The two eldest Tendou sisters peered in on their living room. Their
father was sitting silently, tears flowing down his face, staring across
the shogi board at a rather bulky spectacled man, who was in a similar
state. There was an opressive, dark ambience to the atmosphere.
"Come on, Sis, aren't you at all curious about that old guy?" Nabiki
pressed.
"Not really, no," Kasumi replied. "Father will tell us all about him
when the time comes." She went back to preparing a light snack in the
kitchen.
Suddenly, there came a furious knocking at the front door. Nabiki
wandered to the foyer, and slid the door open.
The woman who stood there, panting like she'd been running for some
distance, was about 5'9'' tall, a bit taller than Kasumi. She had collar
length golden blonde hair, slate gray eyes, and wore gunmetal gray
glasses. She was dressed in a blue denim shirt and a pair of grayish
trousers, under a heavy black trenchcoat that went down to her ankles.
Her shoes were covered in mud and dust, so that it was hard to make out
any details about them. Nabiki, a trained observer, took in all this
detail in an instant.
"Excuse me," she gasped, her accent betraying her foreign nature, "but
is there a short, red-haired, pig-tailed, rather cute girl just arrived
here?"
"Uh ..." Nabiki temporized. The girl was unmistakably Saotome Ranma,
the "son" of her father's old friend who'd just arrived a little over an
hour earlier.
"Who is it, Nabiki-chan?" Kasumi inquired, coming into the foyer.
"Is Saotome Ranma here?" the woman asked directly. "I can't read much
Japanese, but I figured that the sign means `Tendou Dojo', and that's
where h- ... uh, *we* were headed. Is she here?"
"Why, yes," Kasumi replied. "She and her pet panda came her only a
short while ago. She's in the bath right now. Who --"
"Wait a minute," Nabiki interrupted. "You ran that bath for *Ranma*?
I thought it was for Akane, so I sent her in."
"Oh my. Well, the two of them seemed to be getting along well."
"Excuse me," said the woman in the doorway, who had a sick expression
on her face. "This would be a hot bath, right?"
"Yes, Ranma-chan was very sweaty after her sparring match with
Akane-chan, and ... is something wrong?"
The woman had closed her eyes, and was counting down softly. "Five,
four, three, two ..."
An ear-splitting scream reverberated through the air. Kasumi and
Nabiki turned to look at its source, and the woman opened her eyes.
Tendou Akane ran screaming down the hallway, her long hair streaming
behind her. She headed out into the garden, seizing hold of a large piece
of stonework that was resting inoffensively there, babbling, "I'll weigh
him down! I'll *drown* him in the bathtub!"
Akane's two elders approached her cautiously, neither aware that the
woman was following them with a resigned expression. "Akane," Nabiki
inquired, "what's wrong? What's that for?" she added, pointing at the
stonework that the younger girl was toting.
"There's a *pervert* in the bathroom," Akane hissed.
"Then ... why don't you just kill him with your bare hands?" Nabiki
prodded.
"Easier said than done," the blonde woman muttered. Nobody noticed.
"Because I'm *scared*!!" Akane replied.
"That's odd ... Ranma was in the bath just now," Kasumi murmured.
"That's actually less odd than you might think, Miss," the blonde
woman commented.
Before Kasumi could frame a reply to that, she saw a young man, dark
of hair, wearing ... Ranma's clothes?!! ... step out of the bathroom, and
start towards them with an embarassed expression. "Who ..." she began.
"Who are you?" Nabiki demanded.
"I'm Saotome Ranma ... sorry 'bout this," he replied. Then he noticed
the woman who was standing behind the Tendou sisters. "Oh! Hey, sorry we
left you back there ..."
"Not as sorry as you're gonna be, man ..." the woman replied dryly,
stealing a look at the furious, confused expression on Akane's face. Her
gaze seemed to linger for just a second longer than it should. Only
Nabiki saw. Then she turned back to the man calling himself Ranma. "Is
the bath still hot?"
"It was pretty warm. Should be enough ... but remember to wash
*before* you get in the tub, right?"
