Hi, here's another submission; the first of its kind, in fact.
The ususal stuff: Since I didn't want to have to bother clearing my current
mailbox of FFML stuff, I subbed my school account. After two days
worth of traffic, I almost crashed the server. Since then I've been
unsubbed. So, I would appreciate it you sent all C&C and reviews of
this story to my address at kensu@pathcom.com Thank you.
---> I would urge ANYONE who reads this to send me their thoughts, since this
is the first of its kind, feedback is extremely important.
Begin---> Wasted Minds: 'Sploding Spuds!
!
Wasted Minds and related characters are Copyrighted in some year by
Rumiko Takahashi.
W A S T E D M I N D S
-=< 'Sploding Spuds! >=-
Written By: Chris Schumacher (2/11/1997)
-----------
[Opening shot: An exterior shot of the Japanese House of Pancakes,
early morning. It is a moderate size building, looking as if it had
been around for a long time. It is located in a busy section of Tokyo.
We can see signs for three other restaurants just in this long shot
alone. Cut to an interior shot of this building, long shot. We see
the long grill where customers are cooking their pancakes. At a table
in the corner sit three figures. Cut to a medium angle on this table.
The figures are ones we recognize. One is man in his early twenties
with short black hair, his name is Tamuro. Next to him, in a tank-top,
is a girl about the same age, with long blue hair, she is known as Yura.
Sitting across the table from them is a man who is several years their
senior. He has black hair which is cut in a style which keep it very
close to his skull. His name is Sekoi. We seem to have entered in mid-
conversation.]
Sekoi: Yes...about your bonuses...
Yura: You have news?!
Sekoi: Umm...yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
Tamuro: Oooh, oooh, I knew it! They're more than we expected, right?
Sekoi: Um...not exactly.
[Yura gives Sekoi the evil eye.]
Yura: Less?
Sekoi: In a sense.
[Yura leaps across the table and grabs him by the lapels.]
Yura: Spit it out!
Sekoi: You will not be getting any bonus. I am sorry.
Yura&Tamuro: WHAT?!
Yura: How can they do this to us? After all we've done for them!
[Sekoi reaches into his briefcase and removes several photographs.
He lays them down on the table and spreads them like playing cards.]
Sekoi: During your last five missions, you have done such a massive
amount of damage to both public AND private property, that your bonuses
were used up just to hire appraisers to get an ESTIMATE of the damage.
Luckily, since you are government employees, the tax-payers will pay
for the actual damages.
[Yura sits back and blushes.]
Sekoi: End of discussion, I take it?
[Yura and Tamuro nod silently. Sekoi takes the pictures and puts them
back into his briefcase.]
Sekoi: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to meet with someone.
[He gets up and leaves. The two sit in silence for several moments
until a woman in an apron comes over and slaps a piece of paper down
onto the table. Yura picks it up and looks at it.]
Yura: Bakayaro! He left us with the bill!
-=- -=- -=-
[Exterior shot of a boarding house in the high-rent district of Nerima.
It is the boarding house which our heroes moved into in the last
(official) episode of Wasted Minds. Slowly zoom in on the left window
of the second floor. Zoom in further to the kitchen section of the
apartment. Sitting at the kitchen table are Yura and Tamuro.]
Yura: I can't believe the way they treat us! We work our butts off,
and we don't even get a bonus! How are we going to afford this
apartment and eat at the same time?
Tamuro: Actually, they did us a favor by allowing us to get our jobs
back. After our little vacation in France, they could have just left us
on the street.*
[* - See 'Wasted Minds' #5 -Cryptic Chris]
Yura: [Grumble] Yeah, some favor.
Tamuro: Come on, it's the only job we're qualified for.
[Tamuro smiles and laughs. In spite of herself, Yura can't help
laughing herself. Suddenly, we hear a high-pitched growling. Tamuro
turns down to the bulldog that always adorns his feet.]
Tamuro: Was that you?
Yura: No, I think that was me.
[Tamuro looks at his watch.]
Tamuro: Now that you mention it, it is about time for lunch.
[The two get up. Tamuro heads towards the cupboard while Yura goes in
the direction of the refrigerator. They both throw open the doors to
their respective food containers at the same time.]
Tamuro&Yura: Empty.
Yura: Damn. I forgot, we haven't gone shopping since we got back from
France.
Tamuro: Well, we don't have any money to go shopping now. [Snaps his
fingers] Wait a minute, I went shopping the other day...
[He digs into the cupboard, and finally comes out with two sweet
potatoes.]
