What has gone before: Tendou Akane enver existed in this history.  Ranma's
only fiancee is Ukyou, and his parents hate it.  The school still believes
Ranma to be a girl and Ukyou a boy.  Ryouga is Ranma's pet pig Charlotte.

                                    TENDOU 2/3
                                 by Ken Arromdee
                              Chapter 8: Affections

    After the end of a rather typical Furinkan day, Yuka lingered outside the
school door.  She spotted her friend Sayuri and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Hey, why don't we go for some parfaits now that school's over?  I'm _starved_
for something sweet."
    Sayuri agreed.  "Sure!  Say, why don't we invite Ranma too?"
    "Naaah.  Ranma's too much of a tomboy.  She would never do something like
eat parfaits... probably thinks it's too sissy."
    At that moment, Ranma poked her head between the two.  "Who _says_ it's
too sissy?"

    Sayuri and Yuka could not but admire the way Ranma could spoon that ice
cream down her throat.  She had ordered three times as much as the other girls,
and gobbled it down as if she'd never eaten parfaits before.  And she kept
such a great figure, too!
    All of a sudden, the wall began to shake.  A brick fell, and then several,
while the wall bulged.  It fell inwards, revealing a teenage Chinese girl
holding two strange sticks with balls on the end--bonbori, Ranma remembered,
was their name.
    Sayuri and Yuka screamed as the angry girl looked their way and approached.
"I...  kill!"  A thought crossed Sayuri's mind...  they were with _Ranma_.
Ranma was incredibly powerful yet still balanced her strength with feminine
caring.  Surely she would protect them from this raging maniac girl.  But when
Sayuri looked over at Ranma, she saw her trying to hide in a cabinet, as
petrified as the other girls.  Who was this strange girl that even Ranma
feared?
    The girl continued, in somewhat bad Japanese, "Ranma.  I kill.  Where
Ranma at?"
    Ranma muttered "Sha...  Shampoo...."  Luckily Shampoo hadn't noticed her.

    When Shampoo left, they all breathed a little bit easier.  Sayuri was
a little upset at Ranma.  "I thought you were strong and a martial artist and
protector of the weak and all that!"
    "Oh, that was martial arts."
    "No _way_."
    "It's called the Saotome Secret Technique!  Running away until you think
of what to do.  And I'm telling you, it's not easy!"
    "So who was she?"
    "It all started when me and my father were in China and ran across this
village...."

    Meanwhile, Shampoo was wandering the neighborhood.  "I want find Ranma."
It was her first time outside her village, and she was surprised that the
people in this place called Nerima were so weak, even the women.  Just knocking
away the foot or so of cement and brick they used for walls here was enough to
send them running for the hills or screaming like children as if they had faced
a dragon or a flying minotaur.
    Well, no matter, she thought.  She had come here to settle the score with
Ranma; it was only a matter of time.

    Ranma was up in her fiancee's dorm, eating okonomiyaki.  Ukyou seemed
concerned about her.  "Ranchan, are you okay?  You've only eaten three!  You
usually eat more than that."
    "Oh, me and a few girls went out for some ice cream.  I've never had girls'
ice cream before and it was really great!  If only that girl from China hadn't
interfered...."
    "Ranchan, is it really fun to be a girl?"
    "Uhhhh...  Ucchan, what?"
    "Fun.  Do you enjoy it at all?  I've been pretending to be a boy for ten
years!  I don't know how to be a girl any more than you do.  I just want to
know...  what it's like."
    "Of course I don't enjoy being a girl!  It's just that I can't eat that
kind of stuff as a guy!  I mean girls and guys are different."
    "Oh...."
    Ranma didn't understand Ukyou's reaction.  "Ucchan, what did I say?"
    "Ranchan, you're lucky.  You can pick whichever one you want...."
    "Ucchan, how would it look if I changed to a guy now at school and everyone
knows that you're a guy's fiancee?  I really can't pick at all."
    "You're staying this way for me, Ranchan?"
    "Uhh...  it doesn't have anything to do with you!  I mean everyone at
school knows me as a girl already so I can't just change.  Believe me, if I
could I would.  Sometimes bad things do happen to me because I'm a girl."

