Okay guys, here's my first post of the new year. That is, after wading
through the backlog of about 500 E-mails. What happened? Did FFML crash or
something? ^_^
However, it was the self-infliction thread that interested me the most. (That
is, of course, excluding all the excellent fanfics, which probably interested
me even more...)
I think that this new genre is a good idea. A very good idea. So good, in
fact, that I'd decided to write a story like that about a year and a half ago.
^_^
Again, as Magic Knight Kyone said, I wouldn't term my fanfic (The Books Saga)
as a self-infliction fic, but rather as a simple infliction fic. There is no
way in hell I'd portray the character Ian Robinson as myself. The real reason
he's in that story, is exactly because he's not me.
That said, "The Books Saga" doesn't really follow some of the rules you've been
bandying about on the FFML. For instance, Ian Robinson often ends up fighting
for the side of "good"; it's just that he's not very good at it, and takes a
Rincewind-like attitude to fighting: He who fights and runs away, lives to run
another day.
I will, however, propose one new rule for infliction fics only. Any otaku or
other character who is the focus of the infliction fic has one superpower no
matter what, and that is this: He/She can't get killed. The otaku can be
hurt, maimed, struck unconscious, tied up, cursed, hung, drawn, quartered,
anything, just as long as he or she survives the experience. If the otaku is
killed, he or she is reincarnated or ressurected (often in a humourous way or
in an amusing form) so that he/she can continue to be the subject of
infliction. Should the otaku die without chance of ressurection (or
reincarnation) to continue the story, the fic is no longer an infliction fic,
and becomes a destruction fic. I think.
Anyway, since after Christmas I still have nothing to show for "Boomers And
Youmas" (at least not yet, and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to send it
anyway since our college technician has a limit on E-mail size...), I've
decided to send my latest piece of work. Since being the unwitting victim of
an infliction story, Ian Robinson has found that to keep his sanity, it's often
wise to spend time doing silly, pointless things like keeping a journal of the
places he visits. At the back of this journal is a long, long tally of sorts.
He calls it the OSQ, also known as the "Oh Sugar Quotient" (I'm sure you know
what he really means..., and thanks Travis, for that.)
And behind that, is a list of rules. Each time Ian survives an encounter, he
looks through his rulebook to see if there's a rule there that could have
helped him prepare better, or if one of the rules he already has needs to be
amended to fit more general circumstances. Here, for your enjoyment, are the
first twelve rules of that rulebook.
Apart from that, welcome back to all those who still have an education to think
about. (That is, all those who access E-mail from their respective education
institutions, and frequently freak out their technicians with their E-mail
bulk... ^_^). Ciao,
Terence Fergusson
IAN'S RULEBOOK (Rules 1 - 12)
Rule 1 : Never assume you can't get killed.
Rule 2 : People with firearms are to be respected, and held at arm's length.
Amendment 1 : Make that barge pole length.
Amendment 2 : Make that completely out of sight and out of mind.
Amendment 3 : And that goes for those with any sort of ranged weapon as well.
Amendment 4 : And those with any other sharp, blunt, or otherwise potentially
lethal weapons to boot.
Rule 3 : Never assume that anything you saw in the movies will work.
Rule 4 : If it's stupid, but it works, then it's not stupid.
Amendment 1 : But don't assume it'll work the second time.
Rule 5 : Never assume you know what's going to happen next. Even if you have
read the book from cover to cover. Both your presence and Chronos'
have a seriously detrimental effect to any plotline.
Rule 6 : Nothing is ever free: not board, not lodging, not food, and
certainly not information. Always assume you will have to work for
it in one way or another. To assume otherwise can prove to be
expensive.
Amendment 1 : And potentially fatal.
Rule 7 : Chronos is a control freak. Don't assume that the obvious course of
action is the right one; he's probably expecting it.
Rule 8 : Always expect the unexpected.
Amendment 1 : Always expect the expected to turn up unexpectedly.
Amendment 2 : Always expect the unexpected to be potentially fatal.
Amendment 3 : Just because it's unexpected, doesn't mean Chronos had anything
to do with it. But it doesn't rule it out.
Rule 9 : Escaping from a 30,000 foot drop through a bluefire portal is not
always a good idea.
Amendment 1 : But then again, the chances of having a say in the matter of
whether of not you're actually going to hit the bluefire portal
is virtually nil.
Rule 10 : Never assume that any rule included here is Gospel, or even
remotely correct.
Amendment 1 : Including this one.
Rule 11 : If it's green and it bubbles, it's probably acid.
Amendment 1 : If it's red, and has brown lumps in it, or bubbles nicely,
check its temperature. If you can get within twenty feet of
it without burning up, it's not lava. Assume acid.
Amendment 2 : Anything that's a strange colour and bubbles nicely is probably
hazardous to your health.
Amendment 3 : If it's clear, and it bubbles, it's either acid or water. If
water, it's either a jacuzzi or piranha-infested. Always
assume the latter.
Rule 12 : Trigger-happy good guys are not always a good thing.
Amendment 1 : Remember, the procedure is white flag first, then voice, then
head above cover, then finally walking slowly towards them.
Walking backwards towards them often helps your chances.
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Murphy's Law : Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Ian's Amendment : "Unless I'm around. Then everything
just goes wrong for me."
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