In the grand tradition of the crew of the SOL, the Hou Bang and other
brave/foolish souls who've dared to publically mock that which is
crappily written and executed...
Now, for you I present:
Sailor Moon A 2: "Haruka and Michiru" (author of which eludes me)!
This MST written solely by Haruka 'Sol' Ten'oh, (haruka@thekeep.org).
I offer no apologies for this; I enjoyed doing it. ^_-
Any flames will be ignored or MSTed for future 'mail' segments. ^_^
C&C (especially for pointers to other baaaad stories) welcome.
=====================================================================
In the really close-by present
Yes, someday AD
There were some Sailor Senshi..
More specific, the Outer Three...
They schooled at the Mugen Gakuen
Just couple of kids in red fuku-suit
They tried to go in and trash the place
But the Death Busters caught `em so they locked `em in their base!
We're making them read cheesy fanfics
The worst we can find (la la la)
They'll have to sit and read them all and we`ll try to snap their minds..
And keep in mind they can't control where the stories begin or end..
Because the writers of this schlock have gone around the bend!
Mouseketeer role-call!
Haruka! (Say WHAT?)
Michiru! (Ara.. this is derivative.)
Setsuna! (Been there, done that.)
Hotaru! (nine?)
You're wondering how they stand this stuff
How they tolerate this trash
Well repeat to yourself, "It`s just fan-fic"
And it's what we like to bash..
In Mystery Senshi Theatre 3000..
*twang*
(All apologies to Best Brains- please don't sue me. ^_^)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailor Moon A
Story 2
Notes:
Yup. This is another Sailor Moon A story. It's NOT a sequel
though. Sailor Moon A is just a series of stories that are not connected
in any way, other than the fact that the events occurring in them would
never be shown in the regular Sailor Moon series.
Haruka> Hey, if you know it's not good enough to meet the standards of
the original eps, why bother writing it at all? (blink)
Michiru> I believe it has to do with control factors. Here's my 400
page essay on "Fandom and Dominance Issues"..
Setsuna> (giggling) Michiru, let's not get into DOMINANCE again.
Hotaru> Ano, what's dominance?
Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna> We'll TELL YOU WHEN YOU'RE OLDER.
Hotaru> (aging to 15) Tell me NOW.
Haruka> *sweatdropping* Guys, the STORY? Such as it is?
FYI, this story is based heavily around Kaioh Michiru and Tenoh
Haruka, two of my favorite Sailor Senshi. If you hate their guts, get
lost. They're filthy rich, gorgeous, and smart; if you have a problem
with that, live with it! My Japanese sucks,
Haruka> Your English isn't so good either.
Hotaru> "Nice to meet yuu creamu sichew!" *giggle*
Setsuna> Left out again. Even BAD fanfic writers won't write stories about
me. *sniff* People are always saying nice things about YOU TWO..
Michiru> Rest assured, Setsuna... you're better off. People only care
about Haruka and I because they think we're sleeping together.
Haruka> We aren't..? er.. ehehhe. Right.
not that I'm using too much of it:). This story isn't really depressive
or sad, except maybe towards the end. I tried to combine an element
Haruka> Silver?
Michiru> Flouride?
Setsuna> Milk of magnesia?
of humor into them. Hmm. My title is VERY similar to another one, not
written by me. You're special if you can guess which one.:)
All> We're special.
Haruka> Geez, will "Sailor Moon Ace" EVER die?
Setsuna> I wasn't in THAT one either.
Some of the characters are the property of Takeuchi Naoko
Haruka> Yeah, unfortunately.
and are being used without her permission.
Michiru> I feel so used.
Setsuna> You LIKE feeling used, Michiru...
Hotaru> Is that what 'dominance' means..? *gets out massive dictionary*
I have added some silly or stupid comments in parenthesis for no
particular reason.
ALL> Um, so did we.
You can just ignore them, as they might take away the mood.:)
Haruka> There goes my mood: I just spotted the title.
Michiru> Mo. You're NEVER in the mood any more.
Setsuna> You know, I'm willing to break a taboo to fastforward through
this story.I've already read it in another time. What do you
say, guys? *desperate, hopeful look*
"Haruka and Michiru"
Haruka> Too late NOW, Sets.
Michiru>*whimpering* The title..we're trapped now!
Setsuna> *sighing* Here we go again.
As the last notes echoed in the amphitheater, the crowd was
silent.
Haruka> Boy, talk about a harsh reception. That group must really SUCK.
Michiru> Ara. Who on EARTH could be playing so badly?
Setsuna> *snickers* Remember, kids, I've READ THIS ALREADY.
Hotaru> Silent Crowd.... why not, it's no worse than "Silence Glaive
Apply".
Haruka> It was a dull concert, and Allstate was there.
After a stunned minute, the crowd surged to its feet, clapping
and cheering.
Haruka> Oh, I see, the chairs were wired. They must have all gotten
zapped in the butt.
Michiru> I believe we're seeing Pavlov's theory in action.
There were even a few whistles from the American visitors.
Haruka> Look, the Americans have cultural appreciation. Who'd EVER have
GUESSED.
The green haired young woman on the stage smiled and bowed.
Michiru> ERK..
Setsuna> Hey, Haruka, want some salt for those words of yours? I think
you're about to EAT them. *grinning*
Haruka> *sweating* Ano, Michiru, it's only a fanfic...
She left the stage but was soon pushed back by a blond girl on for
another round of applause. In the front row, a young woman and a tall
man
Haruka> Mamo-chan dates jailbait, Mamo-chan dates jailbait (chanted)
were clapping the loudest.
All> Clap on! *clapclap* Clap off! *clapclap*
Haruka> The story's still going! Dammit.
The blue-eyed girl had an odd hairstyle; her blond hair was
pulled into two spherical objects, that resembled odangos.
Hotaru> Ano.. what's an odango look like?
Haruka> Well, from the text, it's obviously a spherical object, Hotaru.
Michiru> Oh, that's HELPFUL. *sarcastic tone*
Setsuna> You know, her hair would look a lot better in a pageboy cut. It
would suit her face SO much more.
Haruka> *giggling* Maybe a buzzcut.
Michiru> (doing Usagi) Mamo-chan,is that your REAL HAIR?
She wore a sleeveless white dress that's skirt fell a little past her
knees. The man had black hair and dark blue eyes, and he wore a black tuxedo.
Haruka> What is this, "Mr. and Mrs. Generic Visit Juban?"
Setsuna> They're models for "Mr. Formal".
Michiru> At least now he won't have to change clothes when the fight
starts.
" Wasn't Michiru wonderful, Mamo-chan?" the young woman sighed.
The man nodded. " Yes, her performance tonight was beyond words.
Michiru> HEY! *flushes red*
Haruka> Remember, it's only a fanfic... easy, Michiru, put DOWN THAT
AXE..!!
Michiru> I'm gonna KILL 'EM BOTH!! YAAAA!!!
Hotaru> (reading aloud) Dominate: To exert control or pressure over
another person or thing. Ano, Setsuna-mama, would this be a good
time to dominate Michiru-mama?
Setsuna> Er, just read the story, dear.. *clangs Michiru over the head
with her Time Staff* SIDDOWN.
Michiru> OW!! *sits, rubbing a large bump on her head* Hidoi.
Her violin playing was the best I've ever heard her do."
" Let's go see her backstage," the blond said enthusiastically.
Mamoru laughed. " Usako, the performance isn't over yet. Michiru still
has to perform another piece."
Haruka> *grinning* Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet" on electric violin.
Michiru> Mo.. I'd never do that! I like Van Halen MUCH BETTER.
" Oh, yeah," Usagi said, making a face. " I forgot. Oh well, I don't
mind hearing her play the violin some more."
Setsuna> "She plays the violin.. she tucks it right under her chin.. and
she bows, oh she bows, for she knows, yes she knows, that it was
hi hi hi diddle diddle.." (sung)
Haruka> Are your strings unstrung yet, Sets? *snicker*
They sat down as did the crowd. Several rows behind them, several men
were whispering to each other.
Haruka> What's that again? I can't understand a word of all this
whispering!
" Is she the girl?" one man with black hair asked in Italian.
" It has to be," the man with brown hair replied. " She fits the
description perfectly, and see how her music sounds!"
" Are you sure?" a third man asked skeptically. " We _are_ several rows
away from the stage."
" Trust me," the second man said confidently. " See that blond girl
behind the curtains? She fits the other description as well."
" Very well then," the third man said. " After the performance, you know
what to do."
Haruka> *blinking in shock at previous passage* Uh.. who's on FIRST?
Setsuna> It's quite simple.The first man has black hair.. The second man
has brown hair. The third man is most likely blonde. Obviously
all three are gangsters.
Hotaru> Wai! Setsuna-mama is so SMART to figure that out.
Setsuna> I've already seen the end of this story.
Michiru> I thought 'The Third Man" was Orson Welles.
Haruka> Well, at least we can thank God it's not the Three Lights..
Seiya> *sticking head into frame* HEY!
Michiru finished bowing
Haruka> 'Bowing' as in playing violin or 'bowing' as in respectful
acknowledgement of other person by bending forward??
Hotaru> Don't ask me, I'm still working on 'dominance'.
and left the stage. Waiting for her was a tall girl with short blond
hair who resembled a boy. The girl was wearing a man's dark suit.
Haruka> It wasn't MY suit, it was a man's dark suit. I just borrowed it.
*snicker*
Michiru> Ara, is it me or is this story going to get the 'most gratuitous
use of the word 'girl'" award?
The two young women hugged.
" You were fantastic, Michiru," the girl said proudly.
Haruka> WHO?? WHICH GIRL?? GAHHHHH!
Michiru smiled, snuggling up to her. " Remember, Haruka, it wasn't just
me that was great. It was the violin too."
Michiru> Oh please, I could be playing on a violin made of pressboard and
strung with emu hair and I would still sound good.
Haruka> Do emu's HAVE hair?
Haruka kissed Michiru's head. " So what? You were still great."
They were about to kiss when Usagi interrupted their personal movement by
coming backstage. " Hey, Michiru!"
Haruka> Yeah, the PLOT always shows up at such damn inconvenient times.
Setsuna> You think this is plot?
Sweat drops appeared on the two older girls. Usagi noticed that they
were looking at her in a funny way. " Umm, did I interrupt something?"
Michiru> Just our 'personal movement'.
Haruka> Just the first interesting thing that's happened so far.
" No, of course not," Haruka said, recovering first. " We're glad you
came, odango atama."
Setsuna> *snickering* I think Mamoru would have something to say about
that. It was, after all, a 'performance beyond words'.
Mamoru entered then, carrying a big bouquet of roses. " Here, Michiru.
Usagi and I brought them for you." He set them down on a nearby table.
Haruka> Roses, hai, hai, if you really want to show appreciation
give her money. It's not easy being a musician these days!
" Oh, they're wonderful!" Michiru said, smelling them.
Michiru> *cough, cough*
" Thank you. But how on earth could you afford them?"
Mamoru shrugged. "I have a rose garden on the balcony of my apartment.
I always have a lot growing there, and in the winter I just grow them inside."
Haruka> I KNEW he had a flower racket going on the side!
Setsuna>Excuse us, we're from the FTD division of the IRS and we'd like to
have this unreported rose growing explained...
" You were terrific, Michiru!" Usagi gushed. " I've never heard you play
so well before."
Haruka> Well, where have YOU been all this time?
Michiru> This was nothing. I didn't even get a lemon to play with.
Michiru smiled. " Well, it might have something to do with the special
violin I was using."
She and Haruka exchanged secretive smiles,
Hotaru> Well, I hope that was ALL that was exchanged!
Michiru> *proudly* Well stated, Hotaru..
Haruka> She learns fast. It comes from my side of the family.
while Usagi and Mamoru just watched.
" So where are you guys going now?" Usagi asked. " Do you want to join
us for dinner?
Haruka> For dinner or AS dinner? I never trust these fanfic writers..
I'm afraid that we took a taxi over, so we'd have to take one over to
the restaurant."
Michiru> Ara, she's afraid of taxi's?
Haruka> Take two and call me in the morning. Or is that what they're
trying to DO.
Setsuna> That's just wrong, Haruka. *grin*
Haruka looked at Michiru. The green haired girl nodded, smiling. " That
would be great," Haruka answered. " We can ride in my car."
Usagi grinned happily, while Mamoru frowned. " Aren't you a little young
to be driving?" he asked puzzled.
Haruka> Aren't you a little old to be dating a 16 year old?
" Errr, I got my license overseas," Haruka answered quickly.
Michiru> The tester was female and thought Haruka was a cute boy (grin)
Haruka> I made it worth her while, didn't I?
Setsuna> I hardly think autographing her shoulder was 'worth her while'.
" You two go on ahead outside. We'll be right out," Michiru said sweetly.
Setsuna>And finally, they were able to do what they had been so
long denied. They could sit down and watch the rest of "The Ricki
Lake Show."
Usagi and Mamoru nodded and went out to the parking lot.
" Now," Michiru asked, putting her arms around Haruka's neck, " where were we?"
Haruka> *soft purring voice* About to get to the lesbian nazi hooker for
Jesus.
"Where's Haruka's car?" Mamoru asked Usagi as they searched for her car.
She pointed to the screaming yellow sports car. "That's it right over there."
Setsuna>Oh, I see you have the "Whitney Houston" car alarm package.
Haruka> My car doesn't scream. It just stands out like a sore thumb in a
nation full of Hondas.
Michiru> We had a choice of howling orange, wailing red, or screaming
yellow and it was the quietest color. *shrug*
Haruka and Michiru came out behind them. "Good," Michiru said, "you
found Haruka's car."
"It's kind of hard to miss," Mamoru said dryly under his breath.
Michiru> Here, Mamoru, I think you'll need this throat spray for that.
Haruka> Try long-acting Tinactin.
Hotaru> Ano, that's foot spray, Haruka-papa.
Haruka> I know, but since he just put his foot in his mouth, it might
as well be disinfected first.
Setsuna> Excuse me (climbs out of seat and crouches down low)
Haruka> What the heck are you doing THAT for, Setsuna?
Just then a black car raced by. The window flew down, and a gun was
pulled out. Bullets flew from it towards the four.
All> GUNS IN SAILOR MOON! AHHHHHHHHHH!! *Hotaru, Michiru and Haruka dive
for cover*
Setsuna> I knew that was going to happen..
Haruka> That's why you're never in any stories, Setsuna- YOU SPOIL THE
SUSPENSE!
"Get down!" Haruka shouted as a bullet narrowly missed her ear.
She pushed Michiru down, and protected her by covering her. Mamoru did
like wise to Usagi. All the bullets went over their heads. They could
hear the gun run out of bullets, and it was pulled back inside the
window. The car drove right on by, and the smell of burning rubber
filled the night air. When Haruka was sure that the car was gone, she
helped Michiru get up.
Hotaru> The cliches flew like bullets in the summer night.
Haruka looked at her girlfriend. "So they finally found us," she said grimly.
"We always knew that they would," Michiru replied softly.
"What's going on?" Mamoru demanded, holding a terrified Usagi, who, oddly
enough, wasn't crying. The poor girl was probably in shock, Michiru
thought. "Why were we shot at?"
Hotaru>*giggling* Maybe they were trying to dominate you..
Haruka> Well, we're not REALLY Tenou Haruka and Kaiou Michiru. We're
ACTUALLY Bob and Joanne Bilchmointer from Piscataway. We're
in the "Stupid Witness Relocation Program."
The two girls looked at each other and both nodded. "I guess we had
better explain," Haruka sighed. "I guess this means that we won't make
it for dinner. We'll fill you in on the way to your home."
Haruka> Yeah, we'll fill you in with cement and toss you in Tokyo Bay.
The four climbed into Haruka's car. The blond girl got into the right
seat and closed the door.
Haruka> NARGGGGH! Did *I* get into the seat, or did USAGI? We're BOTH
blonde, you know!