"I *try* to avoid repeating my mistakes, Ranma," she sighed. She
started to head for the bathroom.
"Just a minute! Who are *you*?" Kasumi asked forcefully.
The woman turned back and smiled. "My name's Chris Davies, ma'am.
Pleased to meetcha."
1/2 1/2 1/2
An Inevitable Outcome Feature
Based on the Manga "Ranma 1/2"
by Rumiko Takahashi
Freely adapted from the translation
by Gerard Jones and Matt Thorn
New Material
by C. Richard Davies
CHRIS 1/2
or,
Love Means Being Able
To Call Someone Baka
With Especial Thanks to
Benares
John W. Biles
Chris Willmore
Jeffrey Hosmer
Nicholas Leifker
and the many other authors of
Ranma 1/2 fanfic that have lured
the author into trying his hand at
this oft-used plot.
And Also Thanks to
Bert Van Vliet
who probably does it better
than anyone else.
(Sylia in '97!)
Chris-kun's Voice By
Ryoutarou Okiayu
Chris-chan's Voice By
Mitsuishi Kotono
1/2 1/2 1/2
As evening came to the Tendou household, the four current residents
and their three guests gathered in the dining room.
The woman who had come to the door that afternoon had never emerged
from the bathroom. Instead, a young man, with darker hair, greenish eyes,
and a thin beard had come out, wearing her clothes -- a bit more
comfortably, Nabiki noted -- and glasses.
He sat with a bemused expression beside the younger man who claimed to
be Ranma, who in turn sat beside the middle-aged man who had been sitting
with Tendou Soun. They were all three sitting in a row across from the
three sisters, while Soun sat at the end of the table.
"As I have already said," Soun said, "this *is* my dear old friend --"
"Saotome Genma," the middle-aged man continued. "And this is my son
--"
"Saotome Ranma," the young man finished.
"Ahem."
"Oh. And this is --"
"Their aide de camp, Chris Davies," the final member of the trio
concluded.
"Aide de camp?" Ranma asked, sotto voce.
"Let it go."
Akane was staring at Ranma with thinly veiled hatred, who returned her
look with apprehension. Neither of them noticed the curious expression on
Chris' face as *he* gazed at Akane.
"What's this all about?" Nabiki asked, bewhildered.
"Are you really ... *them*? Those girls?" Kasumi inquired.
"Well ..." Chris began.
"Where should I begin?" Genma wondered aloud. "Ah! I know." With a
single, fluid motion, he grabbed his son by the collar, turned, and threw
him out the open door to the pond. With a single startled shriek, Ranma
splashed down.
"Y'know, Mr. Saotome ... I think we coulda explained this without a
demonstration," Chris sighed.
The red-haired girl rose from the pool with a furious expression.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"No, Davies, it is necessary for them to *see* the depth of my
humiliation! Oh, my son!"
Said son leaped from the pool, grabbed his father, and flung him into
the pool. Moments later, a large panda arose from the pool -- the same
panda that had accompanied -- well, actually, carried would be a better
term -- Ranma to the dojo.
"*Now* they're seeing the depths of your humiliation, old man!" the
girl-Ranma sneered.
"Father ..." Kasumi inquired, delicately, "why are you friends with
them?"
"They weren't like this before," Soun declared. "Not before they went
to China ... and undertook that terrifying training exercise!"
"Really, it wasn't so much the exercise that was a big deal," Chris
interjected. "It was more the locale."
As girl-Ranma and panda-Genma trotted off to take another hot bath,
the attention of the Tendou family abruptly focused on the Westerner in
their midst. "And ... you, also ..." Kasumi began.
"Change?" Chris supplied, scratching his beard. "Yeah. I hope you'll
forgive me, though, if I don't give you a demonstration. It's ... not
fun."
"How did a person from ... where are you from?" Soun inquired.
"Canada, Tendou-san. Saskatchewan, if you're familiar with the ...
no? Okay. How I wound up with those two is ... kinda confusing, even to
me, and it really isn't a big part of their story -- which is probably
what you're most interested in right now. I only hooked up with them a
little before ... *IT* happened."
Ranma and Genma, now restored to their true forms, marched back into
the room, and resumed their seats. Genma had heard the tale end of Chris'
"explanation", and picked up from there. "Ah yes ... it was a fateful two
weeks ago ..."
And he related the tragic, *very* tragic tale of how they had sought
to perfect their martial arts techniques at the Training Grounds of
Accursed Springs ... how Genma had fallen to Ranma's blows into the Spring
of Drowned Panda ... how Ranma had been knocked into the Spring of Drowned
Girl ... and how the splash of Ranma's plunge had accidentally doused
Chris, who was standing too near the Spring.
There was a stunned silence in the room, as Genma finished the tale.
"The legendary training ground of accursed springs," Soun murmured.
"Its true horror has always been shrouded in mystery until now ..."
"Feh! What do you mean, true horror?!" Ranma bit out. He had been
holding his trememdous anger in while his father had recited the tale.
Suddenly, he seized hold of Genma's collar, and bellowed into his face.
"Yo! Old man! What's the idea of draggin' me to a place like that
anyway?!"
Wordlessly, Genma flung Ranma towards the pool. A splash ensued.
"You sound like a *woman*!" Genma answered Ranma bellow for bellow,
earning himself a dirty look from Akane that he didn't notice. "Were you
not prepared to give your life for the sake of your training?"
"My life, yes ..." girl-Ranma said quietly. From somewhere, she
seized a bucket full of water, and flung it at her father, screaming "My
*manhood* is another story!"
It was probably not her intent to accidentally splash Chris with some
water in the process.
It was the first time that any of the Tendou family had actually seen
the process. Chris's body shrunk six inches in height, and his shoulders
seemed to narrow. The hair on his head brightened, while the hair on his
face and chin seemed to shrink instantly. Last but not least, two round
bulges developed in his upper chest, swelling the buttons of his ... no,
of *her* shirt.
He had closed his eyes when he was splashed; now she opened them to
reveal that they had darkened considerably.
Neither Ranma nor Genma, now in panda mode, seemed to have noticed the
other transformation, being intent on some sort of fist fight.
"Oh ... what a tragedy!" Soun proclaimed, tears flowing from his eyes.
Kasumi had stood up, and was opening her mouth to say something to the
Saotome family, when Chris cut her off.
"ALL RIGHT YOU TWO. BREAK IT UP."
Her tone spoke eloquently of death. Ranma slowly turned to look at
her, as did the Panda.
"I have been watching the two of you scrap about this ... thing ...
for the last two weeks. I've HAD it! Ranma, your father is, beyond a
doubt, foolish for having done something like this. HowEVER, like I said
about five minutes after it happened, `If I was looking for someone to
blame for what happened to me, I'd start with you,' Ranma. If *I* can
deal with it, you can. Or are either of you going to let it be said that
someone with zero martial arts training can deal with wild and crazy
situations like this better than the Saotome school of Anything Goes
Martial Arts?"
Ranma bowed her head, and released her grip on the panda, who also
proceeded to release her, without looking in Chris' direction.
"But ... what in the world made them do something so dangerous?"
Kasumi asked Chris suddenly.
"Well ... truth to tell, Ms. Tendou, I've gathered that Mr. Saotome
didn't fully understand what he was getting into at ... Juthenkyou?"
"Jusenkyo," Ranma said quietly.
"... because he doesn't read Chinese, so he couldn't make heads or
tails of the warning signs. Understandable, probably. On the other hand,
not listening to the Guide's warnings was a dumb move ... on yet another
hand, it was a move I also made, so ..."
Soun had stepped out of the room and into the kitchen during Chris'
soliloquy, and now returned, carrying a kettle of boiling water, which he
proceeded to pour on the panda. In a twinkling, the panda became Genma
once more. "So. When doused with hot water, you return to human form."
"Well, it needn't be quite *that* hot," Genma said, wincing in pain.
Soun ignored him. "When doused with cold water, you become a girl
..." Ranma guessed what he was going to do a second before he did it and
jumped out of the way when Soun poured the kettle. "... but hot water
turns you back into a boy!"
"Hot water! Not boiling!" Ranma protested.
And then Soun laughed. It was not a pleasant sound. "It's all
right! Your problem isn't so big after all!"
Ranma was perplexed by this statement, as was Chris, who was making
subtle signs to Soun that maybe it would be nice to test the "hot water"
theory a third time ... all of which were ignored.
"My daughters. Kasumi, nineteen. Nabiki, seventeen. Akane, sixteen.
Pick the one you want. She's your fiancee."
Chris' eyes went wide at this. "Fiancee?" he mouthed at Genma, who
made quieting guestures back at him.
Kasumi and Nabiki exchanged a single look. "Oh, he wants Akane,"
offered Kasumi.
"Wha?"
"Oh definitely!" Nabiki agreed.
"You gotta be kidding!" Akane shouted. "Why would *I* be ..."
"Well, you hate boys, right?" Nabiki pointed out.
"You're in luck! He's half-girl! You'll be happy together!" Kasumi
predicted.
"Me? With *that* pervert?! NEVER!"
"Hey!" Ranma interjected. "Whaddaya mean, pervert?"
"You looked at my *body*, you pervert!"
"*You* walked in on *me*!" Ranma pointed out angrily.
"It's different when a girl sees a boy!" Akane sneered.
"It is?" Chris inquired. "I hadn't realized that. In fact ..."
"You stay out of this!" Akane roared in the Westerner, who immediately
moved to interpose the living room table between them.
"Ah, they're already the perfect couple," Soun commented to Genma.
"*He's* a couple by himself!" Akane shouted at her father. Ranma's
eyes narrowed at that. "And if you ever do anything like it again --"
Ranma started to walk away while Akane was in mid-rant. "Sayonara,"
she bit out.
"Where are you going, boy?" Genma demanded. Chris wondered, as she
had a few times already, what Genma would look like with yellow skin and a
reduced number of digits on each hand.
"Back to China, to find a way to change back for good!" Ranma angrily
retorted. "This is no time for fiancees."
She paused, then turned back to look at Akane. "And by the way ...
you *did* take a pretty good look at me back there. But it's no big deal
for me to see a naked girl. I've seen *myself*, plenty of times." Ranma
lifted her collar, and stared down her blouse to demonstrate.
Akane was visibly shocked by that, while Chris took on a pained
expression.
"And besides ... *your* chest is almost flat," Ranma sniffed, turning
away.
Big mistake.
Akane silently knelt, grabbed the table, lifted it, and slammed it
down onto Ranma's head, smashing him into the floor, with only his hands
sticking out in a paroxysm of pain.
"Looks like Ranma's the flat one now," Genma muttered.
1/2 1/2 1/2
Akane had furiously headed for her room, while Genma and Soun went off
to drown their sorrows and celebrate the imminent union of their houses.
This left Kasumi and Nabiki in the living room with Chris. And Ranma, but
as she was unconscious, she didn't offer a lot to the conversation. At
least, not as a participant. As a subject for discussion, she was
unparallelled.
"Uh, Ms. Tendou ..." Chris began.
"Please, Chris-san, call me Kasumi, or if you desire formality,
Kasumi-san. Either is acceptible."
"Right," Chris smiled wearily. "Kasumi ... is that kettle still hot?"
Kasumi checked. "Unfortunately, no. It's lukewarm ..."
Chris sighed. "Won't do anything ... I'd just get damp." His
expression was melancholy ... more melancholy than Kasumi's father, even
in his worst crying fits, ever became.
"Anyway, how did you hook up with those two?" Nabiki asked suddenly,
uncomfortable with the silence.
"It's a hell of a story," Chris replied. "And if parts of it don't
make sense to you, they don't make much more sense to me. But here it
is."
1/2 1/2 1/2
I was born ... well, that's not important. But I grew up in the
Mid-West of Canada, in a small city called Swift Current. When I finished
high school, I went to the west ... to a larger city named Edmonton, to go
to University.
