{DISCLAIMERS: Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi, Toei,
Kodansha, and possibly other big companies. Ranma 1/2 is the property of
Rumiko  , Viz, and possibly other big companies. Don't sue me.}


(It is a beautiful day somewhere on this planet. Birds are chirping. 
The sun  is shining. Yet, somewhere, things are not so pretty.
Somewhere, a trio of  villians....who've never been to the Amazon....are
planning an infernal deed....or not.)

THE LAUGHING CONTEST
a darkfic parody


Setting: A waiting room.  Esmeraude sits in there, alone.

Esmeraude: I am bored. Bored bored bored. Ladeedada. So bored.

[Suddenly, a giant movable treadmill enters. On the treadmill is a man
in a  white lab coat. He has an insane smile and shiny glasses.]

Esmeraude: Hey, prof! What's up?

Professor Tomoe: Hi (puff puff) Esmeraude! I've been so busy conquering
the world I forgot to excersise and eat a balanced diet! (puff puff)
Those things are important, you know. So, are we the only ones here?
(puff puff)

Esmeraude: So far. Zoisite's not here. Funny thing, though.

Tomoe: What? (puff puff)

Esmeraude: They spelled his name wrong.

Tomoe: (puff puff) Huh?

Esmeraude: Yeah, it's spelled Z-O-Y-C-I-T-E. Also lists him as a girl. 

Suddenly Zoycite enters in a swirl of petals.

Tomoe: Hey, what happened to Zoisite?

Zoycite: I AM Zoisite! Or I was. Back when I was in Japan.

Esmeraude and Tomoe: Huh?

Zoycite: I went to North America and decided to have a sex-change
operation. I've taken hormonal pills. They've affected my voice, but
<looks at chest> can't say I really see much improvement there. Also
changed my name.

Tomoe: You do this often?

Zoycite: NO! What kind of freak runs around changing their sex all the
time?

[The Three Lights and Ranma Boy form enter.]

Three Lights: Healer/Maker/Fighter StarPower, Make Up!

[The custodian drops a bucket of water on Ranma boy form's head]

[The Sailor StarLights and Ranma girl form look around. Suddenly, a safe 
drops on top of the StarLights, killing them.]

Esmeraude: There didn't seem to be any point to that!

[A spear comes down and stabs Ranma girl form, killing her.]

Tomoe: Well, there was a point to that. 

Zoycite: Pity they died.

Tomoe: Here it is. Look, you guys. 

[They all read:
		THE LAUGHING CONTEST
		a darkfic parody]

Esmeraude: Since it's a darkfic, everybody will die gruesome, bloody
deaths. 

Tomoe: And, since it's a parody, there will be many attempts at cheap,
one shot humor regarding our deaths.

Zoycite: How do we die?

[Tomoe flips ahead in the story.]

Tomoe: Here it is. We start the laughing contest....who has the best
laugh...

Zoycite: So that's where this fanfic got it's name!

Tomoe: And we all choke on our own phlegm and die.

Zoycite: Now, that's original.

Tomoe: Actually, it is. I can't recall anybody else dying that way in a 
fanfic.

[Everybody mulls over that one.]

[Suddenly, Sailor Moon enters, backing in. She is followed by a furious
Sailor Mars]

Sailor Moon: Mamo-chan's *my* boyfriend!

Sailor Mars: I love him! I still love him! Who gives a shit about
destiny? You won't have him! DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

[Sailor Mars then kicks Sailor Moon in the chest. Her heel punctures the
skin, going through to the heart. Blood spurts everywhere. Sailor Moon
dies. Tuxedo Kamen enters]

Tuxedo Kamen: Die, Sailor Mars!

Sailor Mars: Wait! Have sex with me first! You won't be able to do it
with her! Unless you're into that sort of thing.

Tuxedo Kamen (considering) OK.

[Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Mars have wild, hot, and crazy sex.)

Tuxedo Kamen: Where were we? Oh, yeah.

[Tuxedo Kamen changed to Prince Endymion. He raises the sword over Mars' 
head.]

Prince Endymion: Now, as I was saying before, Die, Sailor Mars. DIE! 

[Prince Endymion brings the sword down on Sailor Mars' head. She falls
down dead.]

[Prince Endymion holds the sword up and laughs. Suddenly, from out of
nowhere a bolt of lightning comes down and strikes the sword. He is
electrocuted and falls down, dead.]

Esmeraude: One question. Why the heck is everybody coming in here?

Tomoe: Simple. The author's too lazy to bother to try and think up a map
for this place. So everybody dies in this little room.

[Right on cue, Haruka and Michiru enter, arguing.]

Haruka:  You cheated on me! NO FAIR! I'm supposed to be the one
flirting, not you! Apologize!

Michiru: No. I dislike you. In fact, I hate you. So, that I will never
be bothered by you again, I will kill you.

[Michiru pushes Haruka into a pool which has magically appeared before
them. Even though Haruka is stronger naturally, Michiru has the
advantage of water.]

Haruka (thinking): Can't breathe...

[Haruka reaches into her pocket and pushes a button on some sort of
remote control device (which happens to be waterproof).  She then dies.]

[Suddenly, a bright yellow sportscar with no driver enters the room. It
runs over Michiru, killing her. The car then leaves.]

Zoysite: Who's next?

[Just then Ami and Makoto enter, trying to, you guessed it, kill each
other.]

Ami: Don't call me geek! 

[Ami tries to stab Makoto with a pen]

Makoto: Don't call me amazon! 

[Makoto tries to stuff brownie in Ami's mouth.]

Ami and Makoto: ARRRGH! DIE!

[Ami stabs Makoto thousands of times. Blood spurts everywhere. Makoto
shoves brownies down Ami's throat, causing Ami to choke. Both Ami and
Makoto fall down, dead.]

[Chibi-Moon runs into the room.]

Chibi-Moon: HELP ME!

Sailor Venus: VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!!!!

[Sailor Venus's chain wraps around Chibi-Moon's neck, choking her.]

Chibi-Moon: Twinkle Yell!

[Chibi-Moon dies]

[Suddenly, Helios enters. He stabs Sailor Venus with his horn. Sailor
Venus dies. Helios leaves.]

Pluto: TIME STOP!

[Sailor Pluto appears. She has stopped time. The wind blows around her. 
Suddenly, a gust of wind shifts, causing Sailor Pluto to hit herself
on the head with her time staff. Sailor Pluto dies.]

[Just then, lots of characters--every single one, save the three in the
laughing contest and those that have already appeared and Sailor Saturn, 
come in. They all kill each other.]

Zoysite (not knowing about Sailor Saturn):  What next?

Tomoe: The contest begins.

Esmeraude: All right.

Zoysite, Tomoe, and Esmeraude:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

[Zoycite, Tomoe, and Esmeraude choke on their own phlegm and fall down, 
dead.]


THE END


Epilogue:

[A young girl, with black hair, wearing a Sailor fuku enters. It is
Sailor Saturn]

Sailor Saturn: Death--

Marie: Wait! What are you doing? 

Sailor Saturn: I'm using my ultimate attack, duh. I'm gonna destroy the
world.

Marie: But then nobody'll be able to read this fanfic!

Sailor Saturn: Hey, I don't torture people. All I'm doing is showing the
world a little...no, a lot of mercy! DEATH RIBBON REVOLUTION!!!

[The world is destroyed, and everybody dies.]

Now, it is truly....THE END