Setsuna> I'd hate to think what would happen if she got into the WRONG
seat.
Putting in the key, she started the engine.
She pulled the car out of the parking lot and onto the road.
After a minute or two of composing herself,
Michiru> I'm a work-in-progress *giggle*
Michiru started. "You see, it all started about a year ago, before we
met you Inner Senshi..."
Hotaru> That's our cue. Everyone out of the reading room.
Haruka> We're done? That wasn't so bad.
Michiru> *stretches* Ara, to try and come up with clever things to say
against such tripe is hard!
Setsuna> I'm afraid this is only a temporary reprieve. We have much
more to deal with before the end.
Meanwhile, Professor Tomoe and Eudial laugh in Deep 13 Juban on Earth...
Prof.Tomoe> Mu hu ha ha ha! Yes! There's MORE where this came from!
Soon you'll wish to rip out your own heart crystals from the
pain! Coming up, you have a bad attempt at Outer Senshi Pulp
Fiction, and yet more character mangling!
Hotaru> How could you do something this cruel to your OWN CHILD?
Prof.Tomoe> Well, it's nothing PERSONAL, just something I do. You
understand.
Haruka> Sure. We all do what we must do. Hey, that sounds like a song!
*Outer Senshi dance about to Devo's "I Must Do What I Must Do"*
Prof. Tomoe> Dance and sing while you may, for in the second part
of Sailor Moon A, you will PAY!!
Eudial> Impressive.. You even made it rhyme!
*end part one.*
__________________________________________________________________________
Sailor Moon A 2: Haruka and Michiru part 2
MST written solely by haruka@thekeep.org
---------------------------------
Trapped deep within the labyrinthine catacombs below Mugen Gakuen,
the four Outer Senshi play bingo and wait for word from their evil
tormentor- a man named Professor Tomoe, and his assistant Eudial,
who perform lurid and sadistic experiments on the Outer Four by
making them read some of the worst Sailor Moon fanfics in existence!
*cue scary music here*
Haruka> (looking at the introduction) 'Lurid and sadistic'? You dunno
the half of it. He threatened to tie us down and make us
watch a marathon run of "Sailor Moon Super S."
Hotaru> *whimpering* The chibi... the CHIBI!!!!
*A light shaped like a duck flashes*
Hotaru> Ano.. minna.. I'm afraid we have to return to the reading room
now.
Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna> Nooooooooo!!!!
*bingo cards scatter everywhere*
Prof. Tomoe> YES, you must return. Leave your heart crystals at the
dropbox for the second part of.... *hideous laughter* SAILOR
MOON A!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Haruka!" Michiru called out to the blond girl in the pit.
Michiru> Stop moshing and pay attention to me!
Haruka> Awwwww.. But it's FUN! I'm so much taller than everyone else!
Hotaru> *sniffing* Don't you start with those 'short' jokes again,
Haruka-papa.
Haruka turned around to see the familiar green haired girl waving at her
from the stands.
Setsuna> *snicker* Then she looked for MICHIRU.
She grinned and waved back, then put on her racing
helmet. She climbed into her race car, car
Haruka> car, car, car, car, car!
Hotaru> Number nine.. number nine.. number nine..
Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna> *scooting away from Hotaru SLOWLY*
number 910. She drove the
car to the starting line, waiting, her adrenaline already pumping.
Hotaru> Ano.. what's adrenaline?
Haruka> It's a chemical in your brain that makes you do stupid things.
Michiru> Ara, isn't that a hormone?
Setsuna> You two should know about that. *grin*
Haruka, Michiru> SHADDUP, YOU.
THIS is what she lived for. This was one of the few things in life that she
craved and would do anything in the world for.
Setsuna> Driving a tiny cramped car 500 million miles an hour around a
dinky circular track until you get sick, crash, or finish? Boy.
Sure sounds like FUN TO ME.
Haruka> Hey! *fume*
Michiru> *giggling* Ara, it's only a fanfic, Haruka.
"Here comes car 910, with the famous star driver, Tenoh Haruka!" the
announcer said into the microphone. All of the girls in the stands
started screaming excitedly, since they were under the impression that
Haruka was a hot guy, and not a girl.
Michiru> This just proves what I always say: Don't drink and spectate.
The ego you save may be your own.
"Oh, Haruka is soo cool!"
Michiru> You just said she was HOT a second ago! Make up your mind!
one red haired girl next to Michiru said.
"I wonder if he's available..." another blue haired girl sighed.
ALL> *sung with really deliberately off-key tones*
"They come running just as fast as they can.."
"Cause everyone's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man!"
Michiru looked at them, slightly amused. " I'M Haruka's girlfriend," she
told them with a touch of possessiveness in her voice.
Haruka> *breathy voice* Between Obsession and Eternity there is.. Touch of
Possessiveness. *takes Michiru into her arms, but leans her head
over Michiru's shoulder and stares vacantly into the distance*
Michiru> *similar voice, staring at camera* Available now from Calvin
Klein.
Setsuna> *dramatic, aimless pose* Perhaps time is stopping.
Hotaru> *meanders in front of the shot, holding a glass she promptly
drops and breaks*
Eudial> *cutting in* Enough satirical posturing! Get back to the story!
"Ohhhh..." both girls said, looking at the lovely girl. They didn't say
anything else about Haruka's availability, but continued to scream her
name, albeit a little softer.
Haruka> Shout! Shout! Let it all out!
Michiru> *dryly* These are the things I can do without.
"OK," the announcer said. " Get ready. On your mark, get set...GO!!"
The cars sped off. Haruka took a very commanding lead from the start.
Hotaru> Commanding lead? Oh, she dominated them! *giggle*
Setsuna> *glares at Haruka and Michiru* It's YOUR FAULT she acts this
way, you know. She's HIGHLY influenceable.
Haruka, Michiru> *sweatdrop*
Haruka> Ano, you're the one that started this, Setsuna. Go back and
look at the opening passage of Part One. Go ahead. We'll wait.
Setsuna> No need to wait, I'm already at all points in time. And... DOH!
*mutters* Well, I'll just have to go back and change that later.
However, a black car was right behind her. Haruka glanced at the number
and noted with amusement that it was car 546, driver Kenoh Ryu, her
biggest rival.
Haruka> He'd almost stolen my entire name except for the first letter!
Obviously, the man was getting too close. I knew I'd have to fill
him in with cement and toss him in Tokyo Bay.
Setsuna> While you're at it, will you put the writer in there too?
He had always come in second after her, never beating her. Obviously, he
resented her very much.
Michiru> *speaking as other driver* Ahhh, I resent you.
The race continued as the cars sped on.
Haruka> Well, that goes without saying.
Hotaru> Ano, then why was it said at all?
Haruka> Do I look like the author to you??
Several cars skidded out
of control and off the road, but none collided too severely. That was
what Haruka loved. The challenge, the risk of danger, the realization
that she could lose control at any moment, the coming of face to face
with death...
Setsuna> *yawn*, yeah, yeah, fiery mangled death in a fast moving
exploding vehicle, yeah, yeah, ho hum. Been there. Done that.
Coming around for the last lap, Haruka held onto her first
position. Ryu had made several attempts to race past Haruka, but she was
too experienced to let him by. Suddenly, Haruka sensed something was
wrong.
Haruka> Suddenly, the plot had decided to take over again.
Setsuna> Suddenly, the audience had hit Ctrl^C.
Michiru> C! C! C! Uh.. oh. Sorry. *giggle*
She couldn't control the steering wheel. She had to slam on the
breaks or risk crashing. She immediately tried, but they were dead.
Hotaru> Ano, is this where a writer might add, "And Haruka might be
dead too if she couldn't get the brakes working?"
Haruka> *smiles* Yes dear.
Setsuna> *aside to the audience* Aren't we great at killing tension?
I knew this was going to happen so I bet on the other guy.
Boy, having infinite knowledge of time is sure useful.
Haruka> WHAT???? I HEARD THAT!!!
Setsuna> *making slight gesture with Time Staff* No, you didn't. Read
the story.
Haruka> *vacant look* Ah.
Someone had fixed her car, and she had a pretty good idea who. Haruka
wasn't going to panic, even as her car skidded off the road and into the
wall...
Haruka> DAMN YOU, MIDAS! DAMN YOOOOOOUUUU!!!
Michiru> Ara, does the term 'full liability' mean anything to you?
Hotaru> Ano, why didn't the pit mechanics notice something was wrong?
Setsuna> Nice thought dear.. but fanfic doesn't work that way.
Michiru noticed proudly that Haruka was maintaining a lead in
front of everyone, including that Ryu.
Setsuna> Not terribly attentive considering that HARUKA JUST CRASHED.
Michiru> Ara.. .ehehe.. my mind was elsewhere? *stupid grin*
Haruka> I may not come in first, but I never LOSE.
She hoped that Haruka beat Ryu again, since she didn't like him. Ryu
had once tried to hit on Michiru, but Haruka came and beat him up.
Michiru> *looks lovingly at Haruka* Grunt for me, dear.
Haruka> *indigant scowl, Vanderbunny voice* Ugh. I SAY, Ugh.
Setsuna> See Ryu. See Ryu race. See Ryu hit on Michiru. See Haruka beat
the snot out of Ryu. Beat, beat, beat.
Not that she had to. Michiru could have handled the situation herself with a
few well placed kicks
Haruka> Loser, you fail to grasp Tai Kwon Leap. Boot to the head! *sh-thwack*
but she didn't mind Haruka protecting her.
Michiru> Or the wonderful way Haruka handles a 2-by-4. *giggle*
Haruka> Damn thing gave me splinters in my thumb though, owowow.
Michiru> *leaning over* Here, let ME take care of that for you. Don't move.
Setsuna> DON'T start THAT routine again, Michiru... I'm warning you.
Michiru> You're just jealous. *pout*
Haruka> Yeah, you never let us have any fun. Meanie.
Setsuna> *looking out* I'm SURE the readers didn't load this file just to
watch you two suck things out of each other's bodies.
Haruka> *evil grin* Don't be so sure.
Hotaru> *mumbling* Worked in the first ep of Stars..
Then Michiru noticed something odd. Haruka wasn't doing as well
as she had before, which was unusual. The whole crowd realized too that
something was wrong with car 910.
Haruka> Quick, call in car 911!
Michiru> Car 54, where are you?
Setsuna> Yawn. so much for tension.
"Haruka's losing control!" one person yelled.
Haruka> and I think I like it! *grin*
"His car's going to crash if he doesn't try to slow down!"
Michiru> For more educational messages, watch PBS. Give us money, watch
BarnEE! and everyone WILL BE HAPPY.
Setsuna> This blatant plot point was brought to you by the letters "Y"
and "A" and the number nine.
Hotaru> Number nine.. number nine.. number nine..
Haruka> Oh great, she's doing it again.
Michiru gasped as Haruka's car drove off the track and into the
wall, bursting into flames. " Haruka!!" Michiru screamed. She didn't
notice the other fans in the stands screaming in terror as well.
Michiru> I'm disgusted by myself. I'm not paying attention to ANYTHING.
Setsuna> Well, it's okay dear. We all know where YOUR mind is.
She immediately ran to the site of the wreckage, where there were
people all around, spraying the fire with water and carbon dioxide.
Haruka> Not to nitpick or anything, but this is probably an oil fire.
And we all know what happens when you try to put out an oil
fire with water. Thanks for ROASTING ME ALIVE.
Michiru> Well, they were saying you were hot earlier.. *giggle*
Hotaru> Ano.. I can't get this fire started. *holds a glass of water in
one hand, a match in the other, over a bowl of vegetable oil*
Setsuna> And they say children aren't affected by media violence!! *gasp*
"Haruka!" Michiru yelled, tears streaming down her face. She
started crying when she couldn't see the blond anywhere.
Michiru> Haruka!
Haruka> Michiru!
Setsuna> Haruka!
Haruka> Setsuna!
Michiru> SETSUNA!! *possessive yell*
Hotaru> Anooooo. nine? *innocent blink*
"Hey, Michiru," a familiar voice said from behind her.
Michiru spun around to see a smoke covered and bruised, but
alive, Haruka. She ran into her arms.
Michiru> yum. Smoked Haruka.
Haruka> *wiggling eyebrows* With a nice teriyaki glaze.
"Haruka! But how...?"
Haruka> The more appropriate question is WHY.
Haruka smiled. "You didn't think that I was crazy enough to stay
in the car, did you? I took your advice from awhile back and installed
an ejection seat. I got out just in time."
Setsuna> *whistles, blows on her fingernails*
Haruka> *collapsing into giggles* An EJECTION SEAT. IN A RACE CAR...
Michiru> Ten'ou. Haruka Ten'ou. I like my worlds shaken, not stirred.
Michiru sighed with relief. "You scared me. I don't think I
want you racing again for a while."
Hotaru> But you can still drive 90 on the freeway to school if you want.
Haruka> Good one, Hotaru! You're getting good at this. *patpats on the back*
"OK," Haruka said amiably. "I need to have my car fixed anyway.
How about we take a vacation to Italy?"
Michiru> Talk about flighty..
"Well, Haruka," Michiru said in flawless Italian, " Italy certainly is..."
"Beautiful?" the cab driver suggested. " Lovely? Fantastic?
Wonderful? Gorgeous? Too good to be true?" The taxi drove by a large
bill board with a nude woman on it.
Haruka> OH! I see what they were trying to do.. a scene weld! Would
have been nice to TELL US THAT. Yep, we're definitely in Italy.
Michiru> If we were really there, that naked woman would have been
drenched in red pasta sauce.
Setsuna> Don't write in yet, kids, there's more Italian stereotypes
to follow and WE didn't PUT them there!
"Different," Michiru said.
Haruka> Little. Yellow.
"Here's the hotel," the driver said, pulling over.
Haruka> Here's your tip. *punch*
"Thank you," Haruka said. She paid the driver the fare as Michiru
got out onto the sidewalk. The taxi sped off, but Haruka and Michiru
hardly noticed. They looked at the hotel.
Haruka> Hey, THIS isn't the Hilton!!
Hotaru> They looked at the hotel, and then decided they wanted to go home.
Michiru> Haruka, you hit on just one maid, and I'm stranding you here with
only the picture of that fat woman for company.
Haruka> *sweating* Ehehehh....
Setsuna> *does her nails idly as if waiting for something to happen*
It was tall, with 30 stories.
Haruka> This is the city. It's full of people. Each one has a story to tell.
About 30 in all. There'd be more, but the writer has no imagination.
It was made of brick and painted white. There was the name of the hotel
in gold letters on the building. Outside was a lovely rose garden and fresh
trimmed grass all around. Men and women wearing the latest and most
expensive Italian fashions walked in and out of the red doors that were
held open by two uniformed men.
Hotaru> *reads lettering* Gen...eric.. Posh.. Hotel? Ano, minna, what does
that mean?
"Quaint," Michiru said.
Haruka> "Pointless", Haruka said.
Setsuna> "Boring", Setsuna said from nowhere.
Hotaru> "Generic", Hotaru said while looking it up in her dictionary.
*flip, flip*
They picked up their luggage and went inside. They ordered two
rooms that were connected by a door.
Haruka> Sure, Room Service will just bring that right up for you. In about
nine hundred years..
Hotaru> *looks up* Eh? Someone say nine?
Michiru> *sweating* No, dear.
Setsuna> *snickering* "Nein".
Hotaru> *eyes light up with inhuman gleeful cruel malice*
Michiru> SETSUNA!
Setsuna> Sorry, I'm BORED. *giggle*
Then the two girls went to their rooms.
Haruka> Just like their mommies told them too. *dryly*
Michiru> I hope we remembered to go before we left..
The bell boy was a little weakling who took forever bringing up
their suitcases, so Haruka just told him to get lost while paying him
some money.
Haruka> You ahh a pyoony VEAKLING! *Ah-nold accent* Hold still vhile I kick
zis sand in your face!
He did as he was told when he saw the amount of money Haruka
gave him.
Setsuna> Here's a positive image. Women paying men to leave them alone. *dry*
Michiru went into the left room while Haruka took the right one.
Setsuna> Left brain, right brain! I think you two got your rooms backward.
Michiru was finished putting her clothes away when Haruka knocked on the
connecting door. "Come in." Haruka walked in, looking like a girl.
Haruka> Say that AGAIN? If you put me in a skirt, heads are gonna roll..
Michiru> Say it isn't so!
She wore a very nice outfit. She had on a white shirt with a necklace
that had a cross on it. She wore white shorts and comfortable white shoes.
On her head she had a pair of shades.
Michiru> White. So pure, so innocent and virginal. Get out of those clothes
immediately.
"So, Michiru," Haruka said. " Where should we go first?"
Setsuna> *sharply* Don't even SAY IT, Michiru.
Michiru> *blinking* I was going to say, "Disneyland?"
Haruka> Gosh, Setsuna, you really have an ecchi mind.
Setsuna> *spluttering* I do NOT.. !!
"Let's go to some museums," Michiru said.
Michiru> I'm gonna expose you to culture if it KILLS ME!
"Especially the ones dealing with music, hmm?"
"Yes, especially them," Michiru answered, smiling.
Michiru> NO, I wanna go to the BASEBALL HALL OF FAME. WHAT do YOU think?
"Well, that was fun," Haruka said dryly as they came out of
another museum.
Haruka> Wish I could say reading this was fun.
Setsuna> Is it just me, or does the story really flounder at this point?
"How many places are dedicated to Stradivari, anyway?"
Michiru laughed at the blonde. "Really, Haruka. Antonio
Stradivari was the greatest maker of violins in history. Of course there
are so many places that honor his genius. I'd love to own one of his
violins."
All> *singing* Ex-position takes coordination.. ex-position, the game
we all can play!
"Then why don't you just _buy_ one?" Haruka asked. "It's not like
we can't afford one. We can afford _all_ of them."
"Come on, Haruka," her girlfriend said. "Aren't you exaggerating?"
"Well, maybe ninety-nine hundredths of all the violins."
Haruka> Sure, and let's pay off the US National Debt while we're at it!
Setsuna> Now you're talking about a REAL fantasy idea, Haruka. *giggle*
Michiru considered her statement. "True," she said finally. "But
the problem is, no one wants to sell them."
Michiru> Well, any good violinist knows the reason why. See, there was
this treasure map, and inside each violin is a piece of the map
leading to the secret gold horde of Stradivarius!
Haruka> *peering at Michiru* Uhm.. you've been reading this story too long.
Haruka noticed that Michiru seemed depressed at what she had just
said. "It's okay, Michiru. Hey, how about we go to a concert tonight?
I bought some tickets, and there's supposed to be one of those Stradivari
violins there."
Michiru looked excited. "That's great! I've always wanted to
hear one of those."
Haruka smiled. She hated to see Michiru unhappy, so she was glad
at her mood change.
Haruka> Is that like a mood ring? Lessee, Michiru's hair is green so she
must be feeling jealous and slightly horny...
Setsuna> That's a GIVEN.
Michiru> Anoooo!
Hotaru> *laughing* Michiru-mama's hair is turning black! What does that mean?
Setsuna> *to Hotaru* It means your mother's about to kill your father, dear.
Hotaru> Oh.
"Good. Be ready at six."
Hotaru> Minna, time for a break. It's been eight pages.
*Everyone gets up and leaves the reading room.*
Gathering around the dimly lit workstation, the Outer Senshi perform
aerobic stretches and toy with the lastest version of Viluy95's Pure Heart
Solitaire module during the following conversation:
Haruka> PHEW. This is starting to GRATE on me.
Michiru> Yes, it is pretty CHEESY, Haruka *snickering*
Setsuna> *groan* GOUDA God, will there be no end to these EDAM puns?
Hotaru> Ano, that was a stretch, Setsuna-mama.
Setsuna> Ehh. Maybe so. But if you don't like my jokes, fine, I'll just
leave!
Haruka> Uhm, I don't think you CAN, or don't you think I'd have bailed out
of here already?
Setsuna> Ah, but you see, I'm different. I can be in all places in time
at once. So I think I'll take my unfunny self to the Renaissance
or something and redefine the concept of humor. See you around,
temporally challenged ones..
*Setsuna vanishes in a burst of temporal illogic, leaving small Disney
"Pluto" plastic watches in her wake which clatter to the floor.*
Haruka> Horaaa! That's not FAIR!!
Michiru> Ara, for the 'patient lord of hell/time', she's awfully CRANKY.
Hotaru> Ano.. will Setsuna-mama be coming back?
Haruka> Er..
Michiru> Umm..
*Prof. Tomoe and Eudial, gaping at each other slackjawed..*
Tomoe> *I* didn't know she could do that. Did YOU know she could do that?
Eudial> No, sir, I had no idea. *shocked expression*
Tomoe> *recovering quickly, adjusting tie and Groucho Marx glasses* AHEM.
Yes, well. That just means there'll be MORE PAIN for the REST of you.
Now get back into that reading room for the last part of the story
before I call in the Pegasus and the whiny pink brat!
Haruka, Michiru, Hotaru> CHIBI-LOOSAH?? NOOOOOO!!!!
*They RUN into the reading room*
Tomoe> Works every time. Eudial, now that we're alone again, would you be
a dear and fetch the Twister mat?
Eudial> *shaky voice* Ooh, Professor.
(to be continued in Part Three!)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailor Moon A 2: Haruka and Michiru part 3
MST solely written by haruka@thekeep.org
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Haruka> Geez, Setsuna bailed out on us, how rotten.
Michiru> We'll have to make do without her. We can be just as funny.
Hotaru> .....
"I don't like this color on me," Michiru said, looking at herself
in the mirror. " Maybe I should go change."
"Michiru!" Haruka exclaimed, pointing to a clock.
Michiru> No, Haruka, I'm over HERE. *giggle*
"We're going to be late! You look terrific!"
"Well, if you say so," the other
All> *loudly* GIRL?
answered doubtfully.
"Let's get moving!"
They left the building, looking gorgeous. Michiru wore a white
dress, formal and demure. Haruka had on a black one that was louder, but
not enough to be considered rebellious.
Haruka> You just THINK I'm wearing a dress here. Besides, if I WERE to
wear a *shudder* DRESS.. it would probably be bright yellow. With
giant green polka-dots. And a huge flared skirt.
Michiru> *winces* That's.. an unattractive image, Haruka.
Haruka> MY POINT.
In her right lobe she had in her gold hoop.
Michiru> I knew you had your ear pierced, but your BRAIN, too? That's
a little excessive even for you. *giggle*
Haruka> I'd rather have this bottle in front of me... than..
Michiru, Haruka> A FRONTAL LOBE-OTOMY!!!
*Michiru and Haruka collapse giggling; the now 7 year old Hotaru just
looks puzzled*
Hotaru> Ano... what's a lobotomy?
Haruka> *grinning* Read this story fifteen times and you'll see, pumpkin.
Haruka called for a cab. They headed for the place where the
concert was being held.
Michiru> Instead of going somewhere interesting.
When they reached the large, empty looking building, they went inside.
Haruka> Instead of milling around like idiots outside.
They found their way to the main hall, and sat down in their seats.
Hotaru> As opposed to ON their seats.
There were many people there, but it was unusually quiet.
Haruka> Silence... of the Lame...
Michiru> They'll say we're in love...
Hotaru> Ooh, dinnertime! *someone hands her a platter off the side of the
screen*
Haruka> What are you having, Hotaru?
Hotaru> Liver and lima beans. With a nice chianti!
The girls wondered at this, but said nothing.
Michiru> They just sat there, staring like fish into the void of the stage.
Haruka> Hey, that was pretty good, Michiru. You ever consider writing?
Michiru> I'd never waste my time with fanfic. It rots your brain. *smile*
Haruka> *looks at the readers* I won't tell her if YOU won't.
Everyone clapped loudly as the violinist walked onto the stage.
