Subject: [ranma][xover][fanfic] NARRABUNDAH 1/2 - Volume I, chapter 8
From: Ratbat
Date: 1/26/1997, 2:42 AM
To: Fanfix


Part 1.2
Subject: [ranma][xover][fanfic] NARRABUNDAH 1/2 - Volume I, chapter 8
From: Ratbat <u962986@student.canberra.edu.au>
Date: 1/20/1997, 2:32 AM
Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime.creative

                         NARRABUNDAH 1/2
                               
                         by Urac Sigma
                               
                               
                    Volume I, chapter eight
                               
                    Ne! Hentai-Sensei desu!
                               
                               
                      CAST OF CHARACTERS
                               
                          TENDO SUZY
                       SIGMATOME RATBAT
                          TENDO NIKI
                          TENDO BOBBI
                         SIGMATOME LEN
                          TENDO FIONA
                         Dojo denizens
                               
                         KUNOU JARRAH
                       HODJSUKE TIMOTHY
                         Higher class
                               
                         GOSUNKUGI SAM
                          SAYURI KIM
                          School life
                               
                        HINOMIYA RUTHIE
                       HAPPOUSAI GRAHAM
                  Teachers to various degrees
                               
                          PROSTITUTE
                               
                               A
                         FAT BALD GUY
                               
                            and the
                           LOST BOY




             TITLE SEQUENCE.

             [With  the  other version of Jajauma  ni  Sasenai
             de, and an art card matching the voice-over.]

SUZY [VO]:   Ne! Hentai-Sensei desu!



             1. HILL BY NERIBANDA.

             [A   hill,  overlooking  most  of  the  Neribanda
             district.]

             [CAPTION:  Neribanda, Japan - Friday 1  September
             1995 ]

             [The  camera moves, and we see that  there  is  a
             figure  on the hill. The same little man that  we
             saw  the lost boy let out of the cave last  week.
             He  looks  down over the district,  then  briefly
             consults a sheet of paper. He nods.]

HIM:         Ha  -  I was right! That fledging little dojo  is
             there...good.  Well, get ready, students  -  I'll
             make  you  remember the day you shut your  mentor
             into a cave. Oh, yes! I surely will!

             [He  laughs a bit, then suddenly has a bra in his
             hand.  He covers his face with it and lets out  a
             contented sigh.]



             2. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE R & S CLASSROOM.

             [Two  students  are  getting far  too  physically
             violent  towards each other for their  own  good.
             Ratbat,  Suzy  and  Niki  stand  partway  up  the
             corridor,  looking  on. After a  moment,  Ruthie-
             sensei  [child]  emerges from the  classroom  and
             sees the other students.]

RUTHIE:      Hey!! Stop that!

             [They barely notice.]

RUTHIE:      Oi! I'm the teacher here - when I tell you to  do
             something, you do it!!

             [They continue.]

RUTHIE:      OK! You asked for it!

             [She  pulls  the coin from her pocket  and  draws
             the circle in the air.]

RUTHIE:      Happo go-en satsu!

             [Suzy winces.]

SUZY:        Nerf. Man, I hate this part...

             [Ratbat  covers her eyes against the light,  then
             it  fades  and  we're looking at Ruth,  the  sexy
             adult,  standing over the students,  now  drained
             of energy.]

RUTH:        Really, children...one of these days you'll  just
             have to learn to follow instructions...

RATBAT:      I still wanna know 'ow she does that.

NIKI:        Somehow, Batti-chan, I don't think you'll  really
             be able to find out.

RATBAT:      Och, [indistinct grumbling].

SUZY:        Oh,  come on, you only want to be able to  do  it
             so she can't do it to you.

             [She opens Those Eyes at Niki.]

SUZY:        A bit like you are sometimes...

NIKI:        Ooh!

             [Suzy playfully sweeps her off her feet, and  all
             three  disappear around the corner.  Sayuri,  who
             watched the whole exchange, approaches Ruth.]

SAYURI:      How do you do that, sensei?

             [So much for it being hard to find out.]

RUTH:        It  was  a  course of lessons I had  when  I  was
             younger...



             3. OUTSIDE DOJO.

             [Usual establishing shot.]

RUTH [VO]:   ...from the Rejinra class of martial arts...



