On Fri, 24 Jan 1997 22:56:34 -0700 (MST), Eimii <eimii@selway.umt.edu>
wrote:

"Okay. Here it comes. Any C&C, flames, or random musings of deranged minds
will be gladly recieved." Eimii stops abrubtly and glances around the
room. "Actually, i'd appreciate it if you'd clearly label flames. There's
too much combustable material in here..."

Heh hehhehheh... FIRE! FIRE! (Well, you wanted random deranged
musings... actually there are no flames here).

                    --SHATTERED HEARTS ON THE ROAD--

                            ..CHAPTER TWO..




                                -ECHOES-

SUNDAY
JULY 7th, 1996
6:45 AM

A ragged, shadowy figure trudged down an empty, suburban street. his
echoing footfalls pierced the otherwise perfect silence of the still

I think "piercing" would work better, unless you break this into two
sentences starting with "His".

As Ryouga entered the restaurant, he handed the spatula back to Ukyou.
Accepting it, Ukyou immediately smashed Ryouga upside the head.

Heh!

and alone, Akane broached the question: As it was going to be a western
style wedding, she was going to need bride's maids. Would Ukyou be
willing to do that for her? 

Ukyou as a bridesmaid? No way! She should be best man! :-)

High above Tokyo, MHI multi-purpose satellite XLB-117c watched and
waited. It was equipped with the most advanced defense system that money
could buy. Armed with laser cannons, scores of missiles, photo-reflective
armor plating, and a powerful electromagnetic p-beam deflector, it could
defend itself from nearly any menace that it might confront. It was blasted
to vapor in less than a second, it's particles scattering like autumn leaves on
the solar wind. 

YAY!!!!!!! Serves 'em right!!! (This'll teach ya to ask for random
deranged  musings...)

had gotten deeper, but he that had gotten shorter. Much shorter.
Kunou had, in fact, been transformed into a small white mouse.

Geez, I wonder who did this! Surely Ranma wouldn't wish a Jusenkyou
curse on anyone, not even Kunou, not even to keep him away from his
wedding. Maybe this is just the single-use instant stuff?

Nevertheless, both of them were currently entrapped in the form
of small white mice, which effectively nullified any hope they

How had they managed to communicate, then?

All of this compounded had put both the Kunou siblings in a
rather inhospitable state of mind. It had been a week since Kunou
had sent Sasuke out to locate his beloved's, and still the man

beloveds (no apostrophe).

"In that base and filthy company, composed of all the cowards ever to
infest and to besmirch our nation, no, our PLANET wide and fair, surely
you, Saotome Ranma, rank lowest, even among those!  Call forth what
sorcery you will, cast fire and brimstone, summon the very Demons to do
thy bidding, Yet shall I find thee, and then shall I smite thee truly and finally

>from face of all the earth. Long though you have fled and hid from me, yet
from the face

Eventually, Kunou noticed his servant kneeling at his feet. After further
deliberation, Kunou decided that there was probably some reason for 
Sasuke being here, rather than undertaking the most important task on 
locating his beloved's.

beloveds.

"Base, clumsy serving man, Dare you interrupt Blue Thunder in the full
vigor of his warrior like pursuit of honor!?!  Say to me again that thee

warrior-like

"WHAT?!  Thou claim success?  What bliss, What music to mine ears,
noble Sasuke, how welcome and how manlike does thy stature seem.  Tell
me, how fare's my beauteous, my courageous, Tendo Akane, raven-haired

fares

compilationof all virtue.  And what of the Pig-tailed Goddess, do her

compilation of

Ryouga paused for a second. There was something decidedly... disturbing...
emanating from somewhere a bit behind them. It was much like what he
was feeling from Kunou, but somehow... twisted; warped into a sickening
parody of itself. It made Ryouga's stomach turn sour, so he quickened his

If this is Kodachi he's sensing, then you may want to move the
previous paragraph and a half to later, so that the readers can wonder
who it is that's behind Ryouga.

Ryouga complied and began to elbow his way into line. A few of the people 

behind Kunou began to protest, but after feeling the cold glare from

Extra space here.

"Where the hell did those come from?" Ryouga muttered to himself.
"Ukyou, couldyou give me that cloth again?"

could you

Mr. Yotsuya shook his head and leaned back in his seat. Now, the samurai
wanabee he knew as Kunou Tatewaki. A man of great prowess, and a
greater ego.   Kunou Tatewaki was also renowned as the biggest fool in
Nermia, if not all of Tokyo.  "Ahh, but who is truly the fool? One who
commits foolhardy actions, or those who would follow him?" Yotsuya
mused to himself as he returned his attention to his newspaper. "What we
have here is a veritable parade of fools..."

Is he in this? COOL! Or is this just a cameo?

"All right, the file said that it was just above a standard, unrestricted class
two spirit blast. I'm stronger than most class two's, so if that's all they've got

Again wit' da apostrophe! It's "twos".

Urd stood slowly and clenched her fist, causing the ball of lightning to blink
out of existence in a crackling hail of sparks. "Damn. Now I have to worry
about her as well. This whole business is getting more interesting by the
minute..."

So is this story!

"Please, _please_, _PLEASE_ tell me what you think of this!" Eimii tries
to get on her hands and knees, but the pile of clothing has other ideas.
It begins churning about, slowly sucking Eimii under.

What've you got, the Bermuda Triangle? Bermuda shorts, maybe? What do
I think? I think it's excellent! A gripping story, and very well
written. Write more, write more!

One question, though. If Ryouga is mistakenly filling in for the God
of Unrequited love, where is the REAL God? Maybe he'll show up and
fall for the Pig-tailed girl?

"Now, if you'll er... excuse me, i have to go panic now."

After a few minutes, Eimii's screams are completely muffled out by the
further encroaching clutter. 

The moral? Um...remember to clean your dorm room _before_ you go on
vacation...

No way! It'll be dirty again by the time you get back! :-)

Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics