Ranma 1/2: Curse of Darkness
Chapter 1
Genesis
(Scene: The Tendo Dojo of Anything Goes Martial Arts. More specifically,
the bathroom. Genma, a squattish, bald man wearing spectacles and a gi,
has apparently just finished bathing. He walks out the door, passing a
pretty girl with long brown hair, wearing a frilly yellow dress. She is
cleaning the hall. He steps down the stairs, passing by an attractive girl
in shorts and a blouse who is counting out yen while shuffling through
various pictures of a black-haired girl. A moment later, the black-haired
girl, who is wearing a green gi and is cute in a somewhat tomboyish way,
runs out. She is chasing a black-haired boy with a pigtail who is wearing
a red tunic and black pants, waving a giant mallet and screaming "Ranma no
baka".)
Genma: [Ah, young love.]
(He continues down a hall, and passes a tall man with black hair and a
moustache, who is pruning a tree. Finally he walks into the kitchen and
heads for the refrigerator. On the way he passes a calender. A whole
bunch of days are X'd out, stopping two spots before a day highlighted by
a red circle around it. Inside we see "R.B-day" written. Genma fetches
a plateful of food, then glances over at the calender.)
Genma: [Hmm, tomorrow is Ranma's birthday. I'll have to do something
special for him and Akane. But first...]
(He sits down at the table and begins stuffing himself.)
********
(Scene: A street somewhere in the Nerima district of Tokyo. It is early
morning, and the street is relatively deserted. A cab pulls up to the
curb and its door opens. A tall boy steps out. His hair is dyed green
and his face is extremely attractive. He wears dark sunglasses, jeans,
sneakers and a muscle t-shirt. He has a leather jacket in one hand, which
he swings over his shoulder. The only thing that dispels the illusion of
a normal teenager are the diashyo, or paired samurai short and long swords,
he wears belted at his waist.)
Boy: So this is Nerima. I'm not impressed.
(A man climbs out of the cab and stands behind the boy. He is nearly a
head taller, has deep purple hair, and appears to be in his mid-thirties.
He is attractive, in a mysterious way, and wears a business suit of sombre
tan. He caries no weapon, but various objects are attached to his belt-
pouches, feathers, small bones, amulets and other talismans.)
Man: I doubt it was built to impress you, Tzubi.
Tzubi: (snorts) Why'd we come here anyway, Amigi-sensei?
Amigi: To retrieve the lad who will restore the Society to its former
glory, Tzubi. The ancient pact of Ginkiri will soon be fulfilled.
Tzubi: So? Who cares about all that mysticism anyway?
Amigi(stern): Tzubi! I do, and I am your sensei, so do not question me.
(He leans into the cab window and hands the driver a few bills; he
straightens again and the cab pulls away.)
Amigi: Come, we have much to do before tomorrow.
Tzubi(under breath): This is _really_ lame.
********
(Scene: the road to Furinkan High. Akane walks along the road in her
school uniform, backpack held negligently in front of her. Ranma, in his
red satin outfit, stalks irritably atop a nearby fence. His own backpack
is slung over one shoulder, and he is nursing a bruise on his arm.)
Ranma: (grunts) Geez Akane, you didn't have to use that chair.
Akane(indifferently): And _you_ didn't have to call me a violent tomboy.
Ranma: If you didn't always hit me, maybe I wouldn't call you a violent
tomboy...you violent tomboy.
Akane(tinsy bit peeved): You're treading on thin ice, Ranma...
Ranma: (laughs) Like you scare me! (laughs some more) That's rich!
Voice(from above): Nihao!
(Ranma leaps off the fence just in time to avoid being crushed by a
bicycle that falls from the sky and perches on the vacated section in
blatant disregard for all the laws of physics. He and Akane turn to look
at the new arrival with different expression-Akane: mad, Ranma: bored.
Sitting on the bike is an extremely beautiful Chinese girl with long
purple hair. She is dressed in a silk outfit and her hand rests on a
large paper bag in the bicycle's basket.)
Ranma: What is it, Shampoo?
Shampoo: Shampoo come wish husband joyful day born! (smiles)
Ranma: That's birthday, Shampoo, and it's tomorrow. (looks proud) I'll
be seventeen.
Shampoo: Posh on 'morrow. Shampoo want give groom gift this day. She
make up for missing sixteen year.
Ranma(suspiciously): It's not another love potion, is it?
Shampoo: No, silly.
(She reaches into the bag and removes a box wrapped in silver paper with
a large blue ribbon)
Akane: It's not some magical trap?
Shampoo: Why would Shampoo want trap Ranma? She marry him, not convict.
Ranma: (sighs) I may as well take it. She'll dog me all day if I don't.
Shampoo(bewildered): Shampoo no dog. Is cat on occasion, but no dog.
Ranma: (shudders at the word "cat") Please, Shampoo... (takes the box)
What is it anyway? (He starts to shake it; then pauses and thinks better
of it.)
Shampoo: Open and find out.
Ranma: I make it a practice not to open my birthday gifts until my actual
birthday.
Akane: I never heard of... (Ranma glares at her) Oh...yeah...that's
Ranma's policy, all right...
Shampoo: Shampoo no steal gift. Why call police?
Ranma: No Shampoo, she said "policy". It means the way you usually...
(notices Shampoo's look of blank incomprehension) ...never mind.
Arigato, Shampoo.
Shampoo: Shampoo happy that husband happy. Bai bai!
(She rides off down the fence, and Ranma and Akane continue to school.
Ranma walks on the ground and examines the package.)
Akane: I wonder what it is...
Ranma: I don't know, but I'm not sure I want to find out. With my luck
it'll turn me into a toad.
Akane: You mean more of one than you already are?
Ranma: Hai...hey! (shakes it at her) I am not a toad!
Akane(sweetly): Of course not. (Ranma looks pleased) You're more of a
baboon when you get down to it.
(Ranma face-faults. They walk around the corner and Furinkan High comes
into view. A familiar figure leans idly against the gate. It is a tall,
handsome boy wearing a traditional kendo outfit. He is absently toying
with a bokken {wooden sword}.)
Akane(slight edge): Hello, Kunou.
Kunou: (bows to her) Gladly do I greet the flower of Nerima, for her
heart-stopping beauty and mind-numbing fragrance doth ever bring the joy
of heaven upon this warrior's aching heart.
Ranma: (he and Akane are much closer) Yo, Kunou! Whussup?
Kunou: (interjects his bokken between Ranma and the school) Nay, most vile
of sorcerers, thou art not welcome in this world of light. What right have
you, vile cur, to skulk along with my lovely one (Akane looks peeved) and
thus cast a shadow over her luminous beauty?
Ranma: This does.
(He grabs the bokken and jerks it forward. Kunou doesn't release it and
flies forward, his jaw connecting solidly with Ranma's well-placed elbow.
He crumples up, unconscious.)
Akane(chiding): That was a bit much, Ranma.
Ranma(incredulous): On _Kunou_? Are you beginning to go soft on him?
Akane: No. (they walk towards the school) It's just that every time you
do that, he only gets angrier with you.
Ranma: What do you want me to do? Let him kill me?
Akane: (shrugs) It wouldn't affect me all that much.
(They enter with Ranma in a sour mood.)
********
(Scene: The lunch room at Furinkan High. Students mill about while
excited chatter and the occasional laugh echo around. Ranma and Akane
sit alone at the table. She is pushing a paper bag-which is making
ominous noises-across the table at him.)
Akane(cheerfully): Eat, Ranma. I made it special for you, since they
won't let me help with dinner tomorrow.
Ranma: (sweating) Ah...that's okay, Akane. I'm really not all that hungry.
Akane(cheerfulness straining): That's funny, just five minutes ago you were
complaining about your empty stomach. Now _eat_! (she pushes it closer)
Ranma(increasingly desperate): No thanks, Akane. I want to be conscious
for tomorrow, or at least out of a hospital.
Akane(sweetly): If you don't eat it, you won't _live_ to see tomorrow.
(Just then a cute, black-haired girl steps up to the table. She wears a
uniform, but it has been slightly modified by a bandolier of spatulas.
She is carrying a plate, upon which is stacked several objects that look
vaguely like pancakes.)
Ukyou(cheerfully): Hi Ranchan!
Ranma(relieved): Ukyou! You're here...and you brought food! (he snatches
the plate) Arigato! (He tosses all six okonomiyaki down his throat with
one flick of the plate.)
Ukyou: Actually, one of those was mi...
Ranma: Mmmmm! (rubs stomach) That was great, and I'm so full, I can't eat
another bite! Heh heh heh!
Akane: What about _my_ lunch!?
Ukyou: Well...
Ranma: I couldn't possible eat it now! I'd explode! (under breath)
Literally.
Akane(angry): So you prefer this bimbo's cooking to mine?
Ukyou: I am not a bimbo!
Akane: (whirls and glares at Ukyou) You stay out of this!
Ukyou: I will not! Take that back!
(The two girls appear to be about to come to blows, and everybody in the
room clears out a respectful distance. Tension builds as they both try
to stare each other down. Suddenly, the chair from a nearby table glomps
Ukyou.)
Chair: Ukyou-sama!
Ukyou: Aiya! Get off me, you pervert!
(She peels the chair off and tosses it. It unfolds and lengthens in mid-
air, so that by the time it lands it is now a cute, brown-haired "girl".)
Tsubasa: Ukyou-sama! Why are you being so evasive?
(Ranma steps up to the transvestite with a menacing scowl.)
Ranma: Because she doesn't like you. Come to think of it, neither do I,
but I'm a gentleman, so I'll give you ten seconds to leave before I put
you in traction. 10...
Tsubasa: (begins to batter at Ranma with ineffectual slaps) Go away you
love-stealer, or I'll hurt you!
Ranma: 9...
Tsubasa: Leave my Ukyou-sama alone, you mean man!
Ranma: 8...oh, forget it.
(He launches a haymaker which Tsubasa doesn't even see coming. He feels
it, however, as it sends him flying halfway across the room. He stands
up with a groan.)
Tsubasa: You...can't beat...me...I...have love...on...my side...
Ranma: You're pathetic, Tsubasa. Do us all a favour and don't come back
until you're a threat. (He leaps across the distance and plants a powerful
dropkick on Tsubasa's skull. The transvestite falls back and hits the
ground unconscious. There is a light smattering of applause.)
Ukyou: (walks up) Arigato, Ranchan. Tsubasa's really starting to bug me.
(Nabiki also comes up, flipping through a wad of bills.)
Nabiki: Arigato as well, Ranma. I made a tidy profit off that fight.
Ranma(slightly incredulous): Who bet against me?
Nabiki: (laughs) Nobody's stupid enough to bet against you anymore, Ranma.
We just bet on whether or not you'd actually reach zero.
Ranma(grumbles): Well, I'm glad _somebody_ enjoys these little episodes.
Nabiki: By the way, where's Kunou-baby?
Ranma: (shrugs) I disposed of him earlier.
Nabiki: (smiles) Arigato again. I just made 10,000 yen off that fact.
(she walks away)
Ukyou: Did you hurt yourself, Ranchan?
Ranma(surprised): Fighting Tsubasa? You can't be serious, Ucchan.
Akane: (walking up to them) You didn't have to be so cruel, Ranma.
Ranma: Akane, that was TSUBASA! He's even more weird than you are!
Akane(steams, but manages to control herself): Well...since you had such
a workout, I'm sure you're hungry.
(Pulls out the lunch-which is now making starting to move-and shakes it.)
Ranma: Uh...what do you know! He did hurt me a little, and I completely
lost my appetite! (Akane tackles Ranma and forces him to the floor. She
then begins to pry at his mouth with one hand, while holding a bento
filled with unidentifiable green glop in the other.)
Akane: You will eat! Eat! EAT!
Ranma: (struggling to push her off) Mmmr! Mmmr!
(Since he is struggling to keep his mouth closed, it is impossible to
understand him.)
Glop: Ya ha ha!
Ukyou: (sighs) I'd better help him.
(She walks over to save Ranma from Akane's cooking.)
********
(Scene: The Nekohanten. The restaurant is half-filled by the dinnertime
crowd. Shampoo is waiting tables, while a short, old woman who is
balancing herself on a gnarled wooden staff is operating the cash
register. Abruptly, the door flies open and a boy rushes in. He is a
Chinese boy of slim build, with long black hair and a voluminous robe.
He also sports a pair of pop-bottle glasses-which are nestled snugly on
his forehead. The boy runs up to a nearby customer and slams a piece of
paper down in front of him.)
Mousse: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!?
Customer: I have no idea.
Mousse: Huh? (his glasses fall down onto his nose) You're not Cologne.
Where'd she go? (The customer points at the counter. Every other customer
calmly leaves money for their food and file out before the expected
explosion. Mousse rushes over to Cologne, waving the paper.)
Mousse: EXPLAIN!!!!
Cologne: I don't have to explain anything, boy. The letter explains
everything.
Mousse: (slams the letter onto the counter) Explain! Or I won't follow
this...inane law!
Cologne: (eyes narrow) You must follow the village law, boy.
Mousse: This isn't the village law! You just made it up!
Cologne: No, I did not. This law just applies so rarely that it isn't
taught to the children. (The old crone pulls a large, leather-bound book
out of nowhere and places it on the counter. She flips about halfway
through it and points at passage with her staff.)
Cologne: Here. Section 32, subsection 153, Clause 96, paragraph 89,
sentences 17 through to 51. I'll summarize: If a Joketsuzoku boy-that's
you-is interested in a Joketsuzoku girl-Shampoo-but is unable to defeat
said girl, and said girl is defeated by an outsider male-Ranma-who has a
fiancee who is unable to beat him-Akane-and the Joketsuzoku boy-you again-
is unable to defeat the outsider boy, then honour and law demand that the
two weaker ones-you and Akane-be married so that they can make way for the
two stronger ones-Ranma and Shampoo. There. Simple, isn't it?
Mousse: I am _not_ marrying AKANE!!!
Shampoo: (coming up behind Mousse) 'Course Mousse is. You obey law just
like Shampoo. Shampoo hope Mousse and Akane _very_ happy.
Mousse: (whirls to face her) SHAMPOO! You can't let her do this! Can't
you see she's trying to keep us apart?
Shampoo: Of course o-baba keep Shampoo and Mousse apart. Shampoo ask her
to. Shampoo no like you.
Mousse: You don't mean that! She's forcing you to say it! I love you
Shampoo, and I won't leave you!
Cologne: Yes you will, Mousse. It's the LAW!
(Mousse spins to face Cologne...almost. He's ends up shouting at a
painting.)
Mousse: We'll see about that! I'm going to go talk with Akane about this!
(turns and stalks towards the exit; whirls at the last second) This is NOT
over, you old troll! (He turns again and calmly walks out the window.
It was closed at the time but he doesn't seem to mind. Shampoo sighs and
pulls out a mace with a large sphere on the end.)
Shampoo: You want Shampoo go stop Mousse?
Cologne: Why? When he gets within thirty feet of Akane, Ranma will tear
him apart. (laughs) Everything is going according to plan.
********
(Scene: A room of some kind. It has a traditional Chinese look to it and
is elegant and tasteful. Amigi and Tzubi stand in it, looking about.)
Amigi: This will do nicely.
Tzubi: It's okay.
Amigi: Don't worry, boy. We won't be here long.
Tzubi: I don't know why we're here at all, Amigi-sensei. What if the boy
decides to be stubborn and not come with us?
Amigi: (smiles evilly and reaches into one of his pouches) That's what I
brought _this_ for. (pulls out a clear glass container filled with pink
powder) Don't worry, he'll want to come with us.
(Tzubi looks at the vial with some distaste.)
Tzubi: More magic.
Amigi: What did you expect? I _am_ a wizard, after all.
Tzubi: Fine. (shrugs) What if his relatives and friends resist the idea?
Amigi: That's what you're here for, boy.
Tzubi: And here I thought you just enjoyed my company. (mock pain) I'm
hurt, deeply hurt.
********
(Scene: Somewhere near an ancient Shinto temple. A boy walks out of a
nearby rose patch. He is of medium size, with a bulky appearance. He is
wearing a yellowish tunic and dark green pants, and has a backpack on, with
a red umbrella strapped to the top. On his head he wears a yellow and black
bandanna. In his hands he holds a scroll, and he is grinning like an idiot.)
Ryouga: I finally have it! (shakes the scroll) The Hibiki family engagement
scroll! With this, I can finally marry Akane! (laughs like a madman,
baring his fangs in the process; stops and looks around) Now to find the
dojo...
********
(Scene: The roof of the Tendo Dojo. It is night, and Ranma sits on the roof,
watching the stars. As he watches, a shooting star disappears from the sky.
He sighs sadly and continues to watch.)
Voice(from behind him): Ranma?
(Ranma looks over his shoulder and sees Akane. She is holding a basket.)
Ranma: What?
Akane: You missed dinner, so I decided to bring you something to eat.
Ranma(suspicious): Did _you_ make it?
Akane: (sitting down next to him) Baka! (she hits him lightly on the back
of the head) And no, I didn't make it. Now eat.
(He peers into the basket and sighs in relief. Pulling out a sandwich, he
takes an experimental bite. After a moment, he hasn't exploded or started
to lose consciousness, so he digs in.)
