{insert all standard disclaimers}
{I'm rating this [TVY] for all you 'two men touching each other!
 ewwww!' types  Sorry, but that's ridiculous..}


                         Lightning Strikes  or
                      When You Wish Upon a Brick
                  Part 2.5: The Shortfic Speech Saga

     I couldn't just walk up to him and do it.  Not with everyone 
looking.  Hell, I'd be laughed out of school.  I had to pick and choose 
the time carefully.  Besides, there wasn't any sort of time limit, I'm 
trusted enough to not wimp out on a bet.  I would do it when I was 
ready to, and not a moment before.
     Apparently, the word had gone around to our little 'circle' and 
the size of the pot had grown to respectable proportions.  Some of them 
were wise enough to know not to bet against me and had, instead, made 
side wagers on how long it would take me.  Some of the less faithful 
actually bet that I wouldn't do it all.  I was disappointed in them.
     So I watched him a little more closely than usual the next few 
days, trying to spot an opening.  Unfortunately, he was never without a 
chaperone of some sort.  Whether it was the rest of the Kendo team, my 
sister beating him away or just plain gone home (I'm not crazy enough 
to go there with Kodachi lurking around).  I did see him one day 
blathering furiously to the rest of the debate team.  There was some 
little contest coming up and he wanted to make sure they all gave a 
good showing for dear, old Furinkan.
     I was surprised.  I hadn't heard a peep about this contest.  
Someone was slipping, and it wasn't me.

                          *     *     *

     I heard the grumbles.  A couple people had lost their bets 
already.  They didn't understand that a good plan takes time to come to 
fruition.  I watched it begin to blossom before my eyes.  He probably 
wouldn't know what hit him; that made me smile.  He was so thick, it 
was cute sometimes.  And need I add profitable?
     Anyway, Megumi got me all the details on this contest (after I 
asked, though... good help is getting hard to find).  He was going to 
be the last to speak and would be waiting in the wing all by his 
lonesome.  That was when I would strike.  No one would be able to see 
what happened, yet everyone would be able to tell if I had succeeded.  
Not that it mattered, I wouldn't fail.  Simple.
     I informed my bettors of my plan and watched the betting slips 
start to fly.  They bet on any and all aspects...  If I did it (don't 
bet against me), if he would faint, if he would start yelling (which 
was the last thing I wanted him to do) and if he would even be able to 
finish his speech.
     For a moment, I considered that they were going overboard with the 
whole thing.  Then I figured out the pile of cash I stood to make and 
dismissed that idea.  So I confirmed that at least several of my 
backers would be present at the contest and was content to wait.

                          *     *     *

     I couldn't believe it.  He was waiting to go out there in front of 
everyone in that getup.  So much for a good showing.  I waved away my 
anxious observers, letting them know their prying eyes were not wanted.  
They'd only end up bringing unnecessary attention anyway.
     I stepped into the darkness of the wing.  I carefully avoided the 
chairs that were stacked up and walked towards his dim figure (you can 
take that in whatever way you'd like, it'd be true).
     Briefly, I thought what the consequences of this might be.  Maybe 
he would go ballistic, but not likely.  I just hoped he wouldn't try 
and grab me like he's always doing with Akane.  Mostly I expected him 
to get all flustered and start babbling at me like he always does, then 
go on stage and do his little speech.  Then he'd just deny the whole 
thing had ever happened.  He's good that way.
     When I got close enough, I could see he was looking out onto the 
stage with his back to me.  He was so intent on the guy speaking that 
he didn't notice me step up behind him.  "Hey, Kuno-chan," I said 
quietly.  I hid my smirk as he startled.
     He whirled around and gave me his best 'I'm very displeased with 
you' look.  It was getting harder to hide my smile.  "What is it that 
you require, Nabiki Tendo?"
     He actually spoke quietly, so as not to disturb the speaker.  Holy 
cow, I was thrown for an instant.  "Nothing.  Just checking up on my 
investment."  What did people do before the white lie?
     He frowned at me.  He had made the expected assumption, as I 
planned.  It was no wonder, though; I practically had him trained to 
make wrong assumptions.  That thought did it.  I couldn't hide my smile 
any longer.  A real big, amused smile.  He wouldn't like it.
     "And what, pray tell, is it that you find so amusing?"  Now he was 
getting defensive, which he had good reason to be.
     "I was just thinking...  How smart do you think it is to wear that 
to a speech contest?"
     He tried to look his most dignified, which turned out to be his 
most comical.  "It is the appropriate outfit for a samurai."
     Oh boy, he was just begging for it.  "But this is a speech 
contest, not mortal combat."  I'm not sure he could tell the 
difference.  Maybe, to him, there wasn't a difference.
     "I am aware of that Nabiki Tendo."
     Stony silence.  He was mad.  The boy couldn't take a joke to save 
his life.  Jeesh.  "Whatever you say, Kuno-chan."  I rolled my eyes, 
still not believing what a twit he was after all this time.
     He snorted slightly and turned his attention back to the stage.  I 
could hear the guy beginning to wrap things up and knew it was time.  I 
put my hand on his arm and turned him around.  He looked surprised and 
was about to ask me something when I did it.
     I leaned up and kissed him.  I aimed for his cheek, but was a 
little off and ended up closer to his mouth than I planned.  No gagging 
sounds please; he's really not _that_ bad.  As long as I'm not a costar 
in one of his fantasies, I'd kiss him any day over Akane's cooking.  
Besides, I don't think idiocy is transmittable by casual contact.
     I could feel his entire body become as rigid as a board (minds out 
of the gutter, please) and waited for the explosion.  But there wasn't 
one.  He just stood there, staring at me.  That was my cue to leave, so 
I turned around and walked away.  I wondered how long it would take him 
to get his brain out of neutral, even if it was back into reverse.
     They announced his name so he could have his one yen's worth on 
stage.  I waited out of sight in the wing, composing myself.  I would 
be assaulted with questions and had to compose my answers.  I left the 
wing as they announced his name twice more.
     All heads turned my way as I walked out of the darkness.  I could 
tell they had 1000 questions to ask, but politely held them back.  
"Quiet now.  We don't want to disturb the speaker, do we?"
     A couple of them looked up to the stage and started snickering.  
Emiko poked my shoulder, wanting me to look up as well.  I could 
imagine his face, red as the setting sun, his eyes all spaced-out 
looking.  I didn't need to look up there.
     The microphone picked up a dry tick and let loose a batch of 
feedback.  I looked up then.  He wasn't red and he wasn't angry.  He 
looked embarrassed.  That might have been a first.  I mean, everyone 
knows the Blue Thunder doesn't get embarrassed, no matter how big a 
fool he acts like.
     "Did you do it?" Megumi whispered.
     I watched him look at us and nodded.  Soft curses were muttered 
around me, then someone shoved a small wad of bills into my hand.  And 
another, and another.  I watched his neck start to turn pink.  Was that 
thunder I heard?  No, just Kuno-chan's temper about to go off.
     He took the podium in a deathgrip and proceeded to make the most 
ridiculous statement I have _ever_ heard.  He stood there, still mad as 
a bear who's had his honey stolen, as the auditorium exploded into 
whispering (it's an interesting phenomenon).  He was looking at me, 
trying not to appear like it.  Of course, he's about as subtle as a 
beached whale on his best day, and the whole thing was just too 
humorous.  I smiled and shook my head.  Would he ever learn?
     He stomped off the stage, in the wrong direction, and disappeared 
into the wing.  I wonder if he knew what a monumental mistake he had 
made.  Probably not; does he ever?  I got away from my whispering, and 
poorer, associates and headed back to the wing.
     There he sat, in the dark, with his hand at his face.  Maybe I 
took this one too far...  But why did I care at all?  It was kind of 
like teasing an animal, I think.  It's funny at first, but then you 
start to feel sorry for it.  Well, I'm sorry to say, but this animal 
was more valuable than an entire farm of minks and ermines.
     "Hey, Kuno-chan?"  I decided to tread lightly, lest I lose a major 
source of income.
     He stood up violently and growled at me.  "Hold, Nabiki Tendo."  
Oh yeah, he was mad.  "I want little to do with one such as yourself."  
Well if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.  "You who would 
play with my affections."  Leave 'em out on the field and that's what 
happens.  "No longer will I be a source for your amusement."  We'll see 
about that.  "So keep your stories of false physical affections to 
yourself."  I didn't plan on having any stories of physical affections, 
false or otherwise.  He marched off preparing to enter the auditorium.
     Sure, he put up a pretty good show of being angry there towards 
the end, but I could tell he was more confused than ever.  I wondered 
how his first kiss would affect him, since he seemed so... emotional 
about it.  Especially under these circumstances.  Sorry about that 
Akane.
     I watched him walk away, and found myself considering how someone 
could get so messed up.  What were his parents like?  He's not as bad 
as Kodachi, so what did that say about them?  Did they know he acted 
like this?  Did they know he was two steps removed from assault?  I 
guess they had never bothered to put any of the fortune towards 
therapy.  
     Maybe, if someone could actually get through to him, it'd be 
interesting.  How would he change?  Would he change at all?  But 
really, how do you convince someone that doesn't want to be convinced?  
How do you change someone who doesn't see anything wrong with the way 
they act, and doesn't even realize that they're acting like an idiot?
     How do you convince someone, who's very nature is idiocy, that it 
gets you nowhere?  That people don't like pompous and arrogant fools, 
and he's only hurting himself.
     This whole incident has really provided me with some incite.  I 
never really got heavily into metaphors and similes, but just this 
once.  He's like a watermelon.  Real expensive, and looks pretty neat 
on the outside... but once you get to the inside, there's just nothing 
there.  
     And he had slightly more common sense than a watermelon.  He just 
doesn't (or won't) believe that a guy with intelligence, looks and 
money could have anything he wanted.  Anything.  Even my sister.
     Or...  "Kuno-chan, if you only knew the truth."

End

***Bill of mental health:  This story is James Palmer's fault.  He
suggested this POV to go along with part 2.  I used the mostly
narrative/speaking to the reader a bit style.  It seemed to flow
best and lent the side comments more viability.  Those last few
paragraphs may seem a bit heavy-handed (like I'm hitting you with
a fruitcake), but I hope everyone gets the point to them,
especially after some of the mail I received for part 2.  C&C
welcomed with open arms and fresh brownies!
-- 
Lara

o--------------------------------------o
|  Attend Eastern Michigan University  |
|            Less Effective            |
|           More Destructive           |
|           You'll get yours           |
o--------------------------------------o
         lara@emunix.emich.edu