Yura: A lunch of sweet potatoes?
Tamuro: It's better than starving.
Yura: Not by much.
[Tamuro goes over and turns the dial to switch on the burner and presses
the ignite button. There are several clicks, but nothing happens.]
Yura: Let me guess, you didn't have the gas turned back on either?
Tamuro: Hey, it's summer, I didn't know when we'd need it again.
-=- -=- -=-
[Interior shot of the living room of their apartment. Our heroes are
sitting in front of the fireplace. There is a stack of wood piled in
it, and currently Yura is attempting to set fire to some kindling.
After a few moments, the fire catches and slowly begins to grow. She
lies back on the carpet next to Tamuro to watch the fire grow.]
Tamuro: It was a good idea to get an apartment with a conventional
fireplace instead of a gas one.
Yura: Yep.
[They both sit in silence for several moments, watching the fire slowly
grow and the brightness of the soft glow slowly increase. After a few
minutes, it becomes a roaring fire. Tamuro picks up his potato and
wraps tin-foil around it just as Yura is doing the same thing. They
then place both of them into the fire.]
Yura: I like this better than simply cooking them. This is so much
more...ROMANTIC.
[The two turn to stare into each other's eyes. Slowly, they get closer
and closer, until their lips are almost touching, and then...]
[Cut to an exterior shot of the boarding house. There is a huge flash
of light and the sound of thunder, and the house collapses in on
itself. That was one hell of an explosion.]
-=- -=- -=-
[The scene is the medium shot of the table in the Japanese House of
Pancakes that we saw earlier. Yura and Tamuro, covered head to foot
with soot, are sitting across from Sekoi, who eyes them incredulously]
Sekoi: I don't see how you were able to cause such property damage
when you weren't even on company time. I hope you aren't expecting the
tax-payers to pay for this one.
Yura: But it wasn't my fault this time!
Tamuro: Yeah, we weren't doing anything. It must have been the
potatoes that destroyed the apartment.
Sekoi: <I think they've finally snapped.> Look...
[Suddenly a waitress comes up to him and whispers into his ear. After
she leaves he stands up.]
Sekoi: It's a call from headquarters.
Tamuro: I thought THIS was headquarters.
[Sekoi ignores him and walks into the back of the restaurant. Several
minutes later he comes back and sits down at the table.]
Sekoi: It seems I shouldn't have discounted your story so quickly. I
just received a call from headquarters, and there's news. Apparently
another pair of agents was attacked by these exploding potatoes, and
their injuries were so severe that they had to be taken to the hospital.
[Yura and Tamuro look at Sekoi in shock.]
Sekoi: Yes, I guess it is pretty shocking, isn't it?
Yura: I'll say, we didn't even know there were other agents in the
JCIA besides us.
[Sekoi facefaults. A few seconds later he straightens up again.]
Tamuro: I just thought of something. Now that our apartment has been
destroyed, where are we going to stay?
Yura: Can we stay with you, Sekoi?
Sekoi: No, I'm afraid not. I live in a cramped room in a boarding house
and the rest of the tenants are weirdoes.
Tamuro: Well, we better go find a place before dusk. Come on, Yura.
[The two get up and leave. After they leave Sekoi gets up and goes
into a small hall near the back where the phone is. After scanning the
floor very carefully for several moments, he finally sees what he's
looking for. He picks up a 100 Yen piece from the floor and dusts it
off. He picks up the receiver and drops the coin into the phone. He
dials a number and waits for the person on the other end to answer.]
Sekoi: Hello, can I speak to The Leader, please?
Voice: Yes, just a moment.
[There is a pause, and finally we hear another voice on the other end.
There is a split-screen FX, with Sekoi in the phone booth on one side
and a man in his sixties on the other end, wearing a bib, and sitting
at the dinner table.]
Leader: Who is this? And what are you interrupting me at dinner for?
Sekoi: I'm sorry to interrupt you sir. This is Sekoi, one of your
agents.
Leader: Oh, yes, Sekoi Yot-
Sekoi: Yes, that's me, sir. I just called to inform you that I have
just received a disturbing report. Four of the agents under my command
have been assualted by a new weapons by the United Pigs. One which is
disguised as an everyday item.
[The Leader takes his knife and starts to cut into his potato.]
Leader: Oh? And what does this weapon look like?
[Suddenly the split-screen effect ends, and all we see is Sekoi. We
hear a muted explosion on the other end of the phone.]
Sekoi: Sir?! Are you all right?
Leader: Is this weapon, by any chance, disguised as a potato?
-=- -=- -=-
[Cut to an exterior shot of another boarding house, late afternoon.
This boarding house is not nearly as nice as the one we saw earlier,
and it appears to be in a seedier section of town. Cut to an interior
shot of the boarding house, specifically the room shared by our
heroes. Sitting at the table are our heroes, eating ramen out of a
cup. <Not two cups, one.>]
Yura: It's sure lucky that we were able to get our security deposit
back on the other apartment.
Tamuro: It's even luckier that we were able to get our old room back.
Yura: I don't think luck has very much to do with it. Who else would
want this dump?
Tamuro: Well, at least it's easy to teleport out of.
[They both laugh. The phone begins to ring. Tamuro reaches down and
takes the receiver off the hook.]
Tamuro: Yello.
Sekoi: Tamuro, this is Sekoi.
Tamuro: Sekoi?! How did you get this number?
Sekoi: Wherever you move within a city, your phone number always
remains the same. Anyway, I've got a job for the two of you.
Tamuro: Good, we need the money. What is it?
Sekoi: These potatoes have been deployed to all of the agents of the
JCIA, including the Leader himself. Luckily, no one has been killed
yet, but all of them, except for you two, have been incapacitated.
I need you to find the source of the potatoes, and SHUT THEM DOWN.
Is that understood?
Tamuro: Clear as vodka. What information do we have on the source of
the potatoes?
Sekoi: In the case of the Leader and several others, the potatoes were
planted. And the others don't remember where they bought the potatoes
from.
Tamuro: Thanks.
[Tamuro puts the phone down.]
Tamuro: You heard?
Yura: I heard.
Tamuro: Where are we going to start?
Yura: Considering that the potatoes which affected us were not planted,
the Pigs must have put them in a location where they knew we would buy
them from. Do you remember where you bought them?
Tamuro: Of course, there was a new grocery store that opened down the
street from our old apartment.
Yura: Then let's go there.
-=- -=- -=-
[Cut to an exterior shot of aforementioned location. Cut to an interior
shot of the store, specifically, the backroom. Sitting on flour bags
around a crate are three United Pigs agents; Baldy, Shades, and Curls.
Sitting on the crate is a crystal radio which seems to have been made
from a kit. Written in bold letters on part of the assembly are the
words 'Radio Hut.' The three agents are listening to a message coming
from the set.]
Radio Set: BZZZHHH----All agents are in the hospital. BBZZZHHHH....
Need to get all potatoes to hospital, and use them to finish off the
JCIA agents. BZZZZZHHHH----There will be none to stand in your way.
This message will self-destruct.
[There diode shatters and the voice dies down.]
Baldy: Do you think that was intentional?
Shades: I wouldn't bet on it. Come on, let's take care of those JCIA
creeps.
Curls: Heh, imagine, offing all the JCIA agents in one hit! All 12
of them!
-=- -=- -=-
[Cut to an exterior shot of the front of the aforementioned store.
Our two heroes walk into the scene. Yura goes towards the door and
then takes a look at a sign hanging from the doorknob.]
Yura: Closed.
Tamuro: Do you think I should teleport inside and see what...
[They all run around the side when they hear the howl of the sirens.
They both watch as an ambulance screams out of the alley behind the
store.]
Tamuro: What do you think an ambulance was doing back there? Did
someone get sick from the food or something?
Yura: Yeah, I guess...
[Suddenly the background changes to one of those funky red backgrounds
with lots of fire.]
Yura: Tamuro, do you remember what Sekoi said, about all the agents
of the JCIA being in the hospital?
Tamuro: Yeah? What about...Oh, shit!
[Tamuro grabs a garbage can and dumps it on the ground. He grabs Yura
and they both stand in the garbage. There is a flash and they are
gone.]
-=- -=- -=-
[Cut to the Emergency Room. Several mask-clad doctors are standing
around a table on which a patient lays sprawled.]
Doctor1: All right, this is an extremely delicate operation. Not only
is the area in which we're going to be operating extremely sensitive,
and the possibility of puncturing one of the arteries or organs extremely
high, it also extremely susceptible to infection. Therefore it is of the
utmost importance that everyone spent at least ten minutes washing their
hands before they began on this procedure...
[Suddenly the door to the ER flies open and Shades walks in. All the
doctors turn around and look at him in stunned silence. He walks over
to a corner of the room and places a potato in the exact corner. As
he starts to walk out, he notices the doctors staring at him. He
smiles toothishly and tips his hat and waltzs out the door.]
