Scott Jamison wrote:

Because nobody demanded it...

                                HALF A CONVERSATION
                                by Scott K. Jamison
                                (Takahashi disclaimer)

        Okay, mister, you've been following me around all morning.  I
want to know who you are and what you want.
        Boy, you gaijin sure have some strange names.  Whaddya mean, I
should talk?  Saotome Ranma is a perfectly good name!  Anyhow, what are
you following me around for?
        You want to help me do *what*?  To *Akane*!?  Two words, mister.
Not. Happening.  Mr. Tendou sent you, right?
        Whaddya mean, it's destiny?  Fella, you obviously don't know me
too well.
        Okay, so you know all about me.  Go ahead, tell me about myself.
        Well, you got the leaving home, meeting Ucchan, Nekoken and
Jyuusenkyo parts right.  But you coulda found out all that from Mr.
Tendou, or maybe Nabiki if you paid her enough.

(Alpha Centauri puts down the fic for a moment.)

Alpha:	*Sigh* Standard Author Insertion. At least it isn't a pun thread,
or one of those disgusting twisted evil things like that Cologne-Ranma
thing. I couldn't handle that... I... couldn't.

(alpha resumes reading, not noticing that the string of recent posts has
affected him so baly he has lapsed into script format)

        No, it didn't happen that way.  What she said was, "But I already
have a boyfriend."
        Is there an echo in here?  That's what she said, all right.  So I
said, "Really?  So even the most flat-chested girl has hope!"  I was
hoping to get her mad, but I still think swatting me with the table was a
bit much.
        The idea was to be so rude that Mr. Tendou wouldn't want me to
marry his daughter after all.  Didn't quite work.  Turns out Akane really
did have a boyfriend, but Daddy didn't approve of him.  I was apparently
the first boy in forever not to think the tomboy was the greatest thing
since sliced bread, and old Soun thought she needed a husband who
wouldn't feed her ego so much.  He and Pops seemed to ignore any sign of
hostility between us kids.
        Next morning, which was really the first time I had a chance to
talk to Akane, I apologized for being so rude, since it hadn't worked and
I didn't really hate her that much...yet.  She let me know we most
certainly were not getting married, and I agreed.
        Doc Tofu?  Nah, didn't meet him until later.  And if Akane had a
crush on him, it was long over by the time I arrived.
        So we arrived at school...no, Akane wasn't mobbed by attackers,
why do you ask?  I did notice a lot of the boys staring like starving
animals tempted by meat but wary of traps.
        Then Akane broke into a run, and her eyes went all starry-like.
She'd spotted her boyfriend, and was definitely happy to see him.
"Kunou-sempai!" she shouted.

(Alpha raises an eyebrow)

Alpha:	Now this is interesting...

        You alright?  Yes, I said "Kunou".  She draped herself all over
this tall guy who wasn't in school uniform, then broke off enough so I
could see him.
        And I liked what I saw.  Tousled hair, piercing eyes, handsome
features, and his kendo outfit showed off his clean, manly limbs.  I took
one look and knew I was in love.

Alpha:	Awwrck!!

(Alpha's eyes go glassy. What remains of his sanity snaps like a brittle
twig. He begins drooling a little, and assumes the standard Warped
Zombie Stance; Hands out in front, head lolling to side, legs stiff and
unbending.)

        Please don't hit me :-)

SKJAM!

(Alpha doesn't see this part, because Alpha has already left his
computer to call his hordes of Undead Student Newspaper Staff to him so
that he can find SKJAM! and do something really nasty to him. Like write
him into another Infliction fic)

The Zombie Saggitarian,
Alpha 'Need... BRAINS!!' Centauri

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