I was just starting my fourth year there, when a friend of a friend of
mine asked me to do a little favour for him. It involved driving a pickup
truck even further west, across the Rocky Mountains, to a city called
Vancouver. Oh, you've heard of that place? Yeah, not surprising, it's
probably Canada's second or third most famous city.
Anyway, since I didn't have anything else planned that weekend, I
agreed. I drove it up on Saturday morning, dropped off the truck with the
guy who had arranged to have it driven, got paid ... enough to get me on a
bus back to Edmonton that night, plus a little extra ... and started to
look for a place to eat.
I was in Vancouver's Asian district, and I don't know Vancouver well
at all. Fortunately, I'd learned to speak a fairly good brand of Japanese
at university ... admittedly, most of my training wasn't in the classroom
... so I was able to ask directions.
I wonder who or what I'd managed to offend that I asked that kid for
directions.
No, I don't know who he was. But his EVIL face is burned into my
memory, and if I ever meet up with his vile, headband adorned, fangy
person again I will not rest until I have done this and that to him and
*other* things that *aren't* so nice ...!!
Sorry. Lost control there.
I asked for directions in English first. He didn't speak much of it,
just "Where is", and a few other questions. So I switched to Japanese.
He was a native speaker, here. Anyway, I got directions to a local
McDonalds.
I followed them, and the next thing I knew, I was in a rolling field.
In China.
Yes, I know that's impossible. But what I do when the humidity jumps
ain't exactly normal either. My guess is that he must have been some sort
of demon, sent to make my life miserable. Or maybe just everyone's life,
and he chose that moment to pick on me.
Why couldn't he have gone to Toronto, where there are some people I
know who *deserve* this kind of thing?
Anyway, there I was. I started walking towards the sunset. A few
hours later, I was at the Training Grounds of Cursed Springs. Of course,
I didn't know that. I can't read Chinese to save my life. I'm not too
good at Japanese, either ... the way in which I learned most of it was
through listening ... but I digress.
I do that a lot.
The Guide came out, and he started to hustle me away from this one
pool, shouting something about "yetis" ... that's when Genma and the kid
showed up.
They'd come to train. The guide kept trying to talk them out of it,
but Genma wouldn't listen. While he was arguing, I struck up a
conversation with Ranma.
He's an interesting guy. He can do things that look like they belong
on a Hong Kong movie screen ... but he's almost completely socially
inept. The only person he's really been close to is his dad ... and
you've seen how they get along. He doesn't have any concept of small
talk, really. I think the most complicated way he knows how to express
himself is through a challenge to a duel. Or maybe insults.
Yeah, I think I do like him. He's an okay kid. Rough around the
edges, but who isn't? I take that back, Ms. Te -- Kasumi.
Anyway, finally, Genma browbeated the guide into letting them train on
the poles that stuck out of the springs. They jumped up, and started
darting about in midair.
It was *something* to see. Ranma ... hell, the kid's practically
poetry in motion. It was like the second coming of Bruce Lee.
His dad went splash. And then he came roaring up, in Panda mode. I
was just too freaked by this to do anything more than wonder, "How in hell
does he balance like that?"
Then Ranma was falling. I didn't understand why he was belly flopping
like that, he should know how to take a fall better, right? Maybe not. I
don't think he's been trained in how to lose with grace.
And I don't think I'll ever understand why I ran forward to try and
catch him. I mean, it's water, for Pete's sake, and the idea that a curse
will descend on him who is doused in it hasn't quite sunk in.
Nabiki-san, that was an unintentional pun. Quit snickering.
But ... he goes splash, and I get splash, and instantly I understand
how the other half lives.
Ranma was all but out of his skull right afterwards. He went after
his father ... who swears that he hadn't realized that he was cursed when
he threw Ranma like that, by the way ... and I really thought he was gonna
try and kill the guy.
I talked him out of it. It wasn't easy.
When we got calmed down a bit, I asked the guide about a cure. He
said that we could try jumping in the Spring of Drowned Man ... but that
the last person to do that hadn't come out ... quite ... right.
I didn't *want* an elaboration, Nabiki-san. Neither should you.
And then we set off, heading for the nearest port. The guide stayed
with us for a while, until ... certain events made it necessary for us to
part company. I hope he's okay.
Uh, that's another long story, Kasumi.
1/2 1/2 1/2
"Well, in any case, any friend of the Saotome family is certainly a
friend of the Tendou family," Kasumi said decisively. "Please, Chris-san,
stay here as long as you feel comfortable."
"Domo arigatou, Kasumi-san," Chris said, bowing deeply. "I don't want
to freeload, though ... I'm willing to work for my keep."
"Oh, don't worry, Chris-san," Nabiki said, smiling in a singularly
unpleasant manner. "You will."
Chris swallowed. "Anyway ... I should probably get in touch with the
Canadian Embassy. They might be able to help me get in touch with my mom
... although God only knows how I'm gonna explain ... this," she said
finally, gesturing at her chest. " `Hey, mom? You know how you were
always making noise about how you might have enjoyed having a daughter?
Well ...' "
"And your father will undoubtably take the news hard, as well," Kasumi
agreed.
Chris' features froze. "Actually, Kasumi ... no. I'd rather not go
into that. Period. Okay?"
She blinked. "Oh my. Was he ..."
"NO! He wasn't ... and he's not dead or anything, it's just that ...
like I said, I don't wanna go into it."
Ranma slowly returned to consciousness at about that time, and her
eyes slowly opened. Chris turned to her. "Ranma? Do yourself a favor.
Don't lift your head too quickly. You just got knocked a good one, and if
you get up too soon, you'll feel even worse. Okay?"
Ranma nodded weakly.
"Please don't think too harshly of Akane," Kasumi said kindly. "She's
really a very sweet girl. She's just a violent maniac, sometimes."
"Oh, good, Kasumi, that makes a *lot* of sense," Nabiki muttered.
"I think I get your meaning ... `do not tease the cute animals',
right?" Chris asked.
Kasumi nodded. "Although I don't think of my little sister as an
animal, of course. Well, not usually. Rarely."
Nabiki made a `don't-tell-these-weird-people-all-the-family-gossip'
gesture at Kasumi, and they both got up. "What say we go run you two a
nice hot bath?" Kasumi asked.
"Thank you, that would be very gracious. Right, Ranma?"
"Whatever."
The Tendou sisters went off. Chris sighed. "Well, Ranma, I told ya
you were gonna be sorrier for running off like that," Chris sighed.
"Didn't you tell me that saying I told you so was real bad manners?"
Ranma complained.
"Yes. But anyway, what, aside from having the unfortunate luck to be
naked in the bath when the young lady entered the bathroom, did you do to
her?"
"Nothin'! I didn't do nothin'!"
"Double negative. Tsk."
"I didn't do anything, okay? I just had a sparring match with her,
that's it! She said she wanted to be *friends*," Ranma spat out. "So
much for friends, when she finds out I'm a boy!"
"I don't get it. I can understand how she'd be upset about an
arranged marriage ... hell, I'd probably hacked off myself. Well, anyway,
how is she?"
"Uh. Some fairly efficient moves. Way too slow though. Lot of power
behind her blows, but it's just too easy to get out of the way. When she
connected with that table ..."
"Yeah. Maybe a little better than ... you know who?"
Ranma shook her head. "Not even close. But since she's back in China
... you can stop worrying about her anytime now, Chris."
"I'll stop worrying about that'n when I'm dead, Ranma," Chris said
soberly. <Or she's dead. Preferably,> he added silently.
Ranma pulled herself into a seated position. "Augh ... what kind of
girl is she, anyway?"
"The kind that doesn't want a guy to see her naked, Ranma. It's a
remarkably common kind, actually ..."
"Hell, she got a free show from me," Ranma grumbled, and got up to
walk. She was a bit unsteady, so Chris stayed close.
"Well, maybe she's the kind that doesn't enjoy that kind of free
show," Chris shrugged.
"What kinda chick wouldn't wanna see a guy's muscle tone?" Ranma
sneered.
"Do *you* wanna see a guy's muscle tone, Ranma-chan?" Chris asked
sweetly.
