alhuang@hcs.harvard.edu
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/

  So, you want a _real_ revengefic from me? Fine! ^_^;;
  Legalese: you know it already, right?

And now, Oddzilla Productions presents....

"Revenge Number 2"
  or, "Fine, Have It Your Way--"

<...>: my thoughts
*...*: sounds

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  It was now Monday afternoon. Nothing. Still couldn't get any better
ideas. I finally did take that break I was going to yesterday, after
Ranma's interruption, and just finished the Tenchi Muyou movie. Not bad,
IMHO. But then, I haven't seen too much Tenchi, so I'm not really one
to judge. I came up to read the latest messages from the ML. At that
point, I was again interrupted by a knock on the door. I opened it.

  "Shampoo have big problem with story Andrew wrote," a purple-haired
female hissed at me.

  "And what's the idea of getting Ranchan and Akane together, huh!?"

  "You! You're trying to take Akane-san away from me!? DAMN YOU!!!!"

  Oh, crap. Even Ryouga was here. Ryouga, the guy who not only got lost
trying to find the bathroom, but also got lost _inside_ the damn
bathroom, had made it here....

  It was time to start panicking. Unfortunately, the only thing that
occurred to me to say as they stalked in was, "Shoes! Take off your
shoes! You're all Asians, aren't you!?" (You see, two of us three who
live in our suite are Asians, myself and Brian Choi. We've got this
really nice rug, and we've even managed to force the one Caucasian who
lives here too, Shawn Achor, to take off his shoes when we come in. Yeh,
it's an Asian thing. *WHAP* Okay! I'll get on with it.)

  They all paused, then muttered as they removed their shoes. That being
done, they once again stomped towards me.

  "Do not worry, Huang-san. For your gift of giving me Shampoo, I shall
protect you!" Wha? Oh, right. Mousse. It was good to have him on my
side...provided he kept his glasses on. Which he didn't. <Argh.>

  "Mousse, you no interefere."

  "Step out out of the way, duck-boy. My spatula and Andrew have some
things to discuss."

  Ukyou was going to hurt me. Ucchan!? But-- "Ucc--er, Ukyou, please,
you're my favorite character, don't you know that?!"

  "Small comfort if you're going to take Ranchan away from me! Oh,
right. You want to set me up with Ryouga, the lost boy. Some
consolation prize!"

  "Yeah! I mean--hey, what did you mean by that?"

  "I mean, you jackass, that you're nowhere as great a man as Ranchan!"

  "You call that half-girl pervert who keeps tormenting Akane-san a
MAN!?"

  "Ahh, what's it to you?"

  Okay. Good. Leave those two to bicker--

  *WHOOSH*

  "Yaah!" A bonbori passed within two inches of my face. "Mousse! Do
something! Please!"'

  "But--but--I can't hurt Shampoo!"

  Grr. Well, at least I could use him as a shield, right? I didn't like
doing that with one of my favorite male characters from Ranma, but this
is my health I'm talking about. Plus, I think he's used to it. I quickly
darted behind the blind boy. (Ukyou and Ryouga were still yelling at
each other at the moment.)

  Suddenly, Shampoo's face softened. "Oh, Mousse, you so kind to
Andrew...."

  "Wha--oh, I...uh...well, it's only fair...."

  "Too bad you no do anything for him!" *splash*

  "Quack."

  Dammit. Shouldn't have left the water by the window.

  "Now, you stay still, while Shampoo hurt you." She grinned at me
evilly.

  *knock knock*

  <Please let it be Ranma, please let it be Ranma, please let it be
Ranma, pleasepleaseplease....>

  Without missing a beat in her argument with Ryouga, Ukyou reached back
and opened the door to reveal--

  "Shiro! Am I ever glad to see you!" Heh. Tables have been turned....

  "Uh, right. Say, what are you guys doing here?"

  "Shiro! Help me out here! They want to do horrible, unspeakable things
to me!!!" Meanwhile, Ukyou was threatening to whack Ryouga on the head
with her ueberspatula.

  "Sorry, Andrew. Remember? Since you're trying to resolve what exactly
my abilities are, they don't exist at the moment. Can't do anything for
you right now. _Maybe_ if you had gotten it right the first time, I
could give you a hand here." With that, he took off his shoes and headed
for the bathroom.

  I'm gonna die....

  Shampoo took the opportunity to break up the argument between Ryouga
and Ukyou. They turned to face me, each brandishing their weapons.
Vaguely, I recalled the morningstar which I kept in my closet. (A
morningstar is a medieval weapon--a spiked metal ball attached to a wooden
handle by a chain. Yes, I have one. No, I won't tell you why I have one.)
Unfortunately, from the looks of things I wasn't going to have the time
to get it. Besides, I could never, _ever_ hurt Ucchan.... Damn, this was
a bad time to have respect for anime characters to jump in.

  "We..."

  "Are going..."

  "To get..."

  "YOU!!"

  "Quack." Dammit, Mousse....

  Broken arms, crushed ribs, fractured skull, bruised kidneys...ech. I
idly wondered if I could break through the window and start running.

  *ZAP*

  "What!?"

  "Ah, good, you made it safely."

  "Here" was a white room with a table in it. A monitor stood on it. The
voice belonged to....

  "Nabiki!?" She had a...calculating look in her eyes. Oh, great.

  "Well, Huang-chan, I'd like to make a deal with you." I winced. I
could understand why Kunou got annoyed....

  "Waitwaitwait! First, explain to me what's going on?"

  "Oh, why, certainly. After Ranma got back yesterday, after sneaking
off after you without telling the rest of us, I managed to...recover the
thing that he had used to get to your dorm." She held up a small...eh, I
don't know what it was. "For a fee, I let Ukyou, Ryouga, and Shampoo
through. Mousse got lucky and managed to go as well. However, I do
believe he's been neutralized. Would that be correct?" I nodded.

  "So...what's the deal?" I swallowed.

  "Ah, Andrew, Andrew...you go to Harvard University, is that not true?"
I nodded. "One of the most expensive schools in the whole United
States." Another nod. "It's just amazing how much money flows around
there...."

  I cut her off. "Nabiki, do you have any idea how much financial aid
I'm on? If you're trying to turn a profit here, you're out of luck."

  She sighed. "Oh, pity. And I had just the...information that you could
have used to get those three off your back." She reached to press a
button on the device.

  "WAIT! WAIT! What...uh, what about that rewrite of 'Visiting Nerima'
that I was going to do? Surely, you owe me for that?"

  Nabiki shrugged. "You were going to do that anyways."

  "But if they kill me like they want to, I'll never get around to it!
Come on, do you really want to be going all syrupy over Takeshi?" Hey,
it was worth a try....

  "All syrupy over _you_, you mean. Right, otaku?" I grimaced. Damn.

  "I told you, I'm going to try to change it, okay!?"

  "Well..."

  I pulled out my wallet and extracted a twenty. "Here, take this, too.
I can get you a fifty that I have in my room, plus I do have some more
money in the bank. Okay?!"

  She waited a little longer, then nodded. "Very well, then. Tell you
what--I'll go and talk to them, then bring you back after it's all taken
care of. Then we can discuss your bank accounts."

  I gulped. Well, I guess it was the best thing I could hope for. I
agreed. She tapped a few buttons on the device, and vanished. Now, I had
to wait a little longer....

  Five minutes later, she returned. "Okay, 'Takeshi-kun'. They've
promised that they won't kill you." I breathed a sigh of relief.

  "What about any curses or anything? Jusenkyou stuff?"

  "No, they won't pull that either. I must agree, that's a rather
hackneyed idea, isn't it? But don't get too happy. I was, unfortunately,
unable to get them to not take any revenge at all."

  Uh....

  "They're going to dump you into the Charles River. Much more
imaginative, wouldn't you say? See you later!"

  *ZAP*

=============================
  A word of explanation about the Charles River: it is the river which
separates Boston from Cambridge. It is also one of the most polluted,
infected, filthy waterways on the East Coast of the United States. How
bad is it? Well, if you're on one of the sailing/crew teams for Harvard,
you are _required_ to go to University Health Services just for getting
your legs wet in it (say, for pushing a beached scull off the shore or
something). It feeds into Boston Harbor...you know, that one. George
Bush, in one of the debates against Michael Dukakis in the 1988
presidential races, made a crack that Dukakis's statement was "about as
clear as Boston Harbor". It's that bad. Really. Don't forget, this is
also wintertime here, in the Northern Hemisphere.
=============================

  I don't know if I can take it anymore.

  The doctor tells me I'll be on solid food in about a week. Not like I
could keep it down, of course.

  Hell, the soda I'm drinking comes right back up.

  Plus, right now, I'm missing classes. Bad, bad, bad.

  Worst of all, I can't get to my computer.

  I hate hospitals....

  "Mr. Huang? Here's some mail from your bank. They insisted that you
get it now."

  I paled. I had forgotten about that....

  Overdrawn? By $1000? How the Hell...I guess you shouldn't ask when
Nabiki and money is concerned.

  My parents are going to kill me.

  "I think I could have taken a Jusenkyou curse much better than all of
this."

  "Oh, do you speak this truly?"

  Kunou? And why does he have that bucket--

  *splash*

  "Well, now, _cur_, what have you to say?"

  "Arf."

  Aww, $#!+.

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  There! Are you guys happy now!?
  Vocabulary note: cur means dog. :P


>From Andrew Huang, Taiwanese-American-German-Scot Harvard Student :P
Brought to you by his computer, Oddzilla
Oddzilla says, "Ryouga and Ukyou! Ukyou and Ryouga!"
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang
Kurimoto Shiro's manager, DBTFH