WARNING: The following contains rampant bits of silliness and things
which deservedly belong on "Mystery Science Theater 3000."
A week after the takeover, production began on "Justice Team
Japan," featuring the cast of SSC'S (not Rumiko Takahashi's) 'Ranma
1/2.'
Lacking the time to find someone who could shoot as well as Rumiko
and wasn't currently under contract to someone else, Knee and O'Keil
decided to shoot the project themselves. After being threatened with
severe breach of contract suits, the cast reluctantly agreed to do the
series.
There were, however, a few hiccups in pre-production...
"WHERE ARE THOSE CRETINOUS EDITORS?!" came the enraged voice
of Tatewaki Kuno. Knee and O'Keil looked up from there scripts to see
the actor in question come storming out of the dressing room dressed in
a one piece silver Spandex suit crisscrossed with electric blue lightning
bolts.
"You dare to mock the Blue Thunder with this, this...CLOWN'S
costume? And what is this that I do not use a bokken? What is Blue
Thunder if he cannot smite his enemies with his trademark weapon?"
"Sorry, Kuno," said O'Keil. "But our research says that wodden
swords just aren't threatening enough for a villian."
"VILLIAN?! How DARE you--"
"Kuno," Knee said soothingly, "Look at it this way. Yes, we've had to
make you a villian, but you are THE villian. The nefarious Thunder Strike,
arch enemy of Wild Horse, leader of the Brotherhood of Injustice. And
you now 'smite your enemies,' as you put it, with your 'shock sword.' It's
ten times more deadly than the sharpest katana."
"I am still a villian!" Kuno disagreed. "And, as such, I will be defeated.
The loyal fans of Blue Thunder will not stand for such a travesty!"
"Oh, yes, they will," Knee continued, unflustered. "because as THE
arch villian, you are guaranteed to escape!"
"Escape?"
"Escape from Justice Team Japan, and lie in wait to spring your next
evil plan upon the world. Your fans will be so impressed with you that
they'll wait breathless for the next installment. Trust me, Kuno, villians
can be just as popular as heroes, if not more so."
Kuno mulled what the editor/writer had said. "Hmmm, your words
make sense, Dan Knee. But can we do something about the costume?"
"Did you try on the cloak?"
"Cloak?"
Knee sighed and took Kuno back into the dressing room. A few
moments later, they returned, a mollified Kuno now sporting a midnight
blue cloak with a high collar.
"Wonderful," O'Keil said. He picked up a megaphone. "Places, please!
Page one, panel one!"
The plot of the new series was essentially the same as the old
Ranma series, with a few...changes.
Namely, the enitre cast was now either superheroes, supervillians, or
cannon fodder.
Ranma, when doused with cold water, became the heroine Wild
Horse. A girl with the speed and strength of a champion thoroughbred.
(Explained by the fact that the Jusenkyo spring in question was the
"Spring of Drowned Horseback Riding Girl." There was talk of making her
a centaur, but the idea was dropped due to budget constriants, much to
Ranma's relief.)
Akane was a mutant with the power to generate and control vast
quantities of red smoke. She was dubbed Scarlet Cloud.
Ukyou became the wealthy owner of a chain of okonomiyaki stands
and also the engimatic midnight avenger Spatula Girl. Ryoga was now
the Mighty Fang, a hero with strenght twice that of Ranma's and teeth
that could bite through anything but diamond. His lack of direction and his
Jusenkyo curse was used as his weakness. His P-chan form didn't have
the abilities and had been adopted, yet again, by Akane.
These four made up the brunt of Justice Team Japan. They were
based out of Dr. Soun Tendo's Dojo for Gifted Curse Victims and
Part-Time Anything Goes Martial Artists. The enforced engagement was
still there. Akane still pounded on Ranma. Ryoga still wanted Akane.
Ukyou was also engaged to Ranma. Both were still trying to figure out
how to get the objects of their affections.
Genma, Kasumi, Nabiki and Soun stayed basically the same and were
relegated to background characters.
The storylines, however, were where the BIG changes came in.
Instead of the usual curses, magic, kidnappings, and mind altering
substances as the main brunt of the plots, Justice Team Japan had it's
hands full with a gang of miscreants known as the Brotherhood of
Injustice.
Led by the diabolical brother/sister team of Thunder Strike (Kuno) and
Black Rose (Kodachi), the Brotherhood boasted such villians as the
seductive ninja Chinese Cat (Shampoo), who was in love with Ranma
Saotome and had sworn to kill Wild Horse. Her great-grandmother, the
Elder (Cologne), who provided her own brand of magical mayhem.
Voodoo (Gosunkugi), who had a few magic tricks of his own.
WeaponsMaster (Mousse) who, while myopic and suffering from an
irrational attraction to the Chinese Cat, was a valuable asset to the team.
And these were only the charter members. At any time, Thunder
Strike or Black Rose could snap their fingers and any number of villians
could be produced, like the skating assassins Dashing and Kawaii, or the
unpredictable UltraHentai, to threaten Truth, Justice, and Dry Cleaners
everywhere--
"HOLD IT!!!" cried O'Keil. He stormed over to the Narrator, being played
by Sasuke, grabbed the script and scanned the page. The words "and
Freedom" were crossed out and replace with the dry cleaning
reference.
"Who's been screwing around with the script?" he demanded.
No one answered, not having an answer to give.
"When I find out who--"
"Renny," Dan Knee interrupted. The two editors went off to converse
in a corner of the studio.
Ranma pulled the idiotic Wild Horse mask off her head.
"This is ridiculous. No one is going to buy us as superheroes.
Nobody."
"Well, what would you rather do?" Ukyou asked. "Wear an idiotic
costume for a few months or be out a few million yen in lawsuits?"
"Besides, Ranma," Akane added. "It's not as bad as some of the things
Rumiko-chan made you wear, is it?"
"Well, no." Ranma admitted. "But it had to do with the storyline at hand,
not the whole damn series."
Akane was about to counter this arguement, when the editors
returned.
"Okay, folks," Knee began, "We're going to try the introduction again
later. Right now, we're going to concentrate on the story. So, if we can
get everyone into their places, we'll begin."
*****
Night had fallen over Tokyo. It was a crisp cold night. No moon was
visible in the sky. It was a perfect night for a robbery.
At Toshida Industrial Labs on the outskirts of the city, two figures were
busily picking the lock of the skylight over one of the labs.
"Hurry up, duckboy." said the Chinese Cat, irritated at the slowness of
her companion. Below her, WeaponsMaster continued fiddling with the
lock.
"I'm working on it, my darling Shampoo--"
****
"CUT! Wrong name, Mousse! Try it again!"
****
"I'm working on it, my darling Cat."
The Chinese Cat rolled her eyes. She'd never understand why Thunder
Strike kept assigning her this idiot as a partner. She thought it might have
something to do with the fact that Black Rose wanted Ranma Saotome
as much as she did.
The ninja was interrupted in her revillre by the sound of the lock finally
opening.
"About time." she said. WeaponsMaster pulled a rope and grapple out
of the sleeve of his black kimono. Fastening the rope to the sill, the two
theives shimmied down it into the lab.
WeaponsMaster activated the Night Vision feature of his considerably
sized glasses, while the Cat strapped on a pair of nightvision goggles.
They walked through the lab to a large freezer marked with the
international symbol for Biohazard.
The cat extended the titanium "claws" from the fingers on her crimson
glove, and placed them around the lock. A quick twist of the wrist later,
and the lock lay on the floor.
The Brotherhood members dashed into the freezer and emerged with
a small black box sealed with biohazard stickers. They revelled in their
trumph.
At least until WeaponsMaster found himself pinned to the wall by a
razor-edged spatula.
---
More to come, just have to move to a new terminal...
---Erin 2.5