On Mon, 13 Jan 1997 12:11:47 +0000, Terence Fergusson wrote:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The Great Anime Fanfiction Bloopers"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever wondered how fanfiction authors always get
their characters to do exactly what they want?  Simple.  It's
called "editing".  You never see all the scenes that go wrong,
all the impromptu entrances, exits, fumbling of lines, and so
forth.  Until now.

Okay, any takers?

You asked for it...

THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD -- THE BLOOPERS

(Reel 1)

(The fic that these scenes are from is at
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html#tgtn)

                                PROLOGUE 

(The scene is somewhere in rural China. It is a desolate, mountainous
area. A caption reads "Rural China,  several months ago". A young man,
somewhat thin in shabby peasant clothes, is standing as if waiting for
something. He spots it, namely an ordinary-looking young woman. They
run toward each other as if about to embrace each other. They have
lovesick expressions on their faces.)

Man: Chu Mai!

Woman: Yu Ren! (They embrace and kiss each other.) {You came!}

Man: Huh huh huh huh huh she said "came"...

Director: CUT! I hate working with guest actors...

				PART 1 SCENE 2

Ranma: No problem. I can take care of this thing right now. (He grabs
the food that Akane had been trying to force on him earlier.)

Akane: Where are you going with that?

Ranma: To flush it down the toilet. If there's a creature in the
sewers, this'll kill it for sure.

(Suddenly Kodachi bounds in from nowhere)

Kodachi: HOHOHOHAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHAHAHA!!!!! (Her ribbon snags Akane's
cooking) You need not fear this evil confection, Ranma darling!

Director: CUT! Kodachi, you're not supposed to be in this fic!

Kodachi: Where my dearest Ranma goes, I go!

				PART 2 SCENE 2

Ranma: Take a look at this picture. This is Ranma Saotome. He'll
probably be around here now and again. He's my, uh, my fiance. So if
you see him around my room at odd times or anything, it's OK.

Director: CUT! Doesn't anyone read the stage directions? Ranma is
supposed to be FEMALE in this scene!!!

Ranma: D'Oh!

				PART 3 SCENE 2


Shampoo: Ni hao!

Ranma: Shampoo! What the heck are you doing here?

Shampoo: Shampoo bring breakfast! Hot dumplings and tea!

Ranma: An empty plate? (Turns around) MR YOTSUYA!!

Yotsuya: A delectable meal. My compliments young lady.

Director: CUT!

(Nozumu Nikaido is seen off to one side)

Nikaido: Excuse me, but I'm having trouble following this. Is Shampoo
Ranma's girlfriend?

Shampoo: No. Shampoo Ranma's wife!

Nikaido: Oh. Then what about Akane?

Director: Akane is Ranma's fiancee.

Nikaido: Then Ranma and Akane are in love?

Ranma & Akane: NO!!

Director: Somebody please get another plate of food...

				PART 3 SCENE 2

Shampoo: Ni hao!

Ranma: Shampoo! What the heck are you doing here?

Shampoo: Shampoo bring breakfast! Hot dumplings and tea! (Ranma starts
eating and immediately collapses)

Shampoo: Ranma! What wrong!

(Kodachi bounds down again)

Kodachi: HOHOHOHAHA! I was only too glad to supply the prop people
with some of my special food!

Director: CUT!

(Kodachi glomps Ranma; Shampoo and Akane start pulling her off)

Nikaido: I'VE GOT IT! Ranma is in love with MANAGER KYOKO!! Right?

All: NO!!!!!!!!!

Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics