Heh...errrr...PLEASE DON'T HURT ME...THE GECKO MADE ME POST IT
 
         And as if the content wasn't damning enough, the spelling was
 pathetic.  This is mostly due to my total lack of a spell checker for
my mail set up.

         By the way, for those who care, Roy, the Gecko Kami, is an
ancient Japanese spirit who's job it is to punish those who
irresponsible use loaded puns against innocent bystanders.  Though he's
my creation, he's free for all to use as long as you follow these basic
instructions.

         #1 The resources of the Kami are infinite and the anger of the
Gods is terrible indeed when the source of the anger is excessive
punage.  The Kami appears armed based on content and severity of the
pun.  Anything from a golden gun, British accent and an attitude, to a
fully functioning Valkyre or even a Space Orbiting Laser.
         #2 Regardless of the weaponry, the gecko is still a gecko.  In
the afore mentioned Valkyre example the massive mech would be piloted by
a very small green lizard whose entire vocabulary consists of the word
eeeeeep! (Hmmmmmm, how WOULD you do that with a British accent?)
         #3 The Gecko NEVER wins.  If an appropiatly humerous demise
doesn't present itself for the gecko, simply wait for exactly two
minutes.  The Roadkill Kami, punisher of heavily armed lizards, will
appear in something suitable massive and smash it in to oblivion.
         #4 Don't feed him after midnight, or, for that matter, ever.
What's the point in owning a pet if your not gonna abuse it?

         Give your pet a catchy name and plenty of love.  If you must
use MY gecko, his name is Roy and I'd appreciate an E-mail describing
his adventure first.  Sorry, chia seeds not included.

      Otaku Bell
Make a run for the border, use the gecko as a springboard, swim a couple
of thousand miles.  If you hit China, you've gone too far.