this part I still don't quite feel right about, but I don't know what to
do to fix it. if anybody has any reccomendations, lemme know.
-rpm
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The nights in Nerima are sometimes surprisingly peaceful. There may be
nights when the gigantic monsters don't roam the streets wrecking houses.
There are times when Mishima Heavy Industries DOESN'T send out a
ridiculously big mechanized assault vehicle through the neighborhood after
some girl with bionic abilities. There are times when the place almost
seems normal.
The last several weeks were like that. It was no surprise, considering
the more violent population of Nerima was stuck in the hospital at that
time.
Tonight could have been a night like that.
It wasn't.
As if part of a wave effect, bedroom light after bedroom light opened
up in houses next to each other, in apartments, in hotels. Each flick of
the light was accompanied by a scream of horror.
Hidden safely in the shadows of a roof, a figure giggled malevonently.
His eyes glowed a bloody shade of red. His hands trembled in anticipation
as he stroked the fine silk string in his hands.
"They thought they could stop me? Me? No man has stopped me! Ever!"
*WHAP* "PERVERT!" Ukyo grinned evily, putting her assault-spatula away.
"Teach _him_ not to mess with my laundry..." she grumbled.
Happosai sailed on, across the skies. "Well, no man, but maybe some
women once or twice..."
* * *
========================
The Pursuit of Happiness
Act 1
Part 2
Nerima By Night
========================
Happosai hopped from rooftop to rooftop, carrying his ever-growing bag
of female undergarments with him.
The wind was in his face.
The rush of adrenaline as he makes the perfect theft.
The silky smoooooth panties, powering up his fighting spirit.
This was what living was all about.
This, and sex. But he hadn't gotten much of that for several decades,
so the panties would have to do for now.
And speaking of which, it was time to enjoy the night's bounty...
He held a panty up to his nose and inhaled deeply.
"BLECH! BLECHBLECHBLECH! AAAACK! PTUI!"
Happosai laid on the floor, twitching and in pain. "Something...
wrong... with...panty... BLECH!"
*
The window was open.
The drawers were open.
They were also empty.
"Hey! Somebody stole my panties!"
Tsubasa angrily shut his window. Well, he thought, there's gonna be
some improvements in house security for sure.
= = =
Ukyo looked from her storefront window to the night sky outside. One
of these days, she thought, I really oughta leave this town, if only for a
while.
Really.
There's nothing hold me here, is there?
She sighed and closed the shutters on the front windows.
Something was missing.
"Ryoga? Hey, Ryoga, where'd ya go?"
She looked in the kitchen.
It seemed that he'd already done his job there. The dishes and the
stove was cleaned out. But Ryoga was nowhere in sight.
"I'm going to buy that idiot a pager one of these days," she muttered.
= = =
Ryo Muhoshin stared uneasily into the night. The money from his last
job was running out. He knew enough to make a few shrewd investments, but
that was only delaying the inevitable. He didn't want to do this, it
wasn't his style, but he sighed internally, cursing life, cursing fate,
cursing bureaucracy, wished that he was more recovered from his hospital
stay (he wasn't feeling quite at 100% yet) and accepted his current
destiny.
He slipped the money from the safe into his backpack and quietly raced
for the open window in the distance.
Burglary wasn't like assasination or security detail. He didn't get to
hit anybody. He didn't get to use his martial arts training. He had to
be _not_ flamboyant.
It wasn't much fun at all.
That didn't mean that he was above it, though.
= = =
Tsubasa brushed his long brown hair out of his eyes and concentrated on
the main circut board of his Postal 210 disguise battle mech. He chewed
on his cigar, tossed the beer can away, and mulled over the design flaws.
"Hell with it, it's good enough," he said, in a gruff voice.
He hopped into the Postal 210, flipped a switch that activated the tank
treads, and drove off into the night.
Several minutes later, his first victim appeared.
"SAOTOME! PREPARE TO DIE!" Tsubasa yelled into the microphone.
The Mishima Heavy industries 3-way Super-bass speakers boomed his
message across the neighborhood.
Ranma, who had just gone for a midnight jog, looked like a deer caught
in the headlights. Tsubasa grinned evily and flipped a switch, turning a
mere post office box with tank treads into a 15 foot tall monstrosity of a
mech.
"Jeez!" yelled Ranma and sprinted down the street.
"YOU WON'T GET AWAY!"
Ranma ran futily down the street and suddenly they were in front of
Ukyo's resteraunt.
"Hey! Help! Ukyo! Ryoga! Anybody!" Ranma nervously yelled.
Tsubasa flipped another switch and a deadly blade popped out of one of
the Postal 210's arms. "This is the end, Saotome." Tsubasa said.
The arm flung down with Ranma dead in it's sights.
Tsubasa grinned triumphantly.
Ranma froze in terror.
Suddenly, the mech was rocked on its side as the yell "Shishi
Houkoudan!" bellowed forth. The blade smashed to the left of Ranma, who
scrambled away quickly.
Tsubasa swivled the mech cameras around. "HIBIKI!" he yelled into the
microphone, "SO YOU WANNA DIE TONIGHT TOO? FINE!" Tsubasa wanted to
enjoy the elimination of his enemies, i.e. using a really big blade, but
he realized that sometimes it didn't pay to have too much fun at work.
After all, that's how the heroes always escape. Tsubasa flipped a switch
and several Mishima Heavy Industries Inc. precision lasers popped out of
the Postal 210's shoulders. "DIE!" he yelled, and pulled hard on the
trigger.
Tsubasa emerged from his mech and stood before two piles of ash. He
looked at them solemly, and then kicked them into the winds. "So long,
suckers!" he yelled (in a surprisingly gruff, deep baritone voice) and lit
up a cigar.
Ukyo emerged from her resteraunt, shocked. Tsubasa looked at her and
smiled. "Hey, Ucchan. Come on over here."
She looked at the ashes scattered all over the place. "You killed
them?" she asked.
"Yup." He took another puff from his cigar.
"Oh thank you!" she yelled, and rushed into his arms. "Ranma was just
so annoying the way he got free food all the time! And Ryoga too! Oh,
thank you for getting rid of those freeloading bums!"
"T'was nothin'" Macho-Tsubasa said.
She turned her eyes towards his, looking deeply. She leaned forward,
presenting her lips.
"But you'll give up this silly business with the mechs, right?"
Tsubasa froze. "But... but... I _like_ mechs!"
"What would you rather have, mechs? Or _me_."
He couldn't believe this. A couple of months ago this would be an easy
question. But now, he couldn't decide...
"I... um... you..."
"Tsubasa-chan?" Ukyo was getting impatient.
"Can't I, um, can't I do, er, have both?"
"TSUBASA YOU JERK!"
*CLANG*
* * *
"Ow!" Tsubasa said, rubbing his head. He groggily looked around.
"Oh," he said, realizing that he'd fallen asleep while working on the
Postal 210 again. Tsubasa pondered continuing his work, but decided that
working while groggy would just lead to construction errors.
<No need to be nervous!> he reminded himself. <The interview with
Mishima Heavy Industries is tomorrow... THEY are the ones that contacted
me, right? Of course they'll take me in! I'm good enough, I'm smart
enough, and gosh darnit, people like me!>
Tsubasa yawned, rubbing the gear-shaped dent in his forehead, and went
to his room for a rest. "Oh my, that's going to bruise! I wonder if
makeup can hid it."
= = =
Out on a ledge in downtown Tokyo, seventy floors up, Ryo Muhoshin crept
slowly upwards.
Okay, Ryo thought, almost there. High risk but high reward. There was
a corporation out there that wanted the latest specs from MendoTech, and
they put out the word that they were willing to pay whatever it took to
get the information.
Just a bit higher... R&D was on the 73rd floor.
Maybe MendoTech was one tough corporation owned by one tough and crazy
family. The Mendo Clan even had their own _army_, commanded by their
crazy little heir. It took a brave guy to mess with that family.
<And that guy is me> Ryo reassured himself.
Then it happened.
He sensed a presence. Someone was up there with him.
<What the-?! Someone else up here?>
"Hold it right there!" an unbearably cute voice said.
"Right." Ryo waited, wanting to see exactly what was going on.
There was a long silence.
"You don't want to know who I am?"
"I should ask, I guess?"
Suddenly, a girl appeared. It wasn't just an ordinary girl. She was
glowing pink, dressed in a sailor outfit. And she was floating in the
air.
"I am Magical Girl Kuruma!" she said proudly, striking some odd pose
that, Ryo guessed, was suppposed to be impressive.
"Magical... Girl... Kuruma?" Ryo's expression was blank.
"You... you mean you've never heard of me?"
"Can't say that I have, no."
"Hm..." Kuruma looked at him with a confused expression on her face.
She _thought_ she sensed a supernatural disturbance, but there was only
this ordinary guy on a building.
"So what're you doing up here anyways?" she asked.
"Honestly? Well, you could say I'm getting information."
"You mean industrial espianoge?"
"Some would call it that."
Magical Girl Kuruma looked deep in thought for a moment. Well, she
pondered, there wasn't any demons or spirits running amock like she was
used to dealing with, but there _was_ this guy doing obviously criminal
activity. But she'd never had to deal with "people" bad guys, just
supernatural stuff.
Ryo held on the side of the building, wondering what was supposed to
happen next.
"I guess I oughta stop you," she said.
"I was hoping you wouldn't. New at this?"
"A little," she admitted.
"Ah. I see." Ryo didn't like fighting girls. That didn't mean that
he was above that sort of thing. It just left a certain distaste in his
mind afterwards. Besides, the girl said she was magical, and the last
encounter with magic stripped him of some very serious powers.
Magic was something he'd learned to hate.
Ryo slowly edged away from the girl. There wasn't much room to manuver
on the ledge. Not enough to fight, either. If she had a blast-type
attack he knew he would be in trouble.
Magical Girl Kurumi held out her hand, where a staff appeared out of
nowhere. It had a giant red glowing crystal heart at its tip. She
pointed it at Ryo.
"Crystal Heart Entrappment!!!"
The crystal glowed.
Not much else happened.
"Curiosity demands," said Ryo, "that I ask if something was supposed to
happen?"
"Well, you were supposed to be entrapped in crystal until the
authorities come and get you."
"No kidding.... You've done this before?"
"Don't be silly! Of course I have!" She had indeed, on people and
demons. There wasn't a reason for it not to work now.
"That staff, it's magical?" he asked.
"Yup."
Ryo touched the heart with a finger. The crystal dimmed considerably.
This, he thought, was rather interesting.
"Ribbon wrap!" Kurumi pulled a ribbon from her hair and lashed it at
Ryo. It circled around him, and then went lame.
"I assume that was a magical device as well?" asked Ryo.
"Well, yeah..."
"How, may I ask, are you floating?" Ryo was getting an idea.
"It's all magic."
Gears turned over in Ryo's mind. He was never immune to magic.
Gosunkugi certainly proved that. However, so far things were proving
different... or this particular magical girl was incredibly incompetent.
Ryo grinned wickedly. He had an idea.
Before she could dodge, Ryo reached out and touched her arm.
Immediately, she started plummeting to the concrete streets below.
"Interesting," he said, watching her fall.
Before she hit the pavement, Magical Girl Kurumi managed to find the
ability to fly again, and narrowly avoided concrete death. She angrily
zoomed back to Ryo.
"That wasn't nice!" she yelled. "How'd you do that?"
"I have no idea. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some information to
retrieve." Ryo casually ignored the girl and resumed climbing up.
Magical Girl Kurumi didn't like being ignored. "THAT'S IT! I'M
CALLING THE POLICE!!!" With an excess of flair and dramatic motion, she
pulled out a cellular phone and started dialing.
Ryo frowned. "Fine, fine, I'm going." He opened his umbrella and
jumped off, floating to the streets below.
= = =
Nodoka Saotome looked into the night sky, feeling some measure of
warmth knowing that somewhere out there, her son was looking at the very
same stars. She sat in the park, wondering how her son was doing. Was he
eating right? Was he treating Akane properly? Was he a Man Amongst Men?
How was Genma? She missed him so very much.
Suddenly, she noticed a movement in the park and readied her katana.
The figure came closer... closer... and then veered to another sidewalk
path in the park. Nodoka examined the figure in the darkness of the
night.
"Akane?" she said quietly. What was she doing out here? It seemed
rather late for a jog around the neighborhood. After all, there could be
some real strange people out there.
She put her katana away.
Nodoka was about to go home for the night when she saw someone else.
Following Akane.
How DARE anyone threaten the fiancee of her son! Nodoka readied her
Katana once more and followed the figure.
....
After a few minutes, Akane came to a stop for a brief rest.
Ranma hid behind a water fountain, watching over her. He didn't like
these late jogs. They just weren't safe. Who knows what kind of weirdos
were out there at this time of night?
Suddenly, he felt the cold steel of a blade against the back of his
neck.
"You there," a woman's voice commandingly said, "what do you think
you're doing? I should call the police, or better yet just kill you."
"Er... it's not what you think."
"Do tell."
"Look, she's my fiancee and I just, just, just wanna make sure nobody
does nothin weird to her."
"Fiancee?" she asked.
Akane noticed the noise coming from behind the water fountain and
looked. Her face froze in shock.
Ranma suddenly realized where he heard this woman's voice before.
Nodoka turned the word "fiancee" over in her head.
"Son?" she asked.
Ranma turned around slooowly. He saw his mother. Holding a katana.
"YAAAAH!" he screamed, and stumbled back.
Into the fountain.
Akane slapped her head in disbelief. Foolish boy!
Nodoka looked on, stunned. "Ran... Ranko? You're Ranko? WHAT'S THE
MEANING OF THIS! GENMAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Suddenly an obese panda fell from the sky, landing in front of Nodoka.
She aimed her blade at its forehead. "Genma! Explain this NOW!"
"Rowf?" the panda said, startled.
He held a sign up desperately. //I SWEAR, I'M JUST A PANDA!!!//
"Don't play innocent with ME anymore, you lying BASTARD! WHAT DID YOU
DO TO MY SON??!?!?!?!"
She swung the blade down hard...
*
"ROWF!" Genma yelled as he bolted upright.
Wait a minute.
"Rowf?" he muttered.
*CLONK* "Hey, keep it down, pop! I'm tryin' to sleep!" Ranma angrily
muttered.
Genma shook his head vigorously.
He wasn't in his panda mode.
He tried his vocal abilities once more: "ahem."
That's better.
"Mm. I hate when that happens."
Genma went off to find a glass of water. After all, it was easier to
deal with the cold winter nights as a panda.
= = =
Ryoga, covered with several layers of travel-type blankets and sleeping
bags, sat atop the rooftop of Ucchan's admiring the stars. The stars in
winter always seemed a bit clearer to him. In the summertime, the
starlight was too easily covered up by the city lights or by clouds.
But in the winter it was different. He didn't know why, but it just
was.
He idly twirled his compass necklass around.
"Ryoga? Hey, where'd you go?" Ukyo yelled. She was closing up the
store when she noticed that the resident navigationally-impaired boy was
missing. After living with him for the past several months, she knew he
was either lost hopelessly or up on the roof.
"Up here!"
"Hey, Ryoga, what'cha doin?" Ukyo asked as she climbed unto the roof.
"Just stargazing. Maybe it's silly, but I like to do it."
"No, it's not silly. Ran-chan does it alot in the summer."
Something he has in common with Ranma? Blech.
"Jeez, it's cold out here. Hey, mind if I join ya?" asked Ukyo.
"Sure. No problem," said Ryoga, and he scooted to one side to make
room under the blankets for her.
"Thanks," she said, and scooted in.
"What's keeping you up?" asked Ryoga.
"Oh, just things, I guess. Life. The universe. Stuff."
"You really thinking about closing down the resteraunt?"
"Maybe. If Nabiki's estimates are right, I can live off of the profits
from some investment picks she's got lined up."
"Hm..."
"Hey, don't worry about a place to stay. You can stay here even if I
shut down the place."
"You sure?"
"What are friends for, right?"
They settled in once more, looking out into infinity. Stars swirling
around other stars...
"Hey, I hope you don't mind me asking but," asked Ukyo, "what's going
on with you and Ryoko?"
"Eh?"
"Well, she seem kinda sweet, and she seems to really be in love with
you, Ryoga."
"Yeah, but I dunno. I don't think that I... well... argh! How'd Ranma
ever handle these things?!?!"
"You in love with her?"
"..."
"Well?"
"I don't know. Never had a girl ever tell me she loved me before.
I've always been a loner, y'know? This love thing, it's new to me. I
mean, er, you, um, how'd you know... er..."
"Eh?"
Ryoga sighed. "Never mind."
"Hey," said Ukyo in a sleepy tone, "if you don't feel the same, tell
them. Tell'em now. No sense in dragging things out and breaking a
girl's... *yawn*... heart, y'know?"
"Yeah, I guess," said Ryoga. "I wouldn't want to end up making all the
mistakes Ranma made."
"Hey, we still going on that training trip this weekend?" she asked.
Ryouga nodded.
Ukyou yawned once more, stretched, and sighed. "Well, I'm done for the
day. See ya inside, sugar."
"G'night, Ukyou."
And once more, as was before, Ryouga was alone. Although he didn't
feel too bad about it. After a while longer, he slowly drifted off into
sleep.
And then he started walking.
= = =
Akane couldn't sleep on this night. Too many things were bothering
her. She _though_ that Ranma was finally getting along with her. She
_thought_ that for once, she'd get her happy ending.
Once again, Ranma proved her wrong.
Ever since he ended up in the hospital, they'd been fighting every bit
as loudly as when he first came to the house. Any little thing would set
either of them off. Akane wondered where things went wrong. All this,
and it was Valentine's Day soon. She didn't want to spend it alone.
"Dammit," she muttered.
Akane turned in her bed, turned again, and finally decided that sleep
wasn't something she was ready for just yet...
* * *
Ranma waited in the delivery room, anxious to see his first child.
"I'm gonna be a dad. _I_ am gonna be a _dad_. Wow." he muttered as he
nervously paced around the floor.
"Mr. Saotome?" a nurse called from behind the doors of the operating
room.
"Yeah? That's me! What's happening?"
"Congratulatins, Mr. Saotome!" the nurse said, guiding him into the
operating room, "you're a father!"
Akane layed on the bed, cradling a small infant in her arms. She
smiled warmly, in the way that only moms do.
"A.. Akane?" Ranma nervously asked. "Can I.. I.."
Akane smiled and held the baby forward for Ranma to hold. He cradled
it gently in his arms, feeling overwhelmed. The child already had a few
locks of hair on its head.
"Say, is it a boy or a girl?" he murmered as he tapped the baby gently
on the cheek.
Akane took a glass of water.
"Wha-"
And poured some gently on the baby.
"-t?"
And it's hair turned red.
"Ah.. no.. nonono... it isn't..."
Everyone in the operating room happily shook their heads.
"Congrats, honey," Akane cheerily said, "it's both!"
"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
* * *
*FWAP* //QUIET!// "Rwowr!"
"Huh? Oh. Sorry, pop."
Ranma sat upright, shaking badly. He took deep breaths.
"Only a dream. Only a dream."
He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep any more that night, and headed
off to the kitchen for a late night binge. He wasn't sure if that would
calm him down, but it always worked for his dad.
As he got up, Ranma heard footsteps. He quietly opened his door.
Nobody.
He crept downstairs.
Nobody.
Then he heard the front door open. Ranma snuck to the front just in
time to see Akane leaving in her jogging outfit.
"What the..." What time was it? Didn't she know it was too damn early
for a jog?
"Stupid girl," he muttered.
This wasn't his problem. No sir. Nope. If the tomboy wants to go
jogging around in the city while it's dark and cold and late and
dangerous....
"Dammit. Dammitdammitdammit." He went back to his room for a quick
change of clothes and then headed out the door.
"Stupid girl. Stupid stupid girl." he muttered. Just great.
Something else for him to worry about. That girl was a real pain
sometimes, even if he did love her.
Ranma jogged out into the night, looking for Akane.
After all, there's strange people out there.
= = =
Happosai snuck into the large mansion. This particular place was one
spot he had his eye on for quite a while now. Not only was the lady of
the house one sexy woman, she had expensive lingerie. Top dollar panties.
Creme de la creme.
As he zoomed stealthily down the hallways, he found his target, the
main bedroom, and snuck quietly inside...
* * *
Ryo scaled the wall of the mansion. This, he knew, would pay off big.
This joint was owned by one _rich_ lady. In fact, it was owned by a lady
that he was briefly quite fascinated with. It was unfortunate that he had
to resort to thieving from her, but the payoff from this little expadition
would keep him financed for a week.
He opened the window and crept inside...
* * *
Happosai dug through the drawers and grinned like the devil. Panties!
Ultra-silky, ultra-smooth panties! He dove into the drawer and immersed
himself totally in undergarments.
*BANG*
And then his world went black.
* * *
Ryo felt around the walls, behind the paintings, with no luck.
Where was the safe?
He decided to dig into the closet. Maybe it was ther-
*BANG*
"Ow!" he silently muttered. Ryo looked down. The lady left her panty
drawer open and he slammed his leg into the damn thing.
He nervously looked at the bed, where a rather stunning beauty of a
woman was lying there, asleep, in a rather stunning and very see-through
nightgown.
"Niiiihaoo," Ryo muttered, admiring the view, and went off to the
closet. Maybe the safe was in there...
* * *
Happosai's senses were put on alert. Somebody, maybe the lady, had
just closed the damn drawer on him. Whoever it was seemed to be moving
away. Happosai, demonstrating amazing strength for a man his size, opened
the drawer from the inside and looked around.
Hm... seemed the lady went back to sleep.
The lady.
In the see-through nightgown.
And those... those...
"Oh my," he croaked.
Hm? He just said "oh my"? Where the hell did that come from?
Happosai shook his head. Must've spent too much time around Kasumi. He
struggled with all his might and turned _away_ from the sight of those...
those... well, he turned away and headed for the closet. There wasn't any
bras in the drawer, so he was hoping they were stored there. Those, and
maybe some more of those exquisite nightgowns.
Happosai happily made his way into the closet and was burying himself
in a hung silky item which he hoped was a negligee when suddenly...
* * *
Ryo, in the dark, felt around the walls of the crowded closet.
Shoes.
Skirts.
Shoes.
Shoes.
Something with spikes... _yowza_ He blushed a bit and put the rather
revealing item of leatherwear back down.
Shoes.
Shoes.
What is it with women and shoes?
Hm... what else... he felt around blindly...
Something silky, warm, softish and round.
Er.
Silky?
Soft?
Warm?
Round?
* * *
Happosai sweated nervously. He was caught. Deep in enemy territory.
And stuck in a negligee.
* * *
Ryo sweated nervously. Not only was he robbing the girl, now he could
be charged with sexual assault.
Very slowly, Ryo let go and reached for the lightswitch.
* * *
=CLICK=
"YOU!"
"YOU!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Thieves!!" *WHAP*
Kodachi twirled her ribbon madly, but by the time her eyes adjusted to
the light, the burglars were gone.
One seemed to have left something behind...
She opened the bag.
"Panties?"
* * *
Ryo ran furiously into the cold winter night. "Damn you, old man! You
ruined everything!" As he landed on a rooftop, he swung his umbrella
wildly at Happosai.