-=- -=- -=-
[Cut to a dumpster outside the hospital. There is a flash and our
heroes appear. They then start to climb out of the dumpster.]
Yura: Nice thinking, Tamuro. Why not teleport us to a place where
they dump medical waste, and where we might just catch a terrible
infection!
Tamuro: Hey, we needed to emerge in trash, where else would you have
me teleport?
Yura: Never mind, we have to hurry, or else the entire JCIA will be
destroyed, and you know what THAT means.
Tamuro: Yeah, we don't get payed. Let's go.
-=- -=- -=-
[Cut to an interior shot of the Cafeteria of the hospital. Sitting
alone at one of tables, drinking coffee from a Styrofoam cup and
reading the latest 'Shojo Friend' is Baldy. Suddenly, Curls enter
into the scene.]
Curls: All of the charges are in place.
Baldy: Excellent. Get all of your equipment back to ambulance and
wait there. I'll be with you shortly.
Curls: You have the detonator?
[Baldy holds up something that looks like a potato masher]
Baldy: I'll be along in a minute.
Curls: Yes, sir.
[Curls walks out. Baldy finishes his coffee, and waits a few more
minutes to finish the story he's reading. He then closes the manga
and puts it into his coat pocket and gets up and goes out into the
hallway, right into our heroes.]
Yura, Tamuro & Baldy: YOU!
[Baldy whirls around and runs down the hallway. Yura and Tamuro give
chase. They run through the corridors for about half-a-minute of
screen time, doing lots of Three Stooges type slapstick maneuvers.
Finally Baldy goes through a door and out into the parking lot. Our
heroes follow him. Cut to the parking lot, Curls and Shades stand
beside the ambulance with HUGE PotatoGuns in there hands. They push
the plungers in, sending explosive potatoes through towards our
heroes. They manage to avoid them, but they blow a great deal off
the hospital steps. Curls and Shades pull the plungers back and drop
another potato into the barrel of the gun. Tamuro pulls out his whip.
They fire their guns, Tamuro dodges one of the potatoes, but manages
to snare the other one with his whip. He flips his wrist and sends it
flying back towards the trio of United Pigs. They scream and try to
get out of the way. The potato lands in the barrel of Curl's gun and
goes off.]
Yura: Nice shot.
Tamuro: Thanks.
[The force causes the detonator to be thrown out of Baldy's hand.
Tamuro quickly flings his whip forward and manages to snare the
detonator with it. He pulls the whip back and grabs the detonator in
his hand. He then turns to the camera and gives the victory sign with
his other hand, smiling toothily.]
-=- -=- -=-
[Cut to about an hour later, the same area. The three United Pigs are
being lead into a Police van, our two heroes stand with Sekoi in
front of another truck, this one with the JCIA logo on it.]
Sekoi: You two did an excellent job. And since you managed to save
the JCIA without doing TOO much property damage, I have convinced the
Leader to give you bonuses with this week's paycheck.
[Yura and Tamuro cheer]
Sekoi: Anyway, we've gotten all the potatoes out of the hospital, and
since all the other agents are incapacitated, I'm going to have to
drive them back to the lab to get them defused myself. Would you like
a lift?
Tamuro: No, we'll just teleport back, if you don't mind.
Sekoi: Fine. See you at work tomorrow.
[Sekoi gets into the truck and drives off. Just as he is doing so,
Yura notices the detonator lying on the ground. She scoops it up and
runs after the truck.]
Yura: Wait, Sekoi, you forgot this...whoooaa!!!!
[Yura tripped over a rock, the detonator flies out of her hand, and
crashes into the ground, pushing the lever down. The truck explodes
in a brilliant flash of light. Our two heroes run up to it and look
through the wreckage. Finally, Sekoi pulls himself out of the wreckage.
He starts to walk away down the road, but turns around and faces Yura.]
Sekoi: The cost for that truck will be deducted from your paychecks.
[Yura and Tamuro facefault. Fade to black.]
THE END
---Well, there you have it, the first Wasted Minds fic. I think
I managed to capture the flavor of the manga while introducing a few
innovations of my own. Expect to see more Rumic World stuff from me
soon. I'm not going to say what, but expect to be surprised. :)
Questions, Comments, Backrubs?
Contact-----> kensu@pathcom.com
-==>Kensu<==-
kensu@pathcom.com
"Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a
slave."
-Roy Batty/Blade Runner