Akane: If you were this hungry, why didn't you come down to dinner?
Ranma: (pauses) I didn't feel like facing pop and Mr. Tendo. With
tomorrow being my birthday and all, they're probably going to push the
marriage thing. (sighs)
Akane: What is it?
Ranma: (after a long pause) It's been almost a year since this whole
thing started in China...and things have been going steadily downhill ever
since. It's like I can't win. No matter what I do, things just seem to
turn out worse...
Akane: [I've never seen him like this...]
Ranma: (smiles sardonically; almost as if responding to her thoughts) I
know, I usually don't whine quite so much. It's just that tomorrow will be
my birthday, and I really wish mom could be here... (sadly) I'll probably
never see her-at least, not as her son-again...
Akane: I'm sorry...
Ranma: (waves her off) Don't worry, I can handle it. I'd just like to be
left alone for a while...to think, and...
Voice: (not too far off) AKANE! RANMA! I must speak with you!
Akane(surprised): It can't be...
Ranma: (frowns) What does _he_ want?
(Abruptly, Mousse leaps onto the roof. Ranma leaps to his feet and
launches a snapkick.)
Akane: Ranma! STOP! Mousse: NO! Wait!
(Ranma's foot stops approximately .05 inches from Mousse's face.)
Mousse: (sighs in relief) I have not come to challenge you, Saotome.
(Ranma pulls his foot down, but doesn't get out of his defensive stance.)
Ranma: Oh really. Then what _are_ you here for?
Akane: He said something about talking...
Mousse: Hai, I am here to talk. Something has occurred that I think you
should be aware of.
Ranma: What?
(Time passes. Akane and Ranma are staring at Mousse in open-mouthed shock.
He nods gravely.)
Ranma: She did _WHAT_?!?
Mousse: Somehow managed to engage Akane and myself.
Akane(enraged): I'll KILL her!!! (starts off)
Ranma(strangely calm): How?
Akane: (coming up short) What?
Ranma: You're going to kill Cologne. I'd like to know how.
Akane: Um... (anger fading away) ...well...I sort of...
Ranma: I'm glad you just remembered what you're up against, because I'd
hate to end our engagement with a funeral. That's messy.
Mousse(agitated): Well, we must come up with something! I have no
intention of marrying you, Akane Tendo, no offence intended.
Ranma: (to Akane) I trust the feeling's mutual?
Akane: Hai...
Ranma: Good. Then you and Mousse only have to do what Akane and I are
doing.
Mousse(expectant): Which is...
Ranma(flatly): Ignore it.
Mousse: Huh?
Ranma: Do what we do and ignore it whenever possible. When somebody
reminds you of it, you either ignore them too or beat them up.
Mousse: Wait a moment. That hasn't exactly helped you two out of your
problem...
Ranma: Are Akane and I married?
Mousse: (hesitates) No...
Ranma: Then I say it's working fine. No matter what, _nobody_ can force
me to marry anybody. Not pop, not Ucchan, not even Cologne. Simply
ignore it and continue on with your life.
Mousse: Well...I... (decisively) Very well! I shall do as you suggest.
(he leaps off the roof)
Akane: That was almost noble, Ranma. I'm surprised...and impressed.
Ranma: (shrugs) I don't really have anything personal against Mousse...
besides him being a stupid, blind, arrogant, pathetic, useless piece of
trash that I'd rather step around then on. (pauses) Besides, with a
violent tomboy like you to worry about, maybe he'll leave me alone.
Akane: RANMA NO BAKA!!! (she punts him into orbit)
********
(Scene: Ucchan's. Business is brisk, but the restaurant is not filled
to capacity. Ukyou is trying to be waitress, cook and cashier at the
same time, and doing an admirable job thanks to her martial arts training.
Presently, Amigi and Tzubi enter and sit down in a booth. Ukyou comes
over to them and flips open a bill pad.)
Ukyou: What'll it be?
Tzubi: What's your special?
Ukyou: Okonomiyaki.
Tzubi: What does the chef recommend?
Ukyou: Okonomiyaki.
Tzubi: Any deals or menu additions?
Ukyou: Okonomiyaki.
Tzubi: I think I sense a pattern here...
Amigi: We'll have two okonomiyakis...and some information.
Ukyou: (frowns) Information?
Amigi: Hai, we're looking for someone who lives around here. At such a
splendid place as this, he must be a regular.
Ukyou: (blushes) Well...what's his name?
Amigi: Ranma Saotome. He'd most likely be with his father, Genma Saotome.
Ukyou: (gives them a hard stare) You're not planning on killing him, are you?
Amigi(surprised): Of course not.
Ukyou: Or kidnapping him?
Amigi(puzzled): No...
Ukyou: Or dragging him off to marry some bimbo?
Amigi: No...
Tzubi: (cuts in) We're just old business associates of Mr. Saotome. He owes
us some money, and we thought that by searching for his son, we'd be less
likely to tip him off.
Ukyou: That sounds like Genma, alright. (smiles)
(Amigi gives Tzubi an appreciative look.)
Ukyou: Just go down this street and take a left. Two blocks down, you'll
see a building with the sign "Tendo Dojo of Anything-Goes Martial Arts" on
it. That's where he'll be.
Tzubi: There must be a lot of Tendo Dojo's around.
Ukyou: (smiles again) They named it, not me.
Tzubi: Yes, simple names are a lot nicer. What's yours?
Ukyou: Ukyou Kuonji. And you?
Tzubi: Tzubi Meskiro, and my sensei Amigi Diatonobi.
Ukyou; Pleased to meet you both. Your orders will be ready in a few
minutes. (she walks away)
Amigi: (as soon as she's out of earshot) That was unnecessary.
Tzubi: Just laying down the groundwork. She seems to know Ranma well, and
it would help if we were on her good side.
Amigi(relents): Not a bad idea...but I doubt we'll be around long enough for
it to make a difference.