             4. LIVING ROOM.

             [Len  and  Bobbi  doing the  usual,  ie  drinking
             scotch  and  playing  shogi.  Bobbi  points  over
             Len's shoulder.]

BOBBI:       Look!

             [Len looks. While he does, Bobbi moves a piece.]

LEN:         Eh? There's nothing there.

BOBBI:       Nani?  Oh, so sorry - my mistake. It's  your  go,
             isn't it?

LEN:         Ee.

             [He  makes  his  move. Then, as  Bobbi  considers
             hers, he points over he shoulder.]

LEN:         Nan da yo?!

             [While  she  turns, he moves  a  whole  bunch  of
             pieces.]

BOBBI:       There's nothing.

LEN:         Are you sure? Sorry, I must be getting old.

             [Bobbi makes her move, then points behind Len.]

BOBBI:       Masaka!

LEN:         Aah!

             [He  turns. While he does, Bobbi moves the  board
             away  entirely  and  puts  a  chessboard  in  its
             place. Len looks back at it, but doesn't seem  to
             notice,  making a move nonetheless. Fiona  enters
             with some tea, just as the kids return home.]

RATBAT:      Konnichiwa!

             [Niki is carrying a book, which she glances at.]

NIKI:        Are we all... [in English] happy?

             [The  parents  suddenly look rather  alarmed  and
             embrace each other in terror.]

LEN & BOBBI: Aaaaaaaaaahh!!!

LEN:         What makes you say that?!

BOBBI:       What  have you heard? Go wash your mouth out with
             WD40!

SUZY & RATBAT:    Huh?

NIKI:        What'd    I   say?   'Happy'...it's   eigo    for
             'tanoshii'.

             [The parents relax.]

SUZY [Suspicious]:Why...what's the significance of 'happi'?

             [They look at each other.]

LEN:         You tell them.

BOBBI:       Uh-uh. You tell them.

LEN:         Anta!

BOBBI:       Anta!

LEN:         All right then, I bloody will!

BOBBI:       The hell you will, Panda-boy!

LEN:         OK, you go on!

BOBBI:       No way!

             [Suzy  stamps  her  foot,  making  quite  a  loud
             noise,  and  a  few cracks in the floor.  She  is
             doing  those Creepy Evil Tendo EyesTM , as  often
             appear in Ranma �.]

SUZY [Dark]: Both of you tell them.

             [They   look  at  each  other  again,  and  Bobbi
             finally takes up the tale.]

BOBBI:       Suzy  and Ratbat would only have been about three
             when  it  happened...it was  for  few  months  or
             so...

             [Len nods.]

LEN:         It was the final stage...

             [Flashback to:]



             5. DOJO IN HAKODATE.

             [CAPTION:  Hakodate, Japan - Friday 4  June  1982
             ]

             [A  normal-looking training hall. There  are  two
             of  those  posts that martial artists bash  here,
             each  being  bashed  by a martial  artist.  These
             martial artists are Len [almost exactly the  same
             as  1995, but with that little bit of black still
             in  his hair], and Bobbi [pretty much the same as
             when we saw her in 1983 two episodes ago].]

LEN [VO]:    ...of  our  training to full martial  artists  of
             the Rejinra school.

             [We  see  that  also in the room  is  the  little
             pervert,  also exactly the same. Zoom  slowly  in
             on him.]

BOBBI [VO]:  Our  sensei  was  an  old  master  who  had  been
             teaching  since  before either of  us  were  even
             born.  In fact, he himself had been the  lord  of
             the  class  for  quite some time,  and  had  even
             given it its current name.

             [The  little  man  sips from a pint  of  Guinness
             while he watches them.]

BOBBI [VO]:  He was called...Happousai Graham.

LEN [VO]:    Aye, but his nickname was 'Happi'.

NIKI [VO]:   Oh...sooka.

             [The  flashback Graham claps his hands, and guide
             his  students to stand before him, from where  he
             demonstrates  some  moves, which  Bobbi  and  Len
             duplicate.]

LEN [VO]:    Even  though he didn't look it, he was  a  bloody
             powerful fighter, we knew that much. Some  people
             even  thought he might have been possessed  by  a
             demon  or something. At first he trained us well,
             giving  to  us  some of techniques that  only  he
             knew.