Haruka> Geez, it's only a SOUND CHECK, guys, don't get excited.
He bowed, waited for the applause to die down,
Michiru> Which took about 2 seconds.
then began playing. He was talented but Michiru could surpass him easily.
However, the Stradivari violin that he was using improved his abilities.
He played several songs.
Haruka> And they all stank because the series musician left after the end
of S.
Michiru was enraptured
Haruka> ooh! Look! Look! A 10 cent word! *gleefully*
Michiru> That explains why the rest of the narrative is so dull! The
writer must have been saving up for that one word.
by the violin's sound. It was the sweetest music that she had ever heard
before. More than anything else in the world, she wanted
Haruka> A sign marked 'exit'?
Hotaru> To be out of this story?
Michiru> To get a life?
Haruka> No chance of THAT, Michiru, we're Sailor Moon characters.
one of those violins.
All> Oh.
Specifically _that_ violin. For some reason, Michiru was certain that
that violin was the best Stradivari had ever created. She wondered how
she knew as she had never heard any other one before, but did not
question her knowledge.
Michiru> She knew all this by virtue of the gripping narrative that
explained it to her.
At the end of the performance, everyone stood up and applauded.
Haruka> *cheering loudly* Yay! Our part in this story's almost over! Now
we can go back to being background extras in Kimagure Orange Road!
The man left the stage.
Hotaru> The stage was heartbroken. "I thought you LOVED ME, Petruchio!"
Haruka> *grinning* Shattered by the rejection of The Man, the stage
committed suicide shortly after and became part of a barn in
Arkansas.
Michiru> The Man is wanted for questioning. If you SEE this Man, please
notify Italy's Most Wanted at this number: 1-800-GLLIBLE.
"Who is that guy?" Haruka asked the woman next to her in perfect Italian.
Michiru> Unfortunately, the woman was Portugese.
"You don't know?" the woman asked, surprised. " Why, everyone
knows him. He's the leader of the Italian Mafia, and he lives here. All
Haruka> Well, if EVERYONE knows him he's not a terribly good Mafia
leader, is he?
who could buy tickets know that. That's why we had to say the special
password in order to get them."
"Right," Haruka covered up quickly. "I just-uhhh, has some
memory loss."
Haruka> I just, uhhh, has some grammar loss too.
She turned to Michiru. " I think we had better leave..."
"Right," Michiru answered, having heard the whole conversation.
Hotaru> Exit... stage right...
Michiru> Remarkable that I did! I was only sitting RIGHT NEXT to Haruka
the whole time.
They quickly left the building and went into a nearby alley.
Haruka> Right, that's the safest place to go when you want to ditch a
gangster. Geeez.
Michiru> Worked for the Wayne family... er.. wait..
Hotaru> Who's Wayne?
Haruka> He's American. You don't have to worry about HIM, he works nights.
"Haruka!" Michiru said. " I thought that you said that you bought those
tickets!"
Haruka> Okay, I confess. I got them out of a box of Cracker Jacks.
"I did!"
"Then how did you know the password?"
"I don't know! I just went to buy them from some guy. He looked
at me and said 'cheese.' I automatically said 'whiz,' and then he gave
me the tickets!"
Hotaru> *beavis and butthead'ing* Ehehe eheh eheh heheh ehehheheh. You said
'whiz'. ehhe ehehe hehheheh.
Haruka> No more television for YOU, young lady!
Michiru> Besides, that joke was too obvious.
"Talk about your dumb luck," Michiru muttered. " So we just
listened to some guy from the Italian Mafia while surrounded by hundreds
of violent, illegal criminals
Haruka> Is there such a thing as a legal criminal?
Michiru> This is starting to sound Orwellian.
who could have shot us at any moment, killing us instantly."
Haruka> That's if you're LUCKY. If you're really unlucky, the writer would
try and describe that scene.
"That sounds about right," Haruka said.
Michiru was silent. " Haruka, this might sound crazy, but I want
to do something totally dangerous. It could risk us our necks. We could
die. We might never get home-"
Haruka> Michiru, you're letting the writer put ideas into your head again,
aren't you... *singsong tone*
Michiru> Gee. I.. wonder.. if... I.. want.. to.. steal.. the.. vio.. lin.
"Sounds like fun," Haruka said, smiling devilishly. " When do we start?"
"Haruka," Michiru warned, " I'm serious."
Haruka> And I'm Lucky the Leprechaun! *dances about making woo woo noises
until Michiru hits her with her mirror.*
The blonde looked at her, surprised. " I know. So what's your idea?"
Michiru> It's revolutionary. It'll change the world and make everyone
happy and peaceful. War will end! No more pestilence or famine!
Why, all the Four Horsebeings of the Apocalypse will go away!
Haruka> So what's the idea?
Michiru> *dragging in a ship from ID4* First, we blow up the White House...
"You know that Stradivari violin that that man was playing?"
Michiru asked wistfully.
"Let me guess," Haruka said, " you want it, but since you know
he's never going to sell it to you, so you want to steal it."
"How did you know?" Michiru asked.
Haruka> I read the script.
"I can tell these things about you," Haruka said, smiling. "All
right, we'll do it. First let's get back to the hotel."
Haruka> I haven't gotten even a kiss out of you since the first act. *wink*
Michiru> *purring* We can take care of THAT problem.. there's a scene break
right here... *leans over*
Hotaru> Hoo boy... *yanking a giant "CENSORED" shade into place over Haruka
and Michiru*
"Michiru, tell me why I agreed to do this again," Haruka
whispered to her partner.
Haruka and Michiru> Uhm! oh! Story's back on! Right!.. *springing apart
and adjusting their clothing, smoothing their hairstyles
back into place.*
Hotaru> *releases CENSORED shade with a flapflap noise and shakes her head*
It was night, and they were dressed in black
Haruka> *straightening tie* Uhm.. that's logical.
Michiru> Never seen a burglar with neon pink on before.. have you?
and were crawling slowly up the fire escape of the building.
"As you said, and I quote, 'Sounds like fun. When do we start?'"
Michiru answered.
"Great. Me and my big mouth."
Michiru> It's okay. I like your mouth. *giggle*
Haruka> Oh, STOP that. *affectionately*
"Shhh..." Michiru hissed as a shadow passed by. They flattened
themselves as much as they could to the stairs. As the shadow came
nearer, they saw that it was just a cat.
Haruka> Uhm..
Michiru> Er..
Hotaru> Must have been a big cat.. a REAL big cat..
"Phew," Haruka sighed. "You know, I'm starting to have second thoughts
about this. I don't think that being caught and then blown away by a
zillion criminals is exactly fun."
"You're not chickening out, are you?" Michiru asked as they
continued their way up the building.
Haruka> NOBODY calls Ten'ou Haruka CHICKEN.
Michiru> Can I call you turkey? *giggle* Or lamb?
Hotaru> Gosh, why don't you two talk a little LOUDER.
"Of course not," Haruka said, her pride suffering. "I just want
to get this over with so we can go home."
Haruka> *purring* I have a new tape of Ricki Lake I'm looking forward to
watching. "Crossdressing track stars and the submissive violinists
that love them."
Michiru> Ohhh... *melt*
Hotaru> AHEM! You know, you two are going to cause me irrepairable psychic
scars! I'll grow up with a confused sense of sexuality!
Haruka> Join the club, kiddo. *patpat*
"We're here," Michiru whispered. They were at the window of a
room on the thirteenth floor. Carefully Michiru opened the window.
Michiru> *yawning* Thirteenth floor. How unlucky. How pathetic. How
predictable.
"What kind of security is this?" the blonde demanded as they
crept silently into the room. "Those ten guards in front were easily
defeated, and now this window isn't locked! This guy isn't very alert
for a mobster."
Haruka> That's when they both were suddenly decapitated by the invisible wire
strung across the window. Then, they both died, and the story ended.
Can we go now? *gets up hopefully*
Michiru> I wish it were that simple.
Fortunately, the room was empty.
Michiru> Good thing we have the writer on our side. Must have gone in there
and cleaned out all the gangsters in advance!
Haruka went to the door of the room and opened it. She looked into the
hall.
Haruka> She peeked her head right in, she peeked her head right out, she
peeked her head right in and she shook it all about.. she did
the hokey pokey and she turned herself about.. that's what it's
all about!
Seeing that no one was there, she motioned with her head to Michiru.
The green haired girl followed Haruka into to the hall. Everything was
dark and silent.
Hotaru> My kinda place.
Haruka> It sure is dark and spooky in here, Michiru.
Michiru> Yes, it certainly is, Haruka. I hope we don't run into any PLOT
or anything, that would truly be awful.
"Hmm. No one must be home," Haruka quipped. She walked down the
corridor until she reached the elevator. Next to it was a map. Turning
on a flashlight, she studied it carefully.
Haruka> And the guards noticed the flash of light and shot them both dead.
The end.
Michiru looked over her shoulder. "I wonder where they're keeping the
violin..."
Haruka> Probably wherever they put Jimmy Hoffa.
Michiru> Why do I have this mental image of a violin tied to a chair?
Hotaru> *Warner Brothers cartoon gangster voice*
Okay, Mugsy, since that violin won't sing, go over there and turn
its knobs another notch!
Haruka> *equally bad accent* Dahhh, okay boss, but I don'ts know how much
mo-ahr its can takes..
Hotaru> Shut ups the shuttin' em ups!
Haruka swerved her head. "How about that place marked 'Violin Hall'?"
Michiru> *slaps her forehead* Well, gosh, I should have known. The writer's
not clever enough to put it anywhere ELSE!
"Sure," Michiru said, a little embarrassed at the fact that she
missed such an obvious clue. "Let's check it out."
"OK. It's on the twelfth floor. Michiru, I am _not_ going to go
back down that fire escape."
"Well, how about we take the stairs then?"
Haruka turned to the them. "Let's get moving."
Haruka> The Them. Sounds like a 60's rock band.
Michiru> Who?
Haruka> No, The Them.
Michiru> *giggling* Who?
Haruka> Don't toy with me, woman!
Sneaking quietly along, they moved down the long stairs until
they got to the floor beneath them. They went behind a wall. Haruka
carefully stuck her head out, looking around. The place was swarming
with men.
"Damnit, Michiru!" she said. "This level must have fifty fat
Mafia guys on it!"
Michiru> *Valley girl accent* What are you gonna do, flash your tits?
Haruka> *heavy Russian brogue* I'm going to use my natural charms!
Hotaru> *slices a pineapple in half*
Michiru stood silent, her back leaning against the wall. Finally
she smiled. "It's nothing that Sailor Neptune and Your Anus can't handle."
"Ha ha," Haruka snorted softly. "Your anus too. Let's do it."
Michiru> Oh, that's just pathetic.
Haruka> Disgusting. Juvenile. Tactless. Stupid.
Hotaru> *rolls around giggling* your anus.. hee hee hee.
Haruka> Time out for YOU young lady!
Hotaru> *challengingly* That's only scary when Setsuna says it!
Haruka> I'll show YOU scary... *flashes a picture of Chibimoon and Sailor
Saturn holding hands in Hotaru's direction.*
Hotaru> AAAHHH!!
Haruka> Be good now, or I'll send you off to THIS storyline again.
Hotaru> *whimpering* I'm sorry.
Michiru> That was a little harsh, Haruka.
Haruka> Well, you gotta be firm with kids today.
"Uranus Planet Power, Make-Up!"
"Neptune Planet Power, Make-Up!"
The two girls held up their transformation pens as they yelled
this. (They weren't heard, for some odd reason. The Sailor Senshi are
just cool like that.) Suddenly, Haruka was surrounded
by yellow earth while Michiru had the same thing done to her, except
with water. In the aftermath, the green haired girl flipped her
hair casually over shoulder as the bright color on her smiling mouth
faded. The tall blonde arrogantly pushed her bangs out of her hair,
smirking as her lips were cleansed of the lipstick as well. Before,
there had been what seemed 'ordinary' girls. Now in their places stood
two gorgeous, magnificent Sailor Senshi, Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus.
Haruka> I can't put my finger on it.. but I KNOW I've seen this somewhere
before.
Michiru> It certainly does seem VERY familiar, ne. I think it was done
better in the other place.
Hotaru> *dryly* You've only done this bit about 400 times in the series..
Haruka> That's not what we're talking about, Hotaru-chan.
"Should we attack them out right?" the girl clad in a dark blue
sailor fuku asked.
"Yes," the other, who wore a sea green fuku, replied, "we need to
take them by surprise."
All> WHO's WHO?
"Great!" Uranus said. "I feel like kicking somebody's butt today."
The two girls leaped out from their hiding place.
"Deep Submerge!" Sailor Neptune yelled, a powerful rush of water
coming from her hand. Her attack took care of two fifths of the men there.
Before the guards could react, Uranus stopped them. "World
Shaking!" she shouted, felling the rest of them.
Hotaru> Time to go again, Haruka-papa, Michiru-mama.
Haruka> It was just starting to get the possibility of being interesting.
Figures.
Michiru> Oh, I'm sure we'll be let down in the fourth act.
*everyone leaves the reading room*
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To be continued (and we HOPE concluded) in Part Four..
Sailor Moon A 2: Haruka and Michiru (part four)
MST solely written by haruka@thekeep.org
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Haruka> *Howard Cosell voice* This is Howard Cosell and today our sport is
Mafia Bashing from the quaint country of Italy. Our champions in
the lead today are a duo of Japanese fighters hailing from Tokyo,
city of monsters and cramped housing. The score so far on this
lovely July afternoon is: Uranus in the lead with a commanding 30
hits, Neptune in second with 20, but it's still very early in the
competition, so we'll see how the score progresses as the game
continues.. over to you BOB!
Michiru> *as Bob* Well, we've seen the classic "Deep Submerge" and "World
Shaking" moves, always crowdpleasers no matter the season, and
the Duo have opened up with a powerful lead over the Mafia hitmen.
But as you said, Howard, everything can change in the second half.
Let's return to play now and see how they fare.
The two Sailor Senshi looked at each other, grinning. That was too easy.
"Let's get that violin and leave!" Uranus said, looking at her partner.
Michiru> *sigh* It's 'make like a tree and leaf!' Will you EVER get it right?
Neptune nodded. They ran through the long showcase of violins,
glancing at each of them. "There it is!" she said as she spotted it. It
was encased in glass. She moved towards it.
"Wait!" Uranus said, stopping the overly anxious girl. "Do you
have your blush with you?"
Neptune stared at her, one of her eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Really, Haruka. Now is not exactly a good time to be putting on make-up."
Haruka> *batting her eyelashes* But I wanna look my best for you, pumpkin!
"Just do it!" Uranus said. Neptune sighed, and handed over her
compact.
Michiru> *frowning* Product placements have no business in fanfic.
Haruka> Eheheh. Well, we haven't been doing much in Stars, soo... uhm..
I needed the money??
Michiru> Shame on you. Just for that, I'm making you say how great the
shoes are in the next Asahi ad.
( I don't know where she kept it. It's probably in the same place where
Tuxedo Kamen keeps his roses.)
Haruka> No asides from the peanut gallery!
Uranus opened it up, and blew some of the powder into the area.
All> *COUGH COUGH WHEEZE* *various hand motions, holding nose, etc.*
The powder revealed many laser beams surrounding the case.
Neptune made a gurgling sound. The `blonde could tell that she
was really pissed off.
Hotaru> Either that, or someone just fed her Drain-o.
Haruka> That was a little dark, Hotaru. Now apologize to your mother.
Hotaru> *to Michiru* I'm sorry.
Michiru> It's okay, dear.
Hotaru> *grumbling under her breath* I'll show 'em. I'll show em all
someday..
"How do we approach this, Ms. Einstein?" Haruka asked sarcastically.
Neptune thought about it for a minute or two. "Now if we measure
this angle, and find the value of sine 30, then plug the total values
into the distance formula..."
Michiru> Then we get a statement that makes absolutely no sense and has
no bearing on the story!
Uranus sighed impatiently. "Why don't I just do this? WORLD SHAKING!"
The blast shattered the glass. Fortunately, the violin wasn't damaged.
All> BOY, THERE'S A STROKE OF LUCK.
"Now what?" Neptune asked.
"Let me try to get by those lasers," the other answered
confidently, even though Neptune looked a bit skeptical.
Uranus avoided the lasers beautifully as she flipped, rolled, and
stepped over them. Unfortunately, near the end, she accidentally
miscalculated her aim and triggered an alarm.
Hotaru> Ano... wouldn't the alarm have gone off as soon as the glass
broke?
Haruka> In a real story, yes. In a real story there would also be
security cameras watching the room full of valuable violins.
Michiru> In a REAL story, we wouldn't pull some Tarantino reject stunt
like this.
"Forget this," Uranus muttered as a harsh, loud beeping sound
alerted everyone in the building of their presence. She grabbed the
violin and raced out of the room, Neptune close behind.
Just then a couple of mobsters with large guns appeared in front
of them.
Hotaru> Ano, how did they know to check the violin room first? *blinkblink*
Michiru> *giggling* Whoops. I first read that and thought "A couple of
LOBSTERS with large guns."
Haruka> Chickens of the sea. (snicker)
Neptune used her Deep Submerge to knock them down, and they
raced past the bodies on the floor. Suddenly, a group of tough looking
men started shooting at them from behind.
Haruka> Look! It's the pop-up bad guys!
Michiru> Why do I have this clear impression that the author is 13 and
just got finished playing a fighting game on his Super Nintendo
when this was written?
The Sailor Senshi ran up the flight of stairs to the roof, which, by
the way, was the thirtieth floor. By the time the girls reached there,
they were just a _little_ tired. The Mafia was still behind them.
Haruka> *Howard Cosell voice* AND the action's resumed here in Italy with
the new score Uranus 30, Neptune 22, and gaining!
"Hand over the violin," the leader of the group said, cornering
them to the edge of the roof. He was being extremely generous, probably
since he didn't want to damage an incredibly expensive violin.
Neptune looked over her shoulder to see how far below the ground
was. Pretty far, considering that they were on the thirtieth floor.
They just had to take the chance.
All> They always do..
Setsuna> *walking back into the reading room and waving.* Hi, guys!
Haruka> You.. you're BACK??
Hotaru> Setsuna-mama! *glomp*
Michiru> Aren't you mad at us?
Setsuna> *grinning* Nah. *she sits down* Oh, wonderful! I see I'm just
in time!
Haruka> Just in time for WHAT?
Setsuna> *pointing at the next paragraph with a grin* You'll see. Oh,
what's the score?
Haruka> Uranus 30, Neptune 22.
Setsuna> I knew that. *grins smugly*
All of a sudden, a large whirling sound filled the night air and
an unexpected wind blew.
"Hey, Uranus! Neptune!" a familiar female voice shouted from above.
Haruka> Thank you VERY much for having the wisdom not to use our real names.
Everyone looked up to see a large helicopter flying above their
heads. Uranus and Neptune could see that the pilot was...Setsuna?! What
was she doing here?
Haruka> *jaw drops* Wow. They actually put you in a story!
Setsuna> Well, it took a little persuasion...
Michiru> What did you have to do?
Setsuna> *grinning* Gave the writer Sailor Sol's phone number.
Haruka> But there's no such.... OH!! Heh. Nice move, Sets.
The gunmen were staring at her in shock. Uranus took her
advantage. "World Shaking!" she shouted. Her power blasted some men to
the ground and caused others to tumble off the building.
Haruka> *holding a pen and pencil* Dammit, I can't keep score like this!
Setsuna> Call it about 10, I think. No, wait, 11, I missed one.
Michiru> Mo. Haruka always gets a better score.
Haruka> Right, puts me to 41, and Neptune 22..
"Grab this!" Setsuna shouted at them, throwing down a roped
ladder. The other two complied and took hold of it. They started
climbing up. Then some MORE guys came running out on and started
shooting at them.
"There must be an inexhaustible supply of these guys or
something," Uranus muttered.
Haruka> Yeah, they get 'em dollar-a-dozen at Kmart.
Setsuna lifted the helicopter higher into the air and away from
the building.
Michiru> Instead of crashing headlong into the side of it. *giggle*
Setsuna> Uhm, did I mention I never got my pilot's license?
Haruka> Sure you did! You just got it OVERSEAS, right? *wink*
Setsuna> Oh, yes, right! *grin*
Hotaru> Ano, that's not very reassuring.
By then, Neptune and Uranus had made their way into the cabin.
"Hi, you two," Setsuna said, smiling. "Nothing like a midnight
robbery and being shot at to get your blood pumping, huh?"
"Right," Uranus said. " By the way, how on earth did you get to
Italy? How did you know that we were even here?"
Setsuna> When did you start asking STUPID QUESTIONS, Uranus? I am
everywhere and know everything, sheesh.
Michiru, Haruka> *starting to sing* I am, I am, I am Superman.. and I know
what's happening..
Setsuna> Oh, stop that. *giggle*
"I'll tell you guys later," Setsuna said. "Right now, we need to
get out of here and get back to Tokyo right away."
Michiru> Ara, and I wanted to visit Paris first.
"Right," Neptune said distractedly. She was examining her
precious violin. " It's beautiful," she breathed.
Haruka> I think you're getting a little TOO worked up about that damn
violin, Neptune..
" Thanks, Haruka, for going along with this."
"No problem, Michiru," Uranus answered dryly. " I just love living on
the edge of danger." Neptune didn't hear her, but Setsuna smiled.
The next day, Kaioh Michiru and Tenoh Haruka checked out of the
hotel, Michiru carrying a violin case protectively underneath her arm.
They flew back to Tokyo safely with Setsuna, encountering no more mobsters.
Setsuna, Michiru, Hotaru> da da DA... da da DA DA DA... (dragnet music)
Haruka> The flashback you have just seen is true. Only the plot was
changed to protect the moronic. The leader of the Italian Mafia,
code-named "the man", was later caught and charged with the death
of the stage, playing an expensive violin without talent, and
three counts of illegal henchman stockpiling.
Henchman stockpiling is illegal under California penal code 344-6-2A,
punishable by a year in jail, or sixth months locked in a little
room with extremely fat women dancing the jitterbug.
_____________________________________________________________________________
(In Deep 13 Juban)
Alarms are flashing. The mad scientists run about higgledy-piggledy.
Professor Tomoe> *runs around frantically, in a panic* "Eudial! The hard
drive is crashing! We're losing the rest of the story!!"
Eudial> *wailing* It's too late! We've lost the final segment! WAAAA! Now
we'll never know how it ENDS!!! And I was so INTERESTED!!!
Prof.Tomoe> It was YOUR IDEA to run Viluy95.. if we'd been running Silver
Millinux, this would NEVER HAVE HAPPENED! We would have had
EFFECTIVE BACKUPS! I'm getting 'illegal operation errors'
coming out of my EARS here!! I was HAPPY with Viluy3.1 but
NOOOO you just HAD to go and upgrade...
Eudial> *whimpering, high-pitched voice* I'm sorry, Doctor! I'm sorry,
Doctor!
(in the reading room antechamber)
Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna, Hotaru> *cackling with laughter*
Setsuna> While they thought I was off sulking, I took the opportunity
to insert a few virii into their master computer system! They
won't be able to finish sending us the story now.
Hotaru> So it was all a trick?
Haruka> (nodding) We couldn't tell you so that it would look more real.
Hotaru> Wow. I'll never trust an old person again.
Haruka, Michiru> *ERK*
(Back in Deep 13 Juban)
Prof. Tomoe> *surrounded by a huge pile of computer parts and debris*
J... just you wait... You may have won this round... but
I'll return with a REAL operating system and even WORSE
fanfics!! I'll get you next time, Senshi... NEXT TIME...!
*shakes a armored fist*
Eudial> I think you've been watching too many cartoons, Doctor...
*MUSIC: "That's all Folks!"*
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