"What about me, huh? Curse you for interfering! I lost my whole bag
of panties!" Happosai angrily flung a dozen bombs at Ryo and hopped to
another rooftop. He fumbled slightly on his landing. Being trapped
inside a negligee usually did that to small people.
Ryo jumped in pursuit as another Nerima home was overly-ventilated
(*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*) and he flung a ki-blast out towards the
mini-megapervert, who dodged it easily. "You die tonight!"
"Oh? Is that so?" said Happosai, who suddenly let loose with a flying
kick that sent Ryo across the skies and into the park, slamming into a
fountain. "Tonight, foolish young man, you shall feel the wrath of
Happosai!!!!" The little man bounded away, the negligee flapping madly,
chasing after his victim.
* * *
Ranma muttered angrily, "stupid girl, stupid girl..." as he ran
silently into the night. She was taking her usual route, around the
neighborhood, through the park, and around across a newly repaired bridge.
That's the usual route she took in the mornings, Ranma knew, since once or
twice he had decided to follow her, merely out of curiosity.
Well, that's what it seemed she was doing tonight anyways. They did
the neighborhood thing and were cutting across the park, and...
*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*
Bomb explosions.
Damn.
Happosai.
*WHAM* "Ow!"
* * *
Akane was almost out of the park when she heard it.
*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*
Bomb explosions.
Damn.
Happosai.
*WHAM*
Something flew by her.
"Ow!"
And hit somebody behind her? Akane looked back curiously.
Imbedded into the water fountain was Ryo, who was currently cushoned
from his impact by Ranma-chan.
"Ranma?" Akane wondered what he was doing here. She approached
cautiously.
"Haposaaaaaiiiii!!!" Ryo roared as he shoved off of something in his
attempt to get up.
"Gedoffame!" Ranma yelled as Ryo shoved her in the face. He grabbed
Ryo's arm and twisted it.
"Gah! WHO DARES?!" Ryo yelled. He wasn't in the mood for any more
inconveniences. He twisted violently and spun around, slashing wildly
with his umbrella. He heard a shriek.
"Akane!" Ranma-chan called out. She flung Ryo into a tree and went to
her. "Are you okay?" she asked, sounding genuinely concenrned. Akane's
hand was bleeding.
"I'm okay," she said, "it's just a cut."
"Dammit! He's dead!" Ranma-chan charged angrily at Ryo. "Nobody
hurts my fiancee!" She aimed a jump-kick at his head.
*BONK*
And was knocked out of her flight by something...
"Sorry, Ranma, but that one is mine!" Happosai said from somewhere in
the darkness. Happosai's laughter was heard from far above.
"Ranma? I don't see any Ranma..." Ryo muttered. Just some irate
redhead. Worry about the minor distractions later, he had a fool to fry.
Ryo looked up into the trees, searching for his enemy.
*BONK*
Ryo stumbled back. Something had hit him on the nose.
*BONK*
And on the head. In fact, there seemed to be alot of things falling
all around him. Lots of round, small things with fuses...
Ryo lashed out with the hook-end of his umbrella into one of the trees
and pulled hard, pulling back a surprised Happosai. "Old man, you will...
will..."
There was a sound.
Hissing.
Ryo suffered a quick flashback to the fight that put him in the
hospital. He would never forget the sound..... of bomb fuses burning.
This was that sound.
"Shit!"
*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*
* * *
Habits are a very hard thing to break.
Birds migrate, snakes rattle, and Ryouga walked in his sleep, looking
for Akane's bed where he would get a night of snuggling with her as
P-Chan.
One would think this sort of thing would get him in dire trouble, given
his horrible navigational skill. But this is a Hibiki, a very strange
breed that doesn't behave exactly as one would expect him to. Yes, Ryouga
did sometimes wander far in his sleep, and yes, he'd wander far, sometimes
incredibly far, but he would _always_find_his_way_back_ before he woke up.
That is, he'd find his way back unless he was 1) in his cursed state
and 2) found Akane's bed, or something like it.
It was truely amazing how many young ladies across the globe out there
woke up with a little black piglet next to them.
As Ryouga stumbled around in the dark, asleep, he tripped over a bucket
of water (as the Nerima/Jusenkyou Water Magnet Law demanded), turning him
into a her.
Then she made a coincidental left turn here, and right turn there...
and sensed a bed nearby.
Her subconscious made a judgement call.
Cursed form? Yes.
Bed nearby? Yes.
Akane? Seems like it.
Snuggle.
*
Ranma held her close, her face buried in his manly chest.
"Oh Ranma," she said, and gently nuzzled his neck.
He held her tighter.
Ukyo worked her way up to his ear, nibbling on it gently.
He started to moan.
Then his face changed...
Ukyo looked up to his eyes, confused. "Ryoga?!?!"
*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*
*
Ukyo woke up.