"No way! I mean ... what do *you* mean?"
"Let it go, Ranma," Chris sighed, as they headed for the bathroom.
Ranma had pulled off her clothes, while Chris was taking off her
glasses, when the sliding door to the bathtub slid open.
On the other side was Akane.
Naked.
"Uh," said Ranma. "Uh. Uh-oh!"
"Ko. No. Yar. Ou!" Akane bit out slowly.
The slap rang out. Ranma stumbled into the wall. Akane turned her
furious gaze to Chris. "And as for you, you gaijin weirdo ..."
"Miss Tendou?" Chris said, looking all over.
"I'm over here, baka!" she sneered.
"I'm sorry, Miss Tendou, I'm almost blind without my glasses. So, if
you want to beat upon an innocent, unarmed, defenseless, untrained woman
... please feel free. You no doubt have a lot of frustration to work out,
and I would be honored to be of some small service to you in this." She
then stood calmly, looking at the wall a few inches to the right of
Akane's head.
Akane finally growled in frustration, and stomped out of the bathroom.
"You aren't blind without your glasses," Ranma muttered, her left
cheek beginning to swell in a distinctive, hand-shaped pattern.
"Ssh! You wanna get us both killed?" Chris began to undress.
"Anyway, she's pretty cute."
"Nope. She's not cute. She's definitely uncute. Kawaiikune."
Chris paused. "Shouldn't that be pronounced ..."
"Do *I* tell *you* how to pronounce Eigo?"
"Well, no ..."
"Then shut up!"
The End
(For Now)
Author's Notes
Yes, it's a self-insertion fic. The only thing that's wrong with a
self-insertion fic is when the author sees fit to try and fix everything
that has "gone wrong" in a series, or awards him/herself godlike powers in
the context of the story. (Even that can be fun to read, q.v.
Undocumented Features.) That won't happen here. "Chris Davies" is
spectacularly underpowered in comparison to the cast of the series, and he
doesn't know what's coming, either. He will wind up creating as many
problems for Ranma as he helps him with.
Some notes about the differences between "me" (The Author) and "me"
(The Character): I can speak perhaps ten Japanese words, and don't have
the first idea about grammar. One of the key differences between The
Author's life and The Character's is that he took Japanese as his language
requirement in his first year at University, and fell in love with the
language. (He also discovered anime long before I did. Lucky sot.)
The Character is a fanfiction author, just like The Author, and he has
written things that parallel things that I wrote. (Of course, in this
universe, Ranma 1/2 was replaced by another long-running action comedy by
Rumiko Takahashi that is equally as popular. Don't ask me for details ...
if I was as creative as Rumiko-sensei, I'd be gainfully employed by now.)
Yes, the Character *is* attracted to Akane. It's Ranma 1/2, and Akane
attracts the attention of every not otherwise obsessed male in the
series. Since the Character's obsession with Hino Rei is unlikely to come
to fruition, he will try to gain her interest. However, since the
Character is also as ill-equipped for romance as the Author is ... it's
unlikely that anything will come of it.
Yes, it was Ryouga who gave the Character the directions that got him
to China. I realize that Ryouga generally does not get *that* lost in the
series, nor does he get other people lost as a general thing. But this is
a comedic and plot device, and it's the only time that it will be used.
Promise.
I have about nine episodes of this story planned, based on the first
three translated volumes of the manga. After that, I don't know.
To a certain degree, I think Chris-chan looks a bit like any of
Tsukino Usagi's "disguise" forms which has collar length hair. (That's
why I picked her VA ... although Chris-chan's voice actually sounds a bit
more like Katsuragi Misato than Usagi. Chris-kun's VA was chosen because
of my admiration for Okiayu's work on El-Hazard and Marmalade Boy.)
Ranma 1/2 was created by Rumiko Takahashi and brought to North America
by Viz Communications. Chris Davies was created by Katherine and Richard
Davies and brought to North America by Air Cayman. The preceeding story,
while incorporating aspects of a manga held under copyright by others, is
copyright 1997 of Chris Davies.
Nobody sue me, okay?