On Fri, 17 Jan 1997, Shannon Richmeyer wrote:

Engineers Explained
-------------------

People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like
other people.  This can be frustrating to the nontechnical people who
have to deal with them.  The secret to coping with technology-oriented
people is to understand their motivations.  This chapter will teach you
everything you need to know.  I learned their customs and mannerisms
by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great
apes, but without the hassle of grooming.

[snip]

ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked.
You...

A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a
solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud
your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.

The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody
who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the
whole stupid thing on "Marketing."

I talked to a local engineer here in the office.  He says that you
missed part of the answer.  The CORRECT answer is to GET A GOVERNMENT
CONTRACT to buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a
solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud
that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.  See "Frugality".  ;)

SOCIAL SKILLS

Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from
social interaction:

  *Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation.
  *Important social contacts.
  *A feeling of connectedness with other humans.

Ooh, I'm grouped among the normal!  Yaaaay!!  8)

[snip]

FASCINATION WITH GADGETS

To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of
two categories: (1)things that need to be fixed, and (2)things that will
need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
Engineers like to solve problems.  If there are no problems handily
available, they will create their own problems.  Normal people don't
understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix
it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet.

There are also the mad-scientist types who have a fascination with
gadgets.  And then there are the fanfic prodders.  *giggle*

[snip]

FASHION AND APPEARANCE

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic
thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied.  If no
appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or
mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective
of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

Oh, good.  I'm not an engineer.  8)

LOVE OF "STAR TREK"

Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies.  It's
a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise are
portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens.  This is
much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists
of hiding from the universe and having sex without the participation of
other life forms.

Hey!  :P

Well, I happen to like Star Trek (sort of; their physics is a joke), but
it's the literary content, honest!  Watch Star Trek II and Star Trek:
First Contact if you don't believe me.  ;)

[snip]

FRUGALITY

Engineers are notoriously frugal.  This is not because of cheapness or
mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a
problem in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while
retaining the greatest amount of cash?"

Frugality is deeply instilled in engineers during their life as poor
college students.  ;)

[snip]

RISK

Engineers hate risk.  They try to eliminate it whenever they can.  This
is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake,
the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.

Now I *know* I'm not an engineer.  *snicker*  And no, I'm not telling,
so :P :P :P :P :P

EGO

Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
    *   How smart they are.
    *   How many cool devices they own.

I think everybody is into the cool devices thing, except for the
liberals.  They're much too busy saving the planet from the
Republicans.  The Republicans, on the other hand, aren't worried about 
saving the planet.  ;)

[snip]

Damon Casale, scyth@miis.edu / scyth@andrew.cmu.edu
Spam, spam!  WONDERFUL spam!  ^_^