At 10:32 AM 1/6/97 -0800, Benjamin Franz wrote:
Well - stuffing some text into the holes people mentioned (in my own way,
of course ;-) ) - here is draft 2.
This story is based on the anime episode "Am I...Pretty? Ranma's
Declaration of Womanhood" from Ranma 1/2. All characters are based on
characters created by Takahashi Rumiko, who holds the copyrights on
Ranma 1/2. This fanfic is my original creation and its copyright is
mine.
"Hello Again"
She wept soundlessly into the night beneath the bridge, hugging her
(cut for space)
'I *can't* go to the *boy's* gym class! It would be perverted!'
Going to the boys' locker room would be perverted, but not the boys' gym
class (unless there's something seriously wrong with the boys' gym teacher...).
Ranma's damnable beaten puppydog eyes trembled as she answered
(cut for space)
formula would prevent that part of the curse from taking effect.
Unfortunately, it had to be used _before_ it activated. It was of no
But didn't Genma get cursed when Ranma did, before they met Cologne?
use to either Ryouga or Ranma. Cologne was of the opinion that it was
(cut for space)
She had been spending more and more time helping Kasumi, not just
because she really liked cooking and other homemaking things (which
she did, actually), but because it provided a space where no one tried
to convince her to 'change her mind'. Kasumi never did that - perhaps
Considering how much Genma likes food, maybe you should include something
about him stopping the silly speeches whenever Ranma cooks him lunch or
something. For example:
GENMA: (Launches speech number six.) "Bla bla bla...."
RANMA: "Shut up or I won't make an extra sandwich for you."
GENMA: "Sorry."
instinctively understanding that while people could do as they wished,
they couldn't always wish as they wished. Whatever the reason, Ranma
was grateful to her for her support.
Ranma had gone into hypercute mode initially. The overreaction to her
new situation was caused by the combination of her recently acquired
emotional filters (well bred girls in 500 or so AD were not normally
taught to be swaggeringly independant) and her own upbringing as the
male heir to 'School of Anything Goes Martial Arts' (with a less than
informed Japanese male perspective of what it actually meant to be a
woman).
The resulting vector of hypercute behavior had lasted about a week
before Ranma began to realize that she didn't *have* to be quite that
extreme. But it would be a _long_ time before she would ever feel
comfortable taking the lead in anything over a man: Neither her
upbringing as Saotome Genma's son or her emotions from the drowned
girl of fifteen hundred years earlier gave any support to her for
that.
I didn't see the previous draft that everyone else was complaining about,
but this version isn't sexist - it makes a lot of sense.
She was still _quite_ cute - and some things more fundamental about
her would never return to what they were before.
* * *
Akane was openly contemptuous of Ranma's "squeemishness" about blood.
When Ranma had gotten her first period, Akane had been absolutely no
help. It had been Kasumi who had calmed the panicked Ranma down and
explained what was happening to her. She had never stayed in her
female form long enough for it to happen to her before.
The same went for Ranma's new found pacificism, her enthusiasm towards
doing housework, and above all her reaction to guy's underclothes while
doing laundry.
Did you know that if Ranma wants to shave her legs she has to switch back to
her male form (if you shave with cold water instead of hot, the razor will
just cut open all your goosebumps).
But the thing that ultimately led to disaster was the hair.
(cut for space)
The hair in question was neatly trimmed into a midback tail, quite
I thought I saw her wearing a ponytail in some of the manga (when she fought
Shampoo the first time). And none of the characters bother Soun and Mousse
for having long hair.
full, and very feminine over the flower print kimono Ranma was
(cut for space)
for the seated girl, a pair of scissors materializing in Genma's hand
They should have invited Kuno's dad (by the way, what's his name?).
>from Kasumi's dresser top. The chase that ensued did quite a bit of
damage to all eight major surfaces of room, but Ranma was too fast to
be caught that way. When they had finally pressed her too hard, she
had escaped out of Kasumi's window, leaving Genma and Soun behind,
panting and empty handed.
They're not empty handed. They still have the scissors.
The rest of the story is pretty good. Are you keeping it short, or writing
any sequels?