             [Mix to:]



             6. HILLSIDE NEAR VILLAGE.

             [What it says.]

LEN [VO]:    But,  when  we started trekking across Japan  for
             what  he  called a training expedition,  we  knew
             that  he  was  only  really in  it  for  his  own
             pleasure.

             [It's  still  1982: Bobbi, Len and Graham  coming
             running up from the village, pursued by an  angry
             mob.]

BOBBI [VO]:  We  were  always  been  chased  out  of  villages
             because of some crime he'd committed.



             7. CITY STREET.

             [Graham  is struggling to hide a stash of  stolen
             underwear behind his back while he points to  Len
             and Bobbi.]

BOBBI [VO]:  Sometimes he'd even blame us for what he'd done!

             [A  bunch of angry people look from Graham to Len
             and Bobbi, and then set on the latter.]

BOBBI [VO]:  In short, he was...



             8. WINE BAR.

             [Graham  has  leapt up to glomp a waitress,  much
             to  Bobbi and Len's disgust. To glomp: to leap up
             and  grab  someone's  chest and  cling  on,  with
             one's  mouth around one of the target's  breasts,
             or trying to be.]

BOBBI [VO]:  ...a pervert...



             9. OUTSIDE RESTAURANT.

             [Len  and Bobbi taking the flak while Graham runs
             off with a heap of stolen food.]

BOBBI [VO]:  ...a thief...



             10. CITY STREET (2).

             [Graham  before a police, pointing and  evidently
             falsely accusing Bobbi and Len again.]

BOBBI [VO]:  ...a liar...



             11. WILDERNESS.

             [A  jungle,  a wilderness. A tree has  fallen  on
             Len  and  Bobbi and they are pinned  beneath  it.
             Graham stands by laughing.]

BOBBI [VO]:  ...and above all, a cruel master!

             [The    two    beneath    the    tree    exchange
             conspiratorial looks.]

LEN [VO]:    So,  we decided, grand master or no grand master,
             we couldn't take any more.

             [Mix to:]



             12. STREET CORNER.

             [We   can   see   the  window   of   a   drinking
             establishment, through which Len and  Graham  can
             be seen drinking. Especially the latter.]

             [CAPTION:  Graviton  City, Japan  -  Wednesday  1
             September 1982 ]

             [Move  slightly round the corner, and we can  see
             a   prostitute   standing  there,   waiting   for
             business. Bobbi approaches, offers her an  amount
             of   money,   points  inside,   and   they   talk
             business.]

LEN [VO]:    One  night, while I was making sure he  ended  up
             decently yopparatta...

SUZY [VO]:   ...which, no doubt, you ended up yourself...

LEN [VO]:    Bullshit.  Well...anyway, it was in the  line  of
             duty.

SUZY [VO]:   Of course...nerf.

LEN [VO]:    ...anyway, while I was doing that, Bobbi  set  to
             work.

             [On Bobbi and the prostitute, mix to:]



             13. ROAD AROUND HILL.

             [There  are  slightly  fewer  buildings  in  this
             place  thirteen  years ago.  The  cave  mouth  is
             open,  and the rock to one side. Len staggers  up
             the  road with Graham. While this goes on,  Bobbi
             says   a  final  thing  to  the  prostitute   and
             disappears  from  sight. By the time  Graham  and
             Len  get  there, the prostitute is clad  only  in
             some  very  skimpy lingerie. The  drunken  Graham
             sees this and freezes.]

PROSTITUTE:  Why, hello there...

             [Graham gets really huge cute eyes.]

GRAHAM:      Pretty lady...

PROSTITUTE:  You  know...you look like just the sort of man  I
             could get to know better...

GRAHAM:      Banzai...!

             [He  leaps forward, mouth open, ready to  go  the
             full  glomp.  At  the last second,  however,  the
             prostitute  steps  away and he goes  flying  into
             the cave.]



             14. INSIDE CAVE.

             [There  are  other tunnels leading off  from  the
             cave,  but Graham just goes flying into the  back
             wall and knocks his head.]

GRAHAM:      ...onna...

             [Out cold.]



             15. ROAD AROUND HILL.

             [Len  and  Bobbi  slowly shove the  boulder  back
             into   place  over  the  cave  mouth,  then  lean
             against it panting.]

GRAHAM [VO]: They  haven't heard from me since, and they don't
             want to, either.

             [End flashback.]



             16. LIVING ROOM.

             [Back to 1995. Len and Bobbi [CU] both nod.]

BOBBI & LEN: Mochiron.

             [They  realise,  and look up to  see  the  figure
             framed  by the open wall. The children all follow
             their gaze. You guessed it - Happousai Graham  is
             back!]

GRAHAM:      How are you, Tendo...Sigmatome? You well?

             [Everyone  just  sits  there  dumbstruck  for   a
             moment.  Then  Len and Bobbi suddenly  cringe  to
             the ground and start crying.]

LEN & BOBBI: Yurushi, sensei!!!

GRAHAM:      Forgiveness?

BOBBI:       We didn't mean to do it!

LEN:         We didn't even know we were doing it!

BOBBI:       It was all a joke!

LEN:         Joke?  Nani?  Hai,  that's  it  -  just  one  big
             itazura!

             [They  both giggle, then laugh enormously. Graham
             rolls his eyes.]

GRAHAM:      Urusai.

             [They   both  instantly  stop  and  fall  silent.
             Suddenly,  Graham pounces across  the  table  and
             clings  to the front of Bobbi's dress.  He  tries
             to  glomp,  but it looks more like  a  woodpecker
             pecking:   Bobbi,   ye  see,   isn't   quite   so
             exorbitant  in  that area as,  say,  her  younger
             daughters or her future son-in-law.]

GRAHAM:      Gah!  Still  nothing there! Can't you  have  more
             babies or something?

             [Bobbi bows really low.]

BOBBI:       Shitsureshimashita, sensei...

             [Graham  gets  down,  then  turns  and  sees  the
             children.]

GRAHAM:      On  the other te...these ones might not be so bad
             after all!

             [He  leaps  again, trying to stick his head  down
             Niki's  cleavage. She screams and pulls him  off.
             He  goes  from there to Suzy, but as soon  as  he
             gets  close, she snaps at him and he  shies  off.
             Launching at Fiona, he is deflected by  the  tray
             instantly in her hands.]

FIONA:       Would you like some tea?

             [He  finally  decides to get comfortable  between
             Ratbat's two sets.]

GRAHAM:      Aaaa...oyasuminasai!

             [Ratbat growls and swats him to the floor.]

RATBAT:      Dette ike, hentai!

NIKI:        That's  right...nobody's allowed to touch  Suzy's
             mune except me...!

SUZY [Sexy]: ...and  that's because you know exactly  how  t--
             uh?

             [They  look down, and see that Bobbi and Len  are
             fawning all over the old master.]

BOBBI:       Oh,   please,  sensei...don't  judge  us  on  our
             children.

LEN:         That's  right...they're proper little shits,  all
             of 'em. In fact...

             [He   waves   his  hand  to  include   all   four
             children.]

BOBBI:       Hai!  Take  whichever one you want! Take  all  of
             them, in fact? Just don't hur--

             [At  this  point, both she and Len suddenly  find
             that  they have mallets pounding on their  heads,
             wielded by Ratbat, Suzy and Niki.]

NIKI, SUZY, RATBAT:    Baaaaka!

             [They  go to the floor. Graham, meanwhile,  leaps
             up onto Fiona's tea-tray.]

GRAHAM:      Aa! Ocha! Arigato, my sweet!

             [He  picks up a cup of tea, then starts  to  move
             towards  Fiona's chest. Just for  a  moment,  she
             catches  his  eye.  Just  for  the  briefest   of
             seconds,  she fixes him with a glare  that  could
             shatter  mountains. For the blink of an  eye,  he
             is held in abject terror of this woman.]

             [Then she returns to normal.]

FIONA:       Do itashimashite!

             [It  was  enough.  Graham coughs  slightly,  then
             turns to face the pair on the floor.]

GRAHAM:      Is  that  what you two think? That I've come  for
             revenge? That just because it was thirteen  years
             ago  to the day that you both locked me in a cave
             with  no hope of escape that I might want to take
             some  kind of horrible vengeance on you?  Hontoo,
             do you really think I'd be so vindictive?

             [Bobbi  and  Len nod, then quickly revise  it  to
             shaking their heads.]

GRAHAM:      Ha!  Well,  I am! In fact, when I was on  my  way
             here, that was my first thought - revenge!

             [They  cower  and try to hide under  each  other.
             Len  scrambles to the table and pours a glass  of
             water  on  himself, changing in the  process.  He
             then  holds  up a sign saying, 'Not  me,  surely?
             I'm just a panda.' Graham narrows his eyes.]

GRAHAM:      So,  Len...you paid a little visit to the  cursed
             pools at Jusenkyou, did you?

             [Len  spins  the sign, revealing that  the  other
             side bears the words 'Len? Who's Len? I think  he
             died.' He chomps bamboo to make his point,  while
             Bobbi glares at him.]

GRAHAM:      Ja,  you  needn't worry anyway.  By  the  time  I
             arrived,  I  decided to let bygones  be  bygones.
             Let's bury the hatchet.

BOBBI [simultaneous]:  Nani?
LEN [sim]:   Growr?

             [Len  spits  out  the bamboo,  causing  Fiona  to
             frown at him.]

GRAHAM:      I'm  not getting any younger, my seito...in fact,
             [lying] I'll be twenty-one next birthday.  So,  I
             reckon I'll go into semi-retirement.

             [Bobbi raises her hand.]

BOBBI:       'Semi'-retirement?

GRAHAM:      That's   right,  Bobbi...until  I  can   find   a
             suitable  heir to take over my position  as  lord
             and  master of the Rejinra-class martial arts.  I
             thought  to myself, what better place to do  this
             than  one  of  the few dojos in the country  that
             still  teaches in the Rejinra style? And  then  I
             remembered  the dojo that you had been  planning,
             Tendo-san...  Surely you won't  mind  me  hanging
             around  here  now  and again?  Just  to  see  the
             fighting styles, you understand.

             [The  way his eyes scope some of others  at  this
             point  indicates that the terms 'fighting styles'
             and  'young girls' are obviously interchangeable.
             Len   looks   at   Bobbi  and   nods   his   head
             vigorously.]

BOBBI:       Ha-hai...of  course,  sensei.  Ima...  if  you'll
             excuse me, I must have word with the children.

             [She  guides  Niki, Ratbat and Suzy  out  of  the
             room. There is a pause, then:]

BOBBI [OOV, off]:  Listen,  you three, when  one  of  my  very
             powerful  teachers wants to stick his mouth  over
             your tits, you let them!

             [There is a thump, and Bobbi flies back into  the
             room.]

RATBAT [OOV, off]:Jodan janai ne.

GRAHAM:      Hmm...she's a live one. I might have to  keep  an
             eye on her...



             17. KITCHEN, KUNOU MANOR.

             [Jarrah  is  here,  doing a  series  of  graceful
             moves  with  his rubber sword. He then  turns  to
             face  something. There is a number of  foodstuffs
             on  the  bench before him, including: a  loaf  of
             bread,  a  pat  of  butter, some  salami,  a  few
             vegetables...that sort of thing.]

JARRAH [VO]: Now - I would strike.

             [He  lets out a mighty yell, and sweeps along the
             bench  with  his weapon, sending the food  flying
             into  the  air.  We  then  see  him  cutting  and
             swiping  all  over the place amongst  the  flying
             food.  A final tap to the bench flips a plate  to
             his  hand,  and he uses it to catch the assembled
             ingredients  of  a sandwich. At this  point,  Tim
             and Gosunkugi enter.]

TIM:         Kunou-sama...

             [Jarrah  turns  to face them, his  sandwich  held
             proudly.]

JARRAH:      Hai!

             [At  this  point,  all of the  food  that  didn't
             become  part of the sandwich showers down on  top
             of him.]

JARRAH:      Accursed food.

TIM:         Kunou-sama...allow me to present Gosunkugi Sam.

             [Gosunkugi bows.]

