A real date. Okay?"
This was comfortably far enough in the future for Ranma. "Okay."
Ukyou hugged Ranma again. When Ranma reacted pretty much the same as
before, she gave up.
They ate, then bathed privately by a waterfall--one at a time was all
their captors allowed. Ukyou and Ryouga were each glad that they didn't have
to expose their respective secrets; Ryouga had heated a bucket of water on a
fire to easily jump into when he finished his bath as Charlotte. The
prisoners were also allowed out for exercise, though watched carefully, and
everyone used it as a chance to practice their martial arts skills. Since
there wasn't a whole lot to do in the village, especially as watched
prisoners, they probably got more practice than in a month of Nerima life.
Kodachi had a little more fun, thought Ranma; she was actually being
friendly to those two twin girls. Ranma had never seen Kodachi friendly
towards anyone before.
Ranma and Ukyou approached them. Ukyou remarked. "You know, you seem a
lot friendlier than the other Chinese Amazons."
"We're not Chinese Amazons! We're from nearby Yakusai village.
"Wow, they give villages Japanese names all the way out here in China."
mused Ukyou. "Nice to meet you, I'm Ukyou Kuonji, and this is Ranma Saotome."
"I'm Pink!" said the girl wearing red.
"And I'm Link!" said the girl wearing blue.
"Anyway", asked Ukyou, "I was just wondering what exactly happened between
you and Shampoo."
Pink answered. "Ten years ago, we were experimenting with a new fast-grow
mandrake root. Well, since Shampoo was in a convenient place, I chose her as
the testing ground. Mandrake is very dangerous--it's so poisonous that even
its shriek when cut kill. The experiment was a great success, and later when
Link came by and saw Shampoo lying on the ground, she decided to give her the
cure, so Shampoo wasn't permanently hurt. But Shampoo attacked her for her
trouble, and ever since then, Shampoo always fights us whenever we run across
her. What a bully! So what makes Shampoo unhappy, makes us glad."
"What marvelous persistence in your unhappiness!", said Kodachi.
Ranma yawned as the stick hit her on the head. "Wake up, Ranma. Today is
your end." Ranma opened her eyes to stare at the ugly visage of Shampoo's
great grandmother. "Now, get dressed." Ranma considered trying to escape,
as she had considered during the week, but she had concluded that fighting
Shampoo would be easier than fighting twenty or thirty tribespeople plus
Shampoo's great-grandmother.
Ranma, decked out in Amazon garb, stood off against Shampoo, watched over
by Ukyou, Ryouga, and Kodachi.
How like the Kodachi fight, thought Ranma. But how times change. Now
Kodachi was in the audience, cheering for Ranma, and Ranma's enemy was a
crazed Chinese Amazon who thought she was married to Ukyou. Ranma's skill
was much better than Shampoo's, and she'd have no problem beating Shampoo.
After all, she was _really_ a man.
Cologne made the announcement. "The fight between Ranma Saotome and
Shampoo will now begin. No holds barred. To the death of Ranma!"
Ukyou complained. "What about the death of Shampoo?"
"Ranma can't win."
"What if Ranma does win?"
"Then we try again next week. The law says that a tribeswoman kills an
outsider woman who defeats her in combat. It doesn't say anything about an
outsider killing a tribeswoman if the outsider happens to win. Do you
really think I would have this fight if there was a chance my great-
granddaughter would be killed if she loses?"
"Hey, that's not fair!"
"You said the same thing about the marriage, great-grandson."
Despite all Ranma's macho self-posturing, Ranma really did have a much
better shot at winning than Shampoo. The story is well-known, in martial
arts movies, of the weaker fighter being defeated by the evil master and going
off to train, then because of practice, utterly annihilating the man that once
utterly bested him. Since, in fact, the evil master is usually training to
get better at the same time that the weak good guy is, that pretty much
happens only in the movies.
Shampoo had gone off to train, to get better and defeat Ranma. But in the
meantime, Ranma had fought a whole bunch of other martial artists, including
all three of the fellow prisoners now cheering him on from the audience. Ranma
had gotten better, too. Ranma ran at Shampoo, and they yelled at each other
and traded a few kicks, and then Ranma knocked her off the log as before.
Then Ranma kicked the bonbori onto her head. Shampoo fell, unconscious.
Cologne announced "Shampoo seems to have lost. There will be another
fight next week."
Ukyou got up and shouted before anyone could stop her "Just one minute!
Ranchan, you're not going to fight her again next week!"
Cologne said simply "Yes, she is."
"Oh, really?" asked Ukyou. "Is it always the rule that when defeated by
a girl from outside the village, the tribeswoman must kill her?"
"I already told you that."
"Well, meet Pink and Link." Pink and Link stood and bowed, and Ukyou
continued. "Pink and Link are not from this village, but from the nearby
village of Yakusai. Ten years ago, they defeated Shampoo. They've ran into
Shampoo a lot of times since then. Shampoo has attacked them, true. But she
hasn't killed them."
She continued, "If it's a matter of honor that Shampoo kill any outsider
who defeats an Amazon, Shampoo has lost all the honor she has already by
not killing Pink and Link for *ten years*. But if your rules aren't that
strict, then she could show a little mercy. I don't _want_ to kill Shampoo.
But whether your law allows it or not, someday me or Ranma may have to, just
in self-defense! Will you stop this? Please?"
Pink and Link applauded.
Cologne poked Shampoo directly on the bruise on her head. She awoke,
screaming, but went silent as soon as she saw it was her great-grandmother.
Cologne asked "Is it true, Shampoo? And answer in Japanese, so our guests
can understand you." At that, Shampoo realized that she had made an even
bigger mistake than just underestimating that girl Ranma.
Cologne poked her with the staff again. "Is it true that you were defeated
by Pink and Link ten years ago and never killed them?"
"Shampoo not lie to great-grandmother. Not sure if could kill innocent
children of own age who disable Shampoo during play, so not kill. Shampoo know
that to kill is big thing. But marriage is big thing too and Shampoo win
husband by killing Ranma."
Ukyou shouted "I am not something to win!" It was bad enough that boys
thought that way, an attitude she had to put up with and smile about while
disguised, but now girls too....
Cologne asked "Then you have an ulterior motive for wanting to kill Ranma,
not just because you lost honor by being defeated?"
"Yes, great-grandmother. Shampoo hope for good husband and this is chance
to get. And", she added, "Shampoo have to do anyway because fight is also for
honor after all."
"No, it's not. Ukyou is right. You've avoided living up to that honor
for ten years. I won't allow you to kill for personal gain and then use that
same honor as an excuse."
"Great-grandmother cannot stop Shampoo, because Shampoo have right by
tradition."
"Would you like me to get you kicked out of the tribe? If you're not a
member, you wouldn't have any right to kill Ranma."
Shampoo nodded sadly. "Shampoo will not kill, then. And Shampoo see that
Shampoo defeated by husband in Amazon Law too. Husband Ukyou is much like
Amazon woman."
Cologne called Ryouga and Kodachi out of the audience and told everyone
"Ranma, Kodachi, Ryouga, you can go now. We have no reason to keep you here."
One person was conspicuously missing from Cologne's list. Cologne continued.
"Ukyou, when your fiancee leaves, you'll marry Shampoo."
Ranma looked to Ukyou, who gazed back at her. Then they nodded to each
other, and leaped at Cologne. She easily dodged, and Ranma and Ukyou landed
on the other side.
Cologne prepared an attack, a special attack that would render everyone
helpless, but Ranma raised her hand. "Wait!"
"What is it?" answered the withered woman.
"What if we introduced you to some other people who could be husbands for
the Amazons?"
"There are few men who can defeat the best Amazon warriors. And Shampoo
would not be required to pick the second one if somehow she were defeated a
second time."
"But it's a possibility! There must be someone who Shampoo could get along
with better."
"Very well. I'll listen."
"Have you heard of the Musk Dynasty?"
"The Musk Dynasty? I thought that was destroyed long ago! A fierce
all-male band of martial artists who have nonhuman powers because their
ancestors bred with transformed animals using the magic of Jyusenkyou...."
So that explains their strength, though Ranma. Still, they didn't seem
_that_ fierce, having to take hostages when they couldn't defeat someone
fairly.
"If you want to arrange a tournament", said Ranma, "I'll bring them your
message. But you have to let all of us go free. None of this take one person
as hostage and forced marriage stuff."
Cologne considered it. It would help the tribe, and if Shampoo didn't
end up marrying one of the Musk Dynasty, she could always take Shampoo to
Japan to chase after Ranma. "I'm sure the elders would agree to that."
Cologne looked around to the rest of the elders, quite old but much less than
a hundred. Each one nodded, except for the last, who seemed about to disagree.
Cologne gave her a warning glance, and she nodded too.
The trip back took another day and a half. Pink and Link followed behind
for most of the trip, while Kodachi gladly explained gaseous poisons and food
poisons to Pink and Link, who returned the favor by telling her things about
plants that she had never known before.
"Kodachi..." said Ryouga.
"I promised not to use them on you. Not to not use them at all. I have
had precious little chance to train when we were held in that awful village,
and I must learn the skills of my art, just as you would of yours!"
"Well, we did it", Ranma told Herb. "The tournament is next Wednesday.
If your tribe members can defeat a Nyuchezuu girl warrior, they'll get their
wives. Once you release Nabiki and tell me how to get the Dragon's Hair, I'll
send your acceptance back."
Herb's friends in the animal-theme costumes said "Women. We'll get to
see women! We can fight for women!" Herb hushed them and told Ranma that
he'd fulfill his promise after the tournament.
Odd, thought Ranma. It's as if he was stalling for some reason. But
Ranma really didn't have any choice....
Shampoo did not get beaten in the tournament. In fact, she wasn't even at
the tournament. All anyone would say was that she was off training. But
otherwise it was a smashing success, with Herb's partners, named Lime and
Mint, each managing to defeat a cute Amazon girl. Maybe some real romance
would develop from there, considering the strange customs of both places.
"So, how about that deal?" asked Ranma of Herb.
"You've got it." Herb smiled a bit.
"Just hold it right there. If you're going to cheat me...."
"I'm not going to cheat you. You see, I'm the descendant of dragons.
Look in my eyes." He shoved his head near Ranma's face, and when Ranma looked
close she could see that their pupils were slitted, like a reptile's. Herb
plucked several hairs from his own head, tied Ranma's pigtail with one, and
handed the rest to Ranma in a small envelope. "Since I'm not a true dragon,
these won't be permanent. But you should have plenty to use until the
effect of that soup you drank wears off. Oh, and don't try to make soup with
them. It won't work."
"By the way, what was that technique you used on me when we met? Could you
teach it to me?"
"Oh, I don't think so. Only a very few people not of the line of the
dragon could learn these techniques, and they must have a true dragon-like
spirit. I'm afraid you don't qualify, Ranma."
"Hmph. Well, there's one last thing. I'm waiting, Herb."
"Right." Herb shouted towards some men in armor. "Guards. Bring Nabiki!"
Nabiki looked a little worn out, but was wearing clean clothes and didn't
appear starved or mistreated. As soon as Nabiki was back, Ranma began to crack
her knuckles. "Now that everything's settled... you're going to get it."
Several Amazons even cheered Ranma on, in their belief that Ranma was a strong
female warrior (which he was at the time).
"Wait." It was Nabiki. "Ranma, he's really a well-meaning person."
"But he _kidnapped_ you. Don't you want me to beat him up for you?"
"Really, Ranma, I'm touched by your concern. But I'm okay." Nabiki
lowered her voice. "By the way, don't you think it would be pretty bad if you
did that and Herb told everyone here that you're really a guy? And maybe you
should test those hairs in private somewhere instead of getting home and then
finding out they're fake...."
"Don't tell me you've secretly fallen in love with Herb."
"Perish the thought. It's a business relationship, even if not a
completely balanced one."
The hairs weren't fake. The long trip back to Beijing went uneventfully;
everyone's quota of interesting events for the trip had long since been
exceeded. Even on the plane, a hijacker tried taking the plane to North
Korea. Kodachi knocked him out with a bouquet of black roses, and swiped a
few pounds of plastic explosive for her own personal use, leaving the man
to the authorities.
Back at home, Ranma had finally returned to being a boy again.
Ukyou asked him "Ranchan? How does it feel to be a girl for all that
time?"
"Ucchan, will you _stop_ bugging me about..." Ranma took a look at Ukyou's
face and realized that getting him mad wasn't her intention. "I'm sorry,
Ucchan. Didn't mean to shout at you. Well, it was... tolerable. Maybe
boys and girls aren't really that different, inside."
"You don't think there's any difference between me and a boy?"
"Uh, no, no, Ukyou. You're cute!"
"Really? I'm so glad you think that! When can we have our date, Ranchan?"
"Our what?"
"Don't you remember?"
"Oh, okay. Why don't we go to a Chinese restaurant?"
Ranma never saw what hit him before the okonomiyaki dough covered his
face.
--------
This story took incredibly long to write. I'll probably be back to the short
ones next episode, depending on what story I write.
I'm also not really happy with using good English for the speech of Pink and
Link. They end almost every sentence with the word "Doozo". Any ideas?