    The dorm wall broke.  In stepped Shampoo.  "Oh, there Ranma!  Shampoo kill
Ranma!"
    Ukyou was _very_ surprised.  Nobody, but nobody, would come into her
room like this.  And she sounded like she was endangering her fiancee, too.
It had been ten years and they had just gotten together again, and she was
not going to see some strange foreigner mess it up.
    "How dare you!"  Ukyou holstered her spatulas and advanced on Shampoo.
    Ranma tugged at her uniform, hoping to stop her from what, to Ranma, looked
like near suicide.  "Ucchan...  she's the best fighter in her village.  You
don't stand a chance against her."
    Ukyou refused to back off.  "Ranchan, I can take care of myself!  If you
want, you can help me, but I'm not going to sit in the corner waiting for you
to decide if you're going to fight her yourself.  Adn this isn't her village.
Come on!"
    Ranma slowly nodded and charged at Shampoo.  "Get away from here.  I beat
you!"
    Shampoo only answered "You beat girl from tribe, so girl from tribe kill
you.  Is custom."  She threw her weapons aside, charged at Ranma and grappled
with her.  Ranma slowly squeezed and bent Shampoo's hands back to her wrists.
Meanwhile Ukyou had drawn her spatula; she slammed it on Shampoo's head.
Shampoo turned to look at Ukyou and then fell unconscious.

    Ukyou shrugged.  "Not so hard.  Now what was that all about, Ranchan?"
    Ranma explained the whole story to Ukyou, who patiently listened; this was
the second time today.  Ranma sighed.  "I tried to warn you, Ucchan.  Now
she'll be after you too.  Are _you_ willing to kill _her_?  Because if not, no
matter how many times you beat her, she'll just come back again and again
until one day she gets a lucky shot.  And then she's not going to leave you
just lying on the floor like we're leaving her.  You're not going to wake up.
Now let's get her out of here...."
    Ranma moved to pick up Shampoo's prone form, but Ukyou had only hit Shampoo
with a glancing blow, and she was already beginning to stir.  Here it comes,
thought Ranma.  The kiss of death.
    Shampoo looked at Ukyou groggily, and embraced her, then kissed her deeply
and passionately on the mouth.  "Wo ai ni..."

    A stunned silence fell over Ranma and Ukyou.  The word "ai" means pretty
much the same in Japanese, and at any rate Shampoo's intentions were obvious.
Ukyou screamed "You bitch!" and hit Shampoo.  Again and again, until Shampoo
collapsed for a second time.  Ukyou continued until Ranma put a hand on her
shoulder.
    "Ucchan...  stop.  It happened to me too.  Remember?"
    Ukyou turned and fell into Ranma's arms, crying. "Ranchan...  I meant to
kiss _you_ someday...."  She got an idea.  "You know, when it happened to you,
I made an offer.  So why don't you...?"
    Ranma demurred.  "It wouldn't count, Ucchan.  I'm a girl now!"
    There was a hot water faucet not ten feet away, of course, and Ukyou could
tell that Ranma was obviously a little frightened of the prospect of a kiss
with her.  "Uh, Ranchan, later, okay?"
    Ranma nodded.

    Shampoo soon woke up again.  "What name of husband?" she asked.
    Ranma replied "Husband?  Uhh, I'm Ranma Saotome, but I'm not..."
    "Not you.  Shampoo know name of girl she kill."  Shampoo pointed to Ukyou.
"What his name?  Is other custom.  If defeated by boy from outside, girl
from village marry.  Shampoo glad she has finally found husband!"
    Ukyou was about ready to hit Shampoo again, until Ranma stopped her.
"That's Ukyou Kuonji", said Ranma.
    Ukyou added "And I can't marry you.  I'm Ranma's fiancee!"
    Shampoo replied in broken Japanese "Ukyou follow rule of village and marry
Shampoo.  No good marry violent food-stealing girl who one day not be alive
anyway.  Shampoo not understand why you not see this now, but know you will
see someday way of Shampoo's village is best."
    Ukyou shouted "Hey, what gives _you_ the right to call someone _else_
violent?"
    "Shampoo not violent.  Shampoo follow tradition of village."
    "Ranma's certainly no more violent than _you.  What makes you not violent,
but someone trying to defend herself is violent for that?"
    "Because Ranma fight to oppose Shampoo, Ranma violent by definition.  Is
way of seeing things.  Is more tradition.  Shampoo know you have similar custom
of defeat girl you want be with just as person called Kunou explain to Shampoo
before."
    Shampoo gave Ranma a kiss on the cheek--the "of death" version--and
bounded off through the hole in the wall.