In bed.
With a female Ryouga.
"EEEEEEEEEK! YOU PERVERT!"
*POW*
* * *
Ryoga slept a dreamless sleep. Then things got unexpectedly erotic.
She dreamed as a he, of course, and at the moment, as a he, he dreamed of
Ukyo, in a negligee.
Ukyo? Hm.
This had to be a dream. She'd pound him into the ground if she caught
him looking at her while she was in _that_ outfit. He shrugged in his
dream, guessing that maybe he was over Akane after all.
Although the question 'why Ukyou?' did flicker briefly in his mind.
All was forgotten as Ukyou leaned on him ever so closely and nuzzled
his neck, worked her way up, and gently nibbled on his ear.
What a dream. So realistic too....
"EEEEEEEEEEEK! YOU PERVERT!" *POW*
Suddenly he was flying. That's funny. He never dreamed of flying
before. Boy, when that Ukyo puts her lips on a guy...
* * *
A slightly charred Ryo and Happosai hopped across the nighttime skies
of downtown Tokyo, exchanging blows and insults. Ranma-chan and Akane
were in pursuit, wanting to get their hands on either one.
Happosai dashed across a skyscraper rooftop but tripped on the landing.
Ryo saw the opening and aimed the blade of his umbrella downwards. "NOW
OLD MAN, YOU DIE! *OOF*"
Ryo was knocked clumsily off his trajectory by something heavy,
slamming into him hard, plowing into Happosai, then through the roof and
into a bathhouse.
Right into the hot water.
And on the women's side.
Ranma and Akane peered into the hole in the roof. At this point, they
both noticed the naked ladies scrambling about. Ranma tried to look away
before Akane whapped him to look in the other direction. He did look
away, but as a matter of principal, she whapped him anyways.
A brief minute later, after some enraged screams, three martial artists
were violently tossed out. Two of them were trying to hold back
nosebleeds (one via black and yellow bandanna, the other via hankerchief)
and the third one was feeling better than ever.
And he was still tangled in Kodachi's negligee.
"Nice t'meet ya, lovely ladies!" cackled Happosai, running off into the
distance. This night was turning out to be absolutely fabulous for him,
with an invigorating swim amongst the pretty ladies and a few martial
artists to play with. "Catch me if you can, boys!" he taunted, then
sprang back into the rooftops.
Meanwhile, Ranma and Akane were running to catch up, while Ryo and
Ryouga got up after giving each other scowls. Once more, they chased
after the megapervert.
"Idiot!" sneered Ryo, "I had the old wretch in my sights and YOU-""
"Shut up." Ryoga was sleepy, tired, and in no mood for Kuno-esque
rants and raves. As he landed on the next roof, his footing wobbled
underneath him and he fell ungracefully.
On Happosai.
"Ow!" the old lech croaked. He grabbed Ryoga's leg and slammed him
into the pavement, berating himself for pausing too long while trying to
figure out where Victoria's Secret was from this particular roof. It was
a shame, really, he felt he should have that memorized by now.
Ryouga got up quickly, anger envigorating him. "That's it! I-"
*WHAM* He was slammed forward, his head propelled by Ranma's feet. His
own feet scrambled violently, knocking Happosai into a cement wall.
"Oops. Sorry 'bout that, Ryouga."
"Ranmaaa! How DARE you!"
"Hey! It was an accident! I was jumpin' already, YOU got in the way!"
"Hey!" yelled Akane, landing violently on Ranma's head with her feet,
"Cut it out already!"
Happosai had enough. It was time to stop fooling around. He had been
abused and kicked around enough for one night, and it was time to put an
end to it. "FOOLS! WITNESS THE ANYTHING GOES MARTIAL ARTS SECRET
ATTACK!"
Akane was confused. "He're gonna to run away?"
"NO! THAT'S THE _SAOTOME_ SECRET TECHNIQUE!" roared Happosai. The
pint-size pervert began to glow brightly, causing Ranma-chan, Akane, and
Ryoga scrambled back in panic. They'd seen Happosai's enlarged battle
aura before, but this was different. The old man's aura wasn't growing.
_He_ was growing.
"Hey, Ranma?" asked Ryoga.
"What?!"
"Saotome Anything Goes Secret Technique?"
"Good idea. RUN AWAY!"
Ryo blinked in confusion as the three scrambled for safety. Feh,
cowards. He spat into his hands and readied his umbrella. It was going
to be one of _those_ nights. Well, that was just fine for him. Ryo
hadn't gotten into a serious fight in a long while. He was way overdue
and needed to take his stress out on somebody.
He notied with surprsing calm that even though Happosai was growing,
his clothes weren't shredding. In fact, they were growing too...
Weird.
Oh well. Time to kill.
"DIEEEEEEEEE!!!"
===============
=AFTERMATH=
===============
[6:00am]
She wondered where the pervert went off to.
How DARE he slip into her bed!
She was, for a while, mad, incredibly mad, bordering on murderously
mad. But now that she had time to cool down and think on it, she wasn't
mad anymore.
She was scheming.
Sooner or later, he'd never know when, he'd never know where, but he'd
PAY for that.
Ukyou shok her head, realizing that she was ranting in her mind
about Ryogua again, and that wouldn't do at all. Stress, after all,
was not a healthy thing. She needed a distraction.
Ukyo turned on the television. Morning tv usually isn't promising, but
at least it took her mind off the problem.
///A crisis of gigantic proportions here this morning in downtown
Tokyo-///
"Whoa..." She was shocked at what she was seeing.
...
Several blocks away, Ryoga stumbled towards Ucchan's. He knew it was
around here somewhere. At this moment he was grateful to be alive, and
with all his limbs intact.
* * *
It was another fine day in the Tendo household. Kasumi was up early
getting the breakfast meal ready, Nabiki was just waking up, and Genma...
was looking for Ranma.
"Where is that boy?! He's missing our morning sparring session!" he
yelled, as he entered the main room.
Soun ran up frantically and grabbed Soun by the shoulders. "Saotome!
Akane's missing!"
As if on cue, a very tired, somewhat dusty looking Akane entered
through the front door. Her hair and clothes were a mess.
"Akane! Where have you been?" asked Soun.
Ranma entered the house. He was slightly dusty, his clothes were all
in disarray. He stretched and yawned.
Soun and Genma cast a quick glance and an evil grin. Ranma and Akane
out all night? Their clothing in a mess? Tired as if they were busy all
night? Suddenly, they stood behind their children, holding their
shoulders, and tossed confetti. "Oh Saotome! It's good to see our
children getting along once again!"
"Yes Tendo, it is indeed!"
"My daughter is all grown up! Waaaagh!" Soun wailed.
Ranma frowned. He would, under normal circumstances, prefer to toss
his dad into the pond. Unfortunately, he was just too tired to do that.
He glanced over at Akane. It looked like she was in the same predicament.
"Mm," said Ranma, and he pointed towards the heart of downtown Tokyo.
"Eh? What's that you're saying?" asked Soun.
"Mm." Akane pointed her thumb in that direction too, hoping that would
answer everyone's questions.
They both trudged upstairs to get some well deserved rest. Genma and
Soun looked to where they had pointed.
"Saotome."
"Tendo."
"We're moving to China."
"Yes. Good idea. As soon as possible."
* * *
Ryo Muhoshin crawled into his apartment, ragged and out of energy.
He'd given it his all. He'd done his best. There was no shame in his
retreat.
"Hey, bro, where've ya been?" asked Ryoko.
"Urg."
"What happened to ya? You look like you've been fighting Ryoga again."
"Worse."
It wasn't a good night for Ryo. He'd lost his big score at Mendo Tech,
at the Kuno Mansion, got beaten silly, and lost a damn fine umbrella.
"Cool! Gimmie the details!"
"No talk sleep now." was the best Ryo could offer in reply.
"Fine. Be that way."
Megane passed by, noticed Ryo on the floor, and said, "so you got your
ass kicked again, did you?"
"Shaddup."
Ryo was content. He was alive, right?
He strongly felt that he ought to leave this town. It seemed to be
hazzardous for his health.
Or at least find a better line of work.
For now, Ryo was "home", and he was content to just fall asleep on the
floor, right there, right now.
* * *
Commander Ichiwara was in a panic. "Get the tank divisions lined up
over here! Call the general and tell him we need those damn airstrikes!
Get those electro-discharge dishes in place! Dammit men move it move it
move it!!!"
Not since those damn giant monsters crashed into town had he ever seen
such a horrible threat to Japan.
The creature, as tall as an average skyscraper in downtown Tokyo, had
devastated half of the downtown area already. It crushed several
divisions of tanks already and had swatted down two squadrons of fighter
planes as well. He hoped that the new anti-monster system developed after
the disaster of Godzilla would prove effective.
What it _looked_ like was absurd. A hideously mutated old man,
resembling a troll somewhat, and wearing an even bigger negligee. The
damn thing kept on roaring something unintelligable that came out sounding
like "BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAHH!!!" or sometimes "PAAAAAANNNNTIIIIEESS!!"
Luckily, it had stopped its rampage and was apparently molesting a
gigantic billboard with a lingerie-clad girl on it.
Ichiwara shook his head. Who knows what that thing was. Atomic
accident gone wrong? Mutant? Ancient race of cross-dressing giants that
had so far been hidden from mankind? He took a drag from his cigar and
pondered the mysteries of life.
"SWEEEEEEEEETTTTTOOOOO!!!"
-end part 2-