Gratuitous Self - Part 3


	Takezo was feeling good today.
	Some people had written to tell him about how they felt about his fanfic,
'Turning Road'. Aside from pointing out a few typos here and there, the
response was...pretty good.
	That is, if you discount the 100 or so flame messages.
	So, then, why WAS Takezo feeling good?

	"You know," Bob had told Takezo the day after he had posted part 2 (which
was a little more than a week ago), "These people are just jealous."
	"Yeah?", said Takezo, looking up from  the homemade okonomiyaki he and Bob
made which he was now finishing off. "What makes you say that, and not,
'These people hate gratuitous self-insertion fics?'"
	"I KNOW these people," answered Bob. "They write self-insertion fics
themselves. I think they're all from a group called, 'The Holy Crusaders of
Nabiki Tendo' or something like that."
	"And?", Takezo asked between gulps of water (which he needed to cool down
that lump of wasabi that didn't quite spread on the okonomiyaki right)
	"And.....your fanfic was...um...for lack of a better word, blasphemous to
their order."
	"Yeah? So THAT'S why one of them called me the 'Salman Rushdie' of
Fanficdom."
	"Don't let it get to you..."
	"I know that. I expected this kind of reaction. It IS, after all, a
self-insertion fic."
	"No, I meant...Look at it this way. NONE of the self-insertion bashers
have written a flame about your fic. Sure, they're not saying anything GOOD
about it, either, but hey, no gnus is good gnus."
	"You mean, they liked it?"
	"No. I mean they tolerate it. And that's for those guys who HATE GSIF's.
Think about those who don't."
	"Yeah, I know what you mean. A lot of good comments sandwiched between
those flames."
	"Well, then, keep it up, then." And with that, Bob finished the last of
the okonomiyaki.
	"Hey, no fair! I was saving the part with the shrimp for last!"
	"Tough."

	And so, Takezo was actually looking forward to checking his e-mail.
	"Hmm, let's see now..." He peered into the view message window of his mail
reader. "'Blasphemous scum'..." He pressed his delete key, which resounded
with a satisfying *paku*. "'You are hereby marked as the Lesser
Akuma'...Hmm, who's the Greater Akuma? Kasha-Oh Kinnosuke?" *paku*
	Some of Takezo's friends were at his house for an anime marathon, and were
silently watching this blonde guy chasing after a glowing bird and
shouting, "Marie!" He could hear sniffles from the background.
	"Oh, what's this? 'I liked the way you wove together established fact and
your own fiction...' Domo." He moved that message to his C&C folder.
	"'Could you give a larger part of the story to that kawaii pink-haired
waitress! I loved her!' Rabid fanboy..." *paku*
	"'Who's the girl who shouted 'Divine Retribution'?' Newbie." *paku*
	"'The Goddess will punish you for such heresy...' Suuuuuure." *paku*
	"'Heretic.'" *paku* "'Filibuster'. Filibuster? Huh?" *paku*
	"'Love the way Nabiki doesn't break character.' Me too, pal. Another one
for the C&C folder."
	"Oh, look, a fanfic. 'Senshi Muyou'. Hmm." -click- Moved to 'Fanfics'.
	"'Stop putting in those damned obscure in-jokes! I didn't get a single
one! You're ruining it for me!' No way, man. That's like asking me to stop
breathing." Apparently, Takezo had grown a taste for in-jokes. *paku*
	"'How dare you....'" He instinctively reached for the delete key, but read
on anyway..."'...make such a well-written yet so flagrantly self-gratifying
fanfic! I was torn between deleting and reading the damn thing!'" Takezo
raised his eyebrows. "Sorta like wanting to 'puke and shake my hand at the
same time', huh?"
-click- Moved to C&C.
	"Another fanfic...'Tuxedo Kamen Rider'. Weird." -click-
	"Fanfic...Kikkoman Blade. What's this? A armored cooks anime?" -click-
	"'You are hereby excommunicated by the Holy Crusaders.' Notice the look of
total concern and worry lacking from my face." *paku*
	"Fanfic...'Samurai Shogirls'. Must be a lemon." -click-
	"A DBZ Fanfic starring Goku (Kakarotto), Gohan, Tenshinhan, Vegita, Broly,
Piccolo...all of a sudden, I feel hungry." -click-
	"Hey! This guy got all the in-jokes! He's THE man! I kneel in respect
to...eh? Oh, great, it's just Bob. Whatta joker." After some thought, he
decided to place the message in the Miscellaneous folder.
	He selected the next message and...
	"NANI YO?!"
---

	Turning Road Part 3: Defending the Faith
	By Kojiro Sasaki

---
	"WHO IS THIS JERK?!", Takezo fumed. "AND HOW DARE HE USE MY FANFIC!"
	
---

	Kojiro was not expecting his first day at Furinkan High to have much
incident.....but then, this WAS Nerima. Already he had run into a
red-haired pig-tailed girl (kinda cute, he thought) chasing down an
shriveled old man lugging a huge bag full of gym shorts, the
ukelele-playing Hawaiian(?) principal, and a rather cute-looking
spatula-wielding girl being chased by a vending machine, of all things, so
this incident occuring in front of him did not come as much of a surprise,
since successive shocks have a decreasing effect.

---
	Hmph, thought Takezo. I could have come up with those references.
---

	They were fighting. Not physically, mind you, they were simply exchanging
words. But the way these two were verbally fencing (and so subtly, too, he
thought. You can hardly tell that they're directly disagreeing with each
other, although the hostility was apparent) was possibly as engaging as
your usual Musabetsu Kakuto (School of Anything Goes Martial Arts) style
fight in the school courtyard.

---
	Musabetsu Kakuto? thought Takezo. I didn't know that...
---

	"Good morning, Takezo." Nabiki was cool, composed, didn't miss a step
while greeting the man who had every right to be mad at her.
	"Well. Good morning, Nabiki. I see your conscience let you sleep well last
night." Cold. That was the word to describe the way Takezo responded.

---
	HE'S MAKING ME ARGUE WITH NABIKI?! He's making me argue with Nabiki. I
see. Takezo was...well, he didn't really know how he felt about this. It
was all conflicting inside his head.
---

	"Yes, it did, didn't it." If Nabiki was lying, she showed no outward signs
of it. "By the way, my friends just LOVED your letter."
	"I'm glad to hear it. How much do people pay for your friendship?"

---
	Ow, I'm so cold! thought Takezo. I can't believe I'm being so blunt with
Nabiki. It's incredible.
---

	Nabiki grinned sardonically, which was not a good sign. "It depends.
Friends get in for free."
	"Makes sense. I mean, it shows how many friends you have."
	"Meaning?"
	"The people who don't owe you anything."
	
---
	Takezo could do nothing but continue reading...and flinch.
---

	"Anyway, the whole school's talking about the sweet and literate way you
write. Talk about having too much time on your hands." Nabiki folded her
arms, as if to say, beat that.
	"Yes, well, I don't have any loan-sharking operations to take care of,
unlike yourself.
	"Is that so?", said Nabiki flatly. "By the way, like the way you use
flowery language. You almost can't tell it was stolen material."
	"Stolen material? Is that what you call your 'earnings' these days?"

---
	For five minutes, Takezo cringed like his fists and jaw were never going
to unclench again, and not because of anger.
---

	The short-haired girl and the guy were going at it like rabid dogs with
telekinesis. Every so often, noticed Kojiro, one of them would give the
other the 'dagger look', usually when the other's back is turned. This was
the only sign that those rapier-sharp words were drawing blood.
	Kojiro looked...no, actually, he stared at the short haired girl...Nabiki,
if he heard correctly. She was amazing. Not just the looks, although that
was amazing in itself. Her entire manner was so cool that even as she
blurred in his vision (that's what you get for not blinking), he still
watched her, he could still tell it was her somehow, by the way she moved,
by her air...

---
	God, listen to this guy, thought Takezo. He's even more smitten than me!
Although he's got a point...
---

	Masanori passed by Nabiki and Takezo, trying not to draw Nabiki's
attnetion for fear of further extortion. Takezo called him, asking, "Hey,
Masanori, have you seen Takeshi around?"
	"Um...The last time I saw him, he was chasing this little kid with a
Goku-like hairdo around with a bokken."

---
	Now THERE'S an obscure reference if I ever saw one, thought Takezo. He's
pretty good at this, after all.
---

	After Masanori had left, Nabiki noticed the guy standing in front of them.
She got this wicked gleam in her eye that passed quickly. We'll see how
tough you really are, Takezo, she thought.
	She smiled at the boy and said, "Oh hi! Are you a new student? What's your
name?" She showed just enough interest in him to fluster him...and
infuriate Takezo, she thought.
	The boy could do nothing but stammer for a few moments, then said,
"Um...y-yes. I'm...Kojiro."
	"Kojiro? What a nice name! I'm Nabiki! Please to meet you!" At which she
took his hand and shook it.
	Nabiki thought she saw a fleeting hint of displeasure in Takezo's eyes as
Kojiro embarassedly held Nabiki's hand, which Takezo immediately covered
up. She got this strange pleasure from making him squirm.

---
	"Errrrrrrrg! Arrrg! Grrraaah!"
	Takezo had lost all coherent thought, although not all of it was from
anger.
---

	"Really?", said Nabiki happily, "That's my class! We'll be classmates
then!"
	"I..I'm glad..." Kojiro was not the epitome of engaging conversation just
now.
	"Isn't that great, Takezo?", said Nabiki, with what Takezo grudgingly
admitted to himself was just the right mixture of enthusiasm and edge.
	Danm it! thought Takezo. She's got the upper hand now. Damn me for
revealing my weakness for her! This line of thought did not show on
Takezo's face. Instead, he said, with matching enthusiasm and a touch of
sarcasm, "Really?  That'd be great!"

---
	Takezo blinked, his face blank. He quietly turned away from the screen for
a moment, then looked back, moved the fanfic over to his ''Fanfic' folder,
and went over to Bob's place.

	The Grand Hall of the Goddess was packed. Everyone was talking about the
Initiate's ambitious crusade against the heretic, Takezo Musashi.
	"Sire," Kojiro reported to the High Commander, "Project: Retaliation Fic
is a success."
	"Yes, I particularly liked the way you made our goddess hostile against
the heretic, as well as your humility in the presence of the goddess. For
this accomplishment, I grant you that which you desire...Knighthood!"
	The Hall was in an uproar. The older Knights were protesting the breach of
policy, while the Initiates (particularly Kojiro's batch) applauded.
	"Silence!", commanded the High Commander. "I am not yet finished. Never
has there been a greater threat to us. Never has the Mailing List been so
united in endorsing a heretic. "Therefore, I call a Crusade! A Crusade
against the heretic!" He raised his hand to prevent another outburst from
the gathering. "And I name Kojiro Sasaki...Lord Crusader!"
	Not even the High Commander's calls for order could stop the uproar that
rose from that statement. Amid the congratulations and the applause and the
protests, Lord Crusader Kojiro Sasaki smiled to himself in satisfaction.
You're mine, Takezo.....

	"YOU'RE WHAT?!" Bob was incredulous.
	"Yeah, you heard right."
	"BUT...BUT...BUT...Someone else wrote it! An upstart in the Crusaders,
yet!"
	"Which makes it so ironic that I am not refuting Kojiro's part 3. In fact,
I'm writing Part 4 following it, and not part 3."
	"But...you didn't write it!"
	"I know, and I could never write something like that. Well, not before,
anyway. I want you to read it again. Well."
	"It...it...it...." Silence. Then..."You're right. This is not half-bad!"
	"See? It's even better than what I had in mind, although I always cringe
when I read it."
	"What DID you have in mind?"
	"Um...Nabiki and I'd make up, and we'd..."
	"Nevermind. Keep Kojiro's Part 3."

Part 4: The Challenge is Accepted! Who will prevail? Who writes a better
story? Will the FFML stand the stress of all the letters? Will somebody
finally get all the references?

	And here's part three. I hope you guys like it. I would appreciate C&C,
not just for my fanfic, but for Takezo's and Kojiro's fics, too. (Source
material, you see.) Also, your guesses for the references. Will someone
guess them all, please? (Not you, Scriviner...although you could try.)

Here it is, people, the Scorecard (pretty tough this time):
Kasha-Oh Kinnosuke (Hold-over question from last time): 10 pts.
Guy chasing bird and crying, "MARIE!": 20 pts.
Gettiing hungry after reading DBZ names: 20 pts.
The Name 'Kojiro Sasaki': 20 pts.
His relation with Takezo: 20 pts.
Takeshi chasing little kid with a bokken: 50 pts.!!!

I deign to give scores for the red-head, old man,  ukelele man, spatula
girl, vending machine references. Oh, okay, fine. One point each.

Until Part 4 then.

Timerunner 1/16/97

His sin approaches that of the Creator Takahashi's greatest mistake and
most evil creation. The devil himself...Kasha-Oh Kinnosuke! And for this,
he must pay!"
                                -Lord High Commander, Holy Crusaders of
Nabiki Tendo