Tzubi: (cocks an eyebrow) Don't you think Ranma will resist?
Amigi: I'm sure he is an honourable man, and will honour the pact when we
go to him tomorrow.
Tzubi: If you say so.
(The door opens, and a new person steps in. It is Nabiki. Tzubi turns to
look at her, and...corny music, roses, bubbles, sparklies, her face
shimmering and shining...she doesn't notice him and walks by without a
first, much less second, glance. He isn't quite as calm, as his mouth is
open an extra foot or so and his eyes have polymorphed into hearts. Amigi
snaps his fingers in front of Tzubi's face, and the boy snaps out of it.
He turns to Amigi, who is frowning.)
Amigi: What is it, boy?
(Tzubi looks past him at Nabiki, who is now standing at the counter.)
Tzubi: I must meet her...
Amigi: (frown deepens; _very_ stern) Snap out of it, boy. We're here on
business, not pleasure.
Tzubi: (gulps) Hai, Amigi-sensei.
Amigi: Good.
(At the counter, Ukyou has just noticed Nabiki.)
Ukyou(cheerfully): Oh hello, Nabiki. What can I do for you?
Nabiki: I came to make sure you'd have that order ready for tomorrow.
Ukyou: Of course I will. Did you think I would forget Ranchan's birthday?
Nabiki: (shrugs) Not really, no. They just wanted me to make sure, so I am.
Ukyou: ...and charging them outrageous sums of money for the service?
Nabiki: Anybody stupid enough to think _you'd_ forget tomorrow _deserves_
to be taken.
Ukyou: Well I'd have to agree with you in Genma's case. (pauses) Speaking
of money, I suspect Genma's going to be short of it pretty soon.
Nabiki: (cocks an eyebrow) Oh?
Ukyou: (laughs) Oh no. I've known you too long for that. I don't want
Genma buying his way out of this one.
Nabiki: (shrugs) If you say so...of course, I _could- split the profit
50/50...
Ukyou: And miss the expression on his face? That's worth more than all the
money in the world.
Nabiki(mock shock): Blasphemy! (both girls laugh)
********
(Scene: The Tendo Dojo, the next morning. Ranma is just getting up. He
sits up, stretching and yawning, and looks around the room. With a sigh,
he leaps to his feet and pulls on a clean shirt. He strides out of the
room, down the stairs, and into the dining/living room. Around the table
sit the three Tendo sisters. Near the corner of the room, Soun and Genma-
panda are playing go.)
Kasumi(cheerful): Good morning, Ranma.
Nabiki: (not looking up) Ditto.
Kasumi: Please, have a seat.
Ranma: (sitting down) Thanks, Kasumi.
Kasumi: (pushing a plate heaped with food across to him) Here you go,
Ranma. A special breakfast for your birthday.
Ranma: (staring at it and drooling _just_ a little) Arigato.
(suspiciously) Wait a minute...Akane didn't sneak anything in here, did
she? (Akane glares at him. Ranma backs off and digs into his food with
a vengeance. Soun and Genma leave the game board and approach the table.)
Genma(sign): {Happy birthday, Ranma.}
Soun: Happy birthday, son-in-aw.
Ranma: May mam nort nour mum-win-waw!
Akane: Don't speak with your mouth full.
Ranma: (swallows) I am not your son-in-law.
Soun: Oh, but you are...at least, you will be soon.
Akane(suspicious): Dad, what are you talking about?
Genma: {We've been studying some old scrolls} (flips sign) {we found in
the attic.}
Nabiki: We have an attic?
Soun: And we have discovered that according to the ancient traditions of
both our families, when a young boy turns seventeen, he comes of age.
Genma: {So there is no reason...} (flips sign) {to delay the marriage.}
Ranma: (leaping to his feet) I'll give you a reason. I don't want to!
Soun: You have no choice! Family honour and traditions _must_ be
maintained!
Ranma: (trying to calm himself) I don't _care_ about your traditions!
(suddenly grins) Besides, I can't marry Akane. She's engaged to someone
else.
(Stunned silence....more stunned silence...even more stunned silence...then
everybody starts talking at once.)
Akane: Ranma, you baka! What... Genma: {What the...?} Soun: AKANE!
What's this about... Kasumi: Congratulations, Akane! Nabiki: This just
keeps getting better...
Ranma: And to Mousse, no less.
(Another stunned silence. This one doesn't last quite as long.)
Akane: (driving Ranma into the floor with a mallet) RANMA NO _BAKA_!!!
You IDIOT! You jerk! You stupid...
Soun: (gigantic and surrounded by flames) AKANE!!! What is the meaning of
this?!? (Ryouga rushes into the room, carrying a badly-wrapped present.)
Ryouga: Akane, I...
Soun: Why are you engaged to Mousse????
(Ryouga's jaw drops; his face falls; his heart shatters; his world cracks.)
Ryouga(softly): Mousse... (growls in anger)_ Mousse_!!!! (pulls out his
umbrella and shakes it in the air; doom) PREPARE TO _DIE_, MOUSSE!!!!
(He rushes from the room, dropping the package in the process.)
Kasumi: I wonder why Ryouga was so excited?
(In the background, Akane and Soun are in a shouting match. Ranma walks
over and picks up the present as Genma uses the distraction to steal
everyone's food.)
Ranma: A present?
Kasumi: Ryouga must have been dropping it off for you, Ranma. Wasn't that
nice of him?
Nabiki: Yeah, real nice. You should check it for hidden explosives.
Ranma: Maybe he's just finally admitting that I'm the better man.
Nabiki: (smiles) Sure Ranma, sure...and maybe he's also going on an all-
pork diet.
Ranma: (shrugs) It doesn't matter why he left it, it's mine now. I'll open
it later. (Happousai leaps into the room, carrying a beautiful, elaborately
wrapped present.)
Happousai: Ranma, I've brought you my present...well, part of it.
Ranma: (leaps into defensive position) Go away! Nobody invited you!
Happousai: (smiles) A small oversight, of course. That's what Queen
Victoria told me too. (nostalgic) They had such wonderful party games...
(frowns) Mostly involving being chased by people in red uniforms and stupid
black hats.
Ranma: I'm sure...what is it?
Happousai: (holds up a pair of fingers) I have two, actually. This...
(holds up the box) and something I'll give you later.
Ranma(flatly): What are they?
Happousai: (leers) Open it and find out.
Ranma: no thanks. Just toss it on the pile.
(The old lecher complies, then runs off without any fuss.)
Ranma: (frowns) Something's wrong...
Nabiki: (also frowning) Hai. I can't quite...
Akane: IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!!
Soun: YES IT IS! (crying insanely) WAAAAAH!!!! BETRAYED BY MY OWN
DAUGHTER! WAAAAH!!! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?
Akane: I'm _not_ to blame! Blame that bimbo Shampoo and her troll of a
great-grandmother!
Soun: But you _must_ marry Ranma! Waaaah!! (literal shower of tears)
Genma: {I believe her.}
Soun: And you, Saotome-kun, are you betraying me too?! Waaaaaaaahhhh!!!
Ranma: Oh be quiet, you crybaby! (Soun looks shocked) It's only another
stupid amazon law. Ignore it, just like you're ignoring Shampoo's claim.
Soun: You're just saying that! Waaaah! (He runs from the room, leaving
a trail of sodden carpet in his wake.)
Kasumi: I'd better go comfort him. (she follows)
Akane: (turning to _glare_ at Ranma) What happened to _ignoring_ it?!?
Ranma(defensively): Would you rather I let him force us to marry?
(Akane chases Ranma out of the room with her mallet.)
********
(Scene: A cityscape of some kind. The general sense is of a futuristic
society. This is enhanced by the fact that among the humanoids walking
about, there are also various anthropomorphs, cyborgs, robots and some
beings that defy description. Walking through the middle of this is an
angry-looking Ryouga.)
Ryouga: (grabs a robot and holds it up with one hand) Where is Mousse?
Robot: Hey! What are...
(Ryouga tosses it away and grabs a fox-man.)
Ryouga: Where is Mousse?!
Fox-man: (sweating) Try the supermarket.
Ryouga: (drops him) Hai. The supermarket.
(He wanders towards a large congestion of people. Pushing his way to the
front of the crowd, he sees a creature that looks somewhat like an insane
chipmunk in an aviator's cap. It is standing on a tiny podium, addressing
the crowd.)
Babo(creature): All the wonders of the world can be yours, for just 1350
DD's a pop! That's right, any wonder of the world! You, son! (points at
Ryouga)
Ryouga: Me?
Babo: Yes, you. You look like a boy who needs to go somewhere. So where
are you going?
Ryouga: The supermarket.
Babo(shocked): You don't need to go there! What is it you were looking
for at that (shivers) business?
Ryouga: Mousse.
Babo: You're in luck, boy! (pulls a tiny container out of nowhere) It just
so happens that I have mousse right here, and for only 20 DD's...
Ryouga: (shakes head) Not mousse, Mousse.
Babo: I assure you, this is the highest quality mousse available. It was
made by the ancient hair masters of the planet...
Ryouga(stern): Not mousse, _Mousse_!
Babo(comprehension): Why didn't you say so sooner! (tucks the container
away) I have what you're looking for! (He reaches into a bag at his side,
and with a great deal of grunting and panting, he pulls out...a moose.)
Ryouga(angry): Not a moose, Mousse! Mousse! (picks up Babo and begins to
shake him) Mousse! Mousse! Mousse!
Babo: Agh! Help!
(Presently, a tall, good-looking woman dressed in a decidedly unconserv-
ative outfit, carrying a sword and sporting a...tail...steps through the
crowd.)
Mian(woman): There you are! C'mon, we're leaving.
Ryouga: MOUSSE! MOUSSE! MOUSSE!!!!!
Babo: Help, Mian!
(Mian plucks Babo out of Ryouga's hands.)
Mian: What do you think you're doing? (mumbles) Not that I really _mind_
you strangling the little...
Ryouga: Looking for Mousse.
Mian: (walking off Babo in tow) Try the supermarket.
Ryouga: Hai...where's the supermarket?
********
(Scene: the Nekohanten. Cologne is closing up shop while Shampoo wraps a
package of some kind.)
Cologne(Chinese): <Come along, Shampoo. We mustn't be late for son-in-
law's party.>
Shampoo: <But nobody told Shampoo about the party. Are you sure Shampoo
was invited?>
Cologne: <Of course! As his bride, you're automatically invited to all
his parties.> (pauses) <Besides, today I think his...opinions will change,
and we mustn't miss that.> (chuckles evilly)
********
(Scene: a hangar of some sort. Outside, only the stars are visible.
Inside are various fighter craft which look like 20th century jet fighters,
but with some subtle differences. A klaxon is blaring, and pilots in space
suits scramble about and leap into the craft. Ryouga walks in and looks
around with confusion.)
Ryouga: I don't think this is the supermarket...
P.A.(woman's voice): All Veritechs scramble! Zentraedi assault force
closing in sector 2G alpha! All Veritechs scramble!
Officer: (running up to Ryouga) You heard the Admiral! Get into your ship!
Ryouga: What ship? (the officer tosses him a helmet) I'm looking for
Mousse.
Officer: You should have showered before the attack! (drags him over to a
fighter) Now get in here.
Ryouga: (climbing in) Is Mousse in here?
Officer: (as the canopy lowers) Good hunting.
Ryouga: (looks around) Where's Mousse? Maybe one of these controls...
(He pulls down a lever marked "G". Outside, the fighter sprouts arms and
legs, reforming to look like a giant metal bird of prey.)
Ryouga: Whoa! What is this thing?!? I've got to get out of here!
(frowns) One of these buttons has to open the canopy...
(He begins pushing buttons and pulling levers at random. The ship suddenly
lifts on its thrusters, and with a screech of power, shoots out of the
hold.)
Ryouga: (pressed against his seat) YAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
********
(The street between Ucchan's and the Tendo Dojo. Ukyou walks down it,
combat spatula strapped across her back. In her hands she carries a huge
box, on top of which rests a smaller, gift-wrapped package. She is
grimacing with the effort of carrying the load.)
Ukyou: *huff* I never realized *puff* food could be this *gasp* heavy.
(Suddenly the packages are lifted from her grasp. She blinks and looks
over, to see Tzubi is now carrying the boxes.)
Tzubi: Allow me. It's the least I can do after you helped us out last
night.
Ukyou(grateful): Domo arigato.
Amigi: (walking up) Hello, Ms. Kuonji. (inclines his head) Good to see
you again.
Ukyou: (bows) The same...what are you two doing here?
Amigi: Going to the dojo to see Mr. Saotome.
Ukyou: Ah. Well, I'm going there too, to see Ranchan.
Tzubi: Ranchan?
Ukyou: Ranma. It's my pet name for him. (smiles) We're engaged.
(Tzubi raises an eyebrow and gives Amigi a pointed look. Amigi frowns and
nods.)
Tzubi: Well, since we're going to the same place, I'll carry this for you.
Ukyou: Thanks, but I'd like to take the present...it's Ranma's birthday.
Amigi: We kn... (hesitates) ...never would have guessed.
(Tzubi hands the gift to Ukyou, and the three continue down the road.)
********
(Scene: A mist-covered plain. Ryouga stalks through it, with a slightly
scorched body and a determined expression. As he does so, we hear the
cries and shouts of a bunch of girls. Presently, something charges out of
the fog. Ryouga starts as it rushes towards him. The creature appears to
be made of stone, and looks vaguely like a short woman with crab claws,
tentacle legs, and a dust buster for a head. It smashes into Ryouga,
throwing him to the side, and disappears. Just as he's picking himself up,
five girls in tight-fitting sailor suits also charge out and run over
Ryouga. They yell to each other as they run back into the mist.)
Ryouga: Ow...
(As he begins to get up, the creature charges out of the mist and bowls him
over again. He pushes himself up on his arms, but is driven to the ground
again as the girls rush out of the mist and one of them, a tall brunette,
leaps forward and uses his head as a springboard. She flies into the air
and pulls her hands in front of her face.)
S. Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!!!!
(A tiny metal rod extends from her tiara and launches a giant lightning
blast into the distance. From far off, there is a cry of pain.)
S. Mercury: We have it now!
(The girls rush after it, not noticing Ryouga as they trample him again.
The lost boy lies still for a moment, then jumps to his feet with an
_angry_ expression.)
Ryouga: That is _it_.
(He starts walking again. Suddenly, the rock monster emerges from the
mist-slightly crisped-and rushes at Ryouga.)
Ryouga: Not _this_ time! (he jabs a finger out; as the monster connects
with it he yells) BAKUSAI TEN KETSU! (the monster is blown into a million
pieces by Ryouga's technique; he pats his hands together) There.
(The girls rush into the area and Sailor Moon-who was in the lead-spots the
carnage and pulls to a stop. The other scouts do not, and they promptly
end up on the ground in a tangled heap. They begin to yell at each other
as Ryouga stalks away.)
*******
(Scene: the Tendo living room. There is a spattering of decorations, the
most prominent of which is a banner on the back wall which reads "Happy
Birthday Ranma". Ranma and his two friends from school are playing Super
Famicom, while at a nearby table Nabiki and some other kids are playing
poker. Shampoo and Cologne stand near the presents, talking quietly to
each other. Akane is chasing a leering Happousai-who is waving a bra
around-with her mallet. Genma has planted himself firmly at the buffet
table, and is devouring it at approximately 50 m/hr. Soun is near the door,
hie expression vying between heart-wrenching sorrow and absolute euphoria.
Near the kitchen, Kasumi is smiling at Dr. Tofu, who is wearing a lampshade
as a hat and is bashing a potted plant into his rib cage. In the midst of
all this chaos, we hear a knock at the door.)
Ranma: (turns): That must be Ucchan.
Genma: I'll get it. (sucks the meat off a chicken leg) [That way, I'll get
first crack at the food!] (He walks to the front door and throws it open.
Standing outside is indeed Ukyou.)
Ukyou: (stepping past a wide-eyed Genma) Hello Genma.
(Just behind Ukyou are Tzubi and Amigi. It is these two whom he is staring
at.)
Amigi(calmly): Hello, Mr. Saotome.
Genma(snapping out of his stupor): Hello.
(He slams the door in their faces and rushes into the living room. Ranma
and Ukyou have just finished saying "hello" when Genma runs in and grabs
Ranma's arm. He begins to drag Ranma away.)
Ranma(irritated): What are you doing, pop?
Genma: (smiles thinly) We're leaving.
Ukyou: (smirks) Leaving? Little short on money, huh?
Genma: (pauses) That too...but I'd rather not be short one son.
Ukyou: Wha...
(Suddenly, there is the sharp whishes and chops of swords being wielded
from the direction of the door. Everybody turns and stares as the door
falls in several pieces, and clatters to the floor. Tzubi slides his
diashyo back into their sheaths and steps into the room, followed closely
by Amigi. Upon seeing the latter, Cologne's eyes widen, and she begins to
shake.)
Amigi: Tsk tsk. Mr. Saotome, one might get the impression you weren't
happy to see me.
Genma: Of course not, Amigi-san! Heh heh heh! Why wouldn't I?
Ranma(suspicious): Pop, what's this all about?
Amigi: And you must be Ranma. Good to see you again.
Ranma: I've never... (squints) You _do_ look familiar...
Ukyou: Tzubi, what's going on?
(Tzubi doesn't answer her, as he is too busy staring at a frowning Nabiki.)
Ukyou: Tzubi? _Tzubi_?!
Tzubi: (snaps out of ti) Wha? Oh, Ukyou.
Ranma: You know these people, Ucchan?
Ukyou: Not really. We've met, but we don't _know_ each other.
Soun: (towering and gigantic) Who are you people? What are you doing in my
house? And what have you done to my door?!?
Amigi: Mr. Tendo, I presume. I am terribly sorry about your door. Be
assured that I shall take the responsibility for the damage, and reimburse
you the money to replace it.
Soun: (calming down) Wha...uh...okay...
Amigi: And to answer your first two questions, I am Amigi Diatonobi, and
this is my pupil Tzubi Meskiro. We are here to ensure Mr. Saotome upholds
his part of the pact with DEMSESREPBHPTT (pronounced dem-ses-rep-bifft).
Akane: Pact?
Soun(ominously): Saotome-kun...
Ranma(more ominously): Pop...
Ukyou(most ominously): Genma...
Genma: Heh he he! (smile cracks a little) Did I forget to tell you? Heh
heh! Silly, silly me! (Amigi looks around the room, blinks as he sees
Cologne, and stares at her. She glares at him.)
Amigi: C-C-COLOGNE?! What in the name of Ginkiri are _you_ doing here?!?
Cologne(icy): Amigi. I could ask you the same thing.
Ranma: (to Cologne) Wait a minute. Is this another one of your crazy
schemes?
Cologne: (glares at Ranma) No. Simply a family reunion, between me and
(polar) my husband.
(Stunned silence...long stunned silence..._very_ long stunned silence...)
Shampoo: Great-grandmother! This is...
Cologne(flatly): Your great-grandfather, hai.
Ranma: How can that be? He's barely over...
Amigi(regaining his calm): I'm much older than I look.
Ukyou: What's all this have to do with Genma? (looking over) Speaking of
which...
(Genma is tip-toeing out the door, doing his best to remain inconspicuous.
Everyone looks at him, and he stops upon feeling their stares. He turns
around slowly.)
Soun: Going somewhere, Saotome-kun?
(Genma looks around at the irritated faces of the crowd and sighs in
defeat.)
Genma: No...I suppose not.
(At that point, Happousai tries to glomp Akane. She slams him out the door
with a golf swing from her mallet.)
Ukyou: What _exactly_ is going on here?
Amigi: (smiles) My pupil and I have come here to give Ranma a...birthday
present. (He pulls out the powder container and uncorks it.)
Cologne(alarmed): Shampoo! Stop him!
Shampoo: (whips out her bonbori) Hai!
Amigi: Tzubi...
(Tzubi draws his swords and steps between Shampoo and Amigi.)
Shampoo: Get out fo Shampoo's way!
Tzubi: I can't do that.
Shampoo: Fine! Shampoo _make_ stupid-boy move!
(She rushes at him, her sphere-topped maces swinging in wide arcs. Tzubi
waits until the last possible second, then launches into the air and spins
end over end. As he does so, his swords flash downward in brilliant silver
streaks. He finishes his jump and lands behind Shampoo in a kneeling
position, with his swords held at odd angles. Shampoo remains motionless
until he stands up, then slowly turns to face him. She is apparently
uninjured.)
Shampoo: Ha! You miss!
(No, he's _not_ going to say "you are already dead"!)
Tzubi: (smiles) No I didn't.
(Abruptly, the spheres on the ends of Shampoo's bonbori fall off and land
on the floor. They remain for a moment, then each split into eight
identical wedge-shaped pieces.)
Shampoo: Nani?!?
Tzubi: KIIYYAAAA!
(He launches a pivot kick which catches the shocked Amazon on the jaw. She
remains standing for a moment, then collapses in a heap as Tzubi resheathes
his diashyo.)
Ranma: (blinks) He beat Shampoo?
Akane: Wow.
Amigi: Here, boy. CATCH!
(He tosses the container at Ranma. The contents defy gravity by not
spilling as the opened bottle flies end-over-end through the air. Just as
Ranma catches it, the powder explodes around the boy.)
Cologne: (already rushing towards Ranma) Nooooo!
********
(Scene: A park somewhere in Narooma. Mousse is performing katas with his
various weapons on top of a tree stump. He stops as he hears a growl
behind him.)
Mousse: (turning) Who...
(It is revealed that Ryouga is standing there.)
Ryouga: MOOOUUUUSSSEEE!!!! (snatches off a handful of bandannas)
DDIIIIIEEEEE!!!! (He begins to toss them, rapid-fire.)
Mousse: YAAAAAA! (dodges off the stump) What did I do...
********
(Scene: A bus depot, somewhere in Japan. It is raining. We see two people
standing by a bus, preparing to enter. One is a woman, she has her back
turned to us and and a hood over her head. She is carrying a duffel bag,
which has a large cardboard tube attached to it. Next to her stands a boy.
He is wearing a raincoat with the hood up, and is not carrying any luggage.)
Woman: Are you _absolutely_ sure he's in Nerima, because...
Boy: Yes I am. He's been there for some time, actually.
Woman: I must thank you again for telling me this.
Boy: (shrugs) As long as you help me with my problem like you promised,
then we're even.
Woman: (nods) Hai. Come, we mustn't miss the bus...
TO BE CONTINUED...
Thus ends the first part of Ranma 1/2: Curse of Darkness. Or CoD-which is
not a fish-for short. If you like it so far, be sure to read the next
chapter, "My Name is Senchi". By the way, it should be said that CoD will
completely alter the Ranmaverse as we know it! If this doesn't agree with
your idea of a fanfic, don't read it! Remember, you _were_ warned.
Blade