    Ukyou watched Shampoo leave, and turned to Ranma.  "Ranchan..."
    "Hai?"
    "I think we'd better fix this wall up.  It's going to get rather drafty
tonight otherwise."
    Ukyou remembered something.  "Ranchan, there's a construction site a block
away.  There's plenty of spare boards lying around.  It should be enough to
patch things up until maintenance can fix it for real."  Ukyou thought it would
be nice to have Ranma with her, regardless of the reason.
    But as soon as they left, they could see a line three blocks long
extending to the construction site.  And every single house, apartment, and
dorm in sight had one or more Shampoo-height holes smashed in its wall.

    They collected a pile of boards anyway, Ranma snatching extras from the
tops of everyone else's stacks when needed.  As Ukyou and Ranma repaired the
hole, they discussed the problem.
    Ranma had an idea.  "I know!  We could tell her that I'm a guy and you're
not."
    "Then she'll be out to kill _me_, and marry _you_.  I don't want her to do
that!  Besides, this is a boys' school--I can't just go around telling people
I'm a girl."
    "You can't go around having some nutso girl from China trying to marry
you, either!"
    "We've got to go after her then, Ranchan.  I don't want to see you killed.
And it wouldn't be smart to just go acting like everything's normal until
some day when you're not least expecting it, *pow*."  Ukyou hammered a board
to emphasize the gesture, and Ranma twitched.
    "There isn't anybody alive who could *pow* me!  I can't be defeated that
easily!"  Ranma hammered another board in, accidentally squeezing his thumb
between the board and the wall.  "Yoooooow!!!!"

    During the day, Ranma considered some of her options.  She could always
go to Dr. Toufuu and try to find out where Shampoo was through the martial arts
underground, but Ranma was beginning to suspect that she herself and the people
who she drew together were rapidly becoming the martial arts underground of
Nerima.  While many people fantasize that the world revolves around them, Ranma
didn't think the reality was all it was cracked up to be and was quite willing
to work to insure otherwise.
    Just as long as Shampoo didn't attack during school, thought Ranma.  Ranma
wanted to find out where she is and surprise her, not the other way around.
    Shampoo didn't cooperate.  Ranma's restful sleep during math class was
rudely interrupted by the figure of a familiar busty amazon girl breaking the
wall.  "Ni hao!"
    She was holding a small black pig by the tail.  "Shampoo take pet pig
Charlotte belonging to Ranma.  If Ranma not fight Shampoo now, pet pig
Charlotte become Nyuucheezuu-style sweet and sour pork!"
    Great, thought Ranma.  Now Ryouga was involved in her personal problems.
And she couldn't reveal Ryouga's secret, either, even to save his life.
    "If I promise to fight you after school, will you give Charlotte back?"
    "Shampoo fight now."  So much for that idea.

    Over the horizon bounded a blue-clad female figure laughing like a maniac.
Kodachi.  Not exactly the cavalry, thought Ranma.  Still, there must be _some_
way she could use Kodachi's presence.  Ranma thought furiously, a first for
her during math class.  Maybe she could set them off against each other?
    "Where did Ryouga-sama go?  Are you hiding him from me, Ranma?"
    "I haven't seen him around all day!"  True enough.
    "Do not lie to me, pig-tailed one!  His clothes I found not one block from
here, by the sprinkler!  You are hiding him."
    Ranma pointed to Shampoo.  "She's got him!"  Charlotte nodded.
    Shampoo did not look happy.  "Violent girl Ranma lie!"  Charlotte shook
his head.
    Kodachi examined Shampoo's facial expression.  "She is obviously a most
sincere person.  She did not kidnap Ryouga-sama!  You must have done it.  I
know, you must want him for yourself!"  Charlotte shook his head, of course
without being noticed.

