Well, you asked for a C&C, so here you go.

At 11:59 PM 10/02/97 -0500, Magic Knight Kyone wrote:

	"I'm so glad!"  Futaba-chan's response surprises Misaki.  "I was
worried about you.  When you collapsed from loosing so much blood....I
felt just awful!"  Futaba-chan blushed from admitting this to Misaki.

'losing so much blood'

	A few hours later, the thunderstorm still hasn't stopped.  Misaki has
made her way home, to her room.  She slowly takes off her clothes, until
she is in just her panties.  She gulped nervously, looking at her new
body, before carefully taking off that last article of clothes.  She
sauntered over to her mirror, while she averted her eyes from her
reflection.

You might want to think about using 'she is just in her panties' instead.

	Misaki looked at her bead and her bathing suit.  *Ah!  What am I gonna
do, know?  With a body like this, my swimsuit won't...*  Shock flooded
through her, causing her to gasp.  Misaki ripped through her drawers,
examining every article of her clothing.  *Eeee! Will any of my
underwear fit right?  I'll feel awful if I can't wear my clothes
anymore!  Oh no! Delicate material like this will let my body show
through!  This is terrible! I've only worn this once!  Eek! The width of
my shoulders! My waist! My hips!!*

'Ah! What am I going to do now?'

She still was reaching for him when she heard another voice, a voice
that called her.  "Misaki-chan..."  Misaki turned towards the source of
the new voice.  *Futaba-chan...*

'She was still reaching for him' might work better.

Futaba-chan gazed at her, the way, only moments before, she had gazed
into Shimeru-kun's eyes.  "Poor Misaki-chan.  It's okay!  I'm here, and
I love you, as a girl or as a boy!"

Try 'Futaba-chan gazed at her in the way that, only...'

"Futaba-chan..." said Misaki, shocked.

A minor suggestion this one, and one that is only an opinion. How about
'"Futaba-chan..." Misaki breathed, shocked.'

	That was when she noticed, that her new equipment was sticking strait
up under the sheets.  "AGH!!!  Wha-Wha-WHAT IS THAT!?!?"  She stared at
the bulge.  "What's wrong with me?  I'm all swollen!"

'sticking straight up' ;)

	Misaki ripped her night shirt open and notices her chest.  *I'm a boy! 
Yesterday wasn't a dream!"  She lowered her eyes to the bulge between
her legs.  *But what happened to this thing?*  She moved her hands to
her pajama bottoms, closed her eyes, pulled up her pajamas at the waist
band and...

The '*I'm a boy! Yesterday wasn't a dream!"' needs to have either the asterisk
or the quotation mark changed.

You might want to think about something like 'pulled her pajamas away from
her body by the waist band and...'

	...lets it snap back to her waist.  *NO!  I can't just look!  But
I...*  She slips her hand into her pajama bottoms and wraps them around
the enlarged feature, and gasps.  *What is this feeling?  Is this what a
boy's body is like.*  She was about to do something more when...

'I can't just look!' seems a bit strange. Did you want it that way, or did
you mean 'I just can't look!'

'Is this what a boy's body is like?'

	Misaki slapped her hands to her face.  *Baka...would we be having this
conversation if I had known?  Hey, dad said we changed whenever we got
excited, so...*  She turned to her father again.  "Dad, you said that we
change whenever we get stressed or excited?  Then how on earth did mom
give birth to me, since, well..."

You might want to capitalise the dad, mom and earth bits.

	"Since I can't make love to your mother as a man, and she a women?" 
Misaki facefaults.  She did not expect her father to be so blunt. 
"You're right.  I didn't.  I'M the one who gave birth to you!"  Misaki's
jaw drops to the floor.

'and she a woman?'

	So tell me what you think!  I appreciate all C&C!  Do you want me to
continue this?

Well I like the idea, and would like to see it continued. I must admit I
found your way of writing in present tense very strange, but what the hey,
it's refreshing.

While you should certainly keep calling Misaki 'her' in the first bit, I
think that for future episodes you should either get Misaki a different 
name for her male side or use the kun/chan suffix to allow the reader to 
tell when she is a he. And vice-versa. Take it from a Ranma reader, the 
dual sex thing can get confusing if a fanfic gets big enough. However,
in the first part I think it is a good way of showing the confusion of
her newly acquired gender.

Looking forward to more...





*     *     *     *     *     *     *    *     *    *     *    *

Mark Doherty  -  mdoherty@mailbox.uq.edu.au

"If in an infinite universe there are infinite possibilities, 
then somewhere, somewhen, somehow there must exist an humble 
Ranma, an emotionless Soun, a pacifistic Akane and a sane 
Kodachi. But no way, no how is there an Happosai who isn't 
an evil little letch. More's the pity."

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