I'm *very* impressed by the prose.  You do a great job getting inside the
heads without specifially saying what's inside their head, you know?  All
I can say about it is that I would have liked to see more...when the
kitchen nearly blows up and you showed how hectically Ranma works in
taking care of the kitchen, and you then described his motivations in
insulting Akane, it really captures the frustrating relationship,
without placing blame the way my story "Hold On" did.  I'd like to see all
the scenes captured that well, and I'd like to see it done more to
characters other than Ranma, even if Ranma is the focus of the story...

A piece of advice which may seem strange: ditch b/b.  Taken by itself, a/b
is a great story.  Actually, an incredible story.  Actually, probably 
the best story I've ever seen on the FFML.  Great prose, great 
characterization, great everything.  The ending of a/b works *wonderfully*
as an ending by itself: by not resolving all its problems, but providing
the *possibility* of true romance, it's infinitely more fresh, more 
interesting, and much more real.  The only semi-valid comparison is the
great ending to Woody Allen's "Manhattan."  It's like...wow!

IMHO, b/b takes the worst aspects of the story and brings them to the
foreground.  Its story is hurried and character motivations often
underdeveloped, the plot is *very* melodramatic, and the scenes border on
cliched.  Akane suddenly regaining her memory was just too convenient of a
device...I found it very unsatisfying.   

Taking part a as a complete story,  Akane's losing her memory was
unexplained and unresolved, which was frustrating (if not essential), but
I liked how it remained unresolved.  Most importantly, it set up the
last scene.  I *really* loved that scene, because of the beauty of the
unexplained (if probably temporary) "second chance."  My only complaint on
that scene is that while the baby was a basically great device, I wonder
if the very last page relies on cliched sentimentality.

There were parts, especially in part b, where the lines seemed generic or
pulp fanficcish, such as  descriptions of Akane's cooking/hosting guests,
or talking with Dr. Tofu. I normally wouldn't even notice, but it's such a
stark contrast to the rest of the story that it really stands out.

It'll be very interesting seeing what you do with this fic!  And BTW, now
I *really* want a copy of that last story you said you'd get around to
sending me...(hint hint hint)

Jeff
Very Impressed

****jdrutsch@ucdavis.edu***********************Jeff Rutsch***************** 
I -I -I-I *"I like New York in June, and *that* means *you*!
IV-IV-I-I * I like a Gershwin tune, and *that* means *you*!"-God
V -IV-I-I *"You well's to kill me, as to have it on your mind."-R. Johnson
**^_^***.daed si luaP**^_^**Bird Lives**^_^**Ranma Loves Akane**^_^****^_^*