    Ranma ducked as blows from both girls came at her.  She pulled them
together so that their blows landed on each other instead, and reached for the
pig, snatching Charlotte out of Shampoo's arms while she was still dazed.
Ranma ran away towards the restroom.
    Shampoo and Kodachi chased her.  Soon Kodachi threw a bouquet in front
of Ranma.  It burst into a cloud of smoke, which made Ranma choke and feel
faint.  She escaped through the window and to fresher air.  Her pursuers
followed.
    Ranma faced off against the two girls.  "Kodachi, let me ask you
something..."
    "No dirty tricks!"
    "It's not a trick.  What if I could tell you how to get Ryouga to be with
you?"
    "Oh?  And you are going to do that?"
    "Sure.  Let me ask you something.  You like him, don't you?"
    Kodachi swooned.  "Ryouga-sama...."
    "And you don't hate him?  You don't want to kill him and you don't think
he's scum?"  The pig nodded.
    "How dare you accuse me of such behavior towards Ryouga-sama!"
    "There is the poison and the weapons, you know."  The pig nodded again.
    "I just mean to ensure that he remains a gentleman!"
    "Well, here's how it works, Kodachi.  Ryouga doesn't...  well, that kind
of thing scares him.  Maybe if you don't do it, he'll be nicer towards you."
    Shampoo, tired of the talk, came at Ranma again.  "Wait!  Kodachi, if I
bring Ryouga to you and he doesn't run away, will you help me?"
    Kodachi shouted to Ranma "I would do anything for Ryouga-sama!".  Ranma
spied Ryouga's clothes and snatched them off the ground, then let Shampoo
chase her to the men's restroom.  She opened the door, and held the pig back as
if to throw him in.
    When Ranma didn't throw Charlotte in, Charlotte looked up at Ranma with
anger.  "Now look here, Ryouga", Ranma told him.  "I'm trying to help both of
us."  Will you play along?  Or would you rather become dinner for Shampoo?
Charlotte shook his head.
    Ranma then threw the pig and the clothes bundle in and slammed the door.
No way for Ryouga to get lost in a bathroom with only one door, thought Ranma.
Shampoo and Kodachi cornered Ranma while she waited for Ryouga to change, but
she opened the door, letting a rather wet Ryouga out.

    Kodachi blushed.  "Ryouga-sama!  How nice to meet you here!"  Kodachi
offered him another bundle of black roses--Ranma wondered how she could
possibly hide them in that skintight costume.  While trading blows with
Shampoo, Ranma glanced over at the roses looking for gas clouds, but none
appeared.
    Ryouga picked up the roses.  "A...  arigato...  Kodachi...."  Kodachi
nearly hugged him, but was stopped when Ranma, taking a breather after
deflecting Shampoo into a wall, pointed to her spiked rings.  "You said you
wouldn't do anything."
    Kodachi, a pained expression on her face, let go of Ryouga and stuck her
hand behind her back.  When she brought it out again, there was no sign of
any poison spikes, and she hugged him without any special weapons.  Ryouga
stammered more when hugged, and finally fainted.
    "Oh my!", exclaimed Kodachi.  "Ryouga is so excited at my presence that
he loses consciousness even without any assistance!  I am forever grateful to
you, Ranma!"
    "Will you help me fight Shampoo?"
    "Oh, I couldn't.  I would never do such a dishonorable thing!"  She
pat Shampoo on the back, also injecting her with sleep poison from her rings,
which had somehow reappeared.

    Kodachi bounded off, carrying Ryouga.  Ranma wondered, as she tied up
Shampoo, just how long Kodachi would give up using poison and restraints.
Probably not long, but who knows.  Maybe Ryouga could work a miracle.  She
threw Shampoo in the sewer and returned to class.

    After school, he went straight to Ukyou and told her everything that
happened.  
    "You mean", choked out Ukyou between laughs, "she just hit her and took
her out, like that?"  Ukyou snapped her fingers.  "Guess I need to marry
someone stronger than that..."
    "Uh, Ucchan, why are you looking at me?"
    Ukyou sighed.  "Nothing, Ranchan."

