Okay, people, here it is! The long dreaded third part of The Otaku
series. Due to how I got inspiration for this fic (reading Jorge
Pratt's THE CALLER'S PLIGHT at 11:30 when I hadn't had any sleep in
about 20 hours), and the general sillyness (I hope), feel free to flame
away.
As usual, I appreciate any and all C&C given.
Enjoy!
--
Magic Knight Unlimited Press
Proudly Presents:
Another Otaku Fic Parody
The Otaku: The Final Reckoning!
by Magic Knight Kyone
I don't know who Mr. Soup and Ms. Noodle are owned by, but they're used
without permission.
My character can be used by anyone who reads this (if you are crazy
enough to want to).
Authors Note: The title does not mean that this is the final story of
the luckless otaku. It's actually in honor of one of my friends jokes.
The third of a series of sequels is referred to as {Series Title}: The
Final Reckoning. Go out to the video store and check out some lower
grade series movies. It will prove this. (A good example is the third
Highlander movie, if I remember right :) )
--
Mr. Soup and Ms. Noodle were out eating lunch together as usual. Mr.
Soup was doing his best to gather his courage to propose to Ms. Noodle,
like he did every other time they've gone out for as long as he could
remember. His problem isn't that he doesn't have the courage to ask
her. Oh no, It's much more sinister than that.
You see, he has a little problem with destiny. It has been proven that
every time he actually tries to ask Ms. Noodle to marry him, some force,
whether it be natural or man made, will stop him from proposing.
Someone, however, has decided to intervene.
--
The Being had managed to renew his power. As to who or what was crazy
enough to freely give such power to anyone, especially the Being, no
body knows. He was searching, sure that this was currently the right
area to find Mr. Soup and Ms. Noodle.
<I guess that even I, with all my cosmic power, should go for something
small. That last event was a bit too much of a fiasco for my taste.
Ahh, but there is no way that I, with my supreme intellect will be
stopped in my quest! I WILL SOLVE ALL THEIR PROBLEMS!>
"BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The Being stopped laughing, and took another look. This time, he did
spot them. They were both at a nice restaurant. Ma Maison, of course.
<And it won't kill me this time, either. . . .>
--
As Mr. Soup finished his meal, he finally felt that he had the courage
to do his duty. Unnoticed by him, (which is not unusual, considering he
never notices anything when he's about to propose), the Being stealthily
entered the restaurant.
Fearing rejection, Mr. Soup spoke up. "Ms. Noodle. . . ."
"Yes, Mr. Soup?" she replied, hoping against hope that today would be
the day he'd finally ask her.
--
<Here it comes!> the Being thought, watching with his abilities the
force of destiny began to build up. The Being, perfectly ready, began
to counter the attacks.
Destiny does not generally use cosmic energies to ensure events occur
the way they should. If it did, people around the world would learn of
its existence. Instead, it finds ways to let 'natural' events take care
of matters.
So the forces the Being fought were these 'natural' phenomena. Rather,
about ten martial artists, a squadron of some low-budget science fiction
aliens (with ray guns included), two suits of bio-armor, and a mini-tank
piloted by a red-headed girl all began to fight and accidentally sent a
vast amount of destructive power towards the couple, and (incidentally)
towards the Being as well.
The Being due to his own vast powers, countered it with ease.
--
"Ms. Noodle, there's something I need to ask you."
"Yes, Mr. Soup?" Ms. Noodle was getting quite excited. For once, it
appeared nothing was going to stop him from asking. After so many
years, she could finally tell him!
--
<It's coming! I can feel it now!> The being was fighting the
destructive power valiantly, and none had managed to pass him (except
for that one partridge, but that was because it was flying off towards a
pare tree, and thus was not a threat). <Finally! I'm actually
succeeding! Soon, Mr. Soup will be happily wed to Ms. Noodle!>
Destiny, noticing that it was losing the battle, changed tactics. If
it couldn't stop the Being. . . .
--
Mr. Noodle looked directly at her, praying, and asked. "Ms. Noodle,
will you marry me?"'''
Ms. Noodle looked Mr. Soup right in the face, with such a cute little
smile. She opened her mouth, and closed it. A variety of responses
flew through her mind. Then, she had an idea. <After all this time,
I'm sure a little joke won't hurt.> After watching him sweat for a few
minutes, she answered him.
"No."
--
<WHAT!?!?!> the Being thought, losing all control. Suddenly, about
eight ki-blast, twenty-five disrupter bolts, two heat rays, and a tank
shell the size of his fist quite literally tore him to shreds. As the
pare tree fell onto his head (due to the added wait of the partridge, it
was unable to support itself), he had but one more thought before losing
himself to oblivion (yet again).
<Oops. . . .>
--
Ms. Noodle looked down at Mr. Soup as he began to regain
consciousness. <Can't take a joke, can he?> she thought.
Mr. Soup pulled himself off the floor and looked strait into her eyes.
Mrs. Noodle, seeing the sadness within his eyes, felt sorry for playing
such a cruel joke on him. Eventually he spoke up. "Um. . . what was I
saying? I forgot."
The last thing Mr. Soup saw for a long while was a pocket book slamming
into his face.
--
Meanwhile, in Enma-sama's line. . . .
An oni was patrolling the line, to see what new souls had come to join
today. As usual, the line was incredibly long. At the end of the line,
he noticed a flash.
<Let's see this one. Maybe we'll get someone interesting this time,>
the oni pondered as he approached the new arrival. "Oh. I seese you be
back hearse, 'gain. Who was ya tryin' ta fix dis time? More o' dem
fightahs? Maybe some o' dose chicks in dat powah armah?"
"Um, no. Nothing like that, this time." The Being blushed.
"Then whose did 'ja fix it?"
"Would you believe, a normal couple?"
The oni took one last look before walking away. "Ya knows what? Youse
be hopeless."
The Being sighed. <This just isn't my existence.>
--
The End
--
Magic Knight Kyone
--
"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and
quick to anger." --J.R.R. Tolkien
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and
good with ketchup." --Anonymous