TIM:         Gosunkugi-san has been known to practice  in  the
             mystic arts, sir, so--

JARRAH:      Of  course,  Timothy. If he does indeed  know  of
             those  matters  beyond the  natural  world,  then
             perhaps  he might be able to conceive of a  white
             magic  that  can counteract the black  which  has
             been  cast  by  that demonspawn Ratbat.  Perhaps,
             under  my  own guidance of course, the red-haired
             girl   will  finally  be  freed  of  the  demonic
             hypnosis  that calls her to respond to  the  name
             and  sound  of  Sigmatome. Then,  naturally,  she
             will  be  grateful to me and leap into my waiting
             arms...as  will  Tendo  Suzy,  overwhelmed   with
             gratitude that I have freed her friend from  that
             evil  lock.  Hai...hai, fair  beauties...I  shall
             save  you.  Gosunkugi-kun, what art thou  capable
             of?

             [Cut back to Gosunkugi, who is busy trying to re-
             light  the  candle on top of his  head.  Tim  has
             started doodling on the table. Both realise,  and
             return their attention to Jarrah. Gosunkugi  gets
             out a voodoo doll.]

GOSUNKUGI:   Well,  uh,  sempai...I've  been  trying  a  whole
             bunch  of different types of spells for  quite  a
             while now.

             [He  fiddles with a nail in the doll's  arm,  and
             Tim   scratches  the  appropriate   position   on
             himself.]

GOSUNKUGI:   This voodoo doll for example...

             [He  taps  its head and Tim flinches a couple  of
             times.]

JARRAH:      It  is  with this...toy that you plan to  unravel
             the doings of Sigmatome Ratbat?

GOSUNKUGI:   What? Oh, no - this is just a sample of the  kind
             of things I do.

             [He  fiddles  by waving the doll back  and  forth
             between his hands, and Tim becomes unsteady.]

GOSUNKUGI:   I  mightn't be able to match up to the full power
             that Tim says you say Ratbat has, but I might  be
             able to free that girl.

             [He  discards the doll head-first onto the table,
             and  Tim  is  knocked unconscious. Sam  looks  at
             him.]

GOSUNKUGI:   Funny...the doll isn't actually of him.

             [He shakes his head.]

JARRAH:      Ano,  Gosunkugi  -  are you able  to  give  me  a
             demonstration of your craft?

             [He looks caught out.]

GOSUNKUGI:   Nani? Uhh...not now, Kunou-sempai. But I will  be
             able to make an attempt to free the girl...

             [Dissolve to:]


             18. COMMON ROOM.

GOSUNKUGI [VO]:   Next Monday, at school...

             [Ratbat-chan  is here, writing in a notebook.  It
             is   otherwise  empty.  We  become   aware   that
             Gosunkugi  moves near her. She briefly looks  up,
             but  doesn't  seem to register  that  an  [unlit]
             candle or two has appeared nearby. She goes  back
             to  writing.  She  doesn't  notice  at  all  when
             Gosunkugi does it again, making a small  ring  of
             candles around her on the floor. He then sets  to
             work  pouring  something on the  floor  near  the
             candles  and  splashing it all  over  the  place.
             Ratbat  sniffs slightly, looks around, but  still
             doesn't notice Gosunkugi. She looks around as  he
             is  drawing a chalk ring, but her head  movements
             are  such that he is always out of her view.  She
             returns  to  the book once more.  He  retires  to
             stand next to Jarrah nearby.]

JARRAH:      And  you  say  that this spell will  unleash  her
             from   the   evil  hypnotic  grasp  of  Sigmatome
             Ratbat?

GOSUNKUGI:   Hai.

JARRAH:      Then,  by  the  name of all the Kunou  ancestors,
             let us begin!

             [Gosunkugi lights a taper with his head-candle.]

GOSUNKUGI:   Now...all that I need to do is light the  candles
             with this as I utter the incantation...

             [Over  at  the  door, Niki and  Suzy  poke  their
             heads in.]

NIKI:        Ne,  Batti-chan! We're going for some  food.  You
             wanna come?

RATBAT:      Hai!

             [She  grabs  her  things,  steps  over  all   the
             'magic'    stuff,    and   goes    after    them.
             Unfortunately, Kunou and Gosunkugi  are  far  too
             absorbed  in their doings to notice this.  Ratbat
             and  the  Tendos  are  out the  door,  when  Sam,
             muttering something mystical-sounding to  himself
             under his breath, lights the first candle...]

             [...and there is a huge explosion.]



             19. FRONT DOOR.

             [An  ordinary-looking door on an ordinary-looking
             house in an ordinary-looking city.]

             [CAPTION: Interlude
                              Springfield,  USA  -  Monday   4
             September 1995 ]

             [Guess  who's  here?  A clue:  He's  got  a  grey
             fedora  with  a yellow-and-black bandanna  for  a
             hatband,  GPs and a backpack. Yes, it's the  Lost
             Boy!  He walks up to the door and knocks  on  it.
             It  soon opens to a balding man with yellow  skin
             tone and a beer gut.]

MAN:         Y'ello?

LOST BOY:    Sumimasen.   Sigmatome   Ratbat   wa   koko    ni
             sundeiruka?

             [There  is  a pause as the man stands  there  and
             blinks for a bit. We CU on his head.]

MAN [VO]:    Heyy...what's going on? This guy talks funny.  Is
             he Japanese or something?

             [His mouth becomes more focal.]

MAN:         Mmmm...sushi...

             [He  gets  lost with the notion, his  mouth  open
             drooling.  The  wanderer realises he  is  getting
             nowhere.]

LOST BOY:    Aaa...suman.

             [And he goes.]



             20. AREA BEHIND COMMON ROOM.

             [The common room itself is now a smoking mass  of
             debris.  We see fire-fighters putting out  a  few
             final  fires. Nearby we see, blackened and  soot-
             stained, Jarrah and Gosunkugi.]

JARRAH:      Doth  Ratbat's power extend even this  far?  That
             he  would  rather  a whole section  of  our  fair
             college  was  destroyed  rather  than  release  a
             single woman from his foul slavery?

GOSUNKUGI:   Of  course, it could be because I kinda used  the
             wrong ko...

JARRAH:      Wrong incense?

GOSUNKUGI:   Eeto...   the   spell   called   for    oil    of
             rosewood...but I made do with...kerosene.

             [Jarrah thinks this over.]

JARRAH:      Iie.  That must be that blackguard's sabotage  to
             my  noble  cause.  Do not lose heart,  Gosunkugi.
             With  your  help, I shall release the  evil  hold
             Sigmatome has over women.

             [Cut  to  the  exit to main college, where  Niki,
             Suzy and Ratbat-kun are standing watching.]

RATBAT:      Gordon  Bennett - ye canna leave this  place  for
             ten minutes...

             [He shakes his head.]

RATBAT:      Where were we?

SUZY:        Wondering about Happi Gra-Gra.

NIKI:        I  don't  know  what Haha and  your  dad  are  so
             worried about. He seems harmless enough.

RATBAT:      Aye,  except  in  the  bum-pinching  and  breast-
             biting areas...

SUZY:        Well,  think  about it, guys...he's  not  exactly
             going to advertise his powers.

RATBAT:      I  dunno  why, if 'e's as great as 'e's made  out
             to be.

SUZY:        He's   a  martial  arts  master.  They  like   to
             have...what's the word? Humility.  When  you  get
             to  be  that  good,  you  learn  to  keep  a  low
             profile.

GRAHAM [OOV]:HIDE ME!!!!

             [They  look about, and finally see that  the  cry
             came  from  the direction of the gym.  A  lot  of
             angry  female  voices cry out, and  Graham  flees
             the  building, toting a large bag behind him.  He
             hurries up to stand behind Suzy.]

NIKI:        Hide  you? Aren't you supposed to be the greatest
             warrior of your kind?

             [He ignores her.]

GRAHAM:      They  won't leave me alone! I'm only gonna borrow
             it for a while!

RATBAT:      Ne? Borrow what?

GRAHAM:      None of your business!

             [Graham grabs for the bag, but Suzy picks  it  up
             and looks in it.]

SUZY:        Nani?

             [She  pulls  out  a pair of underpants  from  the
             bag.]

SUZY:        Underwear! The whole thing's full of shitagi!

GRAHAM:      It's for my research...!

SUZY:        EECHI!

             [She  tries to kick him, but he has jumped  aside
             as he has seen something.]

GRAHAM:      Hey, pretty lady...!

             [They  turn to see that he has spotted the  adult
             Ruth-sensei  coming  out  of  the  building.   He
             adopts  a  lecherous expression,  which  is  soon
             replaced by another, more thoughtful, one.]

GRAHAM:      Chotto mate... do I...?

             [He  trails  off as the effects of Ruth's  latest
             fix fade, and she returns to her child shape.]

GRAHAM:      You...! I do know you!

             [Ruthie turns to see him.]

RUTHIE:      Wheee...uh-oh.

GRAHAM:      You...you traitor!

SUZY:        Didn't you say you'd given up on revenge?

GRAHAM:      Ah,  shut up. That was for you guys' parents. Not
             her!

             [He  whirls  and points at her. He  seems  to  be
             emitting  a  low, guttural growl. The  kids  step
             back.  We  see  that as he growls,  his  hitherto
             unnoticed  muscles ripple. His aura glows  bright
             black.  Eyes burn with fury, and his  whole  body
             tenses  for  battle. He flicks his hair  free  of
             its  ponytail. This guy has just poured  all  his
             energies  in for the strike. He lets out  a  howl
             and  lunges for Ruthie. Ruthie grabs for her coin
             and  starts  to  draw the ring. She  looks  quite
             panicked.]

RUTHIE:      Aa...aa...Happo go-en sa--

             [Too little too late. He jumps right through  the
             imaginary   circle  and  straight  into   Ruthie,
             knocking  her  to  the ground.  Quite  a  vicious
             blow,  too. He lands next to her, and  looks  all
             ready  to  continue when he hears something  from
             the gym.]

FEMALE VOICE:Hey! He's out here!

ANOTHER FEMALE VOICE:  Deviant! Let's get him!

             [A  rush of angry girls bearing sporting gear and
             looking  ready to hit a dirty old  man  with  it,
             pour  out of the gym. Graham looks from  them  to
             Ruthie to them again.]

GRAHAM:      Chikusho!

             [He  regains  his normal stance and posture,  and
             bounces over to grab his bag.]

GRAHAM:      I  can't  do it with them all over me! [To  Ruth]
             You'll  keep, my girl. Just remember...[right  in
             her ear]...I'll be back! [Pause] Again!

             [He   bounds  away  laughing,  the  angry   girls
             chasing him. All is quiet for a moment.]

SUZY:        Now, what d'you suppose all that was about?

NIKI:        Stealing underwear?

SUZY:        The other bit.

NIKI:        Oh, that.

             [Ruthie-sensei groans, prompting them to go  over
             to her.]

RUTHIE [Weak]:    Se..sen-se...i?

             [They  exchange  glances, then help  her  into  a
             sitting position.]

NIKI:        Easy now, sensei....

RATBAT:      He took ye pretty hard.

SUZY:        Dooshite, sensei...kurushinoka?

RUTHIE:      Aaa...not   my...best  day,  Tendo-san...arigato.
             Was that really...Happousai Graham...?

NIKI & RATBAT:    Hai.

SUZY:        You know him?

RUTHIE:      He taught me...a long time ago...

             [They   help   her  to  her  feet,   the   Tendos
             supporting her.]

RATBAT:      The absorbing thing?

             [She doesn't seem to hear him.]

RUTHIE:      ...and  he's  tracked me down at  last...at  long
             last...  He's  a very mean man -  this  is  gonna
             mean...trouble.



             END CREDITS.

             [With Platonic Tsuranuite.]

                          Tendo Suzy
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                       Sigmatome Ratbat
                          URAC SIGMA
                               
                          Tendo Niki
                         NIKI O'BRIEN
                               
                          Tendo Bobbi
                         ROBYN SCHOLES
                               
                       Happousai Graham
                        GRAHAM HENSTOCK
                               
                         Ruthie-sensei
                          RUTH CRABB
                               
                         Gosunkugi Sam
                           SAM SMITH
                               
                         Hodjsuke Tim
                           TIM HODGE
                               
                           Lost Boy
                          EUAN BOWEN
                               
                             Homer
                       DAN CASTELLANETA
                               
                               
                          written by
                          URAC SIGMA
                               
                      additional material
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                   creation and development
                          URAC SIGMA
                          EUAN BOWEN
                         LEILA FETTER
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                       with apologies to
                       TAKAHASHI RUMIKO
                               
                  � Recycadelic Cacti MCMXCVI