    Shampoo broke through the boarded-up hole, dripping filthy water.  Ranma
looked at her in disbelief.  "You don't give up, do you?  You're like the
Terminator."
    Shampoo angrily replied "Ukyou strong and handsome and Ranma not good
match for him."
    Ukyou shouted "You have no idea what you are talking about!" as Shampoo
tried to finger her chest.  Ukyou pushed her ayay.  "Please stop that."  She
continued "You suddenly think you're in love just because of some stupid
accident.  You don't know anything about me and if you did you'd know that you
couldn't _really_ love me.  It's just infatuation!  You're in love with
someone you're imagining me to be like!"
    Shampoo began to cry.  "You thinking of Kodachi.  Shampoo know what
husband Ukyou is like, and if Ukyou have some secret still, Shampoo can handle
it whatever it is.  And Shampoo show she can be good wife."  She sped to the
stove and her hands moved with lightning speed.  "Here, here plate of chow mein
to try."
    "I don't have everything you need for chow mein over there.  Those
ingredients are for okonomiyaki!"
    "Shampoo realize that husband have important parts missing but Shampoo make
do with what husband provide.  Now eat."
    Ukyou took a bite.  "I have to admit, it's good."  Ranma reached for it.
"No, Ranchan.  I'll make you some real food later."
    "Shampoo do make real food.  Once we get proper wedding, husband never have
to make okonomiyaki again!"
    If Ukyou was upset before, now she was furious.  "Never...  make...
_okonomiyaki_?"  Ukyou drew her spatula and swung it in Shampoo's direction.
    Shampoo cried again.  Ukyou stopped.  Shampoo said "If still reject
Shampoo, Shampoo have no other choice.  You be much better off if you not
remember violent fiancee that steal Shampoo's husband.  No need to remember
after Shampoo kill, anyway."  Ukyou swung the spatula, while Shampoo tried to
reach inside Ukyou's broad swing to swipe at Ukyou's head with a group of
small objects held in her hand.  But Ukyou was too good a fighter to let
herself be taken out that way by Shampoo, and she fought her to a draw, never
letting Shampoo get close.
    Ranma, tired of being fought over like a plaything, kicked the objects out
of Shampoo's hands, and then aimed a punch at her.  When Shampoo dodged,
Ukyou nailed her with the spatula.

    Ranma picked up the objects left by Shampoo, curious as to what they were.
Odd. Very odd.  A bottle of shampoo, labelled "110", and a comb.  "Ucchan, ever
heard of bathroom product martial arts?"
    "No..."
    "Me neither.  Wonder if Dr. Toufuu has any idea of what this is."

    "It's an ancient technique called the Saifatsuhengoushiatsu-ken.",
explained Dr. Toufuu as he examined the bottle and the unconscious Shampoo.
    "The what?"
    "Well, it's a kind of brainwashing.  In fact it's definitely washing.  With
the use of this special shampoo, the victim can be made to forget anything
desired."
    Ranma smiled.  "That's *it*.  All we have to do is use Shampoo's own
technique on her.  Make her forget any of this ever happened.  She won't kill
me, and me and Ucchan don't have to kill her."
    "I wouldn't advise it", answered Dr. Toufuu.  "The cure is in China.
Once Shampoo returns there, they can cure the condition, and then you'll have
a horde of angry amazons after you instead of one."
    "How dangerous can they be?" asked Ranma.  "She's the best in her village,
and we didn't have any trouble beating her...  just making her stay beaten.
And for all we know they'll be mad at _her_ for not doing her job."
    "Your choice, Ranma.  Ukyou too."
    Ranma and Ukyou looked to each other.  Ukyou said "Ranchan...  we don't
have any other choice.  Except to kill her.  Be safe by having blood on our
hands."
    Ranma began to search Shampoo's body.  Ukyou slapped her away.  "Hey",
said Ranma", what was that for?  I'm just trying to see if she's carrying any
other funny things like this."
    "_I'll_ do that."  Ukyou giggled.  "Besides, as her husband, I have a right
to feel her body."

    They left Shampoo on a bullet train, with very clean hair (along with a
few gaps in her memory), and without comb, without her Amazon law book, and
about twenty bottles lighter.  All the bottles had been cleverly concealed in
her clothing so as not to show.
    Back at Ukyou's dorm, Ranma and Ukyou were reading some of the laws
together.  "Hey, there's not just laws in here.  Did you know that Chinese
Amazons shrink as they get older?"
    "Really?"
    "Well, after age 100, anyway.  Oh, and look at this part.  It's a recipe
book.  She could probably open a hell of a Chinese restaurant here...."
    "I'm beginning to think you would rather she wanted to marry _you_."
    "Oh, come on, Ucchan, she's a pretty girl.  Can't I dream?"
    "Yeah, everyone can dream.  I'm sure...  sure she'll find a real future and
stop getting involved with other people who don't care about her.  Right,
Ranma?"
    "You don't sound like you're talking about Shampoo...."
    "You're starting to understand, Ranma...."
    "...  but I know that if it's you who wants to open a restaurant, you can
do it.  It'd be great!"

(To be continued.)

Author's note: Although it's called "Tendou 2/3", I don't intend to concentrate
on the remaining Tendous _that_ much, although I may do so more than in the
regular series.  Besides, I still haven't introduced all of the main Ranma
chaarcters yet.  And I really would like comments, hopefully on a higher level
than just "That was a good/bad story" or typo corrections.