Authors: Gary Kleppe, Jim Nutley, and "Numbski" Shadwick


The Tale of Sir Gary (cont.)

(Ranma looks down out of the tallest window of Swamp Dojo, at P-Gary.
Sir Kuno is momentarily out of shot.)

Ranma: So d'you think you could, like, get me out of here?

P-Gary: Ernk! Bu-kee!

Sir Kuno: Fear not, I have returned forthwith with a kettle of hot
water. (pour)

Gary: Much better.

Ranma: Hooray. Now if you don't mind...

Kuno: What transpires here?

Gary: A little matter of a father forcing a marriage against his
child's will, with the child not liking it all that much.

Ranma: Hey, I ain't told you that yet.

Kuno: What?!? A damsel in distress? A call to action! Fear not, fair
one, for I, Sir Kuno of Spamalot shall save thee!

Gary: Uh oh...

(We see two sentries on guard outside the dojo; they don't seem to be
all that attentive. The scene cuts back to Sir Kuno, who is running
toward the dojo dramatically. The two scenes are then repeated. Then
they are repeated again except we see Gary sneaking in through the
door. Then we see the guards again as Kuno runs up and knocks one out
with his bokken. The other guard lets out a belated "hey!" after Kuno
has run inside.)

(Scene switches to inside. A crowd of men are fawning over Princess
Akane, as Sir Gary rushes in.)

Gary: Uh... yeah that's it. Hey you guys! There's been a change of
plans! There's gonna be a giant free-for-all. Whichever of you is the
strongest in combat gets to marry the princess!

(The men continue about their business)

Gary: Um... starting now!

(The men start a general free-for-all. Princess Akane gets pissed and
knocks out all of the men herself. She is about to turn to Sir Gary
when we pan up and see two servant women on a higher ledge.)

S.W. #1: Careful! You just spilled your cleaning water! There are
people down there!

S.W. #2: Sorry.

(Pan back down to P-Gary, and Akane who has just beaten all the men
senseless.)

Akane: Oh, how CUTE!!

(Akane is about to snuggle P-Gary when Sir Kuno bursts in. He notices
the pile of unconscious men.)

Kuno: (to unconscious men) Next time I shall not be so lenient. (to
Akane) Fair one, I have come to rescue you!

Akane: (irritated) Excuse me?

Kuno: Let us be off, for I would date with you!

(Kuno quickly picks up Akane and runs out the door, knocking down one
of the sentries as he exits. Genma sees him and runs after him,
leaving footprints on the sentry's back. He tries to get up, but
P-Gary knocks him down again. He then manages to get up.)

Sentry: ...hey! (collapses)

>From upstairs, the voice of Ranma is heard.

Ranma: Yo, down there! Could I get a glass of water or somethin'? ...
Where'd everybody go?

(Later, we see Sirs Gary and Kuno walking down a road. We zoom in
closer and notice that their faces are badly bruised.)

Kuno: Ah, the sweet nectar of love...

Gary: Jerk. It was your fault, why'd she have to hit me?

Kuno: I am truly a man of action.

Gary: You are truly a jerk. Next time leave the action to me, OK?

(They come into a crowd of people.)

Man: We've found a witch! May we burn her?

(We pan over and see that Kodachi is the alleged witch. The man runs
up to Sir Gary.)

Man: I have heard tales of one called Sir Gary the Wise. Are you he?

Gary: That title is Sir Gary the Wise Guy, I'll have you know.

Man: We humble folk are in need of your assistance. Please tell us how
to tell whether the maiden yonder is a witch or not.

Kodachi (looks at Gary): Hello there, handsome. (Gary looks somewhat
nervous)

Gary: Hmm... in theory one could perform a spectrographic Fourier
analysis of, uh, the dianetic Felgercarb radiation emitting from the
lower Alpha section of the subject's brain. This, combined with an
apeptotropic numerical simulation based on chaos theory, taking into
account the nonlinear warping of space-time due to cosmological
variations in the gravitational quantum field...

Kodachi: I've got a better idea. I'll cast a spell to turn everyone in
this crowd permanently into frogs, snails, and other sorts of vermin.
If it works, you'll know I'm a witch. How about it?

Crowd: Frogs... snails... the heck with it, why don't we just forget
the whole thing. No sense taking a chance... (etc.)

(Kodachi is released; the crowd disperses; she glomps onto Gary, whose
nose is on the verge of bleeding)

Kodachi: My rescuer!

Gary: Uh... we've just met... um... that is...

Kodachi: Feel the power of my witchcraft, darling!

(Kodachi produces a bouquet of black flowers from under her tight
leotard. Gary looks at them a second, then they suddenly explode in a
cloud of gas.)

Gary: I cn't mv! Hlp me!

Kodachi: Never fear darling, I can move well enough for the both of
us. Mister Turtle needs his sustenance! (She picks him up. Sir Kuno
just stands there.)

Kuno: I shall, as you requested, leave the action to you.

Gary: Jrk! Jrk!


Posted by
Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics