Well, here's the companion to _Ramblings_. Again, no plot, and this story is 
based on yaoi stuffs... so warnings! for all those who don't like that sort 
of thing...


Wonderings: By Monica Shin

        I watch you with wonder in my eyes. How is it that you are even here? 
It seems almost a dream that you are beside me at all, without any resistance
or anger... I've dreamed of this, of seeing you like this...

        I knew you because of your rage- you were in my memory because of 
your furious anger. But now, I love you most when you are like this, smiling,
content, without any worries... It's always my fault that you are hurt now- 
at least, it seems that way...

        I love you so much- I love everything about you... your pain, your 
anger, and now, your other side. Your gentleness with your siblings, your 
happiness with your teammates, and your rare moments of joy with me... I know
that I am not the only thing in your life- your siblings, and soccer are both
probably more important...

        But it seems like you're going to leave at any second... You were 
always the pursued, I the predator. You never wanted to be with me at all. I 
remember you running away, always. Are you just a phantom? Just a dream? Will
you disappear into the mists of my memory, never to return?

        I want you to be with me forever, stay with me for eternity. But I 
know you can't... I remember you fleeing from my grasp, never accepting my 
kisses, my caresses. Now, you seem to enjoy our love, our time together- but 
do you really? You would never believe me... but every time you reject me, 
something deep inside breaks- a flawed crystal cracking even more.

        I don't deserve you... You are my only refuge in this world. You 
don't know how much I truly love you, need you... without you, I am nothing. 
I sing only for you, and I feel only for you. All those women, they never 
meant anything to me... I know what you were thinking, staring so insecurely 
at the television at that movie of that woman and me. If only you knew how 
ridiculous that was... no one can ever compare to you, and no one could ever 
hope to take your place.

        I don't like men. I like women... but I love you, and only you. You
may not believe me, but sex is sex, as nice as it is. With you, it trascends
that, to something more, and you become my god, I your worshipper on the 
altar of your body. We are both scarred, you in body and spirit, while now, I
match you. I want to heal your scars, take them away from you. If I could, I
would take them upon myself, and let your soul fly. 

        Would you be surprised to know that I would let you go? If that would
make you whole, that would be the least I would do. As much as it would hurt 
me... if you truly, truly wanted me gone, without reservation, then I would 
leave... but I know that somewhere, inside your heart, you love me enough so 
that you couldn't let go...

        Are we trapped within each other? Perhaps, but there is nothing wrong
with that... it is a trap we both consent to, in our soul. It may last 
another day, or another lifetime, but for now, we are together, and that is 
all that I need to know.

        A small kiss on his head, and a smiling, "Good morning, Izumi." I 
miss feeling his head on my arm as he wrapped his body around mine, but we 
both have to get up. Maybe later that day... "Good morning, Kouji." is all 
he says, but it's all he needs to say. I have seen his eyes, and know that 
as much as I care, as much as I need, he needs me just as much. 

---Finis---

Monica/Akira-chan!
        Well, for all those who asked, here it is... not very good, but oh 
well- *sigh* I dunno... maybe a bit OOC? 

-----
Monica Shin--- monica@pipeline.com- Fav. Anime/Manga-
CLAMP stuffs- RGV, TB, X, MKR, CCD, 20 Menso, CCSakura,
MBoy, GWing, Esca, S.Dunk, RKenshin, FY, YYH, EVA, Zetsuai,
Fav. Charas- Akira, Hiiro, Subaru, Ashura-ou, Hiei, Kenshin
Visit my homepage! http://www